Sunday, June 26, 2011

Meet The Press - June 26, 2011

Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA)
Katty Kay
Matt Bai
David Brooks
Gregory: New Jersey just cut pension and
health care benefits for state government employees
- congrats Governor Christie!

Christie: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: Gov. could you work your
cost-cutting magic in Washington?

Christie: you’ve got to get three men
in a room and wrestle until the biggest guy wins

Gregory: interesting

Christie: Obama is too laid-back -
he needs to throw his weight around

Gregory: what about raising taxes?

Christie: be prepared for a shock -
people in New Jersey prefer
lower taxes over higher taxes

Gregory: holy shit!

Christie: no really

Gregory: has the Tea Party gone completely insane?

Christie: look it’s common sense -
as soon as a Democrat became President
the debt became a very very very important issue

Gregory: I see

Christie: this country is careening to
disaster over the debt!

Gregory: how did you succeed in
New Jersey but Washington can’t get a deal done

Christie: it’s all those fucking demagogues
- I would never do that

Gregory: you’re such a softie

Christie: I am cuddly

Gregory: do you hate unions

Christie: we’re helping unions by
saving their benefits

Gregory: give me your expertise on Afghanistan

Christie: I’m against nation-building

Gregory: the Federal Reserve says we
may be cutting spending too much which
would cause another recession

Christie: no we aren’t because the
United States is very big country

Gregory: we tried GOP policies and
the middle class is still hurting

Christie: but businesses are hiring in
New Jersey because we have certainty over taxes

Gregory: which GOP Presidential candidate
will win your highly coveted endorsement

Christie: I’m not sure there are so many different
crazies to choose from

Gregory: what about my favorite
Michele Bachmann?

Christie: she seems a little crazy to me

Gregory: you look for bigness in politicians

Christie: people want a politician to
look them in the eye and wag their finger at them

Gregory: what about the
Pledge of Abortion Allegiance

Christie: I’m anti-abortion except when I’m not

Gregory: what about gay marriage?

Christie: I’m not a fan of gay people
kissing and all that icky stuff

Gregory: you’re a tough-talking,
no-nonsense asshole

Christie: fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: you were mean to teacher recently

Christie: She questioned my ability to
run the state’s public schools - how dare
she ask me a personal question me like that

Gregory: you cultivate the image of a jerk

Christie: I’m loveable and sweet and
not blow-dried you bastard

Gregory: why are going to Iowa?

Christie: to brag about big things

Gregory: will accept an offer to run as Vice President

Christie: c’mon you’re not that stupid are you Fluffy

Gregory: I might be

Christie: I’m a nice guy - just don’t
question me about irrelevant things
like being a husband and a father

Gregory: why would you make a good President?

Christie: I’m a husband and a father

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Did Barack Obama make a
political decision to pull troops out of
Afghanistan instead of doing what is
best for America?

Reed: what unadulterated bullshit

Gregory: In the view of many Obama hates America

Webb: you are welcome to kiss my ass Fluffy

Gregory: but the Generals want more troops

Webb: They always do you idiot

Gregory: so should we have endless war?

Webb: China is expanding and we
must stop those Orientals!

Gregory: Liberals want to end the war
in Afghanistan now - that reminds me -
what is the mission there?

Reed: the mission in Afghanistan
is to leave Afghanistan

Gregory: but I still don’t understand
why Obama doesn’t end this wonderful war

Webb: we have to pull out slowly so
the Taliban doesn’t see us leaving

Gregory: what will happen there after we leave

Reed: there will be a nuclear war
between Pakistan and the Indians

Gregory: that’s interesting

Gregory: some say walking away and
hoping for the best will lead to
Sharia law in Oklahoma

Webb: actually keeping US troops in other
countries creates terrorism

Gregory: what about Libya?

Reed: we want to support the mission but
rebuke Obama for not asking Congress’s permission

Webb: we’re addicted to putting US troops
in desert lands as peacekeepers!

Gregory: thanks for coming dudes

[ break ]

Gregory: there is great criticism of President Obama

Brooks: from who - beside you

Gregory: Saint Christie who is wonderful

Brooks: Obama is a convenor - he trumpets
us into battle like Miles Davis

Gregory: that’s a great metaphor
because they’re both black

Brooks: are they?

Gregory: I hate Obama because he
compromises and achieves stuff

Kay: the surge was a compromise that
failed and now he’s taking troops out too soon
- we didn’t gain anything except Bin Laden
which doesn’t count

Bai: Budget negotiations are in secret
which puzzles people

Brooks: Jesus Christie would solve
America’s budget problems

Gregory: Obama’s Jedi mind tricks
don’t work on him

Brooks: both parties think they win
if the economy crashes

Kay: Worldwide lenders are freaking out

Gregory: we don’t rule the world
like we did after World War Two
which gives me a sad

Brooks: Darn those shallow politicians

Gregory: hee hee there is great buzz about Giuliani!

Brooks: I say this with love -
you need therapy David

Bai: Iowa may not necessarily get to
decide our next President

Gregory: what!?

Bai: it’s a possibility

Gregory: Huntsmann said his kids
can’t believe he’s really running for President

Audience: they’re not they only one

Kay: he’s running as the Thinking Man’s
Republican but that’s very small group

Brooks: I love this guy

Bai: the GOP primary is not as
monolithic as people think

Brooks: he’s unusual and in a
GOP primary that is really saying something

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Kay: she’s beginning to look even crazier -
I didn’t think that was possible

Gregory: big news this morning was
made five minutes ago when Sen. Jim Webb
said we should invade countries to rescue Americans or not at all

Brooks: Obama is a big non-leading
convenor except when he doesn’t
consult anyone about war

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory, Brooks, and Bai?

1) Thank FSM I didn't watch that.

2) Fuck you, Pinch Sulzberger.