Reporters:
David
Wright
Tom
Llama
Guests:
Donald
Trump
John
Podesta
Gen.
John Campbell – Cmdr. U.S. Forces in Afghanistan
Jennifer
Granholm
Mark
Halperin
Jon
Heilemann
Ana
Navarro
Stephanopoulos:
OMG there were
fireworks in Iowa
Wright:
oh wow Bernie Sanders
went after Clinton!
Wright:
but Clinton was introduced
by Katy Perry
Clinton:
hear me roar!
Sanders:
we're gonna make history!
Wright:
he called Clinton a
flipper-flopper on trade
Sanders:
I never supported that deal!
Wright:
but Clinton has driven all her
opponents
from the field and eleven-hour
Benghazi
hearing made her a hero
Wright:
but she's still a partisan lighting rod
Wright:
she will probably win but then
again
that's what we said in 2008
Stephanopoulos:
omg Ben Carson
is
now leading in Iowa!
Llamas:
it's so exciting
Trump:
I'm number two! I don't believe it!
Trump:
he's low energy!
Trump:
what the fuck kind of
cult is 7th Day Adventists?
Llamas:
Bush stopped paying his staffers
Llamas:
doctor Carson could win in Iowa!
Llamas:
but Trump still leads
in all national polls
Stephanopoulos:
welcome Donald Trump
Trump:
get on with it buddy
Stephanopoulos:
you attacked 7th Day Adventists
Trump:
I just don't know anything
about
it so that's what I said
Stephanopoulos:
so why did you bring it up?
Trump:
I just don't know about it
Stephanopoulos:
then why raise it at all?
Trump:
because I don't know about it
Stephanopoulos:
will you apologize?
Trump:
no because all I said was
'I don't know about it'
Stephanopoulos:
Ben Carson said you
can't
forcibly deport 11 million people
Trump:
he's weak!
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Trump:
George Bush's weak immigration
rules
caused the attacks on 9/11
Stephanopoulos:
I see
Trump:
we're going to let the good ones
come
right back in and keep out the bad ones
Stephanopoulos:
brilliant
Trump:
there are real bad ones and
they
will get out so fast your head will spin
Stephanopoulos:
it's already spinning
Trump:
good
Stephanopoulos:
Ben Carson
wants to get rid of Medicare
Trump:
that's a great idea actually
Stephanopoulos:
so you would also get rid of Medicare?
Trump:
definitely – it's worked for
decades
so clearly we don't need it anymore
Stephanopoulos:
can you stop
Ben
Carson's amazing surge?
Trump:
I have a massive lead in New Hampshire!
Stephanopoulos:
he's beating you in Iowa
Trump:
I find that hard to believe
Stephanopoulos:
Jeb Bush says he
would
be a miserable President and
people
should elect Trump
Trump:
He and Ben Carson
are low energy losers
Stephanopoulos:
perhaps a bit
Trump:
we're being ripped off by foreigners!
Stephanopoulos:
go on
Trump:
we need rich people!
Stephanopoulos:
they're very nice
Trump:
Jeb is a total disaster!
Stephanopoulos:
that's not untrue
Trump:
I'm number one and I'm
not
even spending any money!
Stephanopoulos:
that's amazing
Trump:
Ben Carson is running loads
of ads
in
Iowa and he's being led by his
SuperPac which is wrong
Stephanopoulos:
we had a focus group
that
likes you a lot but also thinks
you're
a total asshole
Trump:
I will be a great unifier –
also Obama is awful
Stephanopoulos:
you said the country is going to hell
Trump:
America is the world's laughing stock!
Stephanopoulos:
really?
Trump:
the USA is in terrible shape!
Stephanopoulos:
what's your debate strategy
Trump:
I predicted Osama bin Laden
back in 2000!
Stephanopoulos:
thanks for coming Donald
Trump:
Loser!
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
welcome John Podesta
Podesta:
thanks George
Stephanopoulos:
Trump says under
President
Hillary Clinton the country
will go to hell
Podesta:
he's an idiot
Stephanopoulos:
that's checks out
Podesta:
he just hurls insults
Stephanopoulos:
well he beats
Hillary
Clinton in some polls
Podesta:
oh please – she would crush him
Stephanopoulos:
Bernie Sanders says
he
is authentic and has conviction and Clinton is calculating
Podesta:
she's not a flip-flopper – she's just a very good listener
Stephanopoulos:
has Bernie Sanders peaked?
