Sunday, November 23, 2008

Meet the Press with Lieberman, Daley & Baker - November 23, 2008

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Meet The Press
November 23, 2008
Guests:
Richard Daley
James Baker
Sen. Joe Lieberman
*********************************************

Brokaw: Obama said he wants to jump start the economy - is he FDR or Stalin??

Daley: he's not going to wait until he's sworn in - he's going to unfuck America now!

Brokaw: what about ending all trade

Daley: he's going to have a very large package

Brokaw: but will the Republican party go along?

Daley: who gives a shit?

Baker: this is very serious so i have to agree that government spending could be good

Daley: he's a lawyer who cares what he thinks?

Brokaw: will Obama not increase taxes on the super wealthy?

Daley: maybe

Baker: thank god!

Brokaw: indeed

Baker: everyone knows that President need competent people

Daley: except for Bush

Baker: right

Baker: this is only a crisis of confidence - all we need if for Bush and Obama to sit down and do something jointly to calm America the fuck down

Brokaw: like what?

Baker: like they could agree that Bush could take a 60 day vacation to Vanuatu

Brokaw: Bush leaving is his finest hour as President

Daley: hey we only have one president at a time sadly

Brokaw: dammit will Bush be defenestrated or not!!?

Baker: seriously Obama should just stage a coup - hell I'm his father's best friend and even I think it's a great idea

Brokaw: so bloodless revolution - yes or no!?!

Daley: we're mulling it over

Baker: Ok Obama named an economic team but it's not enough - he needs to seize the White House right now!!!

Daley: i dunno...

Brokaw: Criminy America can't survive 8 weeks of Stupid and the Beaker!

Baker: fuck yeah!

Brokaw: Tom Friedman demands a Revolution now!!

Daley: he's just panicking because his wife's company is losing billions

Brokaw: so is mine!!

Baker: mine too!!

[ waves pitchfork ]

Brokaw: Bailout Detroit - yes or no?

Daley: yes and no

Baker: Ronald Reagan said fuck 'em and it worked - Detroit made better cars

Brokaw: well then why are they bankrupt now?

Baker: well that's fault of the Unions and Bill Clinton

Brokaw: Hillary as Sec of State - omg!!!!

Baker: oh all of Obama's choices are good - unlike Stupid's

Brokaw: but don't you speak for Bush’s father?

Baker: dood you don't even what to know the Oedipal issues in that psycho family

Brokaw: what is the Bush family Thanksgiving like?

Baker: it makes the House of Atreus look like Brady Bunch

[ break ]

Brokaw: Welcome traitorous asshole - your president has brought us economic free fall

Lieberman: this has my jowls drooping even more than usual - i suggest a tax credit for whining

Brokaw: so what can we do?

Lieberman: Bush should show his leadership by plowing wheel barrows of money to hedge funds in Greenwich Connecticut

Brokaw: you endorsed john McCain - one of the worst candidates ever

Lieberman: i love him

Brokaw: you said you would not attack Obama and then you did exactly that

Lieberman: that is true - but i was speaking to Democrats

Brokaw: while speaking to Republicans

Lieberman: Let's not bicker about who smeared who

Brokaw: did you enjoy it when Republicans lied about Obama and called him a terrorist?

Lieberman: Oh did I mention i endorsed Obama in 2008?

Brokaw: no you didn't

Lieberman: well I wish i did

Brokaw: you said Obama was weak and naive and not ready and Palin was a great lady

Lieberman: [ smirks ]

Brokaw: were you lying at the time

Lieberman: oh that was just politics - i have no idea about that

Brokaw: you really are a supercillious disingenuous little shit aren't you?

Lieberman: God put me back in office dood

Brokaw: they took away your seat on the Environment committee

Lieberman: maybe but I kept my seat on Homeland Security so really i won

Brokaw: amazing

Lieberman: Obama put me back in that Committee - he knows how awesome I am

Brokaw: he keeps your balls in a jar on his desk

Lieberman: yurp

Brokaw: you've always been a sanctimonious dick

Lieberman: who among us have not smeared someone else in the heat of a campaign?

Brokaw: did you talk to Obama?

Lieberman: he won't take my calls

Brokaw: who did

Lieberman: Rahm called me

Brokaw: what did he say?

Lieberman: he called me a motherfucking cocksucker motherfucker

Brokaw: in the spirit of reconciliation

Brokaw: what's the future for you and McCain?

