Meet The Press
December 15, 2007
Guest: Gov. Mitt Romney
Russert: you said freedom requires religion - are you fucking nuts?
Romney: i was paraphrasing john adams and george washington who said that morality is good
Russert: you must be religious to have feerdom
Romney: we must put all politicians to a religious test
Russert: what kind?
Romney: a Divine Creator should be recognized by the Government and this should be taught in school otherwise how will we know what is right or wrong??
Russert: i dunno
Romney: america is a unique nation in that it stands for the idea that should be no separation between church and state
Russert: so atheists can't be me moral?
Romney: i don’t believe that
Russert: so you lied
Russert: so do you hate atheists or do you only hate muslims
Romney: just muslims
Russert: what about your religion
Romney: i am a Generic Person of Faith
Russert: you asked permission from the Mormon church to run for President
Romney: no i decided to run all by myself
Russert: not your family?
Romney: oh those people too
Russert: so why run?
Romney: because of the enormous threat of jihad I decided it was time for someone with no experience to be president
Russert: you accept support of people who call you a cultist and a maniac
Romney: religions are like businesses they are competing for souls but in the end we believe about having a Generic Person of Faith
Russert: but you a Person of Cult
Romney: yeah but i'm for lower taxes - so who cares about who leads what Cult?
Russert: he says you're a fake religious nut and not a real xian!!
Romney: but our values are the same - the important thing is that we hate Muslims!
Russert: you think jews are a Cult?
Romney: well i wouldn't say it out loud but Bob Jones probably would and that's his right
Romney: i love jesus christ!!!
Russert: how nice
Romney: we should have diversity as long as we ban blacks, women, jews, atheists and muslims
Russert: in 1978 mormons discovered black men weren't evil!!
Romney: don't you bash the faith of my fathers tim - after all you wrote that stupid book about your dad and my Dad marched with Martin Luther King while your pop was shoveling snow for the fucking buffalo bills
Russert: hey OJ Simpson was black i love him
Romney: he's your hero good luck with that
Russert: you are the Ultimate Flip Flopper
Romney [on tape]: i will never waiver on the issue of protecting a woman's right to choose!!
Russert: no you want to seize the uteruses of america
Romney: well you see there's um government and stuff and then i was a governor and we had a bill to create embryo farming which would create miles and miles of fetus farms
Russert: so you changed your mind
Romney: yes after that i wanted to preserve the little zygotes
Russert: but you didn't try to change the laws
Romney: no but i did try to stop women from having sex
Russert: which is really the point
Russert: put women in prison for abortions?
Romney: leave it up to the states
Russert: so ok for some states to be Wire Hanger States
Romney: i don't give a shit
Russert: what about the doctors?
Romney: 2 year prison term and a harshly worded letter in his permanent record
Russert: yur a flipper on stem cells too
Romney: there's a difference between what should be legal and federally funded
Russert: explain it to me
Romney: private labs could destroy all the embryos they want
Russert: but you think life begins at conception
Romney: oh yes!!
Russert: so murder is ok as long as it not paid for with taxes
Russert: but if federal funds were used we could cure many diseases
Romney: we should adopt the snowflake babies and implant them in our handmaids
Russert: where will the come from
Romney: illegal mexican women
Russert: Snowflake Sanctuary Cities?
Russert: you flipped on guns
Romney: no i never changed - for example i hate assault weapons
Russert: oooh, NRA will not like that
Romney: i will sign non-existent bills
Russert: brady bill?
Romney: I support a background check to prevent the crazies from buying guns
Russert: but if we prevent crazies from having guns only crazies will want guns
Russert: you flipped on illegal immigrants too!
Romney: not fair - i said i have no position at all on the issue how can you call me a fence straddler?
Russert: because you want it both ways
Romney: no we should allow illegals to apply for citizenship but not a pathway to do it
Romney: they should allowed to complete the paperwork and then sent home
Russert: i'm super confused
Romney: we should separate families
Russert: how sweet
Russert: you hired illegal aliens at your pink house!
Romney: no way i would never have a pink house
Russert: but you hired illegal workers
Romney: just to mow the lawn
Russert: you should have checked
Romney: just because they have an accent why Timmy you racist!
Russert: should we have mandatory prison term for people who hire illegals?
Romney: that's a bit excessive
Russert: but we must rid ourselves of all the mexicans!!
Romney: oh let's just have the Death Penalty then
Russert: good idea!
Russert: you raised fees on the blind
Romney: sure it's brilliant - they can't see the tax form
Russert: you're fifi hee hee
Romney: yes but if it's spread around it feels like a tax we targeted the bad people
Russert: a fee is not a tax?
Romney: not in my world
Russert: ok let's cut to the chase you ran in a Massachusetts as a liberal and now you run a Reagan Lover
Romney: not fair i was built in a lab at MIT and my programming was done by liberals and in 2005 my program was completely rewritten by some technies at Pepperdine
Russert: you said you would be better on gay rights than Ted Kennedy!!
Romney: don't you want a computer who learns from its mistakes when Stephen Falken wrote my program it was major breakthrough!!
Russert: gay rights, abortion, health insurance... you want in your state but not in the nation???
Romney: but there are differences between states for example people hardly ever get sick in Texas but in Massachusetts its pretty bad
Russert: so why run for President?
Romney: to cut fees on overtaxed hedge funds
Russert: will you flip flop again when you are president
Romney: i may be rewired again
Russert: huckabee says bush is an arrogant idiot
Romney: that's insulting he should apologize
Russert: but you said Iraq is a fucking mess
Romney: what does that have to do with criticizing our Dear Leader?