Sunday, January 11, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – January 11, 2015

Martha Raddatz
Terry Moran
Pierre Thomas
Attorney General Eric Holder
Gerard Aruad – French Amb. to the U.S.
Fmr. NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly
Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC)
Chair Senate Intelligence Committee


Stephanopoulos: OMG terror in Paris!

Audience: eek

Stephanopoulos: France is at war!

Moran: the whole nation is declaring non
- we will not live in fear!

Stephanopoulos: vive la france

Moran: there is a huge crowd here George

Stephanopoulos: impressive

Moran: there are memorials to the dead
but Muslims are afraid of a backlash

Stephanopoulos: I can see that

Widow: my husband belonged to everyone

Moran: the killer's girlfriend is in Syria!

Stephanopoulos: Martha talk terror to me

Raddatz: the killer was given money  
by al-Qaeda in Yemen

Stephanopoulos: wow

Raddatz; he was trained in Yemen  
which is where all the best young 
aspiring terrorists go

Stephanopoulos: is that the one 
with the monkey bars?

Raddatz: it's where the underwear
bomber learned his mad skills

Stephanopoulos: sounds like 
a crack operation

Raddatz: I even visited the school
in Yemen where they train terrorists

Stephanopoulos: you get all the
choice assignments Martha

Raddatz: I found the Paris terrorist's
old locker and his yearbook where other
murderers wrote 'best friends forever' and
'keep in touch' and 'good luck in Paris!'

Stephanopoulos: good research Martha

Raddatz: he was voted Mostly Likely
to Commit Murder Over a Cartoon

Stephanopoulos: good call there

Stephanopoulos: the U.S. has bombed
Yemen 100 times - what will it 
take to destroy al-qaeda there?

Raddatz: more bombs?

Stephanopoulos: thanks Martha

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Mr. Holder

Holder: Hi George

Stephanopoulos: who is behind 
the Paris attacks?

Holder: we're looking into it

Stephanopoulos: what about
American sleeper cells?!?

Holder: well George there's
no evidence for that

Stephanopoulos: which country will the
U.S. invade for this French attack?

Holder: we have many options George

Stephanopoulos: who's the leading candidate?

Holder: France – we've done it before
and got some good movies out of it

Stephanopoulos: how did these 
slip through the cracks?

Holder: hey we can't watch everyone 
all the time

Stephanopoulos: that's a poor excuse

Holder: we need to share more 
information with the French

Stephanopoulos: we could tell them
who the terrorists are and they could
give us some good recipes

Holder: sounds like a good deal to me

Stephanopoulos: the British head spy
says terrorists are planning mass attacks
and he needs more money and power

Holder: we need the people to stop terrorism 
– if you see something say something

Stephanopoulos: when is America 
going to be attacked?

Holder: we decimated core al-qaeda!

Stephanopoulos: if you say so

Holder: on the other hand all it takes
is one whacko to ruin it for everyone

Stephanopoulos: is the U.S. is at 
war with radical Islam?

Holder: we're at war with crazy people

Stephanopoulos: that covers a lot of ground

Holder: we're going to have a blue
ribbon panel summit to stop terrorism

Stephanopoulos: problem solved

Stephanopoulos: are you going arrest
General Petraeus for leaking secret
information to his girlfriend?

Holder: I can't say

Stephanopoulos: but John McCain and
Lindsey Graham say he's a hero
who should be above the law

Holder: yes I know

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: my condolences
for the attack on your country

Araud: thank you we're overwhelmed
by you the sentiments

Stephanopoulos: who was behind 
the attacks in your country?

Araud: zee bad guys

Stephanopoulos: what about sleeper cells?

Araud: zere are thousands of 
radicals in France

Stephanopoulos: giving away 
health care is pretty crazy

Araud: alors!

Stephanopoulos: so what happens next?

Araud: we will have more terrorist attacks
we are certain about that

Stephanopoulos: yikes

Araud: it is zee sad part of life

Stephanopoulos: so what do you do?

Araud: we must stop invading zee wrong
nations and work with zee muslims

Stephanopoulos: I see what you did there

Araud: France was attacked not
as France but as a Democracy

Stephanopoulos: will you finally attack
ISIS or al-Qaeda?

Araud: mon dieu - we have already
been attacking zese groups for years

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: how do you prevent
a terror attack on a peace rally?

Kelly: no one does a street 
 protest like the French

Stephanopoulos: I'm terrified Pierre

Thomas: you should be George – it's
a witch's brew and a really scary moment

Stephanopoulos: well now I'm  
positively petrified

Thomas: ISIS is masterful at getting
kids in their pajamas to pledge death
to their cause until they join and regret it

Stephanopoulos: it's the P90x of terror

Stephanopoulos: Ray how do you 
stop a lone wolf?

Kelly: you have spy on thousands of people
it's not easy but it is necessary

Stephanopoulos: Senator what should
I be scared of the most?

Burr: killers and murders and terrorists

Stephanopoulos: you warned we will
have one terror attack per week!

Burr: gosh darn right George

Stephanopoulos: will Hump Day be
replaced by Terror Attack Day?

Burr: we need to spy more!

Stephanopoulos: what else?

Burr: the French are allowed to
torture people and they were
still attacked! We're doomed!

Stephanopoulos: you say Obama 
is soft on terror

Burr: Eric Holder did use the 'war'
but only by accident because he's
a squishy appeasing liberal

Stephanopoulos: I hear you Aaron

Burr: this is a war on western civilization
we must thwart terror attacks!

Stephanopoulos: what a brave stance

Stephanopoulos: should General
Petraeus be prosecuted?

Burr: no because when he gave
away miltary secrets it was no big deal

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Burr: this is a war on western civilization
– we must thwart terror attacks!

Jenocide Rubin's latest post. Not kidding.

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