Meet the Press - May 15, 2011

Guests:
Newt Gingrich
Helene Cooper
E.J. Dionne
Matt Bai
Peggy Noonan
Mark Halperin
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Gregory: do you think Congress should
increase debt ceiling?

Gingrich: we should avoid default if we can -
but don’t give Obama a blank check

Gregory: Newt will you turn Medicare
into a voucher program

Gingrich: I don’t agree with radical social
engineering even from the right

Gregory: well that’s boring

Gingrich: I am also against Medicare fraud

Gregory: you disappoint me Newtie

Gingrich: I am totally not a radical despite
what you may have heard

Gregory: will you raise taxes?

Gingrich: no - people seem to like low taxes

Gregory: but smart economists say we
should raise revenues

Gingrich: yes but that’s just people who
know what they are talking about

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: I can find an extra $125 billion
per year by re-imagining government as a profitable business which I have never run

Gregory: you called Obama
The Food Stamp President

Gingrich: I wrote that line by myself -
but you can use it

Gregory: no thanks - it's lame at best
and could be racist

Gingrich: that’s bizarre - I sir am no a racist

Gregory: what did you mean by that
rather weird statement then?

Gingrich: Obama destroyed Detroit by
not having litigation reform

Gregory: you don’t say

Gingrich: the EPA is trying to control
the entire American economy

Gregory: is that right?

Gingrich: paychecks vs food stamps!

Gregory: In 1993 you supported requiring
people to buy health insurance

Gingrich: yes but we must also have policies
to make libertarians happy

Gregory: like what

Gingrich: Making people post a bond
before giving them CPR

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: most people without health insurance use the money to go on fancy vacations

Gregory: let's switch topics - are we losing
the war on terror?

Gingrich: absolutely

Gregory: but we just got Osama bin Laden

Gingrich: but then Pakistan called the Chinese

Gregory: that’s vaguely scary

Gingrich: George W. Bush was soft on
international terrorism

Gregory: you say Obama is an out-of-touch
anti-colonial Kenyan con artist

Gingrich: yes but a guy with dark skin said it first

Gregory: are you a total lunatic?

Gingrich: maybe

Gregory: do you think Obama hates America?

Gingrich: right - he’s puts the Arab League
and UN before America

Gregory: that’s sounds ludicrous

Gingrich: Obama hides his wily oriental ways well

Gregory: what will it take for you to be elected President apart from a supernatural event

Gingrich: I’m going to have to rein in my
more crazy statements

Gregory: are a just man with terrible ideas or can you actually lead this nation down a path to disaster

Gingrich: my destiny is to lead a movement around reviving the 10th Amendment

Gregory: Tom Coburn arranged illegal payoffs
to John Ensign’s mistress and even he
thinks you’re immoral

Gingrich: I love my children unlike Susan Smith who drowned her kids because of the Democrat party

Gregory: I could listen to you all day

Gingrich: wait til I get going!

Gregory: you’re so patriotic you cheated
on your wife

Gingrich: sure I’m a lout but I also have an endless series of fantastically weird ideas

Gregory: your businesses don’t pay all their taxes

Gingrich: true but we paid some of them

Gregory: will you go after Huckabee voters?

Gingrich: heh I don’t think they will vote for me I’m just a fat white southern conservative

Gregory: will you be like Ronald Reagan -
run on the right, govern from the center,
and send weapons to Iran?

Gingrich: there is no right-wing majority
in this country

Gregory: who’s the front runner?

Gingrich: all those rich guys like Romney,
Huntsman and that reality show host

Gregory: Donald Trump?

Gingrich: or Ryan Seacrest whoever

[ break ]

Gregory: so panel - how about that Newt Gingrich?

Halperin: he’s very underrated and showed
today what a strong candidate he is in my
fevered imagination

Gregory: he still seems to think Obama is un-American

Bai: he’s a very intelligent and thoughtful
mean bastard

Gregory: Newt supports a health insurance mandate and opposes Paul Ryan’s nutty budget plan

Noonan: the new Newt is a good-natured
easy-listening freak

Gregory: do we like the new soft cuddly Newt?

Halperin: he stayed calm today and didn’t
call anyone Hitler

Dionne: he’s a big old bigoted teddy bear

Cooper: it was fascinating to watch him try to restrain himself from comparing Obama to Pol Pot

Gregory: is he old news?

Noonan: 18 year-old voters will find
Newt Gingrich very compelling

Halperin: that what makes Newt so formidable!

Huckabee: God told me to make money
on Fox News

Dionne: Huckabee leaves all the Christian
voters up for grabs

Halperin: also poor people making $95,000

Trump: good luck in Florida grifter!

Dionne: all these GOP candidates are promoting
a book, a tv show or line of clothing for abstinent teen mothers

Gregory: why is no one running against Obama??

Bai: they’re going for the big money

Noonan: they all think they’re going to
lose to Obama and they’re right

Gregory: Mark you have Bachman's odds at
1000 to 1 - why so short?

Halperin: there are many, many things
I don’t know

Romney: I did what I believe was right
for the commies in Massachusetts

Dionne: he might as well embrace Romneycare
since it was pretty good

Gregory: that's so crazy it just might work

Dionne: but GOP primary voters demand
insanity from their candidate

Cooper: the Tea Party was founded on
opposition to the healthcare mandate and the President’s funny religion

Halperin: Luckily Romney doesn’t
have those problems

Gregory: Obama will be defeated because
he can’t control gas prices

Bai: but people still like Obama

Gregory: or unemployment could also
be a deal breaker

Halperin: there are a lot of red states out there
who yearn for the good times of 2008 again

Gregory: what news did Newt make this morning?

Bai: he’s going to run as the candidate of people who think Obama is secret Kenyan muslim witch doctor

Gregory: Lindsay Graham says Obama has to kill Qadaffi to prove he’s not a wimp

Cooper: or he could just invade Pakistan

Halperin: I like it!

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
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