Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC)
Gregory: good morning audience - remember when
we invaded Iraq? Funny story - it was all a mistake
but after 4,500 Americans killed and spending
$800 billion dollars it ended last night now
let’s talk to Republican Speaker John Boehner
Gregory: Mr. Speaker will you raise taxes
on poor people?
Boehner: Obama is right you can’t have a
two-month tax cut
Gregory: so what kind of bill can you pass?
Boehner: we gave the President everything
he asked for
Gregory: you did?
Boehner: yes we cut taxes for rich people and
demanded an oil pipeline across America
Gregory: those are things you wanted
Boehner: David you are trying to divide America
Gregory: what about this pipeline?
Boehner: if are energy-independent we won’t have
to invade any more middle eastern countries -
I thought liberals were against that -
make up you mind hippies!
Gregory: Unemployment is at three-year low -
isn’t that good news?
Boehner: No - and I mean that
Gregory: you’re such a grouch
Boehner: look maybe things are better but
Obama is still a bad socialist
Gregory: nevertheless the economy seems
to be improving
Boehner: Obama caused the recession in
Gregory: Congress is less popular than herpes
but more popular the Kardashians
Boehner: that is also Obama’s fault
Gregory: Obama says Republicans obstruct
everything he does
Boehner: that’s true
Gregory: Do you trust Obama?
Boehner: I do trust him
Gregory: it sounds like you and Obama both
hate the Tea Party
Boehner: It’s close but I think he hates them
more than I do
Gregory: Should we have pulled out of Iraq
so quickly after only 9 years?
Boehner: we went there to protect Iraq from
invasion from other counties and I’m worried
out leaving could hurt that effort
Gregory: Is Newt Gingrich insane?
Boehner: no comment
Gregory: everyone I talk to who knows him
hates his guts
Boehner: he’s not that conservative you know
Gregory: how so?
Boehner: I’ve never actually seem kill anyone
Gregory: Regular Republicans don’t want
Boehner: the American government is
destroying the American dream
Gregory: will you pass a payroll tax cut or
will you ruin Christmas?
Boehner: yes if we can an oil pipeline in
Gregory: thanks for coming
Gregory: welcome Michele Bachmann
Bachmann: nice to meet you Fluffy
Gregory: would you raise taxes on the
Bachmann: yes because can’t afford more tax cuts
after all these tax cuts we already gave people
Gregory: but those all went to rich people
Bachmann: see - we’ve cut taxes enough already!
Gregory: but cutting taxes for low income people
is very popular
Bachmann: look the debt soared under Reagan,
Bush and Junior and now is the time for
poor people to pay for it
Bachmann: Obama just like a dictator of
some banana republic
Gregory: you’re on a roll now
Bachmann: the deficit has gone up 1,000%
from Bush to Obama
Gregory: I’m being told you are now lying
to my viewers
Bachmann: let me finish lying Fluffy
Gregory: the debt soared under George W. Bush
Bachmann: the deficit went from
to $1.5 trillion
Gregory: some people say you are a
Bachmann: like who?
Gregory: Newt Gingrich
Bachmann: he’s a corrupt megalomaniac
Gregory: PolitiFact also said you were lying about PolitiFact
Bachmann: They’re lying too!
Gregory: the Des Moines Register published
a riddle today: What do Michele Bachmann
and Donald Trump have in common?
Bachmann: we’re both serious conservatives?
Gregory: Answer is “Trump lies under a rug
and you lie like a rug”
Bachmann: I tell the truth!
Gregory: is that true?
Bachmann: sometimes it is
Gregory: would President Bachmann ignore
decisions by the Supreme Court?
Bachmann: people think all laws are written
by courts and that’s not true - there are also
laws passed by Congress
Gregory: even small children know that
Bachmann: well I didn’t
Gregory: so would prefer Supreme Court
justices run for office?
Bachmann: the Supreme Court can’t make laws!
Gregory: so what’s the remedy?
Bachmann: Congress has the power to
remove bad justices
Gregory: so you would impeach justices for
making decisions you don’t agree with?
Bachmann: what do you mean?
Gregory: what do you mean?
Bachmann: Congress should just overturn
the Supreme Court!
Gregory: ok ok - should we attack Iran?
Bachmann: Iran is about to get a nuclear bomb!
Gregory: so what would you do about it?
Bachmann: Iran will use a nuclear weapon
on Israel and oh maybe the United States
Gregory: would you start a war with Iran or not?
Bachmann: we need to look this threat in the eye!
Gregory: thanks for coming Michele
[ break ]
Gregory: welcome Governor Haley - you endorsed
Romney by noting how imperfect he is
Haley: he’s the best of a bad bunch
Gregory: no one loves Mitt Romney
Haley: Mitt Romney has had four years to
think about what he fundamentally believes
and he’s almost there
Gregory: name some things you hate
about Newt Gingrich
Haley: I’m not going to answer that because
your tv show is only one hour long
Gregory: what about Rick Perry?
Haley: the people are South Carolina are very
smart and so I don’t think Perry will do well
Gregory: can you deliver Tea Party votes when
you are less popular than Obama?
Haley: that poll also said Obama would win
South Carolina and since that isn’t possible
the poll must be flawed
Gregory: I see
Haley: the Tea Party cares about liberty, the
10th Amendment and getting the government
out of Medicare
Gregory: will Mitt Romney win the election in 2012?
Haley: Mitt Romney has fixed everything he
has ever touched including the Olympics and
Massachusetts and Romney 2.0
Gregory: thanks for coming Nikki
[ break ]
Gregory: is the race down to Romney and Gingrich?
Murphy: yes - and Ron Paul
Gregory: Romney did not go after Gingrich in the
debates but he’s attacking Newt on tv in Iowa
Dionne: you are seeing the Revenge of the Base
against the Establishment
Gregory: I see
Dionne: there are two weeks for Romney to cripple
Gingrich but if he goes too far the base might
get angry - and you won’t like them when
Murphy: Newt has embraced Marxism too
early in the primary
Dionne: Could Gingrich win Iowa and then do
well in New Hampshire and take the nomination?
Murphy: or does Romney do ok in Iowa and then
win easily New Hampshire and take the nomination?
Dionne: Newt is Nixon in 1968
Gregory: oh good
Dionne: Newt is going to call Obama a
Kenyan socialist and primary voters love
that crazy shit
Gregory: People inside the beltway think
Newt Gingrich is a loose cannon and an asshole
Dionne: liberals said this in 1994 and wingnuts
said “why do hate his hubristic vision?”
Dionne: can the GOP really raise taxes in order
to defend a giant oil pipeline?
Murphy: um no
Gregory: will Obama be reelected?
Murphy: the economy is bad but Newt Gingrich
is a right looney
Gregory: if the economy improves will the House
GOP try to take credit?
Dionne: Obama has moved into campaign mode
while the primary debates have just made the
GOP look like a bunch of out-of-touch weirdos
Gregory: and we’ll be back a new episode
Christmas morning but instead of three wise
men we will have me Tom Brokaw and Tom Friedman