Sunday, November 23, 2014

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – November 23, 2014

Guests: President Barack Obama
Benjamin Netanyahu – PM of Israel
Dan Abrams
Benjamin Crump
Matthew Dowd
James Carville
Katrina vanden Heuvel
Ben Carson

Stephanopoulos: omg all hell is
about to break in Ferguson!

Reporter: they're setting up the
barricades and ready for a fight!

Stephanopoulos: I sat down with the
President at the Emperor's White House

Stephanopoulos: Greetings your majesty

Obama: good morning George

Stephanopoulos: what is your message
to the Ferguson protesters?

Obama: be peaceful – that's the American way

Stephanopoulos: is it really?

Obama: I got Eric Holder to talk to the
protesters like they were human beings

Stephanopoulos: well that is new 


Stephanopoulos: are you worried 
about violence?

Obama: I talked to Jay Nixon
and he told me is ready

Stephanopoulos: and you believe him?

Obama: hell no

Obama: look minorities need law enforcement
more than anybody – in Chicago they want more cops

Stephanopoulos: interesting point

Obama: but we needs cops to tell the
difference between a gangbanger
and good kid wearing a hoodie 


Stephanopoulos: John Lewis says  
this is like Selma

Obama: no it's more of a solvable problem

Stephanopoulos: what's the solution?

Obama: for the police will stop shooting
unarmed people because they look scary

Stephanopoulos: will you go to Ferguson?

Obama: I would but I don't want
to get pulled over and shot

Stephanopoulos: best to stay away then

Stephanopoulos: you black people think
race relations are getting worse in America

Obama: maybe but look back 10 or 50
years ago – things are definitely not worse

Stephanopoulos: you think so?

Obama: you think a dude named Hussein
Obama would get elected
President 50 years ago?

Stephanopoulos: not in America

Obama: bad incidents just get more attention now what with the tweeters and bookfacers


Stephanopoulos: and everyone 
has a camera now

Obama: look I was discriminated against
as a young man although it's been a
while I experienced racism directly

Stephanopoulos: this week a Republican
Congressman said he wants to put you in jail

Obama: ok so it hasn't been that long

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Pierre the DOJ
is also looking into this

Thomas: yes the federal government
is investigating the whole Ferguson
police department for bias

Stephanopoulos: that should go well

Thomas: when the grand jury doesn't
indict everyone will expect the
Dept. of Justice to do something


Stephanopoulos: Dan how does 
the grand jury work?

Abrams: it's a casual free-wheeling affair -
they invited Officer Brown for a 
pizza and beer party

Stephanopoulos: but in this case the
prosecutor is not pushing for an indictment

Abrams: right – he even invited
defense experts to testify

Crump: it's ridiculous!

Stephanopoulos: you think so?

Crump: he's giving this police officer
extra rights no other defendant gets

Abrams: but what if the prosecutor
is an idiot – isn't this the right approach?

Stephanopoulos: will you accept
the result of the grand jury?

Crump: sure but this whole
thing is a big scam


Stephanopoulos: but what if 
Michael Brown was 100 feet away 
but running toward Officer Wilson?

Crump: then you don't shoot!

Stephanopoulos: it sounds like you've
already decided the process is unfair

Crump: darn right – because it is unfair!

Stephanopoulos: but what if there was
a struggle for the gun – doesn't Officer Wilson
have to shoot the guy 100 feet away?

Crump: give me a break George

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Boehner says you're
an emperor with a new groove

Obama: well then maybe John Boehner
is acting like a dictator refusing to
hold a vote in the House

Stephanopoulos: snap

Obama: or he can work with
me to craft a new bill

Stephanopoulos: he says won't do that

Obama: I offered to wash his dog!

Stephanopoulos: before you said you
weren't an emperor and now you've
deferred deportations like most dictators do


Obama: look we always prioritize
deportations so that's all I'm doing now

Stephanopoulos: hmmm still sounds 
vaguely Caeserish

Obama: Reagan and George
Bush did the same thing

Stephanopoulos: you mean the
one-termer or the bad one?

