Sylvia
Burwell – Sec. of HHS
Gov.
Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Dr.
Toby Cosgrove – President and CEO Cleveland Clinic
Anne
Thompson
Avik
Roy
Neera
Tanden
Carly
Fiorina
Helene
Cooper
Reid
Wilson
Todd:
OMG an American aid
worker
may have been killed by ISIS
Audience:
shit
Todd:
he converted to Islam
while
in captivity
Engel:
the video shows other
beheadings
although not his
Todd:
cripes
Engel:
Peter Kassig was a former
U.S.
Soldier who went to the area
to help people
Todd:
wow
Engel:
the Iraqi military is infiltrated
by
terrorists and Iranians and
other assorted wackos
Engel:
some Iraqi units are striking at ISIS
but
others are actually Iranian death squads
Todd:
thanks Richard
Engel:
you too Chuck
[
break ]
Todd:
ok enough about that
unpleasantness
– let's talk domestic politics
Todd:
Obama and the GOP are going to war
–
it's
going to be a bumpy ride!
Audience:
wheeeee
Todd:
the President is doubling down!
Obama:
it's so on right now
Boehner:
we will fight Obama tooth and nail
Obama:
you can't handle the tooth!
Todd:
the Obamacare website
didn't
work at first but it did get
7 million sign ups
Todd:
on the other hand Republicans
still
hate the law and want to take
it
apart brick by brick
Todd:
and the conservative Supreme
Court
could still cripple the law
[
break ]
Todd:
Sylvia how's the new
enrollment
coming along?
Burwell:
we've got 100,000 new sign-ups
and
500,000 older sign ups
Todd:
what's the big problem?
Burwell:
people forget their passwords
Todd:
oh I can relate to that –
my
password for everything
now
is 'chuckyscratchybeard'
Burwell:
good Todd but you
need
at least one numeral
Todd:
why do people hate the law so much?
Burwell:
people actually like the provisions
of
the law like a ban on pre-existing conditions
Todd:
so why are predicting you
will
fail to get 13 million new users
Burwell:
because people are sticking
with
employer-based health insurance
Todd:
Jon Gruber helped write
Romneycare
and Obamacare and
he
said the law's complexity is
based
on stupidity of American voter
Burwell:
you know I think he's wrong
Todd:
maybe but then again
'Real
Housewives' is a hit franchise
Burwell:
this week one million people
used
to website to do window-shopping
for
health insurance
Todd:
will you have holiday
decorations
in your windows?
Burwell: no it's a website
Todd: another front in the war on christmas
Burwell: we are very transparent!
Todd:
did you really just throw stuff
at the wall
to see what sticks?
Burwell:
we threw in a lot of stuff
conservatives
wanted
Todd:
will you welome Mr. Gruber back?
Burwell:
if I were Gruber I would
not
show my face in Washington D.C.
unless he
wants to wake up at the
bottom of the Potomac
Todd:
thanks for coming
[break
]
Todd:
welcome Bobby
Jindal:
hi Chuck
Todd:
why not expand Medicaid?
Jindal:
we don't want the
government
running health care!
Todd:
all right then
Jindal:
Medicaid was created to
help
sick people and not healthy people
Todd:
I see
Jindal:
we just can't afford to
insure healthy people!
Todd:
but why turn down free cash?
Jindal:
insuring people in my state
would
be a total waste of money
Todd:
but other GOP governors
took
the free money
Jindal:
Louisiana is just too
poor
to take free money
Todd:
meanwhile you still have
lots
of people with no insurance
Jindal:
well that's not my fault
Todd:
no?
Jindal:
look government fails at everything
Todd:
so do you want to abolish Medicaid?
Jindal:
no I just want to limit it to
sick
people – why would we give
health
care to people who are healthy??
Todd:
should the Republicans
shut
down the government?
Jindal:
yes but if they did it would
really
be Obama shutting down the
government
it by making the Republicans do it
Todd:
you're torturing the english language
Jindal:
Obama lost the 2014 elections
therefore
he should do what
Republicans want to do
Todd:
okay
Jindal:
Obama will break law the
but we
shouldn't shut down
the government over it
Todd:
ah-ha you said “we”
Jindal: dammit
Todd:
you're incredibly unpopular in Louisiana
so why would pretend you're running for President
Jindal:
Obama is a communist
Todd:
you grew the debt so how is
your record
any better than Obama's
Jindal:
we have balanced budgets
Todd:
you're legally required to
Jindal:
we have a good credit rating!
Todd:
all right
Jindal:
when I was elected Louisiana
was
doing terribly and now the
economy is roaring
Todd:
sounds like your state is
doing
great under President Obama
Jindal: ack
[
break ]
Todd:
damn Obama is newly
energized
and is going on offense!
