Friday, September 28, 2007

Republican Debate - September 28, 2007

Republican Debate - September 28, 2007
Hosts: Tavis Smiley, Juan Williams
Subject: Minority issues

[ sorry, missed the first half hour ]

Moderator: tell me about economics

Huckabee: government is a boot on your face

Ron Paul: obviously the cause of economic disparity in america is the minimum wage.

Brownback: we don't have a colorblind society although you'd never know the way people go through traffic lights - but what i'd really like to say that the way to help black people is to adopt a flat tax in black areas i call the "motherfucker flat tax"

Tancredo: fuck all you race-baiters - did you know that in 1950s blacks were better off than white people and then came illegal immigrants and welfare and blacks became lazy and that has nothing to do with race!

Hunter: i can't believe that bill clinton took credit for signing legislation when he was president - that bastard - but after that black people starting living the high life they all opened dry cleaners moved to upper east side

Keyes: a lot of black men find good jobs in prison we should send more of them there

Moderator: why are you here dood

Keyes: I’m the last living black republic

Mod: so what's your plan?

Keyes: we must get rid of the culture of infidelity and hedonism and immorality

Juan Williams: enough about the Republican Party

Tavis: let's talk about illegals

Tancredo: wow i love how all these doods are jumping on my pet issue - welcome to my world - now i realize its a scary world but bear with me - we don't have to "round people up" that's myth most will go voluntarily like in Europe in the 1930s and 40s

Hunter: i pay too much for drywall dammitt

Moderator: what’s your answer to the problem of illegals

Hunter: my double fantasy fence

Keyes: no law in america matters if we don't close our borders illegals come in and take food out of black babies mouths!

Huckabee: i get on my knees every night and thank god I'm not brown or black - look our real fear should be of people coming with dirty suitcases

Juan Williams: millions of young black americans are watching this debate tonight

Tavis: [ spit take ]

Juan Williams: equal justice?

Brownback: i tried to get a sense of the black experience so i lived in a homeless shelter

Juan Williams: well that would do it

Brownback: young blacks need to know that if they get out of prison they will probably go back

Tancredo: what’s the deal with this federal crime shit - I say states like Louisiana alone should enforce criminal laws

Juan Williams: well that should certainly help black people

Tancredo: also blacks have no morals values or discipline

Williams: maybe you should stay away from Sylvia’s dood

Hunter: that white kid got kicked in the head so i assume the black kid is a bad kid that's clear even though i admit i know nothing about this case

Juan: thank you for that ill-informed knee-jerk reaction - it's what we all want in a president

Tavis: improve the system?

Hunter: jury of their peers!

Tavis: like when all-white juries try blacks?

Hunter: yeah after all they share 99% DNA

Keyes: these kids need a boot up the ass and shunning

Huckster: lots not lock up the people we're mad at -- lock the people we're afraid of - also let's not lock all drug offenders

Mod: wow that's remarkably enlightened

Paul: I'll go one better we need to end the war on drugs

Audience: yay!

Paul: prohibition didn't work, drugs are a disease!

Moderator: what about Washington DC?

Tancredo: put DC in virginia or maryland

Hunter: sure DC residents can vote for President just as soon as they let residents carry machine guns

Keyes: if they don't like it they can fucking leave plus we all know that DC belongs to all of America

Huckster: it's a matter of a justice and equality

Keyes: DC residents don't deserve freedom they're icky

Brownback: it's ok if DC residents vote Presinit but not for Congress that would be scary

Paul: national ID is fascist!

Brownback: asking about immigration that's a really hard question

Mod: you always say that

Hunter: bring back the family doctor through tax cuts

Keyes: screw that, bring back the family - force people to get married and have children

Mod: you're actually German aren't you?

Keyes: jobs is healthcare so message to blacks is go get a job

Huckabee: there has to be ownership of the healthcare i mean you should be itemizing every bill and negotiating with your oncologist and heart surgeon

Dr. Ron Paul: medicine is all corporate and inflation is bad

Mod: calm down dood

Paul: why do states license doctors what kind of fascism is that - let the barber take out your pancreas

Tancredo: you fucking lazy people if you get sick it's all your fault - i know i'm scaring you but yes we should let people die if the get sick - only then will people will have the incentive not to get to get sick

Williams: Ambassador Keyes when you were Ambassador to Psychoville, did you ever meet the first black combat pilot she like a black female Maverick

Keyes: no but she's hot

Juan: she's been bombing iraqis

Keyes: awesome

Juan: blacks hate the war

Keyes: hey dood we didn't start the war in Iraq muslims from the middle east who were proxy-iraqis attacked us my real problem is that Bush went easy on those ragheads

Huckabee: i luv veterans

Paul: Bush lied! Saudis attacked us! Jolly well help ourselves!

[ applause ]

Brownback: One, i think-

Juan: -who?

Brownback: -One, that's your name-

Juan: -oh

Brownback: split Iraq into three - i mean of course the United States America should begin cutting up middle east countries who wouldn't think that is good idea?

Tancredo: i'm going to babble mindlessly for a few minutes

Mod: ok dood

Hunter: everything is going great in Iraq although the government is inept

Huckabee: slaughter of unborn!

Paul: come home from everywhere!

Brownback: no - we are the greatest country in teh world USA! USA!

Tancredo: we should act in Sudan and save Darfur

Moderator: how, you won't use troops?

Tancredo: the UN should handle it - if they fail then it will prove they suck and we should leave the UN

Keyes: we are a nation of nations and we should take over the whole planet because we stand for universal values

Entire Group:

Rescue Darfur!


Moderator: Death penalty?

Brownback: i'm against the death penalty cause i'm all about culture of life but i will make an exception for liberals

Tancredo: well sure for

Hunter: damm that Charles Manson!!!

Keyes: i love the death penalty how else are we going to send the message that we love life

Mod: ok you're sundowning now Alan

Tavis: segregation?

Tancredo: what a racist thought - that black kids can't learn even if they go to segregated all black school i'm shocked at you

Hunter: i lub mom and dad

Tavis: debate is over so thank you all except for Mitt and McCain and Rudy fuck you you fucking motherfuckers

[ audience ]

ron paul! ron paul! ron paul! ]


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