Sen. Lindsay Graham
Michele Flournoy – Fmr. Under Sec. Of Defense
Gregory: OMG we might go to war with North Korea
Audience: oh shit
Gregory: Senator are we going about to have
a war with North Korea and will it be one of
the fun ones or one of the fuck-ups?
Graham: Obama is doing the right thing by
playing it cool but carrying a really big stick
Gregory: we have 28,000 troops in Korea
not including wacky prank-pulling doctors
Graham: let me tell ya Fluffy -
politicians in South Korea are tired
of being jerked around
Gregory: what happens if there is a war?
Graham: we will kick some commie ass!
Gregory: I like it
Graham: Kim Jong-Un has overplayed
his crazy hand on this one
Gregory: you're getting all worked up Lindsay
Graham: The Chinese are propping up this
crazy regime because they don't want
a unified Korea – darn right I'm miffed
Gregory: you used to suppoprt arming
the resistance in Syria – do you still feel that way?
Graham: before we arm the rebels I want
to them to promise never to use chemical
weapons or become terrorists in 10 years
Gregory: a sound plan indeed
Graham: we could lose the King of Jordan!
Gregory: like we already lost the King of Prussia
Graham: you have grasped my point keenly David
[ break ]
Gregory: panel what is going on in Korea?
Richardson: Kim is testing the new
South Korean President like they do
every time there is a new President
Gregory: who doesn't love standardized tests
Richardson: the World Bank should threaten
to withhold shipments of grain and NBA players
Flournoy: when you fly B-2s everything
looks like something you should bomb
Richardson: we have thousands McDonald's
and KFC's at risk there
Gregory: If they attack the Taco Bell in
Seoul I will demand war
Mitchell: next week John Kerry and I will
ask China to put pressure on North Korea
Gregory: oh my
Mitchell: 35 million people live a mile
away from this crazy person
Gregory: which is more dangerous –
Iran or North Korea?
Graham: South Korea is mad as hell
and they are not going to take it anymore
Flournoy: have you ever see B-2 in flight
– it's a beautiful sight
Mitchell: Kim never keeps his promises
– it's so irritating
Richardson: North Korea might export
nuclear materials to Iran – now that's
some scary shit
Gregory: Linds were you pleased that
Obama offered chained CPI
Graham: yes – we are finally close
to a grand bargain!
Gregory: those two words send a thrill up in me
Graham: the President is showing a little leg here
Gregory: I'm getting all tingly
Graham: if Obama offered chain CPI wemay agree
to cut taxes for the rich and raise them for the poor
Gregory: I'm squeeing!
Graham: I will surrender and accept a flatter tax code
Gregory: so you are offering higher taxes?
Graham: yes by cutting taxes – otherwise we
will become Greece but with more ruined cities
Gregory: what about immigration?
Graham: Mitt Romney was a nice guy but a moron
Gregory: we all know that
Graham: if we let 11 million people stay
in the country Democrats have to give us a
guest worker program and a militarized border
Mitchell: what about Saint Marco Rubio?
Graham: who the hell cares about
that dry-mouthed dweeb
Mitchell: I care
Richardson: what does closing the border
have to do with hard-working people
who have lived here for years
Graham: we're being overrun by
poor and corrupt illiterate brown
people pedro - as god is my witness
we will close this border
Gregory: can Hilary Clinton be beaten in 2016?
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG Hillary Clinton is going to
run for President isn't she?!
Mitchell: yes but she was recently upstaged
by that loveable weirdo Joe Biden
Gregory: that's hilarious
Mitchell: James Carville is hanging around –
she's getting the band back together!
Maggie Haberman: the big question is
has she learned enough not hire Mark Penn again?
Murphy: of course she's running for President
– but can she win?
Gregory: Carville says Democrats should fall
in line behind Hillary right now
Richardson: we both lost to Obama so
what the hell do I know
Gregory: that's a good point
Richardson: even Republicans like Hillary Clinton
Gregory: but Benghazi!!
Mitchell: is she a good manager or
will she screw it up again?
Murphy: being invincible only makes
everyone want to take a shot at you
Mitchell: women really want to see
a female President
Haberman: women got some
unfinished business here!
Gregory: will the nation want to relive the
Clinton years and Iraq and Benghazi
Murphy: Christie Todd Whitman never got
the female vote which proves Clinton will
lose the women's vote to Marco Rubio
Gregory: what about Joe Biden?
Richardson: he's always wanted to be
President and he can bench press 300 lbs
Richardson: he's got the eye of the tiger
and would not defer to Clinton
Mitchell: they both can't run –
they have the same donors and BFFs
Gregory: Obama said Kamala Harris is good looking
Mitchell: he says the same thing about
men all the time
Richardson: oh come on – would I be slammed
for pointing out that Scarlett Johansen is fucking hot?
Gregory: I'm amazed you weren't elected President
Richardson: so am I
Gregory: we only created 88,000 jobs last month
Cramer: it's Obama's fault for scaring
people about the sequester
Gregory: so no one hired because of that?
Cramer: right – CEOs said well Obama
said there would be unemployment so
I guess we should not hire anyone
Gregory: what else is going on?
Cramer: bankers want to lend money
but they are afraid to
Gregory: is there any good news?
Cramer: people are pulling their money
out of Europe because they are embracing
austerity and its wrecking their economies
Gregory: that is good news
Cramer: if Obama wants to please Wall Street
he should reappoint Ben Bernanke
who is an amazing and handsome man
Murphy: this country needs to take on the
left and finally cut spending
Mitchell: but we just established that spending
cuts is causing unemployment
Gregory: let's not forget the President
would like to create jobs
Haberman: yes I've heard he does like jobs
Richardson: forget about jobs –
we need to cut Medicare
Cramer: fossil fuels will ruin America
but the Keystone pipeline will create
60,000 jobs in 30 days so let's do it
Gregory: I'm sold
Cramer: sorry but oil and gas drive
the entire economy
Mitchell: Obama can blame John Kerry
for approving the pipeline
Murphy: Obama is a failure and he must
slash Medicare and and basically just do
anything that hippies don't like
Gregory: so Obama's economic strategy
should be to piss off liberals?
Richardson: no because even liberals realize
we have to cut spending and slash Social Security
and the debt is our biggest problem
Gregory: what about gun control?
Haberman: Obama didn't seize the
initiative after Newtown
Murphy: right - they blew it because
Obama got greedy because he's so cocky
Haberman: greedy and cocky
Gregory: so cocky
Cramer: so much cock
Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press