Monday, November 02, 2015

Meet The Press – November 1, 2015

Fmr. Gov. Jeb Bush (R-FL)
Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Matt Bai
David Brooks
Helene Cooper
Anne Gearan

Todd: omg Jeb Bush's failed
spectacularly at the debate!

Todd: his new slogan is 'Jeb Can Fix It!'
 – but can he?

Todd: I sat down with Jeb Bush to ask 
him what the fuck is wrong with him

Todd: good afternoon Jeb

Bush: nice to be here Ted

Todd: do you still want to be President?

Bush: actually I'd rather be
playing with my model trains

Todd: that makes sense

Bush: I have an amazing setup
in my basement

Todd: so will you drop out?

Bush: I would but mommy won't let me

Todd: oh no?

Bush: no she says we have to have
at least one Bush who didn't fail at
President and now it's my turn

Todd: can you understand why some
supporters find that less than inspiring?

Bush: no not at all

Todd: really?

Bush: yes really

Todd: do you not understand why
people don't want to volunteer for a
third-generation aristocrat who would
rather be playing with trains?

Bush: that's just the liberal media talking

Todd: actually no one likes you

Bush: we got 300 people in New Hampshire!

Todd: Obama got 250,000 in Germany

Bush: only because they love 
black people there

Todd: in the debate young Marco Rubio
smacked you around and you didn't fight back

Bush: I got cut off

Todd: that's your excuse?

Bush: it was a weird debate

Todd: no doubt about that

Bush: I wanted to stand up for
myself but the moderator stopped me

Todd: sheesh

Bush: I was a governor and I 
accomplished big things!

Todd: how nice for you

Bush: marco is nice person but
he's never accomplished anything

Todd: good put down

Bush: Hillary Clinton never did anything either

Todd: yeah you said that already

Bush: I can break the gridlock and
change the culture in Washington

Todd: did you watch the debate?

Bush: no – I don't like fantasy television

Todd: do you want to be a good 
debater some day?

Bush: yes I'd like to maybe

Todd: how do you do that?

Bush: I'll do a reset – I'm grinder

Todd: okay then

Bush: those things are not debates

Todd: well whatever you
call them you suck at it

Bush: I can speak in sentences

Todd: how nice for you

Bush: I have ideas

Todd: how nice

Bush: Obama caused the recession
in 2007 and it breaks my heart

Todd: yes that's so sad

Bush: America has never gone
through this anything like this before

Todd: well maybe in the Civil War 
or the 19th century depression or the 
Great Depression or the Bush recession 
or the Bush Depression

Bush: okay except for those times

Bush: but we can have a true time of
abundance if only cut taxes for rich people

Todd: you're very frustrated

Bush: no I'm not

Todd: you said you wanted to
quit and do other cool things

Bush: no I was saying don't
elect me if you want gridlock

Todd: bold stand indeed

Bush: I got a standing ovation
just ask Tim Scott

Todd: I did and he said no one likes you

Bush: he did??

Todd: no I'm just kidding

Bush: I'm going to shake up the system

Todd: your grandfather was a Senator
and your Dad and brother were both
President and you're going to shake 
up the system?

Bush: I'm going to crush the establishment!

Todd: when I look up Establishment
in the dictionary there's a picture 
of your family

Bush: I want to help poor people by
cutting taxes and regulations on rich people

Todd: you say Republicans appeal
to people's fears and emotions

Bush: message – 'I am optimistic'

Todd: who's a pessimist?

Bush: Donald Trump

Todd: how about Ben Carson?

Bush: he's a bit of an optimist

Todd: he's a bit of a loon

Bush: I believe America is
on the verge of greatness

Todd: people are skeptical
of a guy named Bush

Bush: yeah – I've got to go earn it

Todd: indeed you do

Bush: my campaign is has
hit a rocky place no doubt

Todd: that much is certain

Bush: but fighting and getting wounded
and killed in any one of my family's many
wars is harder than running for President

Bush: true enough

Todd: you said early on you were willing
to lose the primary and I've got to give
you credit you certainly proven it

Bush: I'm not going to prey on people's fears

Todd: of course not

Bush: you can't win playing to
people's anger and frustrations

Todd: you said you want to work with
Democrats – will that anger GOP primary voters?

Bush: Obama is a divider-in-chief!

Todd: you don't think the GOP is divisive?

