Guests:
Sen.
Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Rep.
Charlie Dent (R-PA)
Rep.
David Brat (D-VA)
Kathleen
Parker
Hugh
Hewitt
Eugene
Robinson
Nathan
Gonzalez
Todd:
OMG both sides are so extreme!
Todd:
Bernie Sanders is a crazy liberal
and
the GOP forced out Boehner and McCarthy
Todd:
the GOP split has finally
exploded
wide open!
Todd:
first the crazies forced out
Eric
Cantor and then John Boehner
– what
is happening?
Todd:
can Paul Ryan take over
and
stop this madness?
Todd:
but conservatives hate Paul Ryan
for
backing the Bush Bailout
Todd:
the GOP has the biggest majority
since
the 1920s and can get anything done
Voter:
they're all squishes!
Voter:
they're RINOs!
Voter:
they're all liberal lite!
Voter:
they promise to be
conservatives
and then drink the
water
and turn into liberal zombies
Trump:
I drove John Boehner out!
Todd:
Eric Brat drove out Eric Cantor
for
being too soft and Charlie Dent
is
a non-crazy Republican
Todd:
welcome gentlemen –
please
feel free to fight
Todd:
Brat let's start with you and
your
lunatic buddies – what do you want?
Brat:
we have $100 trillion in
unfunded liabilities!
Todd:
okay
Brat:
the American people want
us
to cut Social Security!
Todd:
got it
Brat:
we also want to expel all immigrants
Todd:
anything else
Brat:
we'd like to repeal rules
on
clean air and clean water
Dent:
I understand what the Brat is
saying but we still have to pay our debts
Brat:
no!
Todd:
no?
Brat:
the American people want
us
to slash spending!
Todd:
I'm sure
Brat:
the elite orchestrate chaos on
purpose
so the Beltway class can
spend
more and more
Todd:
okay but you conservatives
are
not even a majority of Republicans
Brat:
yes we do – there are 153 of us!
Todd:
how nice for you
Brat:
even John Maynard Keynes said
you
have pay off the debt in the rich good
economic
years like we've had under Obama
Dent:
stop whining you idiot
Todd:
strong words Charlie
Dent:
sorry but these assholes piss me off
Hewitt:
a pox on both of you!
Hewitt:
fie on ye jackanapes!
Hewitt:
the world is on fire!
Hewitt:
how dare you paralyze
Congress
with the world at war!
Brat:
fuck you Hugh
Hewitt:
why don't you support
Paul
Ryan and end the Syrian civil war?
Dent:
hey I support Paul Ryan you dipshit
Robinson:
isn't the Freedom Caucus
wrecking
the fortunes of the
Republican party?
Brat:
yes but it doesn't matter –
eleven
years America will cease to exist!
Todd:
well okay then
Brat:
I represent the American people
– Charlie
Dent represents lobbyists
Dent:
suck my dick you you goatish measle
Brat:
piss off you churlish knave
Dent:
the world is on fire and
you
want to shut down the government
you
mewling half-wit
Brat:
you support Nancy Pelosi
ye
craven bootlicker
Dent:
you sided with Pelosi on trade
and
the budget you qualing lunkhead
Brat:
that fawning rat-face backed
Pelosi
on the Ex-Im bank!
Dent:
I want to use Congress to save jobs
in
Pennsylvania unlike that villianous unchin
Brat:
that's crony capitalism
you
beslubbering wench
Todd:
what about Kevin McCarthy?
Brat:
I love that inarticulate squish
Parker:
do I get to talk?
Todd:
no
[
break ]
Todd:
omg Clinton has a huge lead in
Iowa
but if we pretend Biden is running
she
has a smaller lead!
Todd:
same thing in New Hampshire!
Todd:
Biden hurts Clinton!
Todd:
if Biden runs would the
front
runner be Bernie Sanders?
Parker:
Todd I beg you – get some therapy
[
break ]
Parker:
Todd:
omg the Democrats are
going to
debate and Hillary is
maybe possibly losing!
Todd:
welcome Bernie Sanders
Sanders:
nice to see you Chet
Todd:
how can you change
Washington
if Barak Obama couldn't?
Sanders:
I respect Obama and he
fixed the economy
Todd:
okay
Sanders:
but first we have
crush
the corporate media
Todd:
hey hey hey watch it buddy
Sanders:
millions of people have
to
fight the media and the top 1%
Todd:
how do you do that?
Sanders:
with millions of followers!
Todd:
how do your ideas past
the
Republican Congress?
Sanders:
increase voter turnout
and
create political revolution
Todd:
um okay
Sanders:
we will make the GOP look
out
the window and see a million young
people
marching on Washington and they
will be terrified
Todd:
Obama tried that with his
young
followers and nothing happened
Sanders:
yes but Obama is too nice
and
tried to work with GOP but they
never
intended to give him anything
Todd:
true enough
Sanders:
look I'll probably lose but
if
I win I will have started the revolution
Todd:
please bash Hillary Clinton for me
Sanders:
I respect and like Clinton
Todd:
Senator don't make ask again
Sanders:
you're either with Big Money or you're against Big Money
Todd:
I'm definitely with them
Sanders:
for 25 years I've said
we
should be break up the banks
Todd:
you're saying Hillary Clinton
cannot be trusted!
cannot be trusted!