Lieberman: he will play a leadership role I am sure

Brokaw: how so?

Lieberman: by groveling

Brokaw: anything else

Lieberman: Obama is not a Democrat he's an American

Brokaw: you're a piece of work, I'll give you that

Lieberman: warble

Brokaw: warble warble

[ break ]

Brokaw: What will the Market say about Obama?

Burnett: The Market loves Geithner but if Obama creates 2 million jobs that's not enough

Brokaw: Citigroup is imploding!

Erin Burnett: truly shocking

Brokaw: Should Bush resign or should Obama just seize power?

Chuck Todd: that's a tough call

Gene Robinson: is anyone else surprised that Baker is suggesting a fucking coup?

Brokaw: well why not

Todd: we need it!

Burnett: Citigroup is failing - we need a revolution now!

Brokaw: Bailout Detroit?

Ingrassia: we need to save Detroit from government red tape, unions, pensions, and exploding cars

Brokaw: how do we save Detroit?

Ingrassia: invalidate unions contracts

Brokaw: can that work?

Ingrassia: sure look at Honda they are selling cars

Brokaw: can GM be saved?

Ingrassia: yes if they can be rebooted by trashing unions

Brokaw: but they have seen the light!

Robinson: maybe - but it is very frustrating dealing with these high flying executives

Brokaw: Obama has to tell the labor unions to fuck off

Todd: oh absolutely everyone knows employees are just as responsible for failure as owners and management

Brokaw: that's what Obama and Bush should do - get together and crush the unions

Ingrassia: works for me

Brokaw: the Clintonistas are back!!

Todd: ha ha ha

Brokaw: ha ha ha

Todd: but what about Jim Jones - it's a Team of Egos

Brokaw: ha ha ha ha

Todd: it's all Drama!!

Brokaw: the Marc Rich pardon!

Robinson: Oh noes!

Brokaw: i just love reliving Clinton scandals

Robinson: President Bush approved torture

Brokaw: never heard of him

Todd: Hispanics wanted a seat at the Big Boys table

Brokaw: ha ha ha ha ha

The Chris Matthews Show - November 23, 2008

The Chris Matthews Show
November 23, 2008
******************************

Matthews: OMG we have a black president!!!

Kay: i know!!!

Matthews: But Obama isn't an obstinate rich selfish shortsighted greedy unintelligent asshole!!

Woodward: well we have some flaws

Tweety: why is Stupid so stupid?

Woodward: he doesn't like homework

Matthews: why did fancy elitists vote for President elect Smarty pants?

Borger: Obama will fail unless he listens to the guts of david broder

Gregory: Obama got lucky becaue Bush's gut was full of shit

Kay: the people of world are still dancing in the streets over the election

Matthews: what about America's friends and allies

Kay: those ARE America's allies

Tweety: what is different from Bush to Obama?

Woodward: first of all Obama isn't a congential liar

Matthews: but i like to be lied to!

Woodward: Emission Accomplished

Gregory: The Failed Obama Presidency will be more realistic - which is a real bummer

Matthews: Government has been evil since 1976

Borger: that was before Katrina, Detroit, the Wall Street bailout

Matthews: the war was underfunded so that was small government

Gregory: Wall Street and Government have no leaders now

Matthews: I have Daddy Issues!!!

Kay: Tell me something I don't know!!

Matthews: fucking Joe Lieberman got rewarded!

Borger: the american people love Joe

Tweety: Obama's naive!

Kay: he's a fucking Vulcan

Woodward: that green blooded, inhuman

Tweety: OMG!

Kay: really Tweety you must learn to govern your passions they will be your undoing

Woodward: look at all the Clinton people he brought in oh noes

Matthews: you said the word 'Clinton' ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Woodward: ha ha ha ha ha

Tweety: Bill! ha ah ha ha ha

Matthews: Stupid is going crazy i love it!

Gregory: he is so classy, he wears the trappings of the Presidency so well

Kay: you two need a team of psychiatrists - i mean from Vienna

Matthews: OMG Hillary is a threat to the next President!!!!

Kay: idiot

Matthews: so Obama is threatened!

Borger: no….

Matthews: so she IS a threat!

Kay: Tweety you're not making any sense

Woodward: Bill and Hillary can't control each other!

Tweety: Ha!

