Sunday, July 22, 2012

Meet The Press - July 22, 2012

Gov. Hickenlooper (D-CO)
Kate Snow
William Bratton
Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY)
Steve Schmidt
Michelle Rhee
David Brooks

Gregory: wow - all politics shut down
because there was a mass killing in Colorado

Gregory: Governor what’s happening out there

Hickenlooper: we’re fighting back!

Gregory: good for you

Hickenlooper: we must translate our
anger into a renewed love of America

Gregory: what about the acts of heroism

Hickenlooper: they are so inspiring

Gregory: what about this loony shooter

Hickenlooper: he’s not cooperating

Gregory: there was a fast response
by police and other overpaid civil servants

Hickenlooper: yes thanks to 9/11 Americans
have developed a smooth response
to mindless acts of terror

Gregory: what was his motive

Hickenlooper: I have no idea Fluffy

Gregory: he had tear gas cannisters
two Glocks a shotgun and
an assault rifle

Hickenlooper: as is his right Constitutional right

Gregory: Mayor Bloomberg says
we need to limit guns in America

Hickenlooper: because of the Internet
diabolical terrorists will always
find a way to kill people

Gregory: what can we say to people to
make them enjoy the movie-going experience

Hickenlooper: Westerners are tough and
we will not let one psycho stop us from
exercising our right to pay $15 to see Batman

Gregory: what’s happening in the town

Snow: everyone is talking about
all the guys who saved their girlfriends

Gregory: what else

Snow: he had 30 IEDs in his apartment

Gregory: holy crap

Gregory: hi panelists -
lone gunmen are really scary

Bratton: indeed they are David

Gregory: Carolyn this must be very
traumatic for you - tell me all about it

McCarthy: these lone gunmen all
have one thing in common

Gregory: three names?

McCarthy: guns Fluffy

Gregory: his gun jammed

Chertoff: see - it could have been
much worse - stop whining America

Gregory: how should America
react to this attack

Chertoff: ignore the gun issue and
praise the cops and ordinary people
who risked their lives to stop the
guy with that firing doohicky

Gregory: he was building a fucking arsenal

Bratton: family and friends can help us
spot potential mass murderers -
if you see something say something

McCarthy: I see another guy with
a gun killing people

Gregory: Congressman Gohmert wonders
why those cowards in the movie
theater didn’t shoot back

McCarthy: indeed 50 people all shooting
at each in a dark smoke-filled theater
- sounds ideal

Bratton: he had four guns and was wearing a
bullet proof vest and body armor
- no civilian was gonna take him down

Gregory: we don’t need more laws
because he bought these guns legally

McCarthy: your logic is impeccable Fluffy

Chertoff: you can build bombs in a
kitchen so we don’t need gun control

Gregory: I’m sold

Chertoff: we just need to crack down
on muslim terrorists on the Internet

McCarthy: ignore the NRA!

Gregory: is our public discourse
too out of wack?

Chertoff: of course - it’s all the fault
of those darn bloggers

McCarthy: forget the weirdos on the Internet - Michelle Bachmann is certifiable and dangerous

Gregory: of course both sides do it

McCarthy: no they don’t Fluffy

Gregory: is America safe?

Bratton: yes it is - also these killings will continue

Gregory: they will?

Bratton: and idiot politicians will call for
more and more guns

Gregory: but these guns were purchased
legally so we don’t need more laws

Bratton: Fluffy you are a fucking genius

Gregory: what’s up panelists

Brooks: we must find mentally ill
people who slip through the cracks
- be they violent loners or in the
House of Representatives

Rhee: banning violent video games
is only part of the solution

Gregory: there is no debate on gun
control anymore is there

Shrum: not when even terrorists have
a right to buy a assault rifle

Gregory: that’s just common sense

Gregory: even Democrats say hey
he was building bombs so why even
bother with more laws

Schmidt: no one can take on the NRA

Gregory: according to polls Obama
is leading - this race could not
be any closer!

Shrum: yes but Obama leads
in the swing states

Schmidt: the good news for Romney is
that he’s running a terrible campaign

Gregory: Michelle please bash Obama for me

Rhee: there are too many high school drop outs

Gregory: that is true but Mitt Romney
is a vigorous corporate personal trainer

Brooks: Romney should not release
his taxes because I don’t care about that
- I care about how wonderful he is

Gregory: I’m with you Bobo

Brooks: he is such an amazing person
- I love him so much

Shrum: his tax returns probably show
he took a deduction for killing a hobo

Gregory: that could be

Shrum: also he wants to cut Medicare

Schmidt: no one has ever released
20 years of tax returns so why bother
releasing any

Gregory: Steve did you read all
Romney’s tax returns?

Schmidt: no I didn’t have time
to read 10,000 pages -
also I don’t speak Latin

Shrum: Latin?

Schmidt: they’re very complex returns

Gregory: you can tell us - was there
something really bad in there

Schmidt: I can say he is a
pretty decent human

Gregory: Michelle who should
be Vice President

Rhee: for balance Romney should
pick a human being

Brooks: we need a white man
to respond to Iranian threats

Gregory: the conventions are coming! squeeee!

Shrum: Pat Buchanan hurt the GOP in 1992

Schmidt: just pick anyone not named Palin

Brooks: Michelle Rhee is my hero
but we must never talk about education

Rhee: the American people want
to hear us bash teachers

Gregory: I can’t believe Penn State
took Joe Paterno’s statue down

Shrum: what the hell was it doing
there in the first place?

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press



Atreyu Kenobi said...

Love it

Atreyu Kenobi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeanpaulbondy said...

Really wish you'd do this more than just for the Sunday shows. One of the funniest political blogs around. If I had a few more of these to read every week maybe I would smile more rather than RAAAGE about, you know, the lying liars et al