Sunday, December 18, 2011

Meet The Press - December 18, 2011

Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC)
E.J. Dionne
Mike Murphy
Gregory: good morning audience - remember when
we invaded Iraq? Funny story - it was all a mistake
but after 4,500 Americans killed and spending
$800 billion dollars it ended last night now
let’s talk to Republican Speaker John Boehner

Gregory: Mr. Speaker will you raise taxes
on poor people?

Boehner: Obama is right you can’t have a
two-month tax cut

Gregory: so what kind of bill can you pass?

Boehner: we gave the President everything
he asked for

Gregory: you did?

Boehner: yes we cut taxes for rich people and
demanded an oil pipeline across America

Gregory: those are things you wanted

Boehner: David you are trying to divide America

Gregory: what about this pipeline?

Boehner: if are energy-independent we won’t have
to invade any more middle eastern countries -
I thought liberals were against that -
make up you mind hippies!

Gregory: Unemployment is at three-year low -
isn’t that good news?

Boehner: No - and I mean that

Gregory: you’re such a grouch

Boehner: look maybe things are better but
Obama is still a bad socialist

Gregory: nevertheless the economy seems
to be improving

Boehner: Obama caused the recession in
2007 dammit

Gregory: Congress is less popular than herpes
but more popular the Kardashians

Boehner: that is also Obama’s fault

Gregory: Obama says Republicans obstruct
everything he does

Boehner: that’s true

Gregory: Do you trust Obama?

Boehner: I do trust him

Gregory: it sounds like you and Obama both
hate the Tea Party

Boehner: It’s close but I think he hates them
more than I do

Gregory: Should we have pulled out of Iraq
so quickly after only 9 years?

Boehner: we went there to protect Iraq from
invasion from other counties and I’m worried
out leaving could hurt that effort

Gregory: Is Newt Gingrich insane?

Boehner: no comment

Gregory: everyone I talk to who knows him
hates his guts

Boehner: he’s not that conservative you know

Gregory: how so?

Boehner: I’ve never actually seem kill anyone

Gregory: Regular Republicans don’t want
Mitt Romney

Boehner: the American government is
destroying the American dream

Gregory: will you pass a payroll tax cut or
will you ruin Christmas?

Boehner: yes if we can an oil pipeline in
your backyard

Gregory: thanks for coming

Gregory: welcome Michele Bachmann

Bachmann: nice to meet you Fluffy

Gregory: would you raise taxes on the
poorest Americans?

Bachmann: yes because can’t afford more tax cuts
after all these tax cuts we already gave people

Gregory: but those all went to rich people

Bachmann: see - we’ve cut taxes enough already!

Gregory: but cutting taxes for low income people
is very popular

Bachmann: look the debt soared under Reagan,
Bush and Junior and now is the time for
poor people to pay for it

Gregory: Interesting

Bachmann: Obama just like a dictator of
some banana republic

Gregory: you’re on a roll now

Bachmann: the deficit has gone up 1,000%
from Bush to Obama

Gregory: I’m being told you are now lying
to my viewers

Bachmann: let me finish lying Fluffy

Gregory: the debt soared under George W. Bush

Bachmann: the deficit went from
$160 billion
to $1.5 trillion

Gregory: some people say you are a
compulsive liar

Bachmann: like who?

Gregory: Newt Gingrich

Bachmann: he’s a corrupt megalomaniac

Gregory: PolitiFact also said you were lying about PolitiFact

Bachmann: They’re lying too!

Gregory: the Des Moines Register published
a riddle today: What do Michele Bachmann
and Donald Trump have in common?

Bachmann: we’re both serious conservatives?

Gregory: Answer is “Trump lies under a rug
and you lie like a rug”

Bachmann: I tell the truth!

Gregory: is that true?

Bachmann: sometimes it is

Gregory: would President Bachmann ignore
decisions by the Supreme Court?

Bachmann: people think all laws are written
by courts and that’s not true - there are also
laws passed by Congress

Gregory: even small children know that

Bachmann: well I didn’t

Gregory: so would prefer Supreme Court
justices run for office?

Bachmann: the Supreme Court can’t make laws!

Gregory: so what’s the remedy?

Bachmann: Congress has the power to
remove bad justices

Gregory: so you would impeach justices for
making decisions you don’t agree with?

Bachmann: what do you mean?

Gregory: what do you mean?

Bachmann: Congress should just overturn
the Supreme Court!

Gregory: ok ok - should we attack Iran?

Bachmann: Iran is about to get a nuclear bomb!

Gregory: so what would you do about it?

Bachmann: Iran will use a nuclear weapon
on Israel and oh maybe the United States

Gregory: would you start a war with Iran or not?

Bachmann: we need to look this threat in the eye!

Gregory: thanks for coming Michele

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Governor Haley - you endorsed
Romney by noting how imperfect he is

Haley: he’s the best of a bad bunch

Gregory: no one loves Mitt Romney

Haley: Mitt Romney has had four years to
think about what he fundamentally believes
and he’s almost there

Gregory: name some things you hate
about Newt Gingrich

Haley: I’m not going to answer that because
your tv show is only one hour long

Gregory: what about Rick Perry?

Haley: the people are South Carolina are very
smart and so I don’t think Perry will do well

Gregory: can you deliver Tea Party votes when
you are less popular than Obama?

Haley: that poll also said Obama would win
South Carolina and since that isn’t possible
the poll must be flawed

Gregory: I see

Haley: the Tea Party cares about liberty, the
10th Amendment and getting the government
out of Medicare

Gregory: will Mitt Romney win the election in 2012?

Haley: Mitt Romney has fixed everything he
has ever touched including the Olympics and
Massachusetts and Romney 2.0

Gregory: thanks for coming Nikki

[ break ]

Gregory: is the race down to Romney and Gingrich?

Murphy: yes - and Ron Paul

Gregory: Romney did not go after Gingrich in the
debates but he’s attacking Newt on tv in Iowa

Dionne: you are seeing the Revenge of the Base
against the Establishment

Gregory: I see

Dionne: there are two weeks for Romney to cripple
Gingrich but if he goes too far the base might
get angry - and you won’t like them when
they’re angry

Murphy: Newt has embraced Marxism too
early in the primary

Dionne: Could Gingrich win Iowa and then do
well in New Hampshire and take the nomination?

Murphy: or does Romney do ok in Iowa and then
win easily New Hampshire and take the nomination?

Dionne: Newt is Nixon in 1968

Gregory: oh good

Dionne: Newt is going to call Obama a
Kenyan socialist and primary voters love
that crazy shit

Gregory: People inside the beltway think
Newt Gingrich is a loose cannon and an asshole

Dionne: liberals said this in 1994 and wingnuts
said “why do hate his hubristic vision?”

Dionne: can the GOP really raise taxes in order
to defend a giant oil pipeline?

Murphy: um no

Gregory: will Obama be reelected?

Murphy: the economy is bad but Newt Gingrich
is a right looney

Gregory: if the economy improves will the House
GOP try to take credit?

Dionne: Obama has moved into campaign mode
while the primary debates have just made the
GOP look like a bunch of out-of-touch weirdos

Gregory: and we’ll be back a new episode
Christmas morning but instead of three wise
men we will have me Tom Brokaw and Tom Friedman


1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

but instead of three wise
men we will have me Tom Brokaw and Tom Friedman

That's just a joke, isn't it, CULTURE OF TRUTH?