Bob: Bill and Hillary will share the world

Woodward: The World is Not Enough

Gregory: They need to co-opt Bill Clinton

Kay: Wily Arabs will not trust a woman

Woodward: Hillary will emasculate Joe Biden

Tweety: [ crosses legs ]

Tweety: tell me some news!

Woodward: the NSA Advisor will be Jim Jones

Tweety: he didn't drink the Iraq Kool aid!

Borger: GOP will lose Michigan

Gregory: Obama will fail in the middle east!

Matthews: who will get a pardon from Stupid?

Kay: Scooter and Stevens

Woodward: Neither

Borger: Scooter

Gregory: Stevens

Matthews: Scooter!
*******************************************

Sunday, November 16, 2008

60 Minutes - Interview with Barack Obama - November 16, 2008

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60 Minutes
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Guests:
Barack Obama
Michelle Obama
******************************

Kroft: are you still awesome?

Obama: i am now i get sleep late like a real president

Kroft: now you get to take it easy like Reagan and Bush

Obama: indeed

Kroft: what the hell have you gotten into

Obama: i am completely calm

Kroft: dude you are otherwordly

Kroft: so what's up

Obama: arming and defending the Empire

Kroft: what else

Obama: propping up this failed economy

Kroft: do you talk to Beaker about his $700 billion

Obama: hey did you ever see Brewster's Millions it's hard to give away that much money

Kroft: the CRAP program hasn't accomplished anything

Obama: hey you could see people selling apple cores in the streets

Kroft: will anything get better when you are president

Obama: i want people to stay in the overpriced homes they can't afford

Kroft: are you giving Beaker orders

Obama: let's just say he's getting the message Chicago style

Kroft: what's that?

Obama: a deep dish pizza wrapped in newspaper

Kroft: he sleeps with the anchovies

Obama: [ finger on nose ]

Kroft: Should we let GM fail like it's about to?

Obama: no these are extraordinary circumstances

Kroft: what are those?

Obama: I'm about to be President and need Michigan votes

Kroft: gas is cheap now so we can forget about greening right

Obama: oh no in Al Gore is getting thin we live in a different world

Kroft: should we keep our financial system?

Obama: indeed time for Pitchforks

Kroft: Close Gitmo?

Obama: indeed also no torture

Kroft: how about leaving the hellhole of iraq

Obama: just as soon as we can

Kroft: and when will you catch Osama?

Obama: dood I'm not President yet!

Kroft: dood the whole world is waiting you to fix 8 years of bullshit

Kroft: you spoke to Hillary

Obama: she's a smart lady

Kroft: Republicans in the cabinet?

Obama: if I can find one non-lunatic

Kroft: who are reading?

Obama: I am very humble i'd like to compare myself to Lincoln now

Kroft: not FDR?

Obama: him too - but I'm better looking
Kroft: why FDR?

Obama: he projected optimism and hard work and caring and that's what I want to do

Kroft: dood you must be new to washignton

Obama: new new new deal

Kroft: how will that work

Obama: it will be like the 30s but without the hats

Kroft: will you be eloquent like Stupid

Obama: fuck that - I will accomplish shit

Kroft: that's radical

Obama: but the President must communicate and i think like JFK i can do that

Kroft: you are extremely cool

Obama: yes dude I know

Kroft: when did you realize you are the President?

Obama: I'm what?!?! Oh shit!!

Michelle: i said wow I'm finally proud of America

Kroft: what were you thinking

M. Obama: i said my god 100,000 people are cheering you a black guy named Hussein

B. Obama: i have a black mother in law and she said well maybe my daughter made an ok choice after all

Obama: it was a sign of progress and core decency of the people - although i gambled that people aren't racists and it worked

Kroft: awesome

Obama: i slept in and Michelle and the girls got up early

Michelle: the girls are embarrased by their dorky dad

Kroft: you lived in a one room college dorm

Michelle: it was disgusting

Obama: it was bachelor pad man it rocked!

[ high fives Kroft ]

Kroft: [ high fives ]

Kroft: how freaky are Stupid and the Joker

Michelle: are crazy as you can imagine

Michelle Obama: i imagine kids and dogs

Barack: and sleepovers

Kroft: bill clinton had those

Michelle Obama: Barack will be home and i will be close by

Kroft: when i met you first two years ago you were hanging around with idiots like Culture of Truth

Obama: i ditched that dood

Michelle: he's fucking crazy

Obama: for the girls we need an era of normalcy

Kroft: like War on Harding

M. Obama: it's all back to normal

Barack: no i can't go for a walk without being with weird guys in suits carrying machine guns

Kroft: so just like Tony Soprano

Kroft: when will Michelle take over public policy

M. Obama: hey we've learned this year if Palin and Hillary can run for President then so can i

B. Obama: now you see why i married her

Kroft: did you seriously consider a public school?

