Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Mayor Kasim Reed
(D-Atlanta)
Michael Isikoff
Katty Kay
Michael Gerson
********************************
Gregory:
the sequester automatic
spending
cuts could happen in a
few
days and would cripple
Virginia's
economy
Audience:
yes Virginia there
is
a Sequester Clause
Cantor: these are horrible
indiscriminate cuts I
supported
Gregory:
so why can't you make
a
deal with Obama?
Cantor: because Obama
wants to raise taxes
Gregory:
so you can't compromise?
Cantor: no because Obama
got his
tax hikes and took things
from the rich
and now it's our turn to
get what we want
Gregory:
which is what?
Cantor: take things from
the poor
and give them back to the
rich
Gregory:
but the sequester
would wreck the economy
Cantor:
look we can't raise
taxes
every 3 months
Gregory:
or once every 20 years
Cantor:
we actually have things
Obama
supports in our plan
Gregory:
well good
Cantor:
but first he has to agree
not
to raise taxes
Gregory:
ok
Cantor:
also this is all Obama's fault
Gregory:
do you like sequester or not?
Cantor:
it would be an epic disaster
but
not as bad a raising taxes on
our
precious job-creating billionaires
Gregory:
you changed your
mind
on immigration
Cantor: these illegal
immigrants
came here as children
through
no fault of their own
Gregory:
would you support
the
DREAM Act?
Cantor: no because it has
Obama cooties on it
Gregory:
what can you support?
Cantor: something exactly
like it
Gregory:
what would it take for
Republicans
to support immigration reform?
Cantor: If Obama came out
against it
Gregory:
that would do it
Cantor: right
Gregory:
how can you re-brand the
Republican
party when people
don't
like your central beliefs?
Cantor: we have to
persuade people
that cutting taxes for
very rich
people will make their
lives better
Gregory:
okay
Cantor: also school
scholarships
seem to be popular
Gregory:
wow
Cantor: we need to provide
relief
to people who are
suffering
Gregory:
fine but your core beliefs
were
rejected by the people
Cantor: we have to talk
about helping people
Gregory:
what about actually helping people
Cantor: if we have to
Gregory:
what else?
Cantor: Obama doesn't care
about
the debt and deficit and
we do
Gregory:
It's so sad
Cantor: but maybe we
should
help sick kids while we're
at it
Gregory:
should Congress regulate
the
President's power to kill?
Cantor: muslims want to
kill Americans!
Gregory:
okay
Cantor: American must
continue
to kill all over the world
if we
are to lead the world in
peace and liberty
Gregory:
thanks for coming
[break]
Gregory:
my rich friends never use
the
Post Office but I hear some
regular
folks do
Audience: woot
[break]
Gregory:
omg Obama is doubling-down
on
his agenda
Murphy:
I do not support this
Gregory: what a surprise
Murphy:
Obama has to be like
Nixon
in China and do all the things
Republicans
wants – that would totally
undercut
Republicans and be historic
Gregory:
you are so awesome
Kay:
Obama has to create jobs and
we
live a world overrun by killer robots
Gerson:
he should stop being mean
and
polarizing and instead make
huge
concessions to Republicans
Gregory:
your insight is fascinating
Gregory:
Senator what happens
with sequester?
Durbin:
sequester would ruin the
economy
so the solution is to make
cuts and
raise taxes
Gregory:
Isn't Obama an absurd
failure
of a President?
Durbin:
I heard you were a moron
Gregory:
but Washington doesn't work
Durbin:
look the sequester was designed
to
be so terrible that it forced Washington
politicians
act like rational adults
Gregory:
but what does Obama
have
to show for it besides
winning
tax hikes?
Durbin:
he won the Presidency jackass
Gregory:
what else?
Durbin:
Eric Cantor just endorsed
the
DREAM Act on your show!
Gregory:
okay but what else
Durbin:
we've got Republicans
quoting
Emma Lazarus!
Gregory:
should we make 11 million
people
go home first?
Durbin:
our current immigration
policy
is cruel and insane
Gregory:
speaking of that -
what about
automatic spending cuts?
Durbin: they're bad
Gregory: doesn't
Washington have
a spending problem?
Durbin: even if we did the
sequester cuts
are demented – why would
we cut
psychological help for
veterans?
Gregory: yes but aren't
Republicans
always right about
everything?
Durbin: no this is cruel
and destructive
Gregory: the Wall Street
Journal is
very excited about Obama's
hypocrisy
on killing terrorists
Durbin: Obama kept us
safe, banned torture,
killed bin Laden and got
us out of war
Gregory: what about
targeted killing?
Durbin: the U.S. is in a
raging war
on computer hackers!
Gregory: what about drone
killing?
Durbin: we're at war!
Gregory: what war?
Durbin: we need a new
Constitution
for an endless vague war
on a tactic!
Gregory: what about Bob
Menendez
Durbin: who among doesn't
take
free flights to South
America?
Gregory: shouldn't Chuck
Hagel pull out?
Durbin: No that's
ridiculous
Gregory: but Dick Cheney
says
Obama's nominees are
second-rate
Durbin: has that sociopath
shot
anyone in the face recently?
Reed: Obama spent four
years
reaching out to
Republicans and
they gave him the back of
their hand
– he shouldn't make huge
concessions
to Republicans they should
make
huge concessions to him!
Gregory: Republicans are
always
right but Obama won the
election
Isikoff: technically that
is true
Gerson: yes but there is
literally
no Republican who can
support
spending cuts with tax
increases
Gregory: well that ends
that discussion
Murphy: it's time for
Obama to
become a Republican and
adopt
all their ideas
Gregory: great idea but I
wonder
if that is realistic Mike
Reed: we're rushing to
adopt policies
which have destroyed Great
Britain
Kay: America needs to
increase
spending - not cut it!
Gregory: would Obama
becoming
a Republican actually help
him?
Gerson: of course – by
being a
Democrat he is very
divisive
Murphy: Obama should call
up heroes
like Marco Rubio and Jeb
Bush and
say what do you need and
they
will say “you should
just go away”
and then he should resign
and let
the Bush family take over
like nature intended
Gregory: what's the deal
with the
President killing people?
Isikoff: the President can
kill people
who pose an imminent
threat or
are just generally really
bad
Gregory: cool
Isikoff: also he can kill if capture
is not feasible or Game of Thrones
is on
Kay: it's not just the law
–
drone attacks alienate
moderates
all over the world
Gregory: moderates like
John McCain?
Kay: no moderate muslims
in Pakistan
Gregory: oh like in other
countries
Gregory: should we use
drones to
track murderers in America
Reed: President Bush kept
up
safe except for 9/11
Gregory: should Presidents
have absolute power?
Isikoff: Obama killed as
many
people as who were
waterboarded
– his legacy is at stake
Gerson: Obama loves drones
because he is lazy
Gregory: all right enough
about
whether the President has
the right to kill
– Ashley Judd is cute
and Chris Christie is fat!
Audience: yeah!
Gregory: I love Marco
Rubio
Murphy: he's not ready to
run
for President just yet
Gregory: Chris Christie
ate a donut
on David Letterman
Kay: obesity is real
problem in America
Gregory: Ashley Judd is
very adorable
Murphy: don't bet against
Turtle Man
****************************************
