Sunday, August 12, 2012

Meet The Press - August 12, 2012

Reince Preibus - Chair RNC
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI)
David Axelrod (Obama Campaign)
Dan Balz
Rachel Maddow
Rich Lowry
Bill Bennett
Gregory: OMG Paul Ryan is now the
intellectual leader of the Republican Party

Audience: high praise indeed

Reporter: Paul Ryan is going to
campaign without Mitt Romney who
will spend more time with his money

Gregory: Team Romney outwitted
the national political media

Audience: unpossible

Reporter: Journalists didn’t recognize
Ryan because he was wearing a
baseball cap and also he doesn’t
usually venture out in sunlight

Gregory: I love it

Reporter: then Ryan snuck out the back
of a magic wardrobe in his house and
scampered through the woods

Gregory: he’s like budget-cutting
woodland goblin

[ break ]

Gregory: is this a game-changing choice?

Preibus: America is starving and hungry

Gregory: we all know that

Preibus: this choice shows that Romney
will govern as he campaigned - as a
soulless rich white guy

Gregory: Does Paul Ryan want to put
our elderly out on the street?

Preibus: Obama promised to carpet the world!

Gregory: plush or berber?

Preibus: saxony!

Gregory: naturally

Preibus: Obama ruined our credit rating

Gregory: I thought that was the tea party

Preibus: Obama wants to gut Medicare!

Gregory: Ryan wants to turn
Medicare into a voucher program

Preibus: yes but Obama will bankrupt Medicare

Gregory: my goodness

Preibus: Obama is filthy thief who stole
money from Medicare and gave it to
his lazy friends on welfare

Gregory: those are strong words Reince

Preibus: Fluffy we must save Medicare
for future generations by taking it
away from present generations

Gregory: tell me more

Preibus: Obama loves the sound of his
own voice like some uppity
voice-talking guy

Gregory: and that breathing thing
he does - it never stops

Preibus: we are truly blessed to have
these two white men willing to revoke Medicare

Gregory: Paul Ryan voted for TARP,
bailouts, wars and tax cuts

Preibus: That was completely different
- a Republican was President

Gregory: I see

Preibus: Democrat are criminals who
won’t cut Medicare!

Gregory: Ryan has no foreign policy or
private sector experience

Preibus: Romney ran the Olympics!

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Governor Walker

Walker: cheesehead rule!

Gregory: let’s to some tough questions
- what is noodling?

Walker: Ryan’s personal life is none
of our business

Gregory: was this a game changing choice?

Walker: Yes - Paul Ryan is adorable!

Gregory: you think America will fall in love?

Walker: Ryan is a great choice and also
Mitt Romney is very courageous for
choosing such a principled nut

Gregory: People don’t want to change Medicare

Walker: Americans deserve better than
a boring national conversation about Medicare

Gregory: it seems like a problem

Walker: don’t worry Fluffers -
Mitt Romney will protect Medicare
from the likes of Paul Ryan

Gregory: I feel so much better now

Walker: Obama won’t protect future
children from current greedy elderly people

Gregory: Do people care more about
the debt or do they want Social Security
and Medicare?

Walker: I am not the second Governor
ever recalled from office

Gregory: winning!

Walker: Romney is very bold for
choosing such a divisive figure as Paul Ryan

Gregory: Can Ryan even carry his home state?

Walker: if he doesn’t it’s because
we’re a certified Blue State®

Gregory: how do you win Wisconsin?

Walker: Noodles!

[ break ]

Gregory: how about Paul Ryan?

Axelrod: Ryan would cut funding for
medical research and nursing homes and
instead give rich people trillions of dollars

Gregory: Paul Ryan would respond to
you by saying DEBT CRISIS

Axelrod: uh huh

Gregory: Ryan says we must destroy the
program in order to save it

Axelrod: Fluffy Obama added eight
years to life of Medicare

Gregory: well that’s not enough

Axelrod: Gingrich called the Ryan plan
right-wing social engineering

Gregory: good - America needs more engineers

Axelrod: Ryan voted for tax cuts,
more wars, bailouts and now he wants
… moar tax cuts!

Gregory: Ryan says Obama had 24
months to fix the Republican recession
and he failed

Axelrod: the GOP gave Obama an
economy shedding 800,000 jobs per month

Gregory: that’s all in the past

Axelrod: the GOP wants to double down on
the ideas that caused a Depression
in the first place

Gregory: forget the petty arguments over unemployment - what is this election all about?

