Sunday, April 24, 2011

Meet The Press - April 24, 2011

John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-NE)
Eugene Robinson
David Brooks
Alex Castellanos
Gregory: John what’s happening in Libya

McCain: It’s a mess and a stalemate and we need to increase our involvement with more intense bombing immediately

Gregory: can that will achieve victory without ground troops?

McCain: yes - if we also take out Qadaffi’s cable tv

Gregory: you cruel bastard

McCain: heh

Gregory: Mitt Romney said the plan is muddled

McCain: he’s right - Obama should take out Qadaffi now!

Gregory: but you just said no U.S. soldiers on the ground

McCain: Bombs!

Gregory: what if that doesn’t work?

McCain: More bombs!

Gregory: Should we stay in Iraq until 2012?

McCain: it’s very very very important we stay for at least 10 years

Gregory: so on what date would you have the U.S. end the military occupation of Iraq?

McCain: Never - is never good for you?

Gregory: Do you love Donald Trump as much as me?

McCain: I’m not sure that’s possible David

Gregory: is he serious?

McCain: he’s having more fun than I ever did

Gregory: will you endorse him for President?

McCain: I was a Palin man in 2008 and I’m a Palin man now

Gregory: But she’s an idiot

McCain: That’s never been a big problem for our Presidential candidates

Gregory: true - thanks for coming John

McCain: thank you Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: Kent Conrad and Tom Coburn are 2 of the 6 people who will soon decide for America how best to dismantle the most successful social programs in American history - thanks for coming guys

Coburn: yo what's up fluff

Conrad: any day now we will reveal to the nation what fate we have decided for all of you

Gregory: awesome

Coburn: it’s vital for America that you follow our six-person plan - we’re flat broke

Gregory: so will you raise taxes?

Coburn: no we are out of money so we must cut taxes for rich people - if we’re nice to them maybe they will give us some money

Gregory: you might have to break your pledge not to raise taxes though

Coburn: maybe - its not like the GOP controls the Senate

Gregory: Don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?

Conrad: did you know corporations are cheating by hiding in the Cayman Islands?

Gregory: Kent perhaps you misheard my demand for higher taxes on the middle class

Conrad: no I heard you just fine Fluffy

Gregory: let’s move on - Tom don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?

Coburn: no we have to eliminate Medicaid

Gregory: I see

Coburn: Obama is hurting America by not cutting Medicare

Gregory: People want more government than they are willing to pay for and they want to tax the rich

Conrad: this is a defining moment - people are struggling so it’s the perfect time to get rid of entitlements

Gregory: but how can you and I persuade the American people to cut Medicare and Social Security

Conrad: we have to scare the daylights out of them

Gregory: is all this hype over defaulting on the debt overblown?

Conrad: absolutely - the debt is a fundamental threat to the future of America

Gregory: so no debt ceiling vote from you

Conrad: sure reneging on the debt would be bad - but Social Security is worse!

Gregory: what about it Tom

Coburn: repudiating the debt is a-ok - what is catastrophic is spending on the sick and elderly

Gregory: is Donald Trump ethical enough to be President?

Coburn: we need strong moral leadership so no

Gregory: but John Ensign is a friend of yours

Coburn: mistakes were made

Gregory: should he have resigned?

Coburn: who can say? I have no idea what Ensign did

Gregory: should the ethics committee make their findings public?

Conrad: who can say? I’m just a humble senator

[ break ]

Gregory: Should the GOP put all their Easter eggs in the Ending-Medicare basket?

Castellanos: true they seem cold and evil but Democrats won’t cut anything

Gregory: excellent false point Alex

Dunn: the American People want us to work together to give them magical stoned ponies

Brooks: I love the Ryan plan because it finally asked the tough question - are the dying elderly getting a free ride?

Gregory: you have raise taxes on the middle class!
[ sits backs, looks smug ]

Robinson: People love Medicare and they want to tax the rich

Brooks: Obama must give the people a Powerpoint presentation like all great Presidents such as Ross Perot

Gregory: 70% of Americans think we’re on the wrong track

Castellanos: Obama has divided Democrats and Republicans

Gregory: the GOP may bear some of the blame for that too

Dunn: yes after all the first line of the Ryan plan was “The President is a Big Poopyhead”


Robinson: Calm down Fluffy

Dunn: taxes for the rich are the lowest since Herbert Hoover

Cast: when Obama says the rich pay too little he is dividing America and attacking poor weak helpless outnumbered billionaires

Robinson: we can debate how to cut social programs or we can debate how to save them

Brooks: the economy is improving but people are more pessimistic than ever

Gregory: People want the housing bubble back

Castellanos: Obama bows to foreigners and took over car companies and people hate that

Gregory: T Boone Pickens is disappointed in Obama for not subsidizing his natural gas facilities

Brooks: I was in an Applebees in Pennsylvania and learned that we must get over our silly aversion to fossil fuels

Dunn: Green jobs!

Gregory: Feel the Trumpmentum!!

Robinson: Hear the Trumpets!

Castellanos: Americans hate Washington but he’s a moron

Brooks: he stands for he idea that a little poor small guy can start with nothing and still make it America

Robinson: LOL

Gregory: he seems to have no shortage of stupid ideas

Dunn: I for one welcome the Trump candidacy

Gregory: 45% of Republicans don’t think Obama is from planet Earth

Cast: Trump is going toe-to-toe with Obama so it becomes all about Trump vs Obama - that is such a win for Republicans

Dunn: I love how crazy he is

Guthrie: is there a right to privacy in the Constitution?

Trump: I dunno maybe

Gurthrie: but you’re pro-life

Trump: What does a right to privacy have to do abortion?

Guthire: ever heard of Roe v Wade dipshit

Trump: savannah: yur fired

Gregory: he’s seems stupid but can Trump win?

Brooks: Americans frustrated with poor government will eventually vote for a downright moron

Robinson: Trump makes the other candidates look like whiny little losers without a reality tv show

Gregory: except for Palin

Robinson: good point Fluffy

Castellanos: there’s plenty of time for the other GOP candidates to gain public exposure and also be revealed as true idiots

McCain: Bomb bomb bomb Libya

Brooks: Let me give you my analysis of the situation in Libya

Gregory: David what makes you an expert in foreign policy?

Brooks: I once ate at an International House of Pancakes

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press


No comments: