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Republican Debate
Fox News
New Hampshire
September 5, 2007
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Hosts:
* Brit Hume
* Chris Wallace
* Other Guy
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Brit Hume: Fred Thompson hasn't even announced and he's beating your cracker asses. What's up with that?
Huckabee: Thompson is a fucking loser he's like "no show George" - and I love new hampshire
Paul: i'm the only anti-war nutjob, so who gives a shit??
McCain: maybe we're up past Fred's bedtime ha ha ha zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Hume: wake up stupid
McCain: you know Mo Udall was a loser like me and he was funny
Romney: For a dood with only one wife Fred Thompson is not all that bad
Rudy: that dood only pretends to be a badass NYC prosecutor -- shit i actually did it - what a pansy that hollywood shithead is
Hume: but he's so cool!
Rudy: yeah but i have real experience running snowplows this is no time for presidential rookies
Wallace: Romney you accuse Rudy of loving illegals but you couldn't even stop the mexicans from mowing your own front lawn
Romney: eh, it was all my wife's fault
Wallace: which one?
Romney: i dunno, number three or something
Wallace: Rudy if you were President would you turn America over to Mexico all at once or over a period time??
Rudy: hey when i was mayor NYC was the crime capital of America so i said to all the illegal criminals next time you're raped or murdered make sure you tell me about it
[ding ding]
Wallace: shut up you bore me
Wallace: McCain you love illegals why?
McCain: it's true the primary voters are hopeless racists but that is George W. Bush's fault
Wallace: what’s you plan Puffycheeks?
McCain: i would position a bunch of crazies on the border
Wallace: Hucky you say people who hate mexicans are racist why?
Huckabee: ‘cause they are motherfucker
Wallace: expand on your answer pleeze
Huckabee: we should outsource immigration enforcement to Fedex and Amazon
[applause!!]
Huckabee: if you're looking for a mean motherfucuker then vote for Tancredeo not me
[ding ding!!!]
McCain: what!? Is Matlock on already!!??
Tancredo: i wish i could say that the other candidates are real racists but sadly i think they are only faking!!!
Wallace: everyone wants an 800 mile fence but what about the ranchers and farmers??
Hunter: dood it's a double fence and it's an awesome fence only an Olympian could jump over it
Wallace: what is it, like 3 feet high?
Hunter: fuck you and tell the farmers fuck you too
Wallace: good luck with that asshole
Cameron in diner: you look like an average nut, what do you think?
Massachusetts Cop: illegal immigrants have already broken one law so of course they will break more after all they love all the attention!!!
Rudy: hey i had 380,000 illegals living in my backyard but the answer is heat-seeking equipment and daily shakedowns of all brown people
McCain: my plan is to have all brown people wander around in a bureaucracy for 13 years that way we only get the really determined ones
Wallace: that's interesting
McCain: i was in Iraq and 2 illegals were killed there now that's progress!!
Romney: these fucking illegals are pouring in and it's all Rudy Giuliani's fault
Rudy: fuck you
Romney: aren't you italian?
Rudy: that's it, you're a dead man
Romney: typical hot blooded type
Black Guy: should Larry Craig go?
Brownback: it's all about family values after all that's my whole campaign - all of america's problems can be laid at the feet of Gays
Hunter: i hate larry craig - when our guys have problems we makes them leave when the Dems turn out to be gay Dems let them stay!!!
[applause]
Hunter: my dad had a big penis
[applause!!!]
Romney: so do I
Host: abortion???
Romney: i aspirate against abortion
Host: huh?
Romney: hey dood i've never actually had one you know
Host: murder yes or no?
Romney: women are involved too you know
Audience: booooo
Huckabee: let me tell this fucking coal mining story one more stupid motherfucking time
Host: oh god just shut up
Host: Judy the Virginia Tech shooting would have been prevented with more guns and your city is evil
Rudy: no i accomplished the impossible all by myself NYC was safer than fucking disneyland
Black Host: Ron Paul was Archie Bunker right should all passenger be armed with guns?
Paul: of course it's a great idea you can't rely on the government to protect you
Host: are you crazy?
Paul: just pass out pistols at the beginning of every flight
[applause!!!]
New Hampshire-ite: i think gay marriage is fine
Brownback: look in Holland where they legalized gay marriage people stop getting married - everyone knows that - in fact i would require people to get married and have children and be Christian and--
Hume: shut up moron
Wallace: Squirrelface you say Rudy sucks, why?
McCain: look i was a fucking POW so the mayor can suck my dick
Wallace: Rudy, pushing snowplows is fine but you never even been to Iraq
Rudy: look i like the old man but if wants to suck my dick that's fine and i hope to go to Iraq if they can stand my starpower
Wallace: what's your record
Rudy: when i got there starving zombies wandered the streets of New York aborting Christian babies and i instituted a New Era when blacks were afraid for their lives
[applause!!!]
Host: Mitt Hillary is more pro war than you
Romeny: look Petraeus says everything is going great and so does Michael O'Hanlon and it's essential that we pretend we are winning and then start to pull troops out
Host: what the fuck is your plan
Romney: apparently the Surge is working
McCain: no, the Surge IS Working!!
Romeny: maybe!
McCain: No, it is between Surrender or Victory!!! I am the biggest War Critic which means we should never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever leave
[applause]
Wallace: Ron Paul why do favor al Qaeda and genocide?
