Meet The Press – September 1, 2013

Guests:

Sec. of State John Kerry

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)

Sen. Chris Murhpy (D-CT)

Chuck Todd

Katty Kay