Sunday, September 07, 2014

Meet The Press – September 7, 2014

Host: Chuck Todd
President Barack Obama
Andrea Mitchell
Michael Leiter
Nia-Malika Henderson
Joe Scarborough
Amy Walter
John Stanton
Kevin Tibbles
Mayor Bill Peduto – (D) Pittsburgh
Mayor Mick Cornett – (R) Oklahoma City
Mayor Marilyn Strickland – Tacoma

Todd: wow I'm the 12th host of
Meet The Press succeeding legends
like Martha Roundtree and
Lawrence Spivak and Tim Russert!

Audience: don't forget Fluffy

Todd: we're making some radical
changes here on the show!
But first I talk with Andrea Mitchell
and Joe Scarborough

Todd: my first show and I interviewed
a guy who just happens to President 
of the United States of America

Todd: it's been a crazy summer
for the President – a journalist was
beheaded and he played golf and the
world is spinning out of the control
of the United States which is just wrong

Todd: thanks for coming Mr President

Obama: nice to see you chuck
but what happened to fluffy

Todd: there's no fluffy now – it's just me

Obama: okay chucky

Todd: first question – is the media
finally going to get another war?

Obama: well the good news is 
the U.S. does war really well

Todd: that's true

Obama: we're bombing ISIS and
now all we have to do is create
a functioning Iraqi government

Todd: oh good

Obama: this is not an invasion
of Iraq it's just part of 
the big war on terror

Todd: what will you tell people this week?

Obama: that ISIS is terrifying
and hate us but not to worry we
will kill many of them which
should solve that problem

Todd: people are scared

Obama: they should be Todd

Todd: yikes

Obama: I will be asking 
Congress for resources

Todd: will you ask for their
permission to start a war?

Obama: I don't need their damn permission

Todd: so you say

Obama: but I will ask for buy-in so
that can't say later they didn't support
it if the mission turns into a disaster

Todd: well really what are 
the chances of that

Obama: I'm confident we can
systematically defeat ISIS

Todd: you called ISIS a 'JV team'

Obama: hey Michael Jordan was
on his JV team and then he got better

Todd: so far in our conversation 
you have not said the word 'Syria' 

Obama: I said 'Syria' four times already

Todd: why rule out boots on 
the ground when land invasions 
are so much fun

Obama: you know we can't invade
every single country with terrorists

Todd: okay but please
can't we just invade Syria

Obama: the U.S. cannot serially invade
every nation in the middle east

Todd: yeah but I heard if you
invade nine nations the tenth is free

Obama: in Iraq the boots on the ground
have to be Iraqi boots and in Syria 
the boots have to be Syrian boots 

Todd: and in Funkytown the 
boots have to be Kinky boots

Obama: exactly so 

Todd: which Syrians will
fight for America?

Obama: we're working on that

Todd: I hear you 

Obama: we have to develop
quietly deadly totally trustworthy
Western-friendly moderate Sunni allies

Todd: where do we find them?

Obama: in downtown Fantasyville in
Dreamland at the corner of Unicorn
Court and Leprechaun Lane

Todd: the U.S. sells a lot of
military hardware to Saudi Arabia
so why don't they use it to kill ISIS?

Obama: Sunni states have to
crack down on extreme Sunnis

Todd: are we going to make
a deal with Assad?

Obama: no our position on
Assad is still that he's scum

Todd: got it

Obama: but we're not focused
on Assad if you catch my drift

[ break ]

Todd: panel what do you think?

Leiter: ISIS is about to attack
America so we must attack Syria!
[ pounds table ]

Mitchell: the Saudis are really
mad at Obama for not invading Syria

Todd: Joe what does Obama 
need to say this week on ISIS?

Scarborough: I think he's laying
his strategy out pretty well

Todd: c'mon – bash Obama for me

Scarborough: do I have to?

Todd: well you weren't invited
on for your charming personalit
or sparkling wit

Scarborough: what would
you like to me so say?

Todd: say Obama is poll-driven

Scarborough: you in the
media are very superficial

Henderson: Congress is very
hawkish but on the other hand
they oppose everything Obama
does so it's a real problem for them

[ break ]

Todd: you delayed not deporting
people for political reasons

Obama: no I've always said we
need to have a path to citizenship
and the Senate even passed it but it
died in the House like John Boehner's dignity

Todd: but your decision looks political

Obama: the problem is we saw
all these little brown children on tv
crossing the border and the
American people got terrified

Todd: Americans are also panicking
about Ebola killing everyone in America

Obama: they should not be scared short-term

Todd: so they should be scared long-term?

Obama: no but we are going to
get the U.S. military to bomb ebola

Todd: can you bomb ebola?

Obama: if we don't the virus mutates
and comes here and next thing you
know we're living in the zombie apocalypse
which sounds like fun until you go for
your morning coffee and the shop is
full of the undead trying to eat your brains

Todd: look at the flowers

Obama: don't go there Chucky

Todd: what the hell difference does it
make who is technically in charge
of a useless deadlocked Senate?

Obama: there are still differences
between the parties – minimum wage 
equal pay, family leave, student loans 
building roads and bridges

Todd: you're not passing any any of that now

Obama: because the House is Republican

Todd: and it will be for the next two years

Obama: but it's still good to have a
lame Democratic Senate to foster
all those exciting debates on C-SPAN

Todd: but I'm arguing it still doesn't
matter who runs the Senate

Obama: but if Democrats keep the Senate
it sends the message that endlessly
obstructing my agenda is a losing proposition

Todd: if you say so

[ break ]

Todd: Obama says if the Democrats
gain seats the message will be the
Republicans in the House should 
work with him

Scarborough: that's all very good but
Clinton was overwhelmingly re-elected
and the GOP impeached him

Stanton: the reality is this 
election doesn't matter

Todd: you can't say that –
this is a political talk show!

Stanton: ha ha ha sorry Todd

Todd: everyone is mad at Obama
for not deciding to not-deport people

Walter: amnesty would 
really boost the GOP base

Scarborough: I doubt this decision
to put off non-deportation really
helps the Democrats

Todd: but the truth is there aren't
really that many hispanic voters

Henderson: I've noticed that

Walter: but there will be in the future

Todd: that's not good for the Republicans

Walter: heh no it's not Chuck

Scarborough: oh man

[ break ]

Todd: Cities are thriving! 
Kevin Tibbles talk urban et orbit for us

Tibbles: cities are 'putting partisanship aside'
and 'rolling up their sleeves' and
'getting stuff done'

Audience: and 'using cliches'

Tibbles: Oklahoma City was wrecked
by the 1995 bombing and tornadoes

Cornett: we finally said you know we
have to invest in ourselves and so
we raised taxes and re-built this city

Tibbles: on rock and roll?

Cornett: on a sales tax

Tibbles: you even got the NBA Thunder

Cornett: we're on fire and didn't
get any help from Washington

Tibbles: there are no red potholes or
blue potholes there is only the
united states of potholes

Strickland: it's about 'resilience' 
and 'rebuilding'

Todd: and money from Bill Gates

Strickland: that helps too

Todd: what do you need from 
Washington D.C.?

Peduto: they need to let us creative
Mayors 'take charge' and 'get the job done'
and not engage in political 'bickering'

Todd: Mick you're a Republican but
you didn't cut taxes you raised taxes

Audience: cut me mick cut me

Cornett: Republican voters will support
raising taxes if it pays for something
they can see and touch like a building
or a road but not something less 
tangible like not welfare for lazy people

Strickland: politicians should not
'get bogged down in partisanship'

Todd: easy to say though

Peduto: you have to 'move forward'
and 'compromise' and 'get things done'

Todd: amazing

Todd: before we break look
at this cool touch screen with
polls show Democrats running
behind in red states but ahead in Colorado
probably because they're all smoking pot

[ break ]

Todd: everyone says you look terrible
are you exhausted?

Obama: I don't get enough sleep because
there's always someone somewhere
in the world that expects America to
jump in and solve all their problems

Todd: you were on vacation and
played golf after an American was beheaded

Obama: I'd love a vacation from the press

Todd: you'll get one in two and half years

Obama: the press knows better
but I should have anticipated how
shallow the media are and how
obsessed with trivia and theater they are

Todd: darn right

Obama: the important thing 
is getting policy right

[ break ]

Todd: panel the President was 
talking optics but he doesn't 
like it and isn't good at it

Henderson: he was pretty good 
at at optics in 2007 and 2008

Scarborough: Nixon bombed Cambodia
and ate peanut butter sandwiches so
Obama should be able to play golf if he wants

Todd: he didn't say he shouldn't play golf
he said he should have realized the media
would be petty about him playing golf

Stanton: Obama doesn't understand
that Americans care about how much
golf he plays and don't like to see him
play golf he also doesn't understand 
but also that they don't care and
get that's it all phony optics talk

Scarborough: people say he doesn't
understand optics but he was elected
President of the United States twice
which isn't too shabby

Walter: Obama is probably thinking
'I ordered ISIS bombed on the
fifteenth green so what the fuck?'

Todd: Hillary Clinton is running isn't she

Walter: yes

Henderson: she's going to
announce in the late winter of 2015

Todd: she's going to use the winter
to freeze everyone else out

Scarborough: I hate to be the thick
one on the panel but I'm not convinced
Hillary Clinton is going to run

Stanton: she's should stop
teasing people – she should
announce already!

Scarborough: her book tour
was a disaster!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Well, I'm still going to leaving watching Meat The Press to you.