Sunday, November 16, 2008

60 Minutes - Interview with Barack Obama - November 16, 2008

60 Minutes
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Barack Obama
Michelle Obama

Kroft: are you still awesome?

Obama: i am now i get sleep late like a real president

Kroft: now you get to take it easy like Reagan and Bush

Obama: indeed

Kroft: what the hell have you gotten into

Obama: i am completely calm

Kroft: dude you are otherwordly

Kroft: so what's up

Obama: arming and defending the Empire

Kroft: what else

Obama: propping up this failed economy

Kroft: do you talk to Beaker about his $700 billion

Obama: hey did you ever see Brewster's Millions it's hard to give away that much money

Kroft: the CRAP program hasn't accomplished anything

Obama: hey you could see people selling apple cores in the streets

Kroft: will anything get better when you are president

Obama: i want people to stay in the overpriced homes they can't afford

Kroft: are you giving Beaker orders

Obama: let's just say he's getting the message Chicago style

Kroft: what's that?

Obama: a deep dish pizza wrapped in newspaper

Kroft: he sleeps with the anchovies

Obama: [ finger on nose ]

Kroft: Should we let GM fail like it's about to?

Obama: no these are extraordinary circumstances

Kroft: what are those?

Obama: I'm about to be President and need Michigan votes

Kroft: gas is cheap now so we can forget about greening right

Obama: oh no in Al Gore is getting thin we live in a different world

Kroft: should we keep our financial system?

Obama: indeed time for Pitchforks

Kroft: Close Gitmo?

Obama: indeed also no torture

Kroft: how about leaving the hellhole of iraq

Obama: just as soon as we can

Kroft: and when will you catch Osama?

Obama: dood I'm not President yet!

Kroft: dood the whole world is waiting you to fix 8 years of bullshit

Kroft: you spoke to Hillary

Obama: she's a smart lady

Kroft: Republicans in the cabinet?

Obama: if I can find one non-lunatic

Kroft: who are reading?

Obama: I am very humble i'd like to compare myself to Lincoln now

Kroft: not FDR?

Obama: him too - but I'm better looking
Kroft: why FDR?

Obama: he projected optimism and hard work and caring and that's what I want to do

Kroft: dood you must be new to washignton

Obama: new new new deal

Kroft: how will that work

Obama: it will be like the 30s but without the hats

Kroft: will you be eloquent like Stupid

Obama: fuck that - I will accomplish shit

Kroft: that's radical

Obama: but the President must communicate and i think like JFK i can do that

Kroft: you are extremely cool

Obama: yes dude I know

Kroft: when did you realize you are the President?

Obama: I'm what?!?! Oh shit!!

Michelle: i said wow I'm finally proud of America

Kroft: what were you thinking

M. Obama: i said my god 100,000 people are cheering you a black guy named Hussein

B. Obama: i have a black mother in law and she said well maybe my daughter made an ok choice after all

Obama: it was a sign of progress and core decency of the people - although i gambled that people aren't racists and it worked

Kroft: awesome

Obama: i slept in and Michelle and the girls got up early

Michelle: the girls are embarrased by their dorky dad

Kroft: you lived in a one room college dorm

Michelle: it was disgusting

Obama: it was bachelor pad man it rocked!

[ high fives Kroft ]

Kroft: [ high fives ]

Kroft: how freaky are Stupid and the Joker

Michelle: are crazy as you can imagine

Michelle Obama: i imagine kids and dogs

Barack: and sleepovers

Kroft: bill clinton had those

Michelle Obama: Barack will be home and i will be close by

Kroft: when i met you first two years ago you were hanging around with idiots like Culture of Truth

Obama: i ditched that dood

Michelle: he's fucking crazy

Obama: for the girls we need an era of normalcy

Kroft: like War on Harding

M. Obama: it's all back to normal

Barack: no i can't go for a walk without being with weird guys in suits carrying machine guns

Kroft: so just like Tony Soprano

Kroft: when will Michelle take over public policy

M. Obama: hey we've learned this year if Palin and Hillary can run for President then so can i

B. Obama: now you see why i married her

Kroft: did you seriously consider a public school?

Obama: we still are

Kroft: but there are [stage whisper ] *black people there*

Michelle: i know

Kroft: dog selection front!

M. Obama: we told the girls we will get one after he selects a Secretary of Agriculture

Kroft: and they fell for that

Obama: no

Kroft: what kind of dog

Obama: i don't know but his name will be Whitey

Kroft: your mother in law is going to move dood are you crazy??

Obama: well we'll see i told her that the White House is very very small

Kroft: can you solve world peace and hunger a College Playoff system

Obama: damm right

[Michelle rolls eyes]

Kroft: awesome

Obama: i'm gonna throw the weight of the presidency behind this

Kroft: bush couldn't do it

Obama: well as you may have noticed i am not Stupid

Kroft: as a matter of fact i'm beginning to get that

Obama: well good

[ high fives Kroft ]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was your best piece, evah. An inspired work I tell you. My favorite line:

Kroft: Republicans in the cabinet?

Obama: if I can find one non-lunatic