Monday, November 07, 2016

Meet The Press – November 6, 2016

John Podesta – Clinton campaign
Newt Gingrich – Trump campaign
Charlie Cook
Fred Yang – Dem Pollster
Bill McInturff – GOP Pollster
Kristen Welker
Katy Tur
Chris Jansing
Andrea Mitchell
Tom Brokaw
Nicole Wallace
Chris Matthews
Savannah Guthrie
Jose Diaz-Balart

[ voice over ]
Welcome to A Very Special
Episode of Meet The Press

Todd: omg this is the last episode 
before the end of the wold!

Todd: this election is not about hope! 
It's about fear!

Todd: these are out final polls!

Todd: surprise – it's a tie!

Todd: Hillary only leads by 4 points!

Todd: that poll was before
James Comey tilted the election!

Todd: Trump bragged he will
never be stopped by a Republican
without a gun

Todd: Hillary campaigned with 
Katy Perry and Left Shark

Clinton: I want to represent 
all sharks Left and Right

Todd: Michigan is in play !

Todd: Trump is throwing spaghetti at the wall

Todd: he has to win Florida 
and flip a blue state

Todd: can he win Michigan??

Todd: Kristen what's up in Philadelphia

Welker: Hillary has to turn out black voters

Todd: can she?

Welker: Obama got 93% of the black
vote and she'll never match that

Welker: she has to that in Ohio

Todd: that's a tough one

Welker: but she's got Lebron James

Todd: oh fuck

Welker: she has 1 million volunteers

Todd: and now let's hear from poor Katy Tur

Tur: Trump is back in Michigan

Tur: they say they're in a dead heat

Tur: if Trump wins here he can
afford to lose Pennsylvania and Nevada

Todd: Florida! Florida! Florida!

Jansing: early voting here is
smashing all kinds of records

Jansing: there 200,000 more Hispanic voters

Jansing: but she's still behind
where Barack Obama was

Jansing: and Republicans out-vote
Democrats on election day

Jansing: make no mistake it will
another heart-stopping election here

Todd: let's go to Andrea 
Mitchell in New Hampshire

Todd: how is it in the frozen north Andrea?

Mitchell: Hillary is sad because
the FBI is out to get her

Mitchell: she has some final
uplifting message but it's boring

Mitchell: she's bringing in the big guns –
Barack Obama and the Khan family

Todd: thanks Andrea

Mitchell: brrrrrrr

[ break ]

Todd: 50 million people will vote early!

Todd: the Hispanic vote is way up

Todd: welcome John Podesta

Podesta: nice to be here Todd

Todd: you are struggling with black voters

Podesta: no we're not

Todd: why do black voters hate Hillary?

Podesta: they were her 
firewall in the primaries!

Todd: but she's down with blacks
compared to Obama in 2008

Podesta: well yeah newsflash Ted
- Obama is also black

Todd: is he?

Podesta: we're doing better with
women and hispanics and asian-americans

Todd: Obama said “I don't care if you're
not inspired go vote for Hillary anyway”

Podesta: hells yeah!

Todd: that's not a great message

Podesta: I don't care – Trump
is a dumb bigot and a fascist

Todd: mostly true

Podesta: we called 7 million people

Todd: what about?

Podesta: Hillary fights for 
families and children!

Todd: you're going to lose
Michigan and Iowa

Podesta: if we win Michigan this race is over

Todd: but you're losing!

Podesta: we'll see Chuckles

Todd: Tim Kaine says the FBI
is tying to defeat Hillary Clinton

Podesta: well Comey broke
the rules to help Trump

Todd: should he resign?

Podesta: no he's a good man

Todd: say something inflammatory please

Podesta: the FBI leakers
should shut the fuck up

Todd: what's it like to have your private
risotto recipes exposed to the whole world

Podesta: I've fought tougher bastards
than Vladimir Putin and Julian Assange

Todd: thanks for coming John

Podesta: you've got to stir it constantly!

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Newt

Gingrich: you are lucky
to have me here Chet

Todd: Donald Trump – what went wrong?

Gingrich: He is very likely insane

Todd: that's true

Gingrich: but on the other hand
his ideas like fighting corruption
and helping black people are good ideas

Todd: right

Gingrich: he's a brilliant
marketer who says nutty things

Todd: Trump lost this election
on day one by insulting Mexicans

Gingrich: Hillary may regret
abusing national security

Todd: okay

Gingrich: did you know she
used to work with Barack Obama?

Todd: yes I did actually

Gingrich: I met a 90 year who is
voting for the first time in her life

Todd: she's 90 and never voted before?

Gingrich: she was waiting
for the just the right racist

Todd: Kelly Ayotte hates Trump's guts

Gingrich: Trump represents
grass roots populism

Todd: he does?

Gingrich: Trump's campaign
was a hostile takeover of the GOP

Todd: wow

Gingrich: Kelly Ayotte is a corrupt leftist

Todd: do you really mean that?

Gingrich: yes I do

Todd: okay

Gingrich: Hillary Clinton is guilty
of violating 100 counts of federal law!