Obama: we still are

Kroft: but there are [stage whisper ] *black people there*

Michelle: i know

Kroft: dog selection front!

M. Obama: we told the girls we will get one after he selects a Secretary of Agriculture

Kroft: and they fell for that

Obama: no

Kroft: what kind of dog

Obama: i don't know but his name will be Whitey

Kroft: your mother in law is going to move dood are you crazy??

Obama: well we'll see i told her that the White House is very very small

Kroft: can you solve world peace and hunger a College Playoff system

Obama: damm right

[Michelle rolls eyes]

Kroft: awesome

Obama: i'm gonna throw the weight of the presidency behind this

Kroft: bush couldn't do it

Obama: well as you may have noticed i am not Stupid

Kroft: as a matter of fact i'm beginning to get that

Obama: well good

[ high fives Kroft ]

Meet The Press - November 16, 2008

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Guests:
Senator Levin (D-MI)
Senator Shelby (R-AL)
T. Boone Pickens
*************************************

Brokaw: ok guys - auto bailout - yes or no???

Shelby: no way dood - Detroit is a bunch of dinosaurs and it’s time for them to go extinct

Brokaw: you said this is not a national problem

Shelby: sure it's not something really important like whether terri schiavo can follow a balloon

Brokaw: i see your point

Levin: can i talk?

Brokaw: fuck off loser

Brokaw: rick waggoner says he will accept a federal bailout but only if he gets a cut

Levin: ok he's an asshole but the entire american economy is dependent badly made vehicles

Brokaw: who doesn't love a good hummer?

Levin: even the europeans are bailing out mercedes and bmw

Brokaw: its never been the same since they lost teh slave labor

Levin: people are not buying cars because they are afraid

Brokaw: they are afraid their car will be an overpriced clunker

Brokaw: will you demand Rick Waggoner apologize for the Gremlin?

Levin: what about Bush and Obama?

Brokaw: never heard of them

Shelby: this is the beginning of Obama Corporate welfare

Levin: Bullshit - we did it for Chrysler and for the airlines and AIG and Wall Street and

Shelby: blah blah blah

Levin: but we have to pick up all their pensions!

Shelby: Pfffft

Brokaw: but only a bailout can save the industry!

Shelby: no they must renegotiate with the unions and tell them to fuck off

Brokaw: Tom Friedman says the unions are to blame for building Escalades

Levin: hey Tom - Suck. On. This.

Brokaw: but the unions!

Levin: they've taken hits and Detroit is finally listening it troubles me

Shelby: boooooooring

Levin: they're making hybrids and electric scooters why can't people see that this is not their fault they're making good cars!!!

Shelby: uh huh

Brokaw: are you willing to tell Chrysler dealers that their cars suck?

Shelby: you betcha!

Levin: no we must subsidize the auto industry so they can continue to innovate and make good cars nobody wants

Brokaw: T Boone do you think we should bailout the auto industries

Pickens: how the hell should i know

Brokaw: how's your wind

Pickens: it's slow but the wind will still be there tomorrow

Brokaw: i like you - you're folksy and like my crazy grandpa

Pickens: ahm gonna harness the wind and that will release natural gas

Brokaw: did Obama agree to support your cuddly non-existent plan?

Pickens: well he doesn't dance to mah tune but he likes natural gas cause it's red white and blue

Brokaw: what about electric cars

Pickens: nice but only natural gas is 'merican and can run a rig and get us off muslim oil

Brokaw: all gore says we should use kites to fly to work

Pickens: as long as their not foreign kites that's fine

Brokaw: but oil is cheap again

Pickens: but it still comes from terrorists and towelheads

Brokaw: good point

Brokaw: what's the answer

Pickens: we need a plan or you are in favor of foreign oil which is foreign and did I mention it was foreign

Brokaw: you were an oil man for 50 years stupid

Pickens: well that was your fault Tom and no President worked on the problem

Brokaw: Carter did

Pickens: fuck him he wore sweaters

[ break ]

Brokaw: should we bailout Detroit?

