Monday, February 01, 2016

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – January 31, 2016

Donald Trump
Hillary Clinton

Stephanopoulos: omg it's a 'Special Edition' of This Week!

Stephanopoulos: voters are so angry!

Stephanopoulos: tomorrow we will
know just how furious they are!

Trump: get out of bed and caucus 
you fucking losers!

Chelsea: I need another Presidential Parent

Duck Dynasty: Donald Trump is a coward

Sanders: here's some hippie music!

Stephanopoulos: polls show Trump
has 28% and Ted Cruz is at 23%

Stephanopoulos: Clinton has 
only a 3 point lead

Stephanopoulos: they're so close!

Karl: Bernie Sanders has the younger
voters and here's what's really interesting
Clinton leads among younger voters

Stephanopoulos: Bill Clinton is
out there campaigning for Hillary

Karl: He loves it and they love him!

Stephanopoulos: Trump is leading
but he also has problems

Karl: Republicans dislike him

Stephanopoulos: that could be a problem

Karl: 45% of Republicans may 
still change their mind

Stephanopoulos: wow

Stephanopoulos: welcome Donald Trump

Trump: good to be here George

Stephanopoulos: most of your 
supporters have never caucused before – aren't you worried they may get  lost or wander around aimlessly or stay home hiding from immigrants

Trump: that's might happen
but if they do turn out I win big

Stephanopoulos: It's a well-know
fact that you're a little crazy – is that
what we want in a President?

Trump: I love the Bible – it's a best seller!

Stephanopoulos: you're friends 
with Bill and Hillary

Trump: people everyone loves me
and by the way everyone hates Ted Cruz

Stephanopoulos: but they were at
one of your weddings

Trump: I'm a world class businessman
that's where all the good deals are
being made these days

Stephanopoulos: you're not principled

Trump: I get along with everybody!

Stephanopoulos: Ted Cruz says
you're a socialist abortionist

Trump: he's a total liar

Stephanopoulos: oh really

Trump: I hate Obamacare!

Stephanopoulos: all right

Trump: he lied about his Wall Street loans

Stephanopoulos: right

Trump: this is why not
one Senator endorsed him

Stephanopoulos: no Senators
have endorsed you either

Trump: Jerry Falwell's son endorsed me

Stephanopoulos: okay

Trump: Sarah Palin and Sherif
Joe endorsed me

Stephanopoulos: impressive

Trump: I have great endorsements!

Stephanopoulos: you want the
government to pay for health care

Trump: we have to help people
if they are dying

Stephanopoulos: how will you do that

Trump: we will work with 
doctors and hospitals

Stephanopoulos: what is your plan

Trump: I have a heart!

Stephanopoulos: if you say so

Trump: we will work something out


Trump: Ted Cruz is heartless 
– I don't care if I lose
I will give the sick health care!

Stephanopoulos: but you won't say how

Trump: Obamacare is disaster!

Stephanopoulos: all right

Trump: it's outrageous!

Stephanopoulos: I got it

Trump: repeal Obamacare!

Stephanopoulos: are you worried about Rubio

Trump: I will crush that pipsqueak

Stephanopoulos: I see

Trump: my company has great cash flow!

Stephanopoulos: how nice

Trump: Cruz in the pocket of his big donors

Stephanopoulos: is that so

Trump: I don't want their money!

Stephanopoulos: he probably doesn't either

Trump: I love the American people!

Stephanopoulos: did you ever imagine
that you would be leading in every state
in January in 2016

Trump: no!

Stephanopoulos: none of us did

Trump: I'm even beating Jeb and Marco in Florida!

Stephanopoulos: incredible

Trump: I'm crushing it in Hampshire

Stephanopoulos: amazing

Trump: I'm going to win Iowa

Stephanopoulos: wow

Trump: no one knows health 
care better than me

Stephanopoulos: do you have any regrets
what with all the racism and such

Trump: no because I'm winning everywhere

Stephanopoulos: fair enough

Trump: I have by far the most loyal people

Stephanopoulos: good luck Donald

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Senator Clinton

Clinton: nice to see you again George

Stephanopoulos: are you going to
lose again like you did in 2008?

Clinton: hopefully not!

Stephanopoulos: okay

Clinton: but it's close – you gotta 
get out and caucus!

Stephanopoulos: 22 of your e-mails
have been re-classified as secret and very hush hush

Clinton: but they were not marked classified!

Stephanopoulos: I see

Clinton: I want them all released!

Stephanopoulos: what is in those e-mails?

Clinton: that's classified

Stephanopoulos: is this political?

Clinton: I question the timing George
Stephanopoulos: you agreed not to disclose
classified information regardless

Clinton: and I never did!

Stephanopoulos: perhaps

Clinton: plus they were not marked classified!

Stephanopoulos: interesting

Clinton: one of these was a published
newspaper report for pete's sake!

Stephanopoulos: okay

Clinton: Republicans used Benghazi against me

Stephanopoulos: we all know that

Clinton: I testified in public for 11 hours!

Stephanopoulos: was it a mistake
to set up a private server?

Clinton: yes because you won't 
shut up about it

Stephanopoulos: Bernie says he hates guns
and loves Planned Parenthood

Clinton: I took on the gun lobby for years

Stephanopoulos: got it

Clinton: Planned Parenthood endorsed me

Stephanopoulos: true

Clinton: and I was endorsed by the Brady Campaign!

Stephanopoulos: they're a fun bunch

Clinton: the gays endorsed me too!

Stephanopoulos: Claire McCaskill
calls Bernie a communist

Clinton: if the hammer fits

Stephanopoulos: will nominating a
socialist make it harder for Democrats to win

Clinton: well duh of course

Stephanopoulos: so you claim

Clinton: I'm tried and tested and vetted and ready!

Stephanopoulos: Robert Reich says
you're the candidate we deserve and
Bernie is the one we need

Clinton: I want a renaissance in
manufacturing and health care and equal pay

Stephanopoulos: sounds good

Clinton: I won in New York state twice
and even Republicans said I was a
good Secretary of State

Stephanopoulos: those were the days

Clinton: working people have been left behind!

Stephanopoulos: good luck

Clinton: thanks George!

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