Host: Chuck Todd
Guests:
President
Barack Obama
Andrea
Mitchell
Michael
Leiter
Nia-Malika
Henderson
Joe
Scarborough
Amy
Walter
John
Stanton
Kevin
Tibbles
Mayor
Bill Peduto – (D) Pittsburgh
Mayor
Mick Cornett – (R) Oklahoma City
Mayor Marilyn Strickland – Tacoma
Todd:
wow I'm the 12th host of
Meet
The Press succeeding legends
like
Martha Roundtree and
Lawrence
Spivak and Tim Russert!
Audience:
don't forget Fluffy
Todd:
we're making some radical
changes
here on the show!
But
first I talk with Andrea Mitchell
and
Joe Scarborough
Todd:
my first show and I interviewed
a
guy who just happens to President
of the United States of America
Todd:
it's been a crazy summer
for
the President – a journalist was
beheaded
and he played golf and the
world
is spinning out of the control
of
the United States which is just wrong
Todd:
thanks for coming Mr President
Obama:
nice to see you chuck
but
what happened to fluffy
Todd:
there's no fluffy now – it's just me
Obama:
okay chucky
Todd:
first question – is the media
finally
going to get another war?
Obama:
well the good news is
the U.S.
does war really well
Todd:
that's true
Obama:
we're bombing ISIS and
now
all we have to do is create
a
functioning Iraqi government
Todd:
oh good
Obama:
this is not an invasion
of
Iraq – it's just part of
the big war
on terror
Todd:
what will you tell people this week?
Obama:
that ISIS is terrifying
and
hate us but not to worry we
will
kill many of them which
should
solve that problem
Todd:
people are scared
Obama:
they should be Todd
Todd:
yikes
Obama:
I will be asking
Congress for
resources
Todd:
will you ask for their
permission
to start a war?
Obama: I don't need their damn permission
Todd:
so you say
Obama:
but I will ask for buy-in so
that
can't say later they didn't support
it
if the mission turns into a disaster
Todd:
well really what are
the chances of that
Obama:
I'm confident we can
systematically
defeat ISIS
Todd:
you called ISIS a 'JV team'
Obama:
hey Michael Jordan was
on
his JV team and then he got better
Todd: so far in our conversation
you have not said the word 'Syria'
Obama: I said 'Syria' four times already
Todd: why rule out boots on
the ground when land invasions
are so much fun
Obama:
you know we can't invade
every
single country with terrorists
Todd:
okay but please
can't
we just invade Syria
Obama:
the U.S. cannot serially invade
every
nation in the middle east
Todd:
yeah but I heard if you
invade
nine nations the tenth is free
Obama:
in Iraq the boots on the ground
have
to be Iraqi boots and in Syria
the boots have to be Syrian boots
Todd: and in Funkytown the
boots have to be Kinky boots
Obama: exactly so
Todd:
which Syrians will
fight
for America?
Obama:
we're working on that
Todd: I hear you
Obama:
we have to develop
quietly
deadly totally trustworthy
Western-friendly
moderate Sunni allies
Todd:
where do we find them?
Obama:
in downtown Fantasyville in
Dreamland
at the corner of Unicorn
Court
and Leprechaun Lane
Todd:
the U.S. sells a lot of
military
hardware to Saudi Arabia
so
why don't they use it to kill ISIS?
Obama:
Sunni states have to
crack
down on extreme Sunnis
Todd:
are we going to make
a
deal with Assad?
Obama:
no our position on
Assad
is still that he's scum
Todd:
got it
Obama:
but we're not focused
on
Assad if you catch my drift
[
break ]
Todd:
panel what do you think?
Leiter:
ISIS is about to attack
America
so we must attack Syria!
[
pounds table ]
Mitchell:
the Saudis are really
mad
at Obama for not invading Syria
Todd:
Joe what does Obama
need to say this week on ISIS?
Scarborough:
I think he's laying
his
strategy out pretty well
Todd:
c'mon – bash Obama for me
Scarborough:
do I have to?
Todd:
well you weren't invited
on
for your charming personality
or sparkling wit
Scarborough:
what would
you
like to me so say?
Todd:
say Obama is poll-driven
Scarborough:
you in the
media
are very superficial
Henderson:
Congress is very
hawkish
but on the other hand
they
oppose everything Obama
does
so it's a real problem for them
[
break ]
Todd:
you delayed not deporting
people
for political reasons
Obama:
no I've always said we
need
to have a path to citizenship
and
the Senate even passed it but it
died in the House like John Boehner's dignity
Todd:
but your decision looks political
Obama:
the problem is we saw
all
these little brown children on tv
crossing
the border and the
American
people got terrified
Todd:
Americans are also panicking
about
Ebola killing everyone in America
Obama:
they should not be scared short-term
Todd:
so they should be scared long-term?
Obama:
no but we are going to
get
the U.S. military to bomb ebola
Todd:
can you bomb ebola?
Obama:
if we don't the virus mutates
and
comes here and next thing you
know
we're living in the zombie apocalypse
which
sounds like fun until you go for
your
morning coffee and the shop is
full
of the undead trying to eat your brains
Todd:
look at the flowers
Obama:
don't go there Chucky
Todd:
what the hell difference does it
make
who is technically in charge
of
a useless deadlocked Senate?