Tom Friedman: no way - where is their plan for fixing their problems?

Brokaw: subsidized crack

Friedman: they should have a plan - like marry a billionaire

Brokaw: that's a tough position

Friedman: these car makers suck - fuck em

Katty Kay: true but after 8 years of a Bush Presidency the US economy is so fragile we have to do it

Friedman: but they're greedy fuckers

Kay: ok so have the executives publicly drawn and quartered

Brokaw: what is the solution

Andrea Mitchell: Obama quit his senate seat so he could dodge the question

Tavis Smiley: hey who's getting rich Mustache man - Detroit is poorest fucking city in America

Friedman: slackers

Smiley: the Audacity of Mendacity!

Brokaw: what about the fucking unions?

Mitchell: look we all like the underclass with their cute little blue collars but Obama is going to have to tell the unions to fuck off

Mustache: no one in the world understands this economic crisis - Obama is gonna need a bigger soup kitchen

Brokaw: i'm scared

Friedman: fairness doesn't matter - we have to bailout homeowners or we will be all eating bread and water

Brokaw: i'm not sure we have caught up to the full extent of the shitiness of the Bush economy

Kay: Bush has united the planet in agreement that he is the Worst Leader in the World

Brokaw: Andrea please offer us some juicy useless gossip

Mitchell: Hillary was seen with Lindsay Lohan and Bill Clinton

Brokaw: why would Hillary take a cabinet job?

Mitchell: she was shut out of health care in the senate by Ted Kennedy and needs a platform

Brokaw: but I thought Teddy had a brain tumor and was done for

Mitchell: think again warbler

Brokaw: bash Jesse Jackson pleez

Smiley: i know we're all celebrating Obama’s win but now there are no blacks in the Senate

Friedman: the next Secretary of State should be a bankruptcy specialist

Kay: what drugs are you on?

Mitchell: it shows Obama has read “Team of Rivals” which is very very important to people who listen to Don Imus

Brokaw: oh of course

Mitchell: also Obama will hire Lugar, Gates, McCain and Hagel

Brokaw: any liberals?

Mitchell: those *are* the liberals

Brokaw: is Bobby Jindal the future of the party?

Mitchell: yes and unlike Sarah Palin he appears to have a brain

Smiley: no unlike me that dood has not shown he can appeal to bored white people across the nation

Brokaw: my mother survived the gang wars of the twenties, an affair with John Steinbeck, a marriage to Doug MacArthur, nuclear tests, Elvis, the hula hoop, Woodstock, Studio 54, the crack wars, Pets.com and giving birth to me - happy birthday mom

The Chris Matthews Show - November 16, 2008

The Chris Matthews Show - November 16, 2008
*******************************************

Matthews: OMG Obama is fighting a tiger i hope he has a magic rock!

Fineman: it turns out the Republicans really really suck

Burnett: Bush came out against socialism - he's only for bailouts for people who don't need it

Duffy: The Dems are relying on Durbin and Pelosi

Matthews: Rush Limbaugh is calling it The Obama Recession!!!

Duffy: I'm persuaded

Norris: George Bush is trying to save the GOP by crushing the US auto industry

Matthews: that should work

Norris: Republicans are showing their love for American by crippling the country to hurt Obama

Matthews: can America survive Bush's last 40 days?

Burnett: highly doubtful

Matthews: I'm moving to someplace safe like Iceland

Norris: fuck the Obama bailout

Matthew: will Obama come out with loud hip hop music??

Duffy: I think chicks and geese and ducks better scurry

Fineman: Obama is going to tell the cautious DC types to fuck off

Norris: Obama will sign legislation during his acceptance speech

Burnett: Wall Street is suddenly interested in massive welfare - for them

Matthews: we're all Cainesians now

Matthews: Will McCain help Obama?

Fineman: yes he is Obama's immigration bitch

Matthews: OMG young republicans like Palin, Pawlenty and Jindal will save the party!

Tweety Meter: Jindal! Jindal!

Tweety: Will Romney or Palin be elected President in 2012?

Norris: it all depends on Chris Matthews

Matthews: i love sarah palin

Burnett: she's amusing but dumb

Matthews: that usually works in politics

Matthews: who will speak for the Republican party?

Fineman: Rush Limbaugh

Tweety: will no one else oppose Obama??