Sanders:
no I'm not
Todd:
that's what I heard
Sanders:
I opposed the keystone
pipeline
because you don't end
global
warming by encouraging drilling
Todd:
what about the big trade deal
Sanders:
I've opposed all trade agreements
Todd:
could you ever support any
trade agreements?
Sanders:
we're in a race to the bottom!
Todd:
Sanders:
this agreement was
written
Wall Street and Big Pharma
– we
need to protect the environment
Todd:
so who should write the agreements?
Sanders:
Big Bird
Todd:
you've never supported
any
trade agreement
Sanders:
correct
Todd:
what about Syria?
Sanders:
it's a quagmire inside of a quagmire
Todd:
fascinating
Sanders:
we should focus on ISIS
Todd:
but you didn't support Obama on fighting ISIS
Sanders:
because I don't want the U.S.
sucked
into a land war in Asia
Todd:
all right
Sanders:
let the House of Saud get their hands dirty
Todd:
I don't think that's a problem
Sanders:
they have a huge defense budget!
Todd:
you want Saudia Arabia
to
puts troops on the ground
Sanders:
darn right
Todd:
you're okay with drones
Sanders:
drones are just a tool
Todd:
but you would use
a
drone to kill a terrorist?
Sanders:
sure thing
Todd:
you're a moderate on guns
Sanders:
I voted for background checks!
Todd:
okay then
Sanders:
I support common sense
gun
reform and addressing mental health
Todd:
how radical you are
Sanders:
I am!
Todd:
you're going to make us all socialists
Sanders:
I have a pair of
pajamas
just for you chuck!
Todd:
are you a capitalist?
Sanders:
no!
Todd:
oh really
Sanders:
I'm a democratic socialist
Todd:
who are you considering
for
your Vice President
Sanders:
why – do you need a job?
Todd:
seriously
Sanders:
seriously – do you
expect
me to answer that?
Todd:
no
Todd:
Sanders:
okay then
[
break ]
Todd:
Clinton is a total flip flopper!
She
even supports gay marriage!
Clinton:
the trade deal doesn't
meet
my high standards
Todd:
but Clinton supported the
TPP in her book!
Todd:
are you a calculating flip-flopper?
Clinton:
no I change my mind
based
on new facts
Todd:
she's a flip-flopper isn't she?
Parker:
of course – but maybe she
really did
change her mind because
of new information
Todd:
you disappoint me Kathy
Gonzales:
Democrats think
Clinton
will win the White House
Todd:
just like Mitt Romney
who
went on to lose!
Hewitt:
Clinton is a criminal and
a
disaster and she will lose
Robinson:
yeah okay whatever Hugh
Todd:
first McCarthy says
the
Benghazi committee was just for
getting
Hillary and now this this fired
aide
says the same thing
Hewitt:
I love the Benghazi committee!
Peter
Hart: Biden should run
for
one term and unite America
Parker:
Obama tried that and
yet
Alabama is still racist
Parker:
the one-term thing is a good idea
Todd:
I'm told if Biden doesn't run
then
he won't be running
Gonzales:
Democrats love Joe Biden
but
want Clinton to be President
Todd:
what about GOP on GOP violence?
Hewitt:
General McChrystal and
Bill
Kristol and Codi Rice should
unite
the GOP in a cocoon of crazy
Parker:
Paul Ryan is liked and brainy
but
the crazies will destroy him
Robinson:
if Ryan is the future of
the
GOP – why would they want to
ruin this poor lamb
Parker:
Trump for Speaker –
he'll
knock skulls around
Todd:
what we don't talk about
when
we don't talk about Ted Cruz
Gonzales:
Ted Cruz is more likely to be
President
than Donald Trump because
on
paper he appeals to the right wing
Todd:
but not in reality
Robinson:
Cruz is plausible
but
he's not an outsider
Parker:
he's outsider enough
to
be widely hated
Todd:
Cruz can still win though!
Todd:
we are still on the verge
of
a Cruz Moment – mark my words
Todd:
omg Mike Bloomberg didn't
completely
rule out running for President!
Audience:
bangs head on desk
Todd:
rule outbreak
Bloomberg:
I'm not running for President
Todd:
it wasn't Sherman-esque!
Gonzales:
dude he's not running
Todd:
sure he's not –
but
it's fun to talk about
Hewitt:
I hope Bloomberg runs
– the
gun lobby will kill him
Todd:
but not literally
Robinson:
this is stupid –
he
can't possibly get elected
Todd:
doesn't this prove Clinton is weak?
Parker:
yes – she's terrible
Todd:
Sanders and Trump are crazy –
there
is an opening for the middle centrists!
Gonzales:
oh baloney
Parker:
Obama is an extremist
who
alienates independents
Hewitt:
the whole world is at war!
Todd:
and that's another
episode
of Meet the Press
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