Todd: I see

Gingrich: the wikileaks burglary
finally revealed how much
lawlessness there is!

Todd: right

Gingrich the media is corrupt too!

Todd: if Hillary wins will there be a civil war?

Gingrich: if Hillary wins there will
be endless criminal investigations
and if Trump wins the 100 foot tall
gold statue of him on the mall in
Washington will bankrupt the country

Todd: golly

Gingrich: either way there
will be decades-long civil unrest

Todd: that's scary

Gingrich: labor unions will destroy America!

Todd: yikes

Gingrich: I wish this wasn't true

Todd: we all agree Ned

[ break ]

Todd: this is the spinal tap panel

Todd: we go to eleven!

Todd: omg John Poesta questioned
the FBI and Newt called for civil war!

Brokaw: I have never seen the
country more fractured than it is now

Todd: wow and you're like really old

Brokaw: we're in tribal warfare!

Todd: outwit outplay outlast

Brokaw: Newt Gingrich is right

Todd: you don't hear that much nowadays

Brokaw: Bret Baier is a wonderful
man who reports lies about Hillary

Brokaw: this is no way to run a democracy

Todd: can Trump win?

Wallace: he can sweep the table and still lose

Matthews: time for some
street money in Philadelphia!

Todd: how does that work

Brokaw: you pull people
out of bed and get them to vote

Todd: Hispanic is the new black

Diaz-Balart: Trump woke 
the sleeping Latina Giantess

Guthrie: the Republicans saw all
this coming four years ago and
still screwed it up

Wallace: Trump branded himself
as toxic with Hispanic voters

Brokaw: he mistakes crowds for GOTV

Todd: Team Clinton is really very nervous

Guthrie: she has utterly failed
by not winning in a landslide yet

[ break ]

Todd: welcome big brainy pollsters

Todd: give me some numbers nerds

Yang: Trump has gained ground

Yang: but she's winning independents

Todd: that is shocking

Todd: what should give Trump hope?

McInturff: literally anything could happen

Todd: yay!

McInturff: but it won't

Todd: Trump leads non-college
educated men by 40 points!

Todd: but loses educated men

Yang: it's killer for him

Todd: sadly people care more
about his insanity than her e-mails

McInturff: if it weren't for Trump
being a groping creep Hillary would be losing

Todd: Trump voters think Hillary is crooked

Todd: her supporters says
he's a racist and misogynist

Todd: how do we heal?

Yang: who knows?

Todd: it's horrifying

McInturff: most Americans
liked Bush and Gore

McInturff: but no one likes Hillary
and they despise Trump

Todd: [ shakes head sadly ]

[ break ]

Todd: geek for us Cook

Todd: predict the US Senate

Cook: Kirk is out

Todd: Khaaan!

Cook: and Feingold wins

Todd: good news for Dems

Cook but Rubio wins

Todd: ru-ru-rubio!

Cook: Pat Toomey is out

Todd: sounds like a 
bad night for the GOP

Cook: well Even Bayh loses

Todd: oh that weasel

Cook: but Dems hold on to Nevada

Todd: the first hispanic woman in Le Senata!

Cook: Dems win New Hampshire
and North Carolina will end in a tie

Todd: so Dems win control of the Senate!

[ break ]

Todd: our long national
nightmare is just beginning

Guthrie: I just learned that division
won't end after the election day

Todd: oh really

Guthrie: all of America feels sick to their stomach

Todd: no one trusts any of our institutions

Brokaw: right

Todd: even Obama doesn't trust the FBI

Obama: Justice is being weaponized

Brokaw: the FBI was investigating
failure to protect confidential information
and they can't protect confidential information

Todd: both sides are driven by hate!

Wallace: gaze your eyes up the
human carnage wrought by this
campaign and despair

Todd: say what

Wallace: my party chose Trump over
16 qualified people plus Ben Carson

Matthews: the Democrats are equally to blame!

Matthews: Trump tapped into frustration
over the Democratic invasion of Iraq

Matthews: the Democrats didn't win this

Todd: what if they do?

Matthews: they still wont

Brokaw: the social media on Left
and Right are destructive monsters

Todd: whoever wins will be impeached

Wallace: or arrested!

Todd: oh my

Wallace: both candidates have been crippled

Todd: how ever could that have happened

Todd: what about the millennials?

Brokaw: they hate Hillary Clinton

Todd: that's right

Brokaw: they love their ipops
and their bookfaces and their snipchats

Diaz-Balart: Cubans hate Obama and Clinton

Matthews: if a woman wins it will blow minds

Todd: she hasn't run as a woman

Matthews: the whole world
is terrified of Trump

Wallace: I'm obsessed with the hidden vote

Todd: for Trump?

Wallace oh no Trumpers are loud and proud
Todd: that does seem to be the case

Wallace: I'm talking about
the hidden Hillary Clinton vote

Guthrie: imagine if James Comey
had tired harder to elect Donald Trump

Todd: he did his best Savannah

Guthrie: I suppose he did

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

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