Paul: oh you mean those assholes who were wrong about everything Osama says leave Arabia and i say fine let's get the hell out
Wallace: so you would take our marching orders from Osama bin Laden???
Paul: fuck you you slimy bastard
[applause!!]
Brownback: tom friedman told me we should split those towelheads up into three separate states
Black Host: but what about the oil!!!
Brownback: we use US troops to occupy those lands
Host: huh?
Brownback: no the Turks will invite us
Host: you mystify me
Huckabee: i love the troops so we should never leave Iraq
Paul: but a bunch of neocons tricked us into invading iraq
Huckabee: yes but we are one nation under god so we must stay in Iraq!!
Paul: dood we made a mistake lets just leave!
Huckabee: our honor is at stake!!
Paul: how many lives are worth your honor!!??
[applause!!!]
Hunter: We're winning in Al Anbar and did you know the Democratic Party had a whole debate never saying the troops are the Best Ever!!??
Host: How long are we there?
Hunter: well it's over now basically we won
Wallace: why do you want to pull out?
Tancredo: we are at War With Islam we have to stay until we have wiped out Islam
Hume: jeez even i think you're crazee
Cameron: people in this diner think you are all fucking nuts
Diner Deputy Sheriff: Romney what's your Iraq plan for Victory? Also i was very offended when you compared your Loser Sons to my Hero Son
Romeny: Radical islamic jihad. Global battlefield. Surge. Jihad. Global strategy. Jihad.
Wallace: surge, yes or no?
Romney: whatever Petreaus says
Wallace: pull troops out yes or no?
Romney: whatever the troops want to do
Host: wiretap muslims??
Romney: dammit, me again? Ok. Terror. Violence. Bad. Wiretap. Protect people.
Host: Civil liberties?
Romney: screw em there's only liberty one that counts and that's the right to be alive
Tancredo: omg the muslims are out to get us we have to waterboard and torture and kill people i'm really freaking out right now!!!!
McCain: i asked a friend of mine if we should torture people and he's said remember the Hanoi Hilton - so no
Tancredo: i luv torture
McCain: pansy
Host: Close Gitmo?
Rudy: no country will take terrorists even in their prisons they're too dangerous - the liberals want to release terrorists into New York and your bedrooms where they will sieze your white women and they want to surrender in Iraq and turn it into Terror Headquarters
Hunter: George W. Bush is a big liberal did you know those doods are eating honey glazed chicken and have great health care and no murders take place in Gitmo it's a fucking paradise
Brownback: Cheney is a loser and millions of terrorists are sneaking into America every year!!
Wallace: taxes?
McCain: the GOP is corrupt but i will stuff the pork in my cheeks - i've been doing it for years
Brownback: i signed the pledge not to raise taxes and John McCain won't - i hate the government we're taxed to the max that's why people get divorced
Host: i thought it was gay people
Brownback: gay... tax raisers... same thing
Rudy: i only take one pledge - the pledge to Crack Brown Skulls
Wallace: please bad mouth NYC some more
Rudy: NYC is full of stupid poopyhead tax raisers
Wallace: FiFi you raised taxes on blind people
Romney: the liberal Democrats made me do it - I will lower Bush's high taxes they're killing people!
Wallace: like what
Romney: cut investment taxes to zero
Wallace: national sales tax stupid idea???
Huckabee: no people wouldn't be penalized for getting rich so more people would finally get rich - and also it would end prostitution
Wallace: John Paul would you get rid of Homeland Security and the CIA???
Paul: hey they suck anyway
College Student: Rudy you married your cousin and you committed adultery
Rudy: hey being mayor was a very hard job and there were a lot of welfare cheats in NYC and i had to work off alot of stress and i remind you the mafia was after me and New York was a fucking hell-hole so sure i had an affair who wouldn't ??
Hume: ok let's play out a Crazy Scenario... Iran has invaded Iraq and even the UN says Iran has a Nuclear Bomb and they are about to attack Israel
Paul: hey we talked to the USSR let's all calm down don't you think Israel can nuke Iran anyway - but never go to war without the consent of Congress
[applause!!]
Tancredo: let's not use the button but not back away
Hume: will no one join me in a war!?
Tancredo: Political Correctness will get us all killed!!
Hunter: We Must Penetrate the Earth with Special Weapons!!! They Might Re-Gift their Nukes!!!
Huckabee: the reality is that that would never happen
Hume: oh yes it would!!!
Huckabee: i would get down on my knees and pray for the right button to push
Brownback: Brit i think what you're saying is happening right now!! Remember The Ayatollah and Jimmy Carter???
Hume: oh baby
Brownback: i would invade Iran!!!
Rudy: the reality is that Iran will probably build a nuke and then give it to a bunch of terrorists
Hume: what's your plan
Rudy: oh noes i must keep the element of surprise
Hume: you can tell me
Rudy: Reagan pointed like a thousand missiles at the USSR
Hume: awesome
Romney: Democrats might surrender but i think they will work with us
Hume: no they won't - democrats hate America
Romney: my plan is we take the military option off the table and threaten them with it
Hume: do you even know what "off the table" means?
McCain: Iran is a bunch of Syria-loving anti-Semites i would do what Reagan did and make a secret deal with Iran and pretend i was too senile to know what i was doing if i got caught
Hume: and that's the final word on PsychoDebate 2007
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