Bush: well of course it is

Todd: just checking

Bush: Hillary thinks the GOP are her enemy!

Todd: I can't imagine why

Bush: Reagan did it!

Todd: you think the Bush family
is entitled to the White House

Bush: no but I would kill someone for my dad

Todd: anyone in particular?

Bush: I would go to prison for my dad

Todd: you think that's likely to come up?

Bush: hey you never know

Todd: your father is an old school patrician
who hates Donald Trump because he's a
low class guy from Queens

Bush: my dad is obsessed with
the Sunday talk shows

Todd: so he's the one

Bush: yeah he can't get enough of them

Todd: what about litmus tests for cabinet positions?

Bush: I oppose litmus tests but I would
apply them to the Supreme Court

Todd: what about a Constitutional
amendment to ban abortion?

Bush: life is a gift from god and
I don't intend on wasting it

Todd: that's a line from 'Titanic'

Bush: Bar and Poppy were on the
'California' and said keep sailing

Todd: what about the death penalty

Bush: boy that's another tough one

Todd: just man up and answer John

Bush: it's not a deterrent and costs too much

Todd: that's probably right

Bush: it's hard for me to sign a
death warrant because I'm such
a devout christian

Todd: so you're against it?

Bush: but then again families
need closure so I did it anyway

Todd: um okay

Bush: we should execute people more quickly!

Todd: wait I'm confused – now you're for it?

Bush: the death penalty isn't an either / or thing

Todd: it kind of is

Bush: in what way?

Todd: you're “either” for it “or” 
you're against it

Bush: oh I see

Todd: well duh

Bush: I can see both sides

Bush: on one hand human life
is a gift from god

Bush: but on the other hand the first
obligation of the state to is make relatives
of crime victims happy

Todd: what exceptions would you 
make when taking bodily control 
away from Americans

Bush: rape and incest and life of the mother

Todd: but not 'health of the mother'

Bush: no that's stupid

Todd: what would someone
who doesn't like you say about you

Bush: as Governor I said said
'my way or the highway'

Todd: you were too dogmatic when 
you were was governor of Florida

Bush: right

Todd: you didn't compromise

Bush: I fought and I had a heart

Todd: you did?

Bush: yes it was in a jar on my desk

Todd: wow

Bush: I was a servant leader

Todd: thanks for coming

Bush: you too

[ break ]

Todd: David Brooks you say
time has passed Jeb Bush by

Brooks: he nice guy but he's too
much of a WASP and a gentleman

Todd: but the Bush family
plays vicious politics – let's go to the tape

Todd: your campaign blasted Rubio

Bush: I never saw that piece
Todd: excuse me but it's from your campaign

Bush: I dont know anything about that

Todd: omg hes a politician!

Gearan: he's trying to kill the king but failing

Todd: he said he didn't respond
to Rubio because the moderator
wouldn't let him

Bai: hes never given anyone a
reason to elect him President

Cooper: Bush and Rubio could win a
general election and now they've got
to go after each other

Todd: what evidence is there that 
Jeb is electable?

Brooks: he should saying “I'm going to 
be your sedative and your laxative”

Todd: you're a weird one David

Gearan: the campaign is very
corporate and Bush-like

Todd: sounds great

Gearan: we're too tough on our candidates
especially when they're named Bush

Bai: it's too early to write
candidates off – you never know!

Brooks: it feels like it's coming down
to Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio

Todd: really?

Brooks: I'm assuming Trump and 
Carson go away

Todd: keep assuming David

[ break ]

Todd: here's a nerdscreen about how
long people waited between running for office

Todd: omg it's been 14 years since the
last time Jeb ran for office!

Todd: George H.W. Bush waited 10 years
between running for Congress in 1970 and
for President in 1980 where he lost

Todd: welcome Mister Speaker

Ryan: please call me Speaker Paul

Todd: all right

Ryan: I never wanted to be Speaker

Todd: it just fell in your lap!

Ryan: we need to be on offense

Todd: you have a lot of political 
capital right now

Ryan: we're going to start over

Todd: how so?

Ryan: run Congress like the 
Founders intended

Todd: from Wall Street?

Ryan: we Republicans need
to be more effective
Todd: might as well try anything once

Ryan: also we have to be
a good alternative party

Todd: go for it

Ryan: we need a bold specific agenda!

Todd: are you going to do all that yourself?

