Robert Gibbs (Adviser - Obama Campaign)
Kevin Madden (Adviser - Romney Campaign)
Dowd: wow I declare the Presidential
race is dead even!
Audience: who could possibly have guessed
Gibbs: this election is a choice between a
painfully slow recovery and utter disaster
Madden: no it’s about whether Obama
sufficiently cleaned up the
Republican’s mess and he didn’t
Dowd: that makes sense
Madden: unemployment is high and
Obama is crushing small businesses!
Dowd: your candidate went to London
and made a fool of himself
Madden: this election is not about
whether Romney is an idiot who
habitually offends our allies
Dowd: let’s hope
Madden: Mitt loves Israel!
Gibbs: how the fuck do you visit our
strongest ally and call them a bunch of tossers?
Madden: wait til he gets to Poland!
Gibbs: if you can’t smile and shake hands
without screwing it up you can’t be President
Dowd: Dan Senor practically
urged Israel to nuke Iran
Gibbs: Obama feels Israel has a right
to nuke Iran but if they do that they’re on their own
Madden: Israelis are kind of like
Dowd: I suppose a bit
Madden: also Obama is weak and timid
and loves terrorists
Gibbs: Obama built an Iron Dome to protect Israel!
Dowd: Games of Domes!
Gibbs: you seize the Iron Dome or you die!
Dowd: economic growth is anemic
Gibbs: GOP policies crashed the economy
Dowd: that’s all in the past
Gibbs: he wants to cut taxes for
millionaires and billionaires
Madden: it’s time for a change
Dowd: tell me why I should vote for Romney
Madden: he’s going to cut taxes and
drill for oil in Yellowstone
Dowd: politics has become so mean and negative
Gibbs: Mitt Romney is a prep school
bully and a habitual liar
Madden: Obama promised to made
Washington a nice place and has failed
Dowd: it’s tragic
Madden: we’re focused like a laser
on the economy by which I mean
building the Keystone Pipeline
Dowd: thanks for coming guys
[ break ]
Dowd: welcome panel -
amazingly the race is totally tied!
Will: Ohio is votes in October -
the peons are voting early
and it’s deplorable!
Will: Obama keeps getting good news
and yet I still hate him
Brazile: of course you would oppose
people voting George
David Chalian: there is only one
swing voter left in America and he
doesn’t have proper ID
Chalian: Obama defined Romney
and Mitt let it happen
Dowd: oh noe what can we do?
Chalian: Mittens 20 will be released
at the Convention
Loesch: as a conservative I’m very
concerned that Obama will lose
Marcus: let’s not talk about gaffes -
they’re shallow and silly
Dowd: I’m glad you brought up gaffes
- let’s talk about them!
Brazile: Romney is a cretin
Loesch: even Piers Morgan endorsed Mitt Romney
Dowd: well I’m sold
Loesch: the trip to London went great
- he told the truth and offended some lefties
Chalian: Leave Mitt Romney alone!!!
Marcus: no one in Israel likes Obama
but the Israelis know a loser when they see one
Will: American Jews don’t like Israel
- the real support for Israel is with
American snake handlers
Chalian: Obama wrecked the economy!
Dowd: he did?
Chalian: I’m so excited for Obama to lose!
Will: we’re growing economically but not fast enough
Chalian: that is so true
Will: food prices are up because of environmentalists
Marcus: my favorite number this week
is that people disapprove of Obama
- god I love Romney campaign
Dowd: you really like Mitt that much?
Marcus: stop talking about Romney’s gaffes!
Loesch: Obama hates business!
Marcus: see - it’s out there! Obama is anti-business!
Obama hates America!
Will: Obama can’t explain Romney’s lies!
Dowd: is Barack Obama the worst
person in America?
Chalian: yes - he has made America a mean and nasty place
Will: true but Jefferson called Adams a poopyhead
Marcus: Americans are sick of lies -
also Obama is a communist
Dowd: um what
Marcus: the people deserve better -
however I will continue lying for money
Dowd: the Chick-Fil-A CEO says God mandated
we eat fried chicken on the go - also gays are evil
Loesch: he’s a Christian - of course he
hates gay people
Will: just like Obama six months ago
Marcus: I totally agree with all Republicans -
supporting gay rights is so repulsive
Chalian: liberals are just terrible people
Loesch: I eat gay-tainted food
Brazile: the first debate will totally
decide this election
Chalian: I’m soooo rooting for Romney
Marcus: who cares about debates?
Politics is a game!
Dowd: thanks for coming idiots
[ break ]
Karl: who should Romney pick for Vice President
Cheney: someone qualified -
in other words not Sarah Palin
Karl: tell me more Dick
Cheney: we have the fake list which a lie
and the real true short list
Karl: what about picking someone to
shore up support among women Hispanics
or another of the many groups who hate Romney
Cheney: that’s what John McCain did and frankly
picking a moron like Palin was big mistake
Dowd: but she’s so cute
Karl: not as cute and cuddly as Cheney
- he’s hilarious and adorable
Dowd: tell me more
Karl: in my interview with him he bashes Obama
and strangles a kitten
Dowd: I’m in love
Dowd: any inside tips on Romney’s Vice President?
Karl: don’t forget Paul Ryan - he’s a fighter!
Dowd: is the Romney campaign ready?
Karl: yes this time I swear they are!
Dowd: I believe you but sadly we’re out of time
- I could do this all day! Thanks for watching!
[ shoots tv ]