Sunday, May 01, 2011

Meet The Press with Marco Rubio - May 1, 2011

May 1, 2011
Mayor Mike Bloomberg (I-NYC)
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-VA)
David Axelrod (White House advisor)
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Seth Meyers
Gregory: wow NATO killed Qadaffi’s grandson
and the Pope was beautified

Betsy: Beatified

Gregory: whatever

Gregory: the economy is recovering but people are depressed because unemployment is still high

Bloomberg: corporate profits are high because like people they are learning to make more with less

Gregory: you mean less people

Bloomberg: fewer people

Gregory: ok

Bloomberg: also gas and food prices are high

Gregory: true

Bloomberg: the good is you can get some great housing bargains - a NYC apartment with 500
square feet is now a mere $2 million

Gregory: wow what a deal

Bloomberg: there is a crisis of confidence in the morons and idiots in Washington

Gregory: strong words Mike

Bloomberg: America became a superpower with waves of immigration - we need more people!

Gregory: interesting approach

Bloomberg: we need to pass a law letting large numbers of refugees come here

Gregory: wow

Bloomberg: as long as they agree to live in Detroit

Immigrant: oh shit

Gregory: We have to raise taxes on the middle class!!!

Bloomberg: We have to raise taxes and
cut entitlements

Gregory: bad news all around

Bloomberg: politicians have to act like adults and stop pandering to a bunch of voters

Gregory: Governor how would rate Obama’s response to the tornadoes

McDonnell: Obama and his team have been outstanding and very helpful

Gregory: dammit

McDonnell: Sorry Fluffy

Gregory: the big story this week was a split-screen America of Donald Trump vs. The President of the United States

Obama: he’s a carnival barker

Gregory: where was Obama born David?

Axelrod: the problem is not Donald Trump the problem is idiotic television journalists

Gregory: I see

Bloomberg: if the GOP keeps this nonsense up
they are going to fail

McDonnell: Obama has failed to address George Bush’s debt

Gregory: Obama decided to make this a big issue

Axelrod: no the media did stupid

Gregory: that’s mean

Axelrod: we should talk about how the GOP wants to slash Medicare, education and green energy

Gregory: the blacks were offended by Birthers

Axelrod: all Americans were offended Fluffers

Gregory: so you say

Axelrod: we have big problems in this country

Gregory: Trump is a very important and successful businessman

Bloomberg: he’s an icon of bad taste, weird hair and a terrible tv show

Gregory: how wonderful is Trump?

Bloomberg: instead of asking what we should cut we ask what is the minimum government we need

Gregory: interesting

Bloomberg: the money shouldn’t drive our decisions - we should decide what we want first

Axelrod: that’s what Obama is saying - the social compact must guide our decision-making

Gregory: Governor unemployment is high except under your wonderful leadership

McDonnell: we in Virginia made the tough decision to benefit from a massive flow of money from D.C.

Gregory: Awesome

McDonell: the GOP ran up these debts

Axelrod: you took stimulus money

McDonnell: the American people don’t understand why the government runs up a debt since they
never do

Axelrod: righty-o

Gregory: Obama is unpopular because the President
decides gas prices

Bloomberg: the President has to prove he is not a socialist and supports the private sector economy by controlling gas prices

Gregory: I see

Bloomberg: Banks are scared to make loans because they get criticized

Gregory: oh

Bloomberg: we vilified banks for making bad loans but that’s what we want them to do - run risks and if they fail let the free market take out get bailed out

Gregory: can we beat Obama?

McDonnell: Governors are decisive and fiscal conservatives

Axelrod: like George W. Bush

McDonnell: Obama hates Wall Street

Axelrod: LOL the stock market is at a 10-year high asshole

McDonnell: we need to cut spending!

G: It is thought Obama will spend a $1 billion
on his campaign

Axelrod: It is thought you are a moron

Gregory: Will Democrats prove their purity by renouncing spending

Axelrod: that’s stupid we’re not going fight with one hand
tied behind our back

Gregory: But Dems are all bad people!

Axelrod: zip it Fluffy

Gregory: shouldn’t we stay in Iraq forever

Axelrod: no

Gregory: What’s the deal with the Tea Party

Rubio: the Tea Party is great because they want to cut spending on the other hand they are idiots

Gregory: are you a Tea Party Senator?

Rubio: no because the Tea Party are democrats and morons

Gregory: I’m confused - will you compromise on
Tea Party principles

Rubio: I just learned that compromise is actually a great thing

Gregory: but you voted against the budget compromise

Rubio: I was elected to deliver big solutions

Gregory: so how do you actually get something done

Rubio: we should have solutions to things

Gregory: is not raising the debt ceiling irresponsible?

Rubio: pshaw - a mere technical default is not as
bad a future hypothetical default

Gregory: so default now is necessary to prevent default later

Rubio: even the Democrat party wants to cut spending

Gregory: do you like Ryan plan?

Rubio: in 5 years Medicare will go bankrupt

Gregory: oh

Rubio: the Ryan plan is wonderful because it
saves Medicare

Gregory: actually it dismantles Medicare

Rubio: yes but only for young 54 year-old people

Gregory: Why not cut Medicare for older people?

Rubio: Obamacare cut Medicare to conduct
medical experiments

Gregory: you proposed a private voucher system

Rubio: yes but if you have a better idea for ending Medicare then propose it on Monday

Gregory: please bash Obama for me

Rubio: I’m very sad that Obama has failed to
end Medicare

Gregory: how awful for you

Rubio: America cannot win future wars if we don’t cut spending for health care for old people

Gregory: if the GOP comes to you and ask you be
VP will you say yes

Rubio: I love your hypothetical but no

Gregory: tell me how wonderful Donald Trump is

Rubio: Fluffy join me on Planet Earth

Gregory: but Planet Fluffy-Trump is so nice

Rubio: there are people in caves planning on killing people on Orlando

Gregory: what about Libya?

Rubio: we must take out Saddam

Gregory: what?

Rubio: um Qadaffi - whatever

Gregory: how clear

Rubio: he should leave Iraq - Libya you know
what I mean!

Gregory: thanks for coming Marco

[ break ]

Obama: there’s a vicious rumor that Romney passed universal health care

Audience: lol

Obama: now Donald Trump can get to the bottom of Roswell and who killed Biggie and Tupac!

Gregory: Trump vs Obama is good for comedy

Meyers: that is true

Gregory: where do you get your material?

Meyers: the news

Gregory: do you have an agenda

Meyers: be funny - intentionally, unlike you

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