Duffy: liberal bloggers

Tweety: hah!

Norris: I was in a barbershop and black men are cutting off their dreadlocks, pulling up their pants and joining the army

Matthews: an investment in America!

Fineman: Clyburn is a power broker and he a centrist and black

Burnett: GM is a zombie corpse but they are selling cars overseas in China and Russia

Tweety: to the Commies!

Matthews: will Obama give McCain a cabinet position?

Norris: he has to if Obama wants to win in 2012

Fineman: Obama needs McCain in the Senate - he's sooo powerful

Duffy: he's Obama's liasion to the Rictus-American community

Duffy: Gates is willing to serve in the cabinet if Obama asks nicely

Thursday, November 13, 2008

MEET THE PRESS - November 9, 2008

MEET THE PRESS
November 9, 2008
Guests:
Valerie Jarrett
Rep. Clyburn
Sen. Martinez
********************

Brokaw: what can we expect from our new Chicago overlord?

Valerie Jarrett: radical change from people like jennifer granholm, paul volcker, and warren buffet

Brokaw: will you people a dark shadow government

Jarrett: no

Brokaw: really?

Jarrett: no really we will be

Brokaw: what did you learn studying the Polk adminstration

Jarrett: don't fuck up

Brokaw: ok let's talk about my money

Brokaw: who else besides Volcker, Summers, Rubin and Buffet

Jarrett: Obamans don't talk out of school

Brokaw: any Republicans

Jarrett: yes we will have Democrats and Losers represented

Brokaw: will you keep some Bush appointees on?

Jarrett: well he's looking for talent - so no

Brokaw: this is going to shock - you John Boner criticizes Obama

Jarrett: oh noes! He'd better resign now!

Brokaw: what about Bill Clinton

Jarrett: i can tell you we are so very eager to talk about the Clintons

Brokaw: are you being sarcastic

Jarrett: who me?

Brokaw: Democrats are always the party of Big Government

Jarrett: You are such an interesting person and apparently a fucking liar

Brokaw: what are Obama's flaws?

Jarrett: He's too inspirational

Brokaw: will Michelle be Laura or be Hillary?

Jarrett: this is the stupidest conversation i've ever had in my life

Brokaw: will she be in the bowels of the White House

Jarrett: you are a true idiot, aren't you?

Brokaw: Puppy?

Jarrett: oh noe don't go there

Brokaw: how did you feel when Obama won

Jarrett: awesome that people saw how awesome he is

Brokaw: what about the failed Obama administration

[ break ]

Clyburn: we have to restore teh economy, rebuild america, fund stem cells, and heal the country

Martinez: lets not worry about who slimed who - the point is unemployment is very high under the Obama administration!!

Brokaw: stimulus program

Martinez: i would like to see checks mailed to foreclosed homeowners in Miami

Brokaw: what else

Martinez: Obama should do whatever Republicans want

Brokaw: given the big win for Democrats should we lower taxes on the rich and cut government spending

Clyburn: are you fucking drunk?

Brokaw: stimulus program

Martinez: i would like to see checks mailed to foreclosed homeowners in Miami

Brokaw: what else

Martinez: Obama should do whatever Republicans want

Brokaw: given the big win for Democrats should we lower taxes on the rich and cut government spending

Clyburn: are you fucking drunk?

Brokaw: should we give the failed auto industry a trillion dollars?

Clyburn: yes every american should get a hummer

Brokaw: you are from the party of free markets?

Martinez: no the the GOP is the party of Free Capitalism - failed businesses get free money from the government when they fail

Brokaw: what about teh deficits?

Clyburn: the coffers are empty and we must govern from the center - i hate the far left they're so lefty

Brokaw: Ted Kennedy wants to divide America - will Republicans support that

Martinez: we as Republicans have to figure out what teh hell we believe

Brokaw: solution to health care is to go to the ER?

Martinez: see it turns out people don't think that's a good idea

Brokaw: given the poor economy isn't it true that we can't do health care in the first four years

Martinez: see children's health care is very divisive we should not attempt that it's so mean and divisive

Brokaw: Earth to Martinez - maybe the reason you went 0 for 3 is because you consider funding health care for kids divisive

Martinez: John McCain was a POW he didn't deserve to lose or the GOP be branded a racist

Brokaw: what is a Republican?