Obama:
there are still differences
between the parties – minimum
wage
equal pay, family leave, student
loans
building roads and bridges
Todd:
you're not passing any any of that now
Obama:
because the House is Republican
Todd:
and it will be for the next two years
Obama:
but it's still good to have a
lame
Democratic Senate to foster
all
those exciting debates on C-SPAN
Todd:
but I'm arguing it still doesn't
matter
who runs the Senate
Obama:
but if Democrats keep the Senate
it
sends the message that endlessly
obstructing
my agenda is a losing proposition
Todd:
if you say so
[
break ]
Todd:
Obama says if the Democrats
gain
seats the message will be the
Republicans
in the House should
work with him
Scarborough:
that's all very good but
Clinton
was overwhelmingly re-elected
and
the GOP impeached him
Stanton:
the reality is this
election doesn't matter
Todd:
you can't say that –
this
is a political talk show!
Stanton:
ha ha ha sorry Todd
Todd:
everyone is mad at Obama
for
not deciding to not-deport people
Walter:
amnesty would
really boost the GOP base
Scarborough:
I doubt this decision
to put
off non-deportation really
helps
the Democrats
Todd:
but the truth is there aren't
really
that many hispanic voters
Henderson:
I've noticed that
Walter:
but there will be in the future
Todd:
that's not good for the Republicans
Walter:
heh no it's not Chuck
Scarborough:
oh man
[
break ]
Todd:
Cities are thriving!
Kevin Tibbles talk
urban et orbit for us
Tibbles:
cities are 'putting partisanship aside'
and
'rolling up their sleeves' and
'getting
stuff done'
Audience:
and 'using cliches'
Tibbles:
Oklahoma City was wrecked
by
the 1995 bombing and tornadoes
Cornett:
we finally said you know we
have
to invest in ourselves and so
we
raised taxes and re-built this city
Tibbles:
on rock and roll?
Cornett:
on a sales tax
Tibbles:
you even got the NBA Thunder
Cornett:
we're on fire and didn't
get
any help from Washington
Tibbles:
there are no red potholes or
blue
potholes there is only the
united
states of potholes
Strickland:
it's about 'resilience'
and 'rebuilding'
Todd:
and money from Bill Gates
Strickland:
that helps too
Todd:
what do you need from
Washington D.C.?
Peduto:
they need to let us creative
Mayors
'take charge' and 'get the job done'
and
not engage in political 'bickering'
Todd:
Mick you're a Republican but
you
didn't cut taxes you raised taxes
Audience:
cut me mick cut me
Cornett:
Republican voters will support
raising
taxes if it pays for something
they
can see and touch like a building
or
a road but not something less
tangible like
not welfare for lazy people
Strickland:
politicians should not
'get
bogged down in partisanship'
Todd:
easy to say though
Peduto:
you have to 'move forward'
and
'compromise' and 'get things done'
Todd:
amazing
Todd:
before we break look
at
this cool touch screen with
polls
show Democrats running
behind
in red states but ahead in Colorado
probably
because they're all smoking pot
[
break ]
Todd:
everyone says you look terrible
– are
you exhausted?
Obama:
I don't get enough sleep because
there's
always someone somewhere
in
the world that expects America to
jump
in and solve all their problems
Todd:
you were on vacation and
played
golf after an American
was beheaded
Obama:
I'd love a vacation from the press
Todd:
you'll get one in two and half years
Obama:
the press knows better
but
I should have anticipated how
shallow
the media are and how
obsessed
with trivia and theater they are
Todd:
darn right
Obama:
the important thing
is getting
policy right
[ break ]
Todd:
panel the President was
talking optics
but he doesn't
like it and isn't
good at it
Henderson:
he was pretty good
at at
optics in 2007 and 2008
Scarborough:
Nixon bombed Cambodia
and
ate peanut butter sandwiches so
Obama
should be able to play golf if he wants
Todd:
he didn't say he shouldn't play golf
he
said he should have realized the media
would
be petty about him playing golf
Stanton:
Obama doesn't understand
that
Americans care about how much
golf
he plays and don't like to see him
play golf he also doesn't understand
but also that they don't care and
get
that's it all phony optics talk
Scarborough:
people say he doesn't
understand
optics but he was elected
President
of the United States twice
which
isn't too shabby
Walter:
Obama is probably thinking
'I
ordered ISIS bombed on the
fifteenth
green so what the fuck?'
Todd:
Hillary Clinton is running isn't she
Walter:
yes
Henderson:
she's going to
announce
in the late winter of 2015
Todd:
she's going to use the winter
to
freeze everyone else out
Scarborough:
I hate to be the thick
one
on the panel but I'm not convinced
Hillary
Clinton is going to run
Stanton:
she's should stop
teasing
people – she should
announce
already!
Scarborough:
her book tour
was
a disaster!
Todd:
and that's another
episode of Meet The
Press
3 comments:
Well, I'm still going to leaving watching Meat The Press to you.
~
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