Tuesday, January 05, 2016

Meet The Press – January 3, 2016

Gov. Jon Kasich (R-OH)
Sen. Rand Paul
Capt. Mark Kelly
Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick (R-TX)
Hallie Jackson
Kristen Welker
Chris Matthews
Jennifer Rubin
Sara Fagen
Eugene Robinson
Richard Dorment

Todd: omg 2016 is here and now we
can really focus on the Presidency race

Todd: can Trump gets voters! Can anyone
stop him? Are Democrats excited?

Todd: New Hampshire is
more important than Iowa!

Todd: Trump leads in Iowa but eight
years ago Giuliani and Clinton led in Iowa

Todd: now we have permission
to talk about Bill Clinton's sex life!

Todd: talk Iowa to me

Jackson: it's between Trump and Cruz
but Huckabee is coming on strong

Jackson: but has Cruz raised 
expectations too high?

Todd: so who come in third?

Jackson: Rubio must come in
third or he's doomed

Todd: Hillary has to win Iowa because
she's behind in New Hampshire

Welker: right but at the same time
Sanders has to win New Hampshire
or he can't win anywhere

Welker: the Clintons won New 
Hampshire in 1992 and 2008

Todd: the GOP is desperate for
an alternative to Donald Trump

Todd: is New Hampshire do or die for you?

Kasich: I want to be the story in New
Hampshire and then win the nomination

Todd: but Chris Christie is
surging and no one like you

Kasich: not many people know
this but I'm actually very popular

Todd: people in New Jersey hate
Chris Christie so what's wrong

Kasich: I don't know – Christie is
a horrible Governor and a terrible person

Todd: we all know that

Kasich: frankly Ohio is amazing
so I can't explain it

Todd: you're bipartisan and reasonable
and Republicans hate that

Kasich: voters think the system is
rigged in favor of rich people

Todd: well it is

Kasich: I know that but I speak for
people who live in the shadows

Todd: vampires?

Kasich: them too

Todd: you compared Donald
Trump to Adolf Hitler

Kasich: I'm just trying to
bring the nation together

Todd: that checks out

Kasich: Obama had no experience
so why elect Donald Trump?

Todd: you Trump compared him to Nazis

Kasich: Trump will lose to Hillary Clinton

Todd: what about Tamir Rice?

Kasich: we have no violence in Cleveland

Todd: except for the unarmed 
children being shot

Kasich: naturally I'm not including them

Todd: you don't agree with the 
Grand Jury decision?

Kasich: no comment

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Sen. Rand Paul

Paul: nice to be here Charles

Todd: you've stopped campaigning 
– what's going on?

Paul: I was busy raising money – sheesh!

Todd: fair enough

Paul: also I have a job as a Senator unlike Rubio

Todd: you say Ted Cruz steals all your ideas

Paul: I said invading other countries
was a bad idea before he ever did

Todd: impressive

Paul: Hillary Clinton is a war-monger!

Todd: your foreign policy is 
just like Barack Obama's

Paul: I wouldn't arm Syria rebels
or get involved in Libya

Todd: okay

Paul: Obama is far too interventionist!

Todd: I've heard that

Paul: also he's too nice to Saudi Arabia

Todd: compared to who?

Paul: Lindsey Graham and Barack Obama
have the same foreign policy

Todd: that a harsh accusation

Paul: against who?

Todd: I'm not sure

Paul: right

Todd: is Ted Cruz as big an 
asshole as we've heard?

Paul: oh no – he's much worse

Todd: you're frustrated at
how this campaign has gone

Paul: reporter don't understand statistics

Todd: that is true

Paul: the news media are idiots
in love with Trump

Todd: we all know that

Paul: we're going to shock people
in Iowa when we turn out dozens
of college students

Todd: you know the caucuses
are in the morning

Paul: shit I'm doomed

[ break ]

Todd: omg Donald Trump has 
given us permission to talk about 
Bill Clinton's sex life!

Trump: he's an abuser!

Clinton: I want to be the First First Gentleman

Todd: but Clinton is the most
popular politician in America

Sanders: Clinton deregulated wall street

Clinton: I'm running for my first term

Todd: Trump used to love the Clintons
and said infidelity was not important

[ break ]

Todd: panel – what's Trump up to?

Matthews: Clinton had the guts to run
for the Senate after Bill's impeachment
which is ballsy

Fagen: Trump called Hillary a friend
and Bill Clinton's a great President

Rubin: his supporters love
irreverent attacks on Democrats
and by irreverent I mean racist

Robinson: he's playing as if he
were already the GOP candidate

Todd: Clinton said he was
the best recruiter for ISIS

Todd: now there is a video showing that

Matthews: Hillary gave them that idea!