Ryan: no I'm no dictator

Todd: good to know

Ryan: we're bold in hating
Obama but timid on alternative ideas

Todd: give me an example

Ryan: there are too many poor people!

Todd: okay

Ryan: we should probably have 
a health care plan

Todd: what about Donald Trump?

Ryan: Trump would be a much
better President than Clinton

Todd: oh man you're as
crazy as the others

Ryan: but with better biceps

Todd: would allow an
immigration bill up for a vote?

Ryan: I would pass an immigration bill but Obama hurt my feelings so I won't

Todd: that's incredibly petty

Ryan: it would be good for America
but the Republicans are having
a temper tantrum

Todd: I can't believe you're admitting to this

Ryan: yes we're purposefully hurting the
country because we don't like the President

Todd: amazing

Ryan: we should build a big wall!

Todd: so you're refusing all immigration
reform as long as the guy from Kenya 
is President

Ryan: right

Todd: and you flat-out refuse to work with him

Ryan: that's right

Todd: anything else?

Ryan: Obama is the divider in chief!

Todd: should we dock the
pay of Congress if they miss votes?

Ryan: hat's a cheap shot

Todd: Ted Cruz doesn't like you

Ryan: so what?

Todd: who is a neglected minority?
Ryan: Republicans in Congress

Todd: they're all rich white men who
have the biggest majority in decades

Ryan: see how they suffer?

Todd: you want to spend time
with your family so do you favor
paid family leave?

Ryan: no way – that's a brand
new entitlement program!

Todd: I get it

Ryan: we should all go to more 
volleyball games!

Todd: it's a fun past time

Ryan: I'm going to commute from Wisconsin

Todd: that's pretty far

Ryan: I'll manage

Todd: will you continue to
sleep in your office?

Ryan: it's very comfortable

Todd: does smell of smoke

Ryan: oh god it's awful

Todd: heh

Ryan: no really it's terrible

Todd: thanks for coming

Ryan: you too Todd

[ break ]

Todd: so what's the deal with 
the Republicans?

Cooper: the GOP has moved the right and
will destroy Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio

Todd: the GOP want a fighter
with an apocalyptic message

Bai: we were all disappointed by
Obama because he didn't fix 
the Republican party

Todd: the irony is that young
politicians are often risk averse

Todd: Obama was sold to us a
bold guy but really he was cautious

Todd: Jeb Bush is actually bold!

Gearan: Paul Ryan is not risk averse 
but very bold

Todd: Obama is putting 50 boots on the ground in Syria

Obama: boots on the ground would be a mistake!

Todd: omg Obama broke his promise!

Cooper: there were always U.S.
boots on the ground in Syria

Todd: I guess so

Cooper: remember Obama opposed 
the Iraq war

Todd: no!

Cooper: I sense sarcasm there Chuck

Chuck: you don't say!

Cooper: they want to form a
big coalition against Syria

Brooks: boots on the ground makes 
no sense because some of our troops 
wear sneakers

Todd: god you're dumb

Brooks: I give him credit because
the region is falling apart of course 
America has to take charge

Todd: but Obama is so timid!

Gearan: yes right

Todd: I talk to Jeb Bush some more!

Todd: what are your thoughts on
Obama sending troops to Iraq?

Bush: the surge worked! We fixed Iraq!

Todd: sorry I mean intelligent thoughts

Bush: we should have armed the Kurds!

Todd: so do we need a new surge?

Bush: we should do what Obama is doing

Todd: Ted Cruz and Trump want
to stay out of the middle east

Bai: we're still stuck in these wars
its incredible

Todd: it is taking a while

Bai: it's a long term ideological struggle!

Todd: Clinton is advocating for more intervention
Cooper: well so is Obama

Todd: good point

Bai: Bernie Sanders is a guy with
a thick Brooklyn accent and
that's not Presidential

Todd: Hillary had an amazing 10 days
and their air is out of the Sanders balloon

Cooper: you cannot defeat the Clinton juggernaut!

Todd: her team slightly accused
him of sexism and it unnerved Sanders

Gearan: yeah I don't know

Todd: is he a good foil for her

Brooks: he lost the moment he took the e-mails off the table

Todd: but he's well to her left

Brooks: he has to win by calling her dishonest

Todd: Paul Ryan went to Halloween
was dressed as Romney!

Todd: college football!

Cooper I hate Duke!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

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