Martinez: we are going to try and figure it out - starting with Mitch Daniels

Brokaw: oh god

Brokaw: Clyburn you're black - did you know Obama is too?

Clyburn: hey some of my best friends are black and descended from slaves

Brokaw: that's very moving

Clyburn: we who worked with the system have been vindicated

Brokaw: Rahm is terrible

Martinez: Boner is moron

Brokaw: hey the Obamas are black! what about all the dysfunctional ones!

Mitchell: we need to get the guys off the corners and the kids in schools

Brokaw: wow can he finally get black families to work?

Mitchell: this dude is a better role model that a rapper or ballplayer

Brokaw: then they can hope to have the world's worst job

Goodwin: hey an economic disaster creates real opportunity for change

Brokaw: hmmmm

Goodwin: like LBJ who I slept with

Brokaw: TMI doris

Meachem: i haz advise for new preznit

Brokaw: do tell

Meachem: Obama is andrew jackson

Brokaw: maybe Obama can be on the $15 bill

Brokaw: he's very eloquent

Meachem: he's a rock star but not one of those elitist ones

Goodwin: Obama echoed FDR in the war when he said we will get there

Brokaw: that's wasn't MLK?

Goodwin: who?

Brokaw: is he black enough

Mitchell: he's President enough!

Brokaw: but not from the inner city

Mitchell: but he's got a white mother and worked in the city - it's fascinating

Brokaw: krauthammer says he's Putin

Meachem: he's actually very tough - who knew??

Brokaw: not a weak intellectual black man?

Meachem: i didn't believe it - but McCain ran a noble campaign

Goodwin: Obama should appoint McCain cabinet

Brokaw: will inner city blacks run the country?

Goodwin: this is a fucking fun time to live in America!

The Chris Matthews Show - November 9, 2008

The Chris Matthews Show
November 9, 2008
*****************************

Tweety: No Drama Obama! Oh noes!!

Obama: the road ahead is long and there are alot of bathroom breaks along the way

Tweety: can he he save my 401k?

Rather: he's bold but cautious - no highs or lows

Tucker: the Man canceled the fireworks cause he didn't want to make John McCain cry

Brooks: he's post-Boomer that's Audacious! But Cautious! He's Caudacious!

Tweety: ha I love it!

Bumiller: unlike Bush he read newspapers

Tweety: he is really is a socialist who will make people wait in line for a heart transplant

Rather: that's bad news for Dick Cheney

Tweety: ha

Rather: i expect him to govern from the center

Brooks: my opinion matters a great deal

Tweety: Ronald Reagan taught us you must get it all done early before you go senile

Brooks: he should no do anything at all

Tucker: bullshit you simpering fop

Brooks: Obama's people are nice and kind -- it's really weird

Bumiller: what planet are you on - Obama is mean

Brooks: no he isn't

Bumiller: ok you've convinced me

Rather: Obama is as optimistic as a frog on a Texas griddle

Tweety: what would you ask Bush?

Bumiller: why are you such a fuck up?

Rather: when are you leaving?

Tucker: nothing from Stupid

Brooks: Obama should ask to have sex with Laura

Tweety: where is the bowling alley?

Tweety: let me relive the ‘68 Convention also the battle of Lexington

Rather [ in 68] : take your hands off me pigs!

Tweety: that was awesome

Tweety: will the GOP love Obama

Brooks: McCain will help Obama depending on how long he lives

Tweety: only John McCain knows how pass legislation

Bumiller: uh...

Tweety: Will Obama offer him a cabinet postition?

Bumiller: uh...

Tweety: Rahm is bad

Rather: that's good

Tweety: uh...

Tucker: he's jerk but he's Obama's jerk

Bumiller: moderate GOP hate Randy Schumerman

Rather: Rahm solves Obama's Jewish problem

Tweety: what else

Rather: Obama must decide where to dump Bill Richardson

Tucker: there were 80,000 undervotes in Georgia - that means people voted for President and then left

Tweety: What about Race Relations!?

Bumiller: blacks and whites gettin' along!