Axelrod: saving the middle class or crushing it

Gregory: Romney says Obama is
very mean for a Super PAC ad saying
a guy was laid off by Bain and he
lost his health insurance and his wife died

Axelrod: here’s the thing about that ad
- it’s all true

Gregory: well it’s not very polite

Axelrod: Meanwhile Romney approved
a totally false ad saying Obama wants
to give welfare money away to undeserving
lazy people

Gregory: speaking of that - our
expert panel is coming up next

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG we’re all in love with Ryan!!

Todd: Mitt 2.0 needed a re-boot

Gregory: I love it

Todd: Romney did some internal polling
and found that after he has campaigned
for six months and no one likes him

Balz: This was as they say a
moment of clarity

Gregory: sweet

Balz: the debate is going to be teh awesome!

Gregory: liberals and conservatives both
love how polarizing Ryan is

Maddow: liberals want the election to
be a choice between keeping Medicare
or getting rid of it

Bennett: I’m begging the American people
to pause for a minute and not reject
Ryan’s crazy ideas out of hand

Gregory: that’s fair

Bennett: you’re gonna have to deal
with Ryan now bitches! It’s on!

Lowry: conservatives are thrilled with
this choice since Romney is a clearly a
loser and a weak candidate

Lowry: Obama accused Romney of
killing people but he has blood on his
hands because he takes money from Medicare

Maddow: Ryan’s plan does that too!

Lowry: but Romney is the nominee so
that doesn’t matter

Maddow: that’s amazing - Ryan is
simultaneously a conservative superhero
for budget-cutting but his budget ideas
are also irrelevant?

Lowry: that’s my story and I’m sticking with it

Todd: um what the fuck Rich?

Lowry: We must cut medicare!
Obama cuts medicare!

Balz: even Republicans can’t stand
Ryan’s batshit ideas

Bennett: Paul Ryan turned Alice Rivlin
into a vampire and she’s perfectly happy

Maddow: we cannot rely solely on the
contentment level of the reluctant undead

Bennett: under Ryan’s bold visionary
plan people could stay on Medicare
if they wanted to

Gregory: well I’m sold

Gregory: Chucky can Romney-Ryan win?

Todd: there are old people in Florida,
Iowa and Pennsylvania and they
kind of like Medicare

Bennett: Obama is wrecking the country

Gregory: I see

Bennett: Romney is like Ronald Reagan

Reagan: don’t drag me into this Bill

Gregory: are voters yearning for
cutting spending?

Maddow: Ryan’s plan is to cut taxes
for rich people and MAGIC

Lowry: everyone knows that when you
cut taxes for rich people revenues go up

Gregory: everyone?

Lowry: yes - look at how popular
Simpson-Bowles is

Maddow: Paul Ryan rejected Simpson-Bowles because it slightly raised taxes

Lowry: Rachel do you support cutting
funds for Medicare - yes or no!

Maddow: I’m not running for office
- Paul Ryan is

Lowry: but only for Vice President -
no one cares about that - now I demand
you answer my question

Gregory: Bill tell me something wonderful
about Paul Ryan

Bennett: when I first met Ryan I told him
I liked sex and drugs and Paul said
no thanks I’m only into money

Gregory: that’s wonderful - what else

Bennett: he’s 2,000 years old, sleeps
underground, has his original heart
and never shot a man in the face

Gregory: what a dreamboat!

[ break ]

Gregory: hi Rafalca

Rafalca: nice to see you Fluffy

Gregory: how were the Olympic games

Rafalca: they were amazing - marching
the opening ceremonies was incredible
although when I saw all those Mary Poppins
I nearly plopped one on the track

Gregory: should you be exempt from
taxes on your Olympic winnings

Rafalca: that doesn’t concern me since
I’m actually a corporation registered
in the Cayman Islands

Gregory: should Mitt release his taxes
about you?

Rafalca: don’t drag me into this -
I’m just a horse who loves to dance

Gregory: what does the future hold for you

Rafalca: I’m aiming to do the hokey-pokey in Rio

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

Virtually Speaking Sundays

Marcy Wheeler (@emptywheel) and Avedon Carol (@Avedon_Says )
discuss developments of the week, including Mitt Romney's selection of
Paul Ryan on the GOP ticket. Featuring Culture of Truth's weekly commentary
on the Sunday News Shows: The Most Ridiculous Thing that happened this Sunday.
6:00 p.m. pacific | 9:00 p.m. eastern
Listen live and later at BlogTalkRadio


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Replace Gregory with Rafalca.

Jeff Oldham said...

I look forward to these every week, you're awesome.

Polish translator said...

This is really good!!!