Obama: H.W. Bush

Stephanopoulos: yes but that was
only after Congress acted

Obama: well if the President was fixing
what Congress didn't do then it's
the same thing isn't it

Stephanopoulos: maybe technically

Obama: look we're going to
make immigrants pay taxes –
who doesn't support that?

Stephanopoulos: what if the next Republican
President deferred prosecutions for people
who won't pay high taxes?

Obama: you mean like deferred
prosecutions for mortgage fraud or torture?

Stephanopoulos: whoa!

Obama: look we have limited resources
and we're going to deport felons first

Stephanopoulos: so you wouldn't agree
that a GOP President could defer 

prosecutions for tax fraud?

Obama: absolutely not

Stephanopoulos: damn I thought 
I chance there

Obama: even GOP politicians say
we can't deport 11 million people

Stephanopoulos: true

Stephanopoulos: Ted Cruz says the GOP
should cease all cooperation with you
until you deport all immigrants

Obama: including his family?

Stephanopoulos: ha ha

Obama: look they're always angry about
something – last year they shut down
the government over Obamacare


Stephanopoulos: they say won't 
do that this time

Obama: well then we shouldn't 

have a problem then

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: everyone agrees
Obama is wrong but isn't he kicking ass here?

Dowd: yes but he made everything
worse because he made Republicans
act even crazier

vanden Heuvel: Boehner has
had 18 months to pass a law

Dowd: so if a bill doesn't pass the
House we just bypass the legislature?

vanden Heuvel: the President is right
on the law and saved 5 million people

Carson: we need reform and the GOP
needs to put out their version of the law

Stephanopoulos: ooh

Carville: Obama is fucking brilliant
and putt the GOP in a trap and I fucking love it

Dowd: no no it's very bad for the President
and the Democrats because it shows
yet again how they have failed to
make Republicans do the right thing

Carville: that's fucking bullshit

Carson: lets not bicker about
who is right and wrong

vanden Heuvel: one side is wrong!

Carson: but there are poor white
people too in Appalachia

vanden Heuvel: what does that have
to do with immigration?

Carville: Boehner is a jackass

Dowd: that's true

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: you're making
a deal with Iraq

Obama: we're already had more
success on Iran nukes than
any other administration

Stephanopoulos: will Iraq join the
fight against ISIS?

Obama: well Iran still sponsors terrorism
but it might begin the process where
Iran joins the civilized world

Stephanopoulos: you think
that could ever happen?

Obama: I like the Iranians –
its not like North Korea

Stephanopoulos: Hillary tweeted support
for your seizure of monarchical powers
probably because she's going to be Queen next

Obama: she'd make a great President


Stephanopoulos: do you talk to 
each other a lot?

Obama: oh sure I text her all
the time on my blackberry

Stephanopoulos: you still have a blackberry?

Obama: you know what they say George

Stephanopoulos: would you endorse her?

Obama: I'm going to work hard to make
sure I'm succeeded by a Democrat
if it's her or someone else

Stephanopoulos: well sure

Obama: but I think voters want a
candidate with that new car smell

Stephanopoulos: interesting metaphor

Obama: in the meantime I'm still the President!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Bibi – 

what do you think of a potential  
deal with Iran?

Netanyahu: a deal could be good
but we must not make a bad deal

Stephanopoulos: so what's a bad deal?

Netanyahu: we must dismantle their
capacity before any sanctions are lifted!

Stephanopoulos: they might not agree to that

Netanyahu: Iran is building ICBMs
– they going to bomb Kansas!

Stephanopoulos: do you agree the
interim deal has been a success?

Netanyahu: no because those
Persians are very wily

Stephanopoulos: so are their cats

Netanyahu: we should toughen sanctions!
That will teach 'em!

Stephanopoulos: if there a new intifada

Netanyahu: Islamist forces are
overruning the middle east!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming



1 comment:

Instapundit Dotcom said...

You have to admire a politician who has the courage to be named Flake.