Podesta:
he's gone negative which is mean
Stephanopoulos:
is Hillary Clinton only
good when
her back is against the wall?
Podesta:
maybe but when you're President
you're
back is always against the wall
Stephanopoulos:
in a way
Podesta:
she endured that stupid Benghazi
committee
for eleven hours which is longer than
Titanic
and Avatar and Gone with the Wind all three Godfathers
Stephanopoulos:
that third one was bad
Podesta:
she's learned from that
epic defeat in 2008
Stephanopoulos:
did Hillary Clinton reveal classified information?
Podesta:
that was a five billion dollar
taxpayer-funded
witch hunt
Stephanopoulos:
the FBI is investigating
Podesta:
bring it on baby!
Stephanopoulos:
you're confident
Podesta:
those e-mails show a hard-working
successful
Secretary of State fighting for America
Stephanopoulos:
thanks for coming
[
break ]
Raddatz:
omg US forces rescued hostages from ISIS!
Soldier:
damn fucking right we did
Raddatz:
the Afghans need a lot of help too
Solider:
we've fired 7,000 rounds
of ammunition
Raddatz:
wow it's like America on
an average weekend
Soldier:
our biggest concern is still IEDs
Raddatz:
General Campbell are we
beating the Taliban?
Campbell:
they're very tough
Raddatz:
you're low on troops
Campbell:
a bit
Raddatz:
does that hurt you
Campbell:
we lose eyes and ears
Raddatz:
that's not good
Raddatz:
look at this ISIS graduation ceremony!
Raddatz:
their commencement speaker read
Oh
the Place's You'll Go and then told them it's Afghanistan
Campbell:
that's a good book though
Raddatz:
does Afghanistan still threaten the homeland?
Campbell:
absolutely!
Raddatz:
I'm scared!
Campbell:
don't kid yourself martha!
Raddatz:
everyone we talked to wants
America
to stay and occupy Afghanistan
Campbell:
right
Raddatz:
but then again the U.S. did bomb a hospital
Campbell:
that was a mistake
Raddatz:
are going to be here for decades?
Campbell:
yes it's just like Germany
except
the Afghan people actually like us
Raddatz:
okay then
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
omg Bernie Sanders
went after Clinton!
Halperin:
well of course because she's terrible
Heileman:
he should go after her more!
Granholm:
DOMA was years ago
Stephanopoulos:
well she also voted
for the Iraq war
Granholm:
everyone evolves George
Karl:
Clinton had a terrible summer
Stephanopoulos:
right
Karl:
but she just had 10 great days
Stephanopoulos:
is Benghazi over?
Navarro:
never!
Stephanopoulos:
but she came off well
Navarro:
she did look good
Stephanopoulos:
Ben Carson may be
crazy
but he leads in Iowa
Halperin:
the elite East Coast media are
all
snobs who think you make sense you
talk
about government
Stephanopoulos:
Trump went after
Seventh
Day Adventists
Heileman:
Trump's religion is even worse
Stephanopoulos:
what is it?
Heileman:
something do with a
gold statue of himself
Stephanopoulos:
Ana you're sticking with Jeb
Navarro:
I was very happy to hear he
was
slashing pay for his staff – that should
boost
morale and solve everything
Stephanopoulos:
you keep telling
yourself that
Navarro:
oh god why did I sign with that idiot
Stephanopoulos:
is Marco Rubio in the catbird's seat?
Granholm:
he's too extreme
Stephanopoulos:
but he's young and handsome
Navarro:
he's like Obama!
Stephanopoulos:
a bit
Navarro:
he's the most eloquent
person
in politics today
Stephanopoulos:
Mark who do you like?
Halperin:
Ted Cruz
Stephanopoulos:
oh really?
Halperin:
also Rubio and Kasich and
Bush and Christie and Carson
Stephanopoulos:
way to cover your bases
Heilemann:
the nominee will probably
be a crazy outsider
Navarro:
oh god
Granholm:
Trump and Carson want
to get rid of Medicare!
Stephanopoulos:
sorry we can't
talk substance
Granholm:
but but
Stephanopoulos:
no we're out of time
Stephanopoulos:
but first today's quiz
Stephanopoulos:
and that's the show
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