Todd: his supporters don't believe
anything that resemble objective facts

Rubin: they reject anything bad about Trump

Robinson: he attacks the press 
– and people love it

Fagen: he's bombastic and stupid 
and lashes out and that's just plain fun

Todd: but on the other hand Hillary
doesn't like to talk about Bill's affairs

Matthews: the people are in a
revolutionary mood like against the
French against the Bourbons and
all humanity against the Bushes

Rubin: did someone say bourbon?

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Mr. Kelly

Kelly: nice to be here sir

Todd: President Obama is going to
use an executive order to close the
gun show loophole

Kelly: about damn time

Todd: is this feasible?

Kelly: fixing the gun show loophole
only failed because of a filibuster

Todd: there is that

Kelly: 40% of gun sales don't
require a background check

Todd: Obama can't enforce these rules
without money and the ATF doesn't have any

Kelly: so we need to get the ATF money!

Todd: interesting idea

Kelly: guns are sold to criminals
without background checks

Todd: you want to explain gun
culture to east coast liberals

Kelly: poor white people are
scared and love their guns

Todd: what are they so scared of

Kelly: poor black people

Todd: what are black people scared of?

Kelly: cops

Todd: what about the GOP mantra
of 'enforce the laws on the books'

Kelly: that line is about arresting
people who fail a background check
which the NRA doesn't really want

Todd: that sounds right

Kelly: yep

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Lieutenant Governor

Patrick: hiyo Ted

Todd: you just made open-carry
even more open than before

Patrick: I just want to point our
your previous guest is a total moron

Todd: he's former navy aviator and
astronaut and space shuttle pilot

Patrick: women who live in cities
are terrified and what their guns!

Todd: is that right

Patrick: everyone knows the police are
useless and we need to defend ourselves

Todd: if you see someone walk into
a store carrying a gun should you call 911?

Patrick: open carry people are the
most wonderful people in the world

Todd: no doubt

Patrick: I love guns!

Todd: so why not allow
everyone to open carry?

Patrick: I support the Second Amendment

Todd: so why do you oppose gun rights?

Patrick: it's an evolving issue Chuck

Todd: why not let everyone carry a gun?

Patrick: I'm evolving Chet!

Todd: are you a hypocrite?

Patrick: I would like to see a
day where everyone carries
a gun at all times

Todd: we all would I'm sure

Patrick: in every place with open carry
crime is lower and murders are down!

Todd: of course

Patrick: guns are a good thing!

Todd: like ice cream and orgasms

Patrick: criminals love gun free-zones like
Europe where murders are out of control

Todd: I'm gonna have to check that

Patrick: let America carry guns everywhere
and America will be a safer place!

[ break ]

Todd: Americans are angry!

Todd: who are these angry people

Todd: white people are really angry!

Todd: Republicans are really really angry

Todd: and women are more angry
than men – especially white women

Todd: wow you put Donald Trump
on the cover of your magazine!

Dorment: white people are really angry
that the American dream is dead and
we're not winning wars

Matthews: people are mad about jobs
going overseas or to immigrants

Robinson: they're mad because 
the nation is less white and you 
have to Press 1 to hear english

Fagen: middle aged women are working
and taking care of kids and parents
no wonder they're mad

Dorment: but women have empathy
for injustice and makes them even more angry

Rubin: people are mad because
Barack Obama doesn't care about murder
and terrorism and laughs at fear of death

Fagen: people are angry because
Obama is weak and won't go after terrorism

Robinson: oh god you idiots

Fagen: also people hate all institutions

Dorment: blacks have more reason
to be angry but they are in fact less angry

Fagen: well I'm a white women
and I'm really freaking angry!

Rubin: so am I and fucking I'm furious!

Todd: Donald Trump took down Rick Perry
and Bobby Jindal and Lindsey Graham
and some guy named Pataki

Todd: Jon Kasich is scared!

Matthews: Trump is the bully who
gives you a terrible nickname

Rubin: to be fair Bobby Jindal was awful

Fagen: there are too many candidates
please remove some and I am not a crank

Todd: keep dreaming

Rubin: don't count out Christie!

Fagen: no one knows what's
going to happen

Rubin: people don't want
facts – they want emotion

Fagen: Christie is like Trump but
has better record of corruption

Todd: Obama did an interview
with Jerry Seinfeld

Obama: world leaders are mostly insane

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press


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