Meet The Press
December 29, 2007
Gov. Mike Huckabee
Sen. Barack Obama
Russert: people don’t like you anymore - why?
Huckabee: i have no idea
Russert: maybe they learned what you're all about
Huckabee: there are relentless attacks on me
Russert: has Mitt Romney lied about you?
Huckabee: hundreds of lies - for example i don't love meth users, illegal aliens, increased spending, bad roads or Satan
Russert: the NYT agreed with you
Huck: so did Trucker's Magazine!
Russert: but the CATO institute legitimately criticized you for raising taxes
Huckabee: no that wasn't raising taxes because it helped children
Russert: oh that makes sense
Huckabee: Bill Clinton was evil so i had to raise taxes
Russert: how many interns had sex with you
Russert: wow you are good
Russert: should Pakistan postpone the elections?
Huckabee: how the fuck should i know i'm the governor of arkansas
Russert: will you bomb Pakistan
Huckabee: we don't need to ask Pakistan permission for bomb - you know people are always attacking me for how sophisticated i am
Russert: but you will destabilize Musharraf and al Qaeda will take over their nukes
Huckabee: yeah but not on purpose
Russert: but is worth it to hand nukes to teh Taliban to bomb some dood on dialysis
Huckster: yes because my job is to protect america from skyscrapers falling down
Russert: clearly after Bhutto's assassination you came across a moron
Huckabee: hey i memorized factoids - Pakistan has 164 million muslims
Russet: shiite or sunnis?
Huckabee: uh, the second one?
Russert: good one - but you were wrong about Pakistanis sneaking into the USA
Russet: yeah but they could still sneak in with a dirty suitcase or shoulder fired gun
Russert: how is bush arrogant?
Huckabee: they ignored military experts in invading Iraq
Russert: that's all?
Huckabee: Bushies always talking about with us or against us 100% well that's just going alienate nations unnecessarily just like when you are dealing with people
Huckabee: Romney bashed me for saying that but he also attacked Bush - what a fuckwit that flip-flopping jackass is
Russert: but if you criticize bush don't you hate America?
Huckabee: no i was with him on the Surge which is all that counts
Russert: what do you think of Mitt Romney?
Huckabee: he's dishonest, dishonorable and he's attacked me and my personal hero, John McCain
Russert: wow there’s an endorsement
Huckabee: Mitt is a pro abortion, anti gun, anti fetus, fantazising, lying, shape shifting robot
Russert: you said you don't hate illegal children but now you want to send them back to Ecudaor
Huckabee: citizenship is all very nice but kids who are US citizens should go back to their home countries and go to the back of line and we should then modernize that line
Russert: you want to send them home!
Huckabee: no i want them to GO home
Russert: but you sais it would collapse the USA economy!
Huckabee: well not all on the same day we could send them back over a period of week or two
Russert: you're a fundie preacher you said Jesus Christ wants you to run second in Iowa
Huckabee: i love to celebrate the bris of christ
Russert: you want to turn this to a Nation of Christ
Huckabee: yeah but i said that to a group of Christians Tim
Russert: do you hate non-christians
Huckabee: look i never took down the capitol dome and replaced it with a steeple
Russert: how enlightened of u
Huckster: that’s me
Russert: you comes across a narrow minded intolerant fuckwit
Huckabee: I just object to officially endorsed pedophilia or gayness
Russert: what the fuck are you talking about
Huckabee: i love it when a man and woman have penis-vagina sex
Russert: how interesting
Huckabee: why do these homosexuals keep sucking cock?
Russert: you would ban all abortions!
Huckabee: you bet
Russert: that's imposing your faith
Huckabee: no it's because life begins at conception I respect zygotes like when we rescue boy scouts who get lost
Russert: put women in prison for abortion?
Huckabee: oh no women are too dumb to make that decision
Russert: put doctors in jail?
Huckabee: oh yes unlike women doctors are smart and evil for doing abortions
Russert: what if the doctor was a woman?
Huckabee: ha ha what a crazy idea
** Obama **
Russert: you've slipped into 3d place
Obama: we'll see won't we
Russert: but you could lose
Obama: people want change
Russert: Postpone Pakistani elections?
Obama: slightly delay them to make them more legitimate but not postponed indefinitely - but it's also about a free press and judiciary and need to have a legit government
Russert: did Musharraf protect her enough?
Obama: how the fuck should i know - the point is he's a fucker who won't go after terrorists or support democracy
Russert: but Bush liked him!
Obama: yeah of course he did
Russert: did Hillary Clinton's vote for Iraq war create Bhutto's death?
Obama: no but the media has decided that Bhutto being killed helps Clinton because of her great experience which - forgive me for offending Fred Hiatt and the Washington Post - but that is bullshit
Russert: you used the s-word!
Obama: fuck you fathead
Russert: you don't have enough experience
Obama: says who, you?
Russert: Bill Clinton on Charlie Rose he says we're rolling the dice!
Obama: the real gamble is to elect Richard Mellon Scaife's evil nemesis all over again - btw way she has no judgment and is a triangulating fuckwit
Russert: but you're too young, you skinny handsome dood
Obama: why wait - we've been governed by a bunch of experienced dickwads for 7 years
Russert: but bill clinton says you're too young
Obama: sure he defends his wife hey i have more experience than he did in 1992
Russert: you say Hillary is a broken system lady
Obama: that's right she's hip-deep in all this DC shit - in fact she campaigns on it - well it's an evil system
Russert: but you might employ a lobbyist oh noes!
Obama: Ron Paul was right - you are an idiot
Russert: we know all the dirt on hillary but what about you - what's something bad about you?
Obama: i've been vetted too - guess who by - the fucking Clinton machine who went back to my elementary school to find out what crayons i used
Russert: so who vouches for u
Obama: david books
Russert: i look at you and i seek a cocaine-taking black man
Obama: yeah but that's cool - the suburban kids today love rap music and the image of safe danger i represent
Russert: you say you cover everyone under your plan which isn't true
Obama: we can cut costs, insure almost everyone, and try to get people to sign up
Russert: Quasi-mandate oh noes!!
Obama: a true mandate is fake and useless
Russert: you're wife said she's not running with you again
Obama: hey i'm still paying off my student loans
Russert: ha ha ha