Sunday, September 29, 2013

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 29, 2013

Jon Karl
Terry Moran
Javad Zarif

Stephanopoulos: OMG the government 
is going to shut down

Karl: it's 99.9% sure

Stephanopoulos: whoa

Karl: the GOP wants to kill the government
unless they get a tax cut for medical devices

Stephanopoulos: seems reasonable

Karl: also they hate Obamacare

Stephanopoulos: what about the debt limit?

Karl: neither side will ever compromise
on paying America's bills!

Stephanopoulos: what about Iran?

Moran: a potential ground-breaking diplomatic breakthrough!

Stephanopoulos: but the hostage crisis!
The great Satan!

Moran: Rouhani has launched a charm
offensive – he's appearing on cable tv
and even hosted Saturday Night Live

Stephanopoulos: amazing

Moran: but no one trusts those wily Persians

Stephanopoulos: good point

Moran: The Supreme Leader is really in charge

Stephanopoulos: we all know Obama is President

Moran: the U.S. could ease sanctions
but the hard work is coming

Stephanopoulos: is this equal to the 
fall of the Berlin Wall?

Zarif: can't we all just get along?

Stephanopoulos: but no one believes you
will give up your dream of a nuclear bomb

Zarif: Iran is just like a America – 
we both have christians, jews, muslims, 
a Supreme Leader, and lots of guns

Stephanopoulos: so far so good

Zarif: we don't even want nukes
I swear

Stephanopoulos: John Kerry says you
should open up to inspections

Zarif: maybe – but the US should ease
its sanctions which are hurting children

Stephanopoulos: if they did would you
stop enriching uranium

Zarif: maybe – enriching meth
is more profitable anyway

Stephanopoulos: true

Zarif: we don't need military grade uranium
but we have the right to have it if we want

Stephanopoulos: okay then

Zarif: what should we do with
all our unemployed scientists?

Stephanopoulos: I could ask the same
question about American researchers

Zarif: snap!

Zarif: look we need to put these dangerous
eggheads in some of zoo in Vienna

Stephanopoulos: corral these hazardous
brainiacs where they can't hurt anyone

Zarif: exactly

Stephanopoulos: can we trust you?

Zarif: we never planned a military style nuke

Stephanopoulos: you scare the crap out of Israel

Zarif: oh no we love the Hebrew people

Stephanopoulos: Bibi accuses you 
of a smile attack

Zarif: what is that?

Stephanopoulos: it doesn't sound good

Zarif: Bibi always says we are one
Friedman-unit away from having the Bomb

Stephanopoulos: are you?

Zarif: we never wanted nukes – 
it's against our religion!

Stephanopoulos: is it?

Zarif: Israel has lots of nukes you know

Stephanopoulos: why enrich uranium?

Zarif: Dwight Eisenhower gave us that reactor
it would be rude not to use it

Stephanopoulos: I suppose so

Zarif: we would roll over and die
without nuclear power

Stephanopoulos: that's dubious

Zarif: we just don't trust America – 
you overthrew our government and 
blamed us when your friend 
Saddam used chemical weapons

Stephanopoulos: well there is that

Zarif: damn straight

Stephanopoulos: Hameni calls the Holocaust a myth!

Zarif: someone must have hacked that website

Stephanopoulos: for real?

Zarif: maybe it's a bad translation

Stephanopoulos: I don't think so Ja Z

Zarif: we condemn killing innocent people
in Germany, Palestine or New Mexico

Stephanopoulos: points for pop culture reference

Zarif: WWII is not a reason to treat
Palestinians badly

Stephanopoulos: what about Iranians
who chant 'Death to America!'

Zarif: Americans are nice generous 
peace-loving people

Stephanopoulos: I meant the U.S. not Canada

Zarif: on the other hand America 
has supported dictators

Stephanopoulos: one or two

Zarif: right now you do

Stephanopoulos: name one

Zarif: Saudi Arabia Egypt Kuwait

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

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