Meet The Press - March 24, 2012

Guests:

Richard Engel

Mayor Mike Bloomberg (NYC)

Wayne LaPierre – NRA

E.J. Dionne

Ralph Reed

David Brooks

David Boies

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Gregory: wow Obama went to Israel 
and also Iran is threatening us

Audience: eek

Gregory: Obama brought Israel 
and Turkey together

Engel: Turkey is needed to prevent 
the whole Middle East from imploding

Gregory: Syria is the middle of a civil war

Engel: Syria's chief export is instability
– Obama went to reassure Israel

Gregory: his presence is comforting

Engel: some say he went too far to 
embrace the dream of Zion

Gregory: like Neo he is the chosen one

Brooks: Obama's trip was a total triumph –

he endorsed the zionist dream and also

supported Palestinian statehood

Gregory: assuming we are going 
to invade another middle east 
country which one should it be?

Dionne: Obama reestablished the two-state 
solution – now can John Kerry make it happen?

Greg: oy gevalt!

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama went to Israel –

what did you think?

Bloomberg: he actually achieved something

– pretty impressive

Gregory: you are going all-in against guns

but has the moment after Newtown been lost?

Bloomberg: 90% of the public thinks we

should have reasonable checks on buying guns

Gregory: and yet the assault weapons ban failed

Bloomberg: wait until you see my incredible ad blitz

Gregory: you can't think the assault gun

ban will pass do you?

Bloomberg: we shall see Greggers

Gregory: you sound like you've been

defeated by the NRA

Bloomberg: it's not over yet Fluffy

Gregory: Wayne LaPierre says you have a

secret agenda to create a registry of gun

owners to take all their guns away

Bloomberg: Wayne LaPierre is a lunatic

who wants crazy people to have military weapons

Gregory: true but he's not alone

Bloomberg: there are 300% more gun 
stores than McDonalds

Gregory: why not combine them

with a drive-thru gun store?

Bloomberg: in McDonalds in Europe 
you can buy a glass of beer and in Texas 
a military-style machine gun

Gregory: what about the Second Amendment?

Bloomberg: the Court has said background

checks are perfectly legal Fluffers

Gregory: will you target people

who don't support gun control?

Bloomberg: look I don't like guns and I

have the money and intend to spend it

Gregory: willl you spend a lot of money?

Bloomberg: I've already spent $12 million

Gregory: or as you call it 'spare change'

Bloomberg: right

Gregory: will politicians pay a price

for not controlling guns?

Gregory: If I have anything to say about it

Gregory: how far will you take your 
war on sugary drinks?

Bloomberg: I will never stop 
fighting Big Sweetness!

Gregory: you'll have to pry my

big gulp from my very cold purple hands

Bloomberg: sugar kills more people than starvation!

Gregory: then why not send 
the starving our twinkies?

Bloomberg: Salt kills David!

Gregory: are you going to ban salt too now?

Bloomberg: it's the new crack

Gregory: people will have to go to

Amsterdam to score some a little 
illicit sodium

Bloomberg: obesity is a public health threat!

Gregory: where do you cross the 
line into Big Mother?

Bloomberg: look we don't allow guns on airplanes

or asbestos in schools so why not ban sweet drinks in large amounts

Gregory: thanks for coming Mayor

[ break ]

Gregory: Wayne talk crazy to me

LaPierre: that rich Mayor is clearly crazy -

Americans cling to their sugar, fat and guns

Gregory: well he's spending millions –

are you armed and prepared?

LaPierre: we do not want Americans to

have nuclear weapons unless they really need one

Gregory: almost everyone wants

universal background checks

LaPierre: background checks are useless

because they don't catch the mentally ill

Gregory: you are worried about a national registry

LaPierre: what two farmers do in the privacy

of their own gun sale is their own business

Gregory: why not have a registry

to track dangerous weapons?

LaPierre: criminals won't be in a registry 
- it will be you and me

Gregory: just the two of us?

LaPierre: George Stephanopoulos can come too

Gregory: can you support any kind 
of background check?

LaPierre: yes I would support adding

people who are adjudicated dangerous

into the system but keeping the giant loophole

Gregory: Joe Biden says the Constitution

doesn't require limitless ammunition

LaPierre: please - the AR-15 is like a little toy gun

Gregory: I did not know that

LaPierre: gun owners are the

true victims of these lies

Gregory: would limiting machine guns

violate the Constitution?

LaPierre: hell yes!

Gregory: you have staked

out an extreme position

LaPierre: ask the White House why

Obama won't prosecute drug dealers

with guns in Chicago?!

Gregory: would you support any 
kind of limit on guns?

LaPierre: no – guns keep us safe!

Gregory: you want armed guards in schools

LaPierre: every mom and dad wants

their kids at a school with more guns

Gregory: of course

LaPierre: also we need to lock up

more people for the crime of sounding crazy

Gregory: I'd be careful with that if I were you

LaPierre: Obama doesn't want to 
prosecute gang members!

Gregory: that's going a little far isn't it?

LaPierre: he loves thugs and 
gangs and drug dealers!

Gregory: thanks for coming Wayne

[ break ]

Gregory: Ralph almost 60% of

people support gay marriage

Reed: yes other polls shows gay marriage is 'icky'

Rosen: even most evangelical kids 
support marriage equality!

Brooks: this is greatest time to be 
gay since Ancient Greece

Gregory: what a time that must have been

Brooks: gays wanted committed

relationships – I mean who knew?

Gregory: what's wrong with gay marriage Ralph?

Reed: because men parts fit better with lady parts

Dionne: gays are the only ones left still

supporting traditional family values!

Rosen: married gay couples are just

like others except men do housework

Gregory: ha

Rosen: the plaintiffs in court are wrong because

the purpose of marriage is not to have kids – it's love

Reed: that's not fair

Rosen: of course it is

Reed: the only issue before the court

is are gay parents bad therefore

no gay person can ever get married

Rosen: that is all kinds of stupid

[ break ]

Gregory: David are gays a protected class?

Boies: yes - but even if they are not banning marriage is irrational

Gregory: ooh

Boies: gay marriage is good for children!

Gregory: aren't you asking the Supreme Court

to invalidate laws in dozens of states

Boies: yes but that has to be done when

states are discriminating unfairly

Gregory: was Roe v Wade decided too quickly?

Boies: Fluffy this is not about creating a right –

it's expanding a right to everyone

Gregory: predict the Court's vote for me

Boies: we will win!

Gregory: thanks for coming

Gregory: Ralph when do Republicans 
finally support gay marriage?

Reed: never!

Gregory: really?

Reed: The GOP is pro-marriage

Rosen: no you aren't

Reed: we're pro-marriage for the right people

and we're anti-marriage for the wrong people

Rosen: the Constitution applies to everyone

to protect the spine of America

Gregory: can we ever get gun legislation passed?

Dionne: the whole country is

in favor background checks

Brooks: why are we talking about background

checks when we should be putting more in prison?

Rosen: Republicans are fighting for

less spending on police and prosecutors!

Reed: the proposed law would not prevent

Newtown therefore we should have fewer

laws which also would not prevent Newtown

Gregory: that makes so much sense

Reed: darn right

Gregory: and that's another

episode of Meet The Press

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