John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-NE)
Gregory: John what’s happening in Libya
McCain: It’s a mess and a stalemate and we need to increase our involvement with more intense bombing immediately
Gregory: can that will achieve victory without ground troops?
McCain: yes - if we also take out Qadaffi’s cable tv
Gregory: you cruel bastard
Gregory: Mitt Romney said the plan is muddled
McCain: he’s right - Obama should take out Qadaffi now!
Gregory: but you just said no U.S. soldiers on the ground
Gregory: what if that doesn’t work?
McCain: More bombs!
Gregory: Should we stay in Iraq until 2012?
McCain: it’s very very very important we stay for at least 10 years
Gregory: so on what date would you have the U.S. end the military occupation of Iraq?
McCain: Never - is never good for you?
Gregory: Do you love Donald Trump as much as me?
McCain: I’m not sure that’s possible David
Gregory: is he serious?
McCain: he’s having more fun than I ever did
Gregory: will you endorse him for President?
McCain: I was a Palin man in 2008 and I’m a Palin man now
Gregory: But she’s an idiot
McCain: That’s never been a big problem for our Presidential candidates
Gregory: true - thanks for coming John
McCain: thank you Fluffy
[ break ]
Gregory: Kent Conrad and Tom Coburn are 2 of the 6 people who will soon decide for America how best to dismantle the most successful social programs in American history - thanks for coming guys
Coburn: yo what's up fluff
Conrad: any day now we will reveal to the nation what fate we have decided for all of you
Coburn: it’s vital for America that you follow our six-person plan - we’re flat broke
Gregory: so will you raise taxes?
Coburn: no we are out of money so we must cut taxes for rich people - if we’re nice to them maybe they will give us some money
Gregory: you might have to break your pledge not to raise taxes though
Coburn: maybe - its not like the GOP controls the Senate
Gregory: Don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?
Conrad: did you know corporations are cheating by hiding in the Cayman Islands?
Gregory: Kent perhaps you misheard my demand for higher taxes on the middle class
Conrad: no I heard you just fine Fluffy
Gregory: let’s move on - Tom don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?
Coburn: no we have to eliminate Medicaid
Gregory: I see
Coburn: Obama is hurting America by not cutting Medicare
Gregory: People want more government than they are willing to pay for and they want to tax the rich
Conrad: this is a defining moment - people are struggling so it’s the perfect time to get rid of entitlements
Gregory: but how can you and I persuade the American people to cut Medicare and Social Security
Conrad: we have to scare the daylights out of them
Gregory: is all this hype over defaulting on the debt overblown?
Conrad: absolutely - the debt is a fundamental threat to the future of America
Gregory: so no debt ceiling vote from you
Conrad: sure reneging on the debt would be bad - but Social Security is worse!
Gregory: what about it Tom
Coburn: repudiating the debt is a-ok - what is catastrophic is spending on the sick and elderly
Gregory: is Donald Trump ethical enough to be President?
Coburn: we need strong moral leadership so no
Gregory: but John Ensign is a friend of yours
Coburn: mistakes were made
Gregory: should he have resigned?
Coburn: who can say? I have no idea what Ensign did
Gregory: should the ethics committee make their findings public?
Conrad: who can say? I’m just a humble senator
[ break ]
Gregory: Should the GOP put all their Easter eggs in the Ending-Medicare basket?
Castellanos: true they seem cold and evil but Democrats won’t cut anything
Gregory: excellent false point Alex
Dunn: the American People want us to work together to give them magical stoned ponies
Brooks: I love the Ryan plan because it finally asked the tough question - are the dying elderly getting a free ride?
Gregory: you have raise taxes on the middle class!
[ sits backs, looks smug ]
Robinson: People love Medicare and they want to tax the rich
Brooks: Obama must give the people a Powerpoint presentation like all great Presidents such as Ross Perot
Gregory: 70% of Americans think we’re on the wrong track
Castellanos: Obama has divided Democrats and Republicans
Gregory: the GOP may bear some of the blame for that too
Dunn: yes after all the first line of the Ryan plan was “The President is a Big Poopyhead”
Gregory: RAISE TAXES ON THE MIDDLE CLASS GODDAMMIT!!!!!!
Robinson: Calm down Fluffy
Dunn: taxes for the rich are the lowest since Herbert Hoover
Cast: when Obama says the rich pay too little he is dividing America and attacking poor weak helpless outnumbered billionaires
Robinson: we can debate how to cut social programs or we can debate how to save them
Brooks: the economy is improving but people are more pessimistic than ever
Gregory: People want the housing bubble back
Castellanos: Obama bows to foreigners and took over car companies and people hate that
Gregory: T Boone Pickens is disappointed in Obama for not subsidizing his natural gas facilities
Brooks: I was in an Applebees in Pennsylvania and learned that we must get over our silly aversion to fossil fuels
Dunn: Green jobs!
Gregory: Feel the Trumpmentum!!
Robinson: Hear the Trumpets!
Castellanos: Americans hate Washington but he’s a moron
Brooks: he stands for he idea that a little poor small guy can start with nothing and still make it America
Gregory: he seems to have no shortage of stupid ideas
Dunn: I for one welcome the Trump candidacy
Gregory: 45% of Republicans don’t think Obama is from planet Earth
Cast: Trump is going toe-to-toe with Obama so it becomes all about Trump vs Obama - that is such a win for Republicans
Dunn: I love how crazy he is
Guthrie: is there a right to privacy in the Constitution?
Trump: I dunno maybe
Gurthrie: but you’re pro-life
Trump: What does a right to privacy have to do abortion?
Guthire: ever heard of Roe v Wade dipshit
Trump: savannah: yur fired
Gregory: he’s seems stupid but can Trump win?
Brooks: Americans frustrated with poor government will eventually vote for a downright moron
Robinson: Trump makes the other candidates look like whiny little losers without a reality tv show
Gregory: except for Palin
Robinson: good point Fluffy
Castellanos: there’s plenty of time for the other GOP candidates to gain public exposure and also be revealed as true idiots
McCain: Bomb bomb bomb Libya
Brooks: Let me give you my analysis of the situation in Libya
Gregory: David what makes you an expert in foreign policy?
Brooks: I once ate at an International House of Pancakes
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press