Sec. John Kerry (State)
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN)
Rep. Donna Edwards (D-MD)
Gregory: OMG John Kerry did not
make a deal to end Iran nuclear arms
Gregory: Hi John
Kerry: Hi David
Gregory: can you make a deal with Iran?
Kerry: yes – we just need to
hammer out the modalities
Gregory: what does that mean?
Kerry: we use what I call 'exhaust diplomacy'
Gregory: what is that?
Kerry: where I keep talking until you are
exhausted and agree to give up your
entire nuclear program and also
throw in a plate of hummus
Gregory: is Iran playing games while
they plan to nuke Martha's vineyard
and will that impact my property values?
Kerry: no we just need to work on the
wording of the agreement – you know
this is serious business Fluffy!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah
Kerry: remember this is a new
Iran government – we need time
Gregory: but I want a deal now!
Kerry: there's no rush – we need to get it right
Gregory: Bibi wants to crush Iran
before we can lift sanctions
Kerry: well he's an idiot
Gregory: perhaps but I like him
Kerry: let me be perfectly clear –
we have to two deals – a current architecture
deal and the hopefully another guarantee
deal for a non-growing nuclear program
Gregory: thanks for being perfectly clear
Kerry: look it's not to much to ask to try
diplomacy before we start another war
Gregory: what's the rush – why not
punish Iran some more?
Kerry: Fluffy the point of sanctions
is not to make Iranians suffer
Gregory: what's the point of being a big
empire if you can't inflict a little needless
suffering now and then?
Kerry: sure – but the reason to have
the sanctions is to bring them to
the negotiating table – well here they are
Gregory: but punishing Iranians is so fun
Kerry: don't worry we are doing that
but also trying to achieve something
Gregory: I'm worried that you and Obama
are being suckered by these wily Persians
Kerry: you're a moron
Gregory: but you're not skeptical!
Kerry: you're one to talk about being skeptical
Kerry: look Fluffy we're not stupid
Gregory: but you're rushing into a bad deal
Kerry: you moron we didn't even make a deal!
Gregory: you're weak!
Kerry: shut up Fluffers
Gregory: Obama is weak and abandons
friends and allows Syria to commit murder
and is reluctant to use America's
awesome military power
Kerry: Hey stupid – Obama was the one
who wanted to bomb Syria and Republicans
got skittish and told him not to use force –
do you even remember that?!?
Gregory: but Obama is weak and
Republicans are strong
Kerry: Ask Qaddafi and bin Laden about that
Gregory: but Republicans are manly
and Democrats are weak!
Kerry: that's mythology you dumbass
Gregory: you said you don't think
Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone
Kerry: I'm Secretary of State and can't say more
Gregory: but do you think it was the CIA,
the mafia, the USSR or Cuba?
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: what about Iran?
Corker: clearly Iran is about to build a
nuclear bomb and Obama doesn't care
Corker: Obama is about to give
away the store because he wants
to give muslims a bomb
Gregory: so should we have more sanctions?
Corker: I don't trust those wily Arabs
Gregory: I don't blame you
Corker: all of us want to see diplomacy
but Barack Obama is always ready to
jump in the arms of terrorists
Gregory: we all know that
Corker: think about it – if Obama eases
sanctions it will like when Obama
gave North Korea the bomb and
they nuked Topeka
Gregory: they did?
Corker: I think I saw it on '60 Minutes'
[ break ]
Gregory: Welcome Chris -- there
is a lot of excitement about
you all over America!
Christie: I know David!
Gregory: how can you impact the country?
Christie: people want politicians to
get the job done and that's what I do
Gregory: clearly you are a shy man
but can you save the Republican party?
Christie: look I am much too modest
to talk about those things
Gregory: give it a try
Christie: if you go to black people
and talk to them they may even listen to you
Christie: I know!
Gregory: you would lose to Hillary
Clinton in New Jersey
Christie: it's a blue state and I'm
a Republican – suck it!
Christie: blacks, hispanics, students,
young people – they all voted for me
Gregory: are you a moderate or a conservative?
Christie: we added over 140,000 jobs
Gregory: that's not much in a state of 6 million
Christie: fuck you Fluffy!
Gregory: the Wall Street Journal points
out you have a terrible jobs record
Christie: but we cut business taxes
Gregory: but it didn't work
Christie: look stupid if I had done a
good job I wouldn't have run again
Gregory: sound logic indeed
Gregory: what about Obamacare?
Christie: I knew Obamacare would fail
that's why I didn't set up state-run exchanges
Gregory: that makes perfect sense
Christie: I have boldly called on Obama
to tell the truth – I always tell the
people in New Jersey the hard truths!
Gregory: like what happened with New Jersey
transit trains during Superstorm Sandy?
Christie: if you ask me that again I
promise I will rip off your goddamn
head and piss on your brain
Gregory: okay okay
Christie: don't push me Fluffy
[ break ]
Gregory: Joe do you think Chris Christie
would marry me if I asked him?
Scarborough: I miss Colin Powell
and Ronald Reagan
Gregory: so do I
Scarborough: Republicans need to stop
attacking each and start getting together
and winning like a football team
Gregory: which one is Richie Incognito?
Halperin: Chris Christie is magical –
and he's a leader – he's like
Albus Dumbledore meets Tony Soprano
Goodwin: Christie is just like Teddy Roosevelt
– both were blunt, fighters and
were called communists by other Republicans
Edwards: he's not President yet
Gregory: why are you anti-Christie Donna?
Gregory: I'm bored with praising Christie
– let's bash Obama
Scarborough: Obama botched the website!
Goodwin: both sides are rooting the
other side to fail and people are hurt
Gregory: Obama apologized!
Mark Halperin is that enough?
Halperin: not to overstate the case but
Obama's entire Presidency is on the line
in the next few days – it will be a total
failure if he can't get the tea party like
him in the next ten days
Gregory: what happens if Obamacare fails?
What is the plan for that?
Edwards: what happens when people
realize David Gregory is full of it? What's the plan?
Scarborough: I try not to be partisan and
Republicans will tell you that I am not partisan
Gregory: oh sure
Scarborough: but Obama rammedthe individual mandate
down Republicans' throats
Gregory: Kerry says Lee Oswald
may not have acted alone
Goodwin: we have a need to believe
in a conspiracy to give the assassination
a larger meaning
Gregory: that's somewhat patronizing
Goodwin: although my husband
thinks it was the mafia and I think
it was the New York Yankees
Gregory: Joe I am so thrilled to cover
your book about we can help the
Republican party thrive
Scarborough: I'm thrilled too David
Gregory: we've got to help the
Republican party win!
Scarborough: we've got to come up
with a big agenda and big plans and
stop electing amateurs
Gregory: sadly Americans do like
Scarborough: we used to win Presidential
elections easily – because people trusted
Republicans to be strong and smart
and show good judgment
Gregory: now – not so much
Scarborough: right – if we don't change
Obama and Hillary Clinton will have
16 years to choose Supreme Court
justices and that will transform
politics for 50 years
Gregory: you sound worried
Scarborough: I love the shutdown but it
was bad tactics – like running the
football on 4th and 31 because
you think it makes you more of a man
Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press