Sunday, December 16, 2007

Meet The Press - December 15, 2007

Meet The Press
December 15, 2007
Guest: Gov. Mitt Romney

Russert: you said freedom requires religion - are you fucking nuts?

Romney: i was paraphrasing john adams and george washington who said that morality is good

Russert: you must be religious to have feerdom

Romney: we must put all politicians to a religious test

Russert: what kind?

Romney: a Divine Creator should be recognized by the Government and this should be taught in school otherwise how will we know what is right or wrong??

Russert: i dunno

Romney: america is a unique nation in that it stands for the idea that should be no separation between church and state

Russert: so atheists can't be me moral?

Romney: i don’t believe that

Russert: so you lied

Romney: yes

Russert: so do you hate atheists or do you only hate muslims

Romney: just muslims

Russert: what about your religion

Romney: i am a Generic Person of Faith

Russert: awesome

Russert: you asked permission from the Mormon church to run for President

Romney: no i decided to run all by myself

Russert: not your family?

Romney: oh those people too

Russert: so why run?

Romney: because of the enormous threat of jihad I decided it was time for someone with no experience to be president

Russert: you accept support of people who call you a cultist and a maniac

Romney: religions are like businesses they are competing for souls but in the end we believe about having a Generic Person of Faith

Russert: but you a Person of Cult

Romney: yeah but i'm for lower taxes - so who cares about who leads what Cult?

Russert: he says you're a fake religious nut and not a real xian!!

Romney: but our values are the same - the important thing is that we hate Muslims!

Russert: you think jews are a Cult?

Romney: well i wouldn't say it out loud but Bob Jones probably would and that's his right

Romney: i love jesus christ!!!

Russert: how nice

Romney: we should have diversity as long as we ban blacks, women, jews, atheists and muslims

Russert: in 1978 mormons discovered black men weren't evil!!

Romney: don't you bash the faith of my fathers tim - after all you wrote that stupid book about your dad and my Dad marched with Martin Luther King while your pop was shoveling snow for the fucking buffalo bills

Russert: hey OJ Simpson was black i love him

Romney: he's your hero good luck with that

Russert: you are the Ultimate Flip Flopper

Romney [on tape]: i will never waiver on the issue of protecting a woman's right to choose!!

Russert: no you want to seize the uteruses of america

Romney: well you see there's um government and stuff and then i was a governor and we had a bill to create embryo farming which would create miles and miles of fetus farms

Russert: so you changed your mind

Romney: yes after that i wanted to preserve the little zygotes

Russert: but you didn't try to change the laws

Romney: no but i did try to stop women from having sex

Russert: which is really the point

Romney: precisely

Russert: put women in prison for abortions?

Romney: leave it up to the states

Russert: so ok for some states to be Wire Hanger States

Romney: i don't give a shit

Russert: what about the doctors?

Romney: 2 year prison term and a harshly worded letter in his permanent record

Russert: yur a flipper on stem cells too

Romney: there's a difference between what should be legal and federally funded

Russert: explain it to me

Romney: private labs could destroy all the embryos they want

Russert: but you think life begins at conception

Romney: oh yes!!

Russert: so murder is ok as long as it not paid for with taxes

Romney: right

Russert: but if federal funds were used we could cure many diseases

Romney: we should adopt the snowflake babies and implant them in our handmaids

Russert: where will the come from

Romney: illegal mexican women

Russert: Snowflake Sanctuary Cities?

Romney: right

Russert: you flipped on guns

Romney: no i never changed - for example i hate assault weapons

Russert: oooh, NRA will not like that

Romney: i will sign non-existent bills

Russert: brady bill?

Romney: I support a background check to prevent the crazies from buying guns

Russert: but if we prevent crazies from having guns only crazies will want guns

Russert: you flipped on illegal immigrants too!

Romney: not fair - i said i have no position at all on the issue how can you call me a fence straddler?

Russert: because you want it both ways

Romney: no we should allow illegals to apply for citizenship but not a pathway to do it

Russert: huh

Romney: they should allowed to complete the paperwork and then sent home

Russert: i'm super confused

Romney: we should separate families

Russert: how sweet

Russert: you hired illegal aliens at your pink house!

Romney: no way i would never have a pink house

Russert: but you hired illegal workers

Romney: just to mow the lawn

Russert: you should have checked

Romney: just because they have an accent why Timmy you racist!

Russert: should we have mandatory prison term for people who hire illegals?

Romney: that's a bit excessive

Russert: but we must rid ourselves of all the mexicans!!

Romney: oh let's just have the Death Penalty then

Russert: good idea!

Russert: you raised fees on the blind

Romney: sure it's brilliant - they can't see the tax form

Russert: you're fifi hee hee

Romney: yes but if it's spread around it feels like a tax we targeted the bad people

Russert: a fee is not a tax?

Romney: not in my world

Russert: ok let's cut to the chase you ran in a Massachusetts as a liberal and now you run a Reagan Lover

Romney: not fair i was built in a lab at MIT and my programming was done by liberals and in 2005 my program was completely rewritten by some technies at Pepperdine

Russert: you said you would be better on gay rights than Ted Kennedy!!

Romney: don't you want a computer who learns from its mistakes when Stephen Falken wrote my program it was major breakthrough!!

Russert: gay rights, abortion, health insurance... you want in your state but not in the nation???

Romney: but there are differences between states for example people hardly ever get sick in Texas but in Massachusetts its pretty bad

Russert: so why run for President?

Romney: to cut fees on overtaxed hedge funds

Russert: will you flip flop again when you are president

Romney: i may be rewired again

Russert: huckabee says bush is an arrogant idiot

Romney: that's insulting he should apologize

Russert: but you said Iraq is a fucking mess

Romney: what does that have to do with criticizing our Dear Leader?

1 comment:

Douglas Watts said...

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