Obama: I'm fired up!
Todd:
with time running out for
a
legacy Obama has put his liberal fists up!
Obama: game on GOP!
Todd:
Obama has come out
swinging
on net neutrality and
climate
change and immigration
McConnell:
ah cain't buhlieve it
McConnell:
he's wahvin a rehd
flahg
in frohnt a bhuull
Obama:
how about this – hold a vote!
Todd:
Obama is free to fire up the
base
and he's ready to pick a fight
even
with conservative Democrats!
Landrieu:
I want the pipeline!
Obama:
why do we need to pollute
America
just so Canada can sell oil to China?
[
break ]
Todd:
panel should Obama veto the pipeline?
Matthews:
white people love pipes
Todd:
Obama doesn't look
sad
he looks happy
Cooper:
he wants to get things
done
and has no more fucks to give
Todd:
what should Republicans do?
Fiorina:
the American want this pipeline
– it
creates jobs
Todd:
not everyone agrees
Fiorina:
Obama said it wouldn't
which
is bizarre
Todd:
what should Republicans do now?
Fiorina:
the GOP should be sober
and
calm and not act like jackasses
which
only helps Obama
Todd:
interesting angle
Fiorina:
the GOP should point out to
hispanics
that Obama hates them
with
his unbelievable cynicism
Wilson:
it's better for Mary Landireu
if
Obama vetoes the pipeline
Todd:
it helps her to totally fail
to
deliver for her state?
Wilson:
yes because it distances her
even
more from the black guy
Todd:
amazing
[
break ]
Todd:
in the midterms turnout was
way
down and likely changed the
outcome
of the election in favor of Republicans!
Todd:
for example 20% of young
people
voted in 2012 and in 2014
only
14% did
Todd:
also black turnout was down 2%
which
cost Democrats in the elections
Todd:
some say you need Barack Obama
at
the top of the ticket and that's a
problem
for Democrats because
he
won't be running in 2016
[ break ]
Texas
official: Obamacare is a trap!
Illinois
citizen: the ACA is a saved our lives!
Texas
businessman: we can't afford
to
provide employees health insurance
which
is sad because I love them
Thompson:
Texas has the most
uninsured of any state
Texas
official: we should provide
health
insurance to poor people
but
not with Obama's name on it
Illinois
citizen: you try going without
insurance for two years!
Illinois
citizen: to have the fear of
bankruptcy
lifted is fantastic
Illinois
official: the law saves lives!
[
break ]
Todd:
panel talk Obamacare to me
Cosgrove:
costs are coming down
and
quality is going up and of course
more
people have health insurance
Roy:
costs are going up!
Todd:
but the doom and gloom
critics
predicted didn't happen
Roy:
hospitals are merging to
crush poor citizens
Tanden:
we have actual data and
numbers
premiums are coming down
due
to pressure from Obamacare rules
Todd:
is that right?
Cosgrove:
yes but what we need
is
people involved in their own care
Todd:
I see
Cosgrove:
the American people
are
a bunch of lazy fast-food eating
soda drinking unhealthy fuckers
Todd:
how would you advise the GOP?
Roy:
bring hospital costs down
which
are much higher in America
than
in other countries
Tanden:
the next step is address
how
much individuals are paying for their care
Cosgrove:
we have a doctor shortage!
Todd:
we're such wonks and nerds and geeks
[
break ]
Todd:
Carly should the GOP
keep
trying to repeal Obamacare?
Fiorina:
yes because deductibles are high
Todd:
I see
Fiorina:
this law is longer than a
Harry
Potter novel so of course
no
one understands it!
Todd:
I never did figure out why Harry
had
to compete in the tri-wizard tournament
Fiorina:
Obamacare is crony capitalism!
Todd: what's the solution?
Fiorina: do whatever the
insurance
companies want to do
Wilson:
passing the most significant
health
care law in modern history
will
plague Obama forever
Matthews:
the problem is the same
as
immigration – there are many people
who
don't really want to solve the problem
Todd:
Obama and Putin cuddled with koalas!
Matthews:
Reagan was right
–
there
really is a bear!
Todd:
Carly are you running for President?
Fiorina:
people keep begging me to run
Todd:
sounds like you're running!
Fiorina:
I have to Chuck –
the people have spoken
Todd:
and that's another
episode
of Meet The Press
1 comment:
It is so hard to hold back the convulsive and read. Thank you for summarizing, highlighting, and exposing the hilarity that Chuck Todd calls us wonks, nerds, and geeks
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