Sunday, January 27, 2013

Meet The Press – January 27, 2013

Guests:
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Jim DeMint
Ben Jealous
Bob Woodard
Andrea Mitchell
Ted Koppel
*******************************
Gregory: welcome to Meet The Press brought
to you by Boeing creator of the 787 the
Plane that Usually Flies Without a Fire

Ryan: thanks David and thank you Boeing
and your almost Flameless Planes

Gregory: you are very worried about the debt

Ryan: the Senate hasn't passed a 
budget in four years!

Gregory: are old people takers and not makers?

Ryan: not my mother – she worked hard!

Gregory: some say you would impose savage
cuts on poor children and victims of disaster

Ryan: no we really want a safety net but
in America we have a culture that saps Americans'
initiative and desire to work hard

Gregory: which part of the safety net
makes people lazy?

Ryan: food stamps – six months on those
and people forget how to work hard unlike
when I was young and on welfare and
was determined to better myself

Gregory: that makes perfect sense

Ryan: America is a great nation of 
moochers and lazy welfare cheats

Gregory: isn't the problem in Washington
that people just don't have enough beers together

Ryan: no – the problem is that
Barack Obama doesn't think that
the best way to help poor people
is to cut taxes for rich people

Gregory: Obama is plotting to destroy
Republicans just like they did to him four years ago

Ryan: the debt is going to wreck America!

Gregory: please continue Congressman

Ryan: we have to have an honest debate
about how Medicare is ruining Amierca

Gregory: what did you learn from the election?

Ryan: that the American people are wonderful
but chose a person who will destroy this country

Gregory: what did you learn from losing?

Ryan: we must persuade more poor people
deregulating corporations will help poor people

Gregory: what about immigration?

Ryan: immigration is a good thing!
We don't hate hispanics! I swear! Marco! Rubio!

Gregory: can immigration reform get done in 2013?

Ryan: yes if Obama loves immigrants 
as much as we do

Gregory: could ever vote for gun control?

Ryan: maybe we could have a background
checks all the time instead of just some
of the time

Gregory: that's a big concession

Ryan: but let's not just bring out political ideas
when the real problem is people suck

Gregory: you blame the President for
our terrible culture

Ryan: Obama is planning a Political Conquest!

Gregory: oh my

Ryan: the question is will Obamza
go along with Republicans or keep acting
as if he's President

Gregory: what is the Republican plan?

Ryan: if Erskine Bowles were President
the GOP would be very happy

Gregory: Paul will you for President in 2016?

Ryan: it's too early now to say how
delusional I will be in four years

Gregory: fair enough

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama offered a liberal vision –
he's the Reagan of the Left -
so says Charles Krauthammer!

Woodward: awesome

Gregory: Paul Ryan says Obama is only
interested in political conquest

Woodward: Paul Ryan is the Future of America

Gregory: I love him

Woodward: if the two sides just sit down
together we can finally cut entitlements!

Mitchell: all Obama said in his inaugural
speech was human rights and equality
under the law for women and others were important

Gregory: but we must cut spending!

Koppel: of course we must

Gregory: Jim DeMint how can we
finally enact a conservative agenda?

DeMint: the debt and spending became the
most important moral issue of our time since 2009

Gregory: the country just made a choice
and voted for Obama

DeMint: that doesn't matter

Gregory: it doesn't?

DeMint: the American people want us to
cut taxes for the rich and raise them on the poor

Gregory: they do?

DeMint: yes look at how horrible Europe is

Jealous: hey unemployment is still a big problem

Gregory: how can we persuade Obama to
propose big spending cuts for the good 
of the country?

Koppel: you have a mental illness Fluffy

Woodward: can't we please just have a
little entitlement cutting? Pleeease?!?

Woodward: if we cut the debt unemployment
will come down!

Gregory: exactly

Woodward: businesses need to see the
debt cut for their psychology before
they can hire more people

Gregory: how do we persuade the
President raise the retirement age?

Mitchell: the dirty liberals who got him
elected don't like that

Gregory: I hate those filthy hippies
and their luxious retirement!

Mitchell: they are so smelly

Gregory: Bobby Jindal said the GOP
has to stop being the stupid party

DeMint: the debt is a moral argument!

Gregory: did you hear what I said?

DeMint: our children will inherit a terrible debt!

Gregory: I think Jindal was talking about
offensive comments about
legitimate rape or the lazy 47%

DeMint: liberals hate minorities!

Gregory: okay then

DeMint: Democrats failed the negroes in
Detroit and Philadelphia

Jealous: good lord will you ever learn?

Gregory: Jim is talking about rape really smart?

DeMint: we know from science that rape victims
should be forced to have their babies

Gregory: I love how crazy you are

DeMint: Obama is not the President!

Gregory: Ted Iran scares me

Koppel: we are entering the most
dangerous time in American history

Gregory: sweet jesus

Koppel: Israel may bomb Iran in the spring
and then Iran would lauch a cyber war which
would be worse than WWII

Woodward: it's even worse than that

Gregory: how could it be worse?!?

Woodward: North Korea may bomb the Oscars

Gregory: egads

Gregory: Hillary Clinton says the world is unstable

Mitchell: she is warning Obama that we 
cannot retreat from the world

Gregory: interesting

Mitchell: also Obama is re-fueling French planes
in Mali which is troubling since they will
not accept cheddar only brie

Gregory: amazing

Mitchell: Mali is the most dangerous place on
earth except for Afghanistan or Pakistan
or North Korea or Florida

DeMint: Obama sends signals of weakness
which could invite a terror attack

Gregory: like Bush did before 9/11?

DeMint: no that didn't happen because
Bush was a tough cowboy

Jealous: oh my god I am losing IQ points
just listening to this conversation

Koppel: since 1945 we are using fewer tanks
and have more cyber war

Gregory: you sir are brilliant

Gregory: Obama is raising a lot of eyebrows
by praising his Secretary of State on television

Obama: Hillary was an awesome Secretatary of State

Clinton: of course I served in the cabinet
what the hell else was I going to do?

Gregory: joe biden must be soooo mad hee hee hee

Mitchell: if Hillary runs in 2016 she clears the field!

Woodward: nobody puts Biden in a corner

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press
***********************************

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