Tuesday, November 10, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – November 8 , 2015

Jonathan Karl
Brian Ross
Col. Steve Ganyard
Gen. Carter Ham (Ret.)
Dr. Ben Carson
Donald Trump
Rep. Peter King
Rep. Steven Schiff

Karl: the Donald did Saturday Night Live!

Karl: Ben Carson yelled at the media

Carson: they're liberal media like the
Wall Street Journal are getting 
desperate to stop me

Karl: Carson said he was only
honest student at Yale

Yale: that never happened

Karl: he was never offered
a scholarship to West Point

Carson: maybe not but I did try
to stab a child in the abdomen

Karl: Team Carson raised
3 million dollars over his lies

Stephanopoulos: welcome Doc

Carson: nice to see you George

Stephanopoulos: will this controversy
help your campaign?

Carson: yes because this is 
all a political hit job

Stephanopoulos: of course it is

Carson: I was the only truth teller at Yale!

Stephanopoulos: really?

Carson: yes!

Stephanopoulos: Yale says
that class never existed

Carson: it was called Psychology One Zero

Stephanopoulos: Trump says the
lies will doom your campaign

Carson: there are no lies!

Stephanopoulos: so everything is
fine with your campaign?

Carson: yep it's all a okay

Stephanopoulos: why do I
sense that's another lie

Carson: no – I'm going to win!

Stephanopoulos: are your problems
all the media's fault?

Carson: give me an example of a problem
I supposedly have you atheist liberal

Stephanopoulos: you said you turned
down a scholarship to West Point when
you never even applied

Carson: West Point does too 
offer scholarships!

Stephanopoulos: um okay

Carson: no one can remember
everything from fifty years ago

Stephanopoulos: so you won't change?

Carson: no because I'm not a politician

Stephanopoulos: clearly

Carson: the country is going to hell!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Doc

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Donald

Trump: nice to see you again Greg

Stephanopoulos: what do you think of
Doc Carson's ever-changing stories?

Trump: I like the guy but he hit his
mother in the head with a hammer

Stephanopoulos: who among
us hasn't done that?

Trump: I mean did he really
stab a guy or not?

Stephanopoulos: we can only hope

Trump: I mean does he have a
pathological disease or what

Stephanopoulos: isn't it what he does
just a little hyperbole which you also do

Trump: my golf courses are the 
best in the world!

Stephanopoulos: they're very nice

Trump: maybe I own five billion or
twelve billion dollars what's difference

Stephanopoulos: I believe it's 
seven thousand millions

Trump: whatever tiny

Stephanopoulos: is Ben Carson 
your top rival?

Trump: incredibly enough he is
but I'm still number one! A Number One!

Stephanopoulos: calm down Don

Trump: I hope it all works out for
Ben Carson even if he is a psychopath

Stephanopoulos: do believe ISIS
blew up that Russian plane?

Trump: how should I know?

Stephanopoulos: well at least 
talk tough on ISIS

Trump: this is the blood of the world!

Stephanopoulos: that's more like it

Trump: we have to invade the
Middle East and seize all their oil!

Stephanopoulos: sounds like a sound plan
with no flaws or potential pitfalls

Trump: I predicted Osama bin Laden!

Stephanopoulos: why do you want 
to invade the middle east when 
you say it's a quagmire?

Trump: I want the oil! Just take the oil!

Stephanopoulos: you've got it all figured out

Trump: the middle east is big fat quagmire – stay out!

Stephanopoulos: wait a minute –
do you want to go in or stay out?

Trump: stay out – but first we have
to invade the middle east and take all the oil!

Stephanopoulos: did you want to be
George H.W. Bush's Vice President?

Trump: Lee Atwater was a good 
friend of mine!

Stephanopoulos: so he reached out to you?

Trump: yes he did

Stephanopoulos: why don't you 
drink or take drugs

Trump: because I've seen people die from alcohol

Stephanopoulos: okay

Trump: I told my kids not to drink but
who knows what's going on with them

Stephanopoulos: I've only spent ten
minutes with you and I already need a drink

Trump: New Hampshire has a tremendous
drug problem coming from Mexico

Stephanopoulos: they do?

Trump: New Hampshire has a lot 
of heroin which is why we have 
to build a wall with Mexico

Stephanopoulos: should America 
legalize drugs?

Trump: maybe but then again maybe not

Stephanopoulos: what will happen
during the debate on Tuesday?

Trump: I will win of course

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: omg I'm terrified of terrorism!

Ross: George that Russian plane was
brought down by a bomb and ISIS did it

Stephanopoulos: eeek

Ross: Russia is so desperate
they accepted help from the FBI

Stephanopoulos: my god it's worse 
than I thought

Ross: there was a sudden loud noise
and then the plane broke up mid-air
so draw your conclusions

Stephanopoulos: I don't like this brian

Ross: they smuggled a bomb on the plane

Stephanopoulos: unpossible

Ross: they somehow compromised
the crack security at this rural 
Egyptian airport

Stephanopoulos: who would've thought

Ross: they're crowd-sourcing terrorism!

Stephanopoulos: we're all gonna die

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Congressmen

King: yo

Schiff: howdy

Stephanopoulos: was it ISIS?

King: yes – who are we kidding

Stephanopoulos: was a bomb put
on board by an airline worker?

Schiff: ISIS may have a man
on the inside of the airport!

Stephanopoulos: omg this is a
total game-changer!

King: it's definitely time to panic

Stephanopoulos: omg what can we do?

Schiff: we need to see if any
caterers have joined ISIS

Stephanopoulos: that's a good idea

Schiff: this is a problem here at home

Stephanopoulos: no doubt

Schiff: ISIS is now the biggest threat on earth

Stephanopoulos: isn't this Obama's fault?

King: yes – clearly we need to 
invade Iraq again

Schiff: yes we can never leave the
middle east – otherwise we'll still
be there for twenty years

Stephanopoulos: omg so much wow

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