Rather: it's all horseshit

Tucker: they are teh cutest family ever - they will show an upper middle class black family

Tweety: i thought that was teh Cosbys

Brooks: the lesson of this campaign is that America is not a racist country

Tweety: whites secretly voted for Barack but couldn't tell anyone down at the knight of columbus hall - the Obama Effect

Sunday, November 02, 2008

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 2, 2008

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This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 2, 2008
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Stephanopoulos: yur losing

Davis: no way dood

Stephanopoulos: why do u say that

Davis: pollz r biased against Republicans

Stephanopoulos: you've got to be kidding me

Davis: whaaaaa

Stephanopoulos: so sad

Davis: the number of undecided voters is rising

Stephanopoulos: why is that

Davis: people are getting stupider

Stephanopoulos: i didn't think that wasn't possible

Davis: it is our key to winning

Stephanopoulos: it seems you are truly fucked

Davis: no we can still win new mexico

Stephanopoulos: dream on lunatic

Davis: no no no early voting trends to democrats - GOP voters are now in left hand lane at 15 mph

Stephanopoulos: i don't think so

Davis: we are going to win Pennsylvania

Stephanopoulos: prove it

Davis: the amish are very excited by McCain - they held a fundraiser: Amish Against Socialism

Stephanopoulos: Obama tied to your to Dick Cheney

Davis: Obama is engaging in the stale old politics of the past

Stephanopoulos: right...

Stephanopoulos: so is Davis right are you losing?

Axelrod: sure reality is biased against the pubic party

Stephanopoulos: you will lose because all your voters are early voters

Axelrod: yes i've heard the new GOP line is that McCain wins because people hate McCain so much they can't wait to defeat him

Stephanopoulos: can't you beat McCain like a rented mule

Axelrod: rented, bought, paid for, sold on eBay and served at Le Cirque for $100 a plate

Stephanopoulos: Mmmmmmmm....

Axelrod: We're drawing record crowds but we need all the hippies and kids to remember to vote

Stephanopoulos: Obama claims he hates lobbyists but hell we've all dabbled in lobbying in our time

Axelrod: true but they weren't Kenyan

Stephanopoulos: how many electoral votes will you get

Axelrod: a hell of a lot

Will: Obama has generated great enthusiasm in this election which is good news for McCain

Halperin: Obama is cheating by being popular in early voting

Brazille: so THIS is what a winning campaign looks like!

Stephanopoulos: is McCain fucked?

Matt Dowd: sure there are more democrats in the polls - cause there are more democrats after 8 years of Bush

Stephanopoulos: who the fuck is still undecided?

Dowd: they're retarded

Stephanopoulos: can Bob Barr win Georgia?

Will: yes he will benefit from a surge in african american voting

Stephanopoulos: who still supports McCain?

Brazille: robots they are making all his calls

Halperin: Obama will probably lose in 2012

Dowd: McCain will get more votes than Bush - and still lose

Stephanopoulos: what can we look forward to

Dowd: if Virginia goes to Obama then you can go to bed and dream sweet dreams of a black president

Stephanopoulos: turning points in the 2008 campaign?

Will: Iowa caucuses and killing reverend Right

Steph: McCain

Will: Palin and his being a shitty campaigner

Stephanopoulos: Obama opposing the war in 2002 and his address in 2004

Dowd: the turning point was the Iraq war - it killed Bush, weakened Hillary, and crippled Bush and McCain and gave us Obama

Halperin: hillary lost it but not just over the war

Brazille: howard dean won this election

Halperin: let's be fair - McCain made alot of really stupid decisions this election

Will: McCain should have been tougher and meaner and nastier - not so gentle and nice on race and accusing Obama of eating christian children

Dowd: George W. Bush has been a bad President and even a black guy with a funny name could have won this election ha ha

Steph: his speech on race was important

Brazille: i think of sunday bloody sunday

Steph: Palin / Bono 2012

Steph: what fascinates you

Halperin: Suununu - i love him so much and if he loses it proves reasonanable white men can't get a break

Dowd: poor poor white male conservatives

Will: poor poor poor Chris Shays if he loses it will proves that translucent closeted shitheads can't get a break

Brazile: i am so looking forward to Liddy Dole getting killed

Will: Obama wins North Dakota = 378 EC votes

Dowd: 338 EVs for the masai warrior

Halperin: 349 EVs for the magic negro

Brazille: 343 EV votes based on ground game for Baruch

Steph: Obama gets 353 - including Ohio and Florida

Dowd: um, what happened to the Permanent Repubic Majority??

Halperin: it's a 50/50 Nation

Steph: of course it's always 50 - 50 on teevee

Dowd: whatever fuckhead

Halperin: hey

Dowd: go shine my shoes dick

Halperin: [ bends down ]