Democratic Debate - October 30, 2007
Williams: obama the first question goes to you – you say Hillary is a republican
Obama: i'm like the italian stallion
Williams: his momma was white
Obama: and he was up against a telegenic heavyweight
Williams: what else
Obama: i'm trying to be honest and she's always triangulating
Hilllary: if i'm so conservative then why are the republicans hating on me?
Russert: Edwards you say Hillary is orwellian
Edwards: who me?
Russert: yeah you
Edwards: heh heh - oh yeah that was me
Edwards: she's a hawk on iran and corruption and in private she's in favor of killing social security
Clinton: shut up for 35 years i've been fighting for invisible people and the evil republicans hate me - and if that's not a reason to vote for me i don't know what is
Timmeh: even Jim Webb said you voted to attack Iran why would you do that crazy lady
Hillary: i'm against a rush to war - I'm in favor of going to war with Iran slowly
Tim: oh ok
Hillary: hey dood they are trying to get nukes let's do what we did in Libya
Tim: let the leader join the Hair Club for Men in exchange for giving up nukes???
Hillary: if that's what it takes pumpkinhead
Dodd: give me a break trusting George Bush with a resolution authorizing force is like trusting FEMA to play Fire Marshall Bill
Dodd: we need good judgment and Hillary fucked up
Tim: Biden you have an interest on foreign policy what say you
Biden: I can't gas up my car and why? because Hillary is emboldening our terrorist enemies
Tim: you mean Iran?
Biden: no i mean dick cheney
Hillary: i favor agressive negotiations like Padme did in Star Wars - i mean what if our people are attacked by a bunch of iranian clones
Williams: time and date of your war with Iran pleeze
Hillary: nah gonna answer brian
Edwards: seriously she wants to pressure George Bush by giving the neocons their precious terror resolution? I don't think so
Williams: are you sure that’s right
Edwards: i was burned once before - my mistake in 2002 gives me more credibility
Timmy: Pedro speak
Richardson: we cannot permit Iran to use nuclear weapons
Tim: so he can have them but not use them
Richardson: yes like how NBC has the ability to practice journalism
Williams: hey dood we're keeping our newsy powder dry
Richardson: we should sanction iran and if necessary attack Iran and Europe and Russia
Kucinich: you all are enabling Bush's illegal wars - we're in Philadelphia the birthplace of the 76er's and it's time to follow the example of Dr. J and impeach George Bush!!!!!!!
Tim: will you pledge to launch a war against iran
Hillary: i will try
Tim: will you pledge to pledge to make pledge to pledge
Hillary: i pledge to stop answering your dumb questions
Obama: you are playing the Fear Card Timmy and i don't like it
Biden: Pakistan has hundreds of pounds of spicy uranium and it could hit Israel
Williams: what is the biggest threat to America
Williams: are you sure
Biden: well it was on teh cover of Newsweek magazine
Dodd: no one else here has a head of distinguished silver hair - looking like a movie president matters!
Williams: he does have nice hair
Dodd: i alone negotiated with taco bell to give every American a free taco!!
Richardson: what is a bigger threat than nuclear weapons is nuclear weapons crossing the border
Richardson: i told Saddam Hussein release your American prisoners or i will never leave
Williams: you're running for vice president aren't you
Richardson: it will be like having a dood on hand 24 hours a day who likes to go to dangerous places and put his life in danger
Williams: a disposable Veep
Kucinich: Frankly we need to stop Bush from talking at all it's dangerous
Hillary: there are tinderboxes in Iran, Iraq, middle east, Afghanistan, it's scary!!
Obama: i like diplomacy i would convene a meeting of my fellow muslim leaders
Tim: you mean your fellow leaders
Obama: right only i have the credibility to be President because i voted against the AUMF
Edwards: hillary wants to keep troops in iraq and i don't - period
Edwards: she's moving into general election-mode and i'm in honesty-mode
Clinton: whoa dood hold on i want to pull out all troops from Iraq - but we have to remain in Iraq until Al Qaeda is all dead and killed and of course our few remaining troops may want to go to the movies and a use a supermarket from time to time so of course we should have bases there the size of L.A. County
Williams: Rudy America's Mayor sez you've never had to protect people from terrorism
Hillary: well if that was his job in 2001 he sucked at it
Hillary: the man is obsessed with me but i'm not his cousin
Williams: so why should you be President
Clinton: rudy has embraced Commander Stupid and his policies - he's crazy and i have an agenda and it ain't his
Tim: my name is tim russert and i am going to ask a really stupid question
Clinton: we all know that
Tim: but the archives!!
Clinton: you think I'm going to release my letters from bill after monica dood you crazy
Obama: aha but bush is secret and so are you and after all this is the experience she has and brags about
Clinton: they want to run against me
Obama: because they can just dust off the old Richard Mellon Scaife tapes
Richardson: can i talk
Williams: you'll get your chance during the VP debates
Edwards: does anyone really think she is going to bring about change? i don't believe in teh Easter bunny or Santa Claus or leprechauns
Edwards: sorry dood
Hillary: no this is all part of my plan to take away money from lobbyists i took $10 billion away from them
Obama: i voted against the war
Williams: Vice President Richardson?
Richardson: stop hating on my running mate she's a human being and a damm sexy woman!!
Williams: easy dood
Richardson: i'm a governor and of a swing state i might add
Obama: but i will run for governor of Illinois in four years
Richardson: well good but i'm voting for hillary
Biden: can i talk about my 30 years of experience
Williams: no you're just too weird
Dodd: fuck you Brian Williams and you're buddy Rush Limbaugh - i can work with Republicans - i worked with Dan Coats and if i can work with a loon like that i can defeat kim jong il easily
Edwards: we are none of us perfect but let's face it if you looked up "perfect" in the dictionary i think you would find a picture of my hair
Williams: what about my hair
Edwards: i'm guilty - guilty of being adorable!!
Kucinich: what about HR 676????
Williams: Frankenbiden why the hell are you still running
Biden: i cannot win but will be damned if i will let Guiliani be President that guy is a moron
Biden: hillary hillary
Williams: calm down joe
Biden: Bill i was securing detente when you were still a kid
Russert: hillary once you used a different set of words in answer to a question -- how evil are you??
Clinton: when bill and i were President we fought these GOP fuckers and i will keep doing it
Obama: call me nuts but i think we should be honest so we can get a real mandate after all the facts are on our side
Russert: but you called her a big liar
Obama: we're going to have a big actuarial gap
Hillary: bipartisan commission dood
Biden: can i talk
Williams: no Frankesteeen
Williams: Obama are you worried that the crazees will swift boat you like they did to my BFF John McCain?
Obama: dood i get it I, have a weird name - but i even have white people giving Barack O teh love it's all good because I trust the American people to be open minded and intelligent and fair
Williams: good luck with that dood
Williams: gas prices - GO!!
Dodd: byron dorgan and i on the case
Edwards: i want to be the President who tells people people to sacrifice
Hillary: LIHEAP bitches!
Williams: what else
Hillary: SPR, conservation
Obama: I will go to Detroit and talk tough and if you don't get shot that's a victory
Kucinich: key to oil prices is to follow international law and the constitution and impeach dick cheney!!
Richardson: Apollo Creed won in Philadephia and we need an Apollo program for america -- for instance our appliances could use less foreign oil i mean look at your toaster ask yourself do i really need an english muffin this morning if it means invading iran???
Dodd: corporate carbon tax bastards!! It's the Gold standard and Gore luvs it
Williams: maybe that's why you're at 0%
Dodd: could be
Williams: do you believe America is a bottomless well of welfare
Edwards: seriously you pretentious fop shut the fuck up as if you would leave NBC without being perfectly groomed
Williams: unlimited welfare for brown people???
Edwards: what a snobbish shit you are
Russert: rangel is from harlem which is full of blacks can you support that
Hillary: george bush is an evil poopyhead
Russert: so you are in favor of giving Kansas away to black people
Hillary: no i didn't say that you Irish Village Jester
Russert: ok Obama will you pledge to oppose the Harlem Negro Giveaway Plan
Obama: dood i'm not the one who put 12,000 US corporations in the Cayman islands
Russert: hey i love it there they make a mean pina colada
Tim: hedge funds
Kucinich: frankly even Harry Reid has been captured by wealthy people what about the poor
Dennis: impeach Bush and Cheney!
Edwards: let's not waste some more time on this what about Blackwater
Timmeh: you make it sound like wealthy interests have too much influence in government
Edwards: tim cover your little irish ears cause it’s true
Williams: should the school day be longer
Williams: your time is up
Dennis: free college!
Obama: school is good and wars are bad
Clinton: i love families and we need to get the kids to focus on an enemy like Sputnik
Edwards: there are 2 schools systems so we need to teach young teachers to use a shiv
Biden: goddamit i proposed this back in 1987 and people ignored me then too
Williams: well yes but neal kinnock said it first
Dodd: i have an idea on all this
Williams: would you like to share it with the rest of the class
Williams: sorry you're out of time
Williams: doctors make no money boo hoo
Dodd: that's true-
Williams: time's up
Biden: fuck the insurers - i met the time limit i win!!
Edwards: universal health care and nursing crisis
Clinton: doctors deal with harrassment from insurers and that's bad
Obama: doctors will make more money with fewer banks and middlemen and fat people
Kucinich: Medicare for All! Impeach Bush and Cheney!
Richardson: 1 year of national service for 2 years of tuition - also doctors should visit homes like they used to -- hell two of ‘em showed up in they Brady Bunch i dunno how they pulled that off
Williams: air travel where's mah mint on mah pillah?
Obama: and that luggage carousel i mean what is this the 19th century????
Russert: Spitzer wants to give drivers licenses to illegal immigrants and serial killers!!!??!!?
Clinton: um they drive cars fatty
Dodd: fuck them
Clinton: dood NYC cab service will shut down
Edwards: she's big flip flopper and doubletalker
Obama: what's the Vagina's answer
Russert: you had a close encounter with teh Third Kind dood
Kucinich: yes they took me aboard their ship and told me to impeach Bush!!
Tim: Obama martians yes or no
Obama: i'm worried about human beings
Williams: will you pledge to wipe out cancer
Hillary: god yur stupid
Edwards: oh noez
Williams: how will u dress for halloween
Obama: i will go as mitt romney i have magic underwear and a sheet with one hole in it
Williams: we will end with that visual thank you and good night -- people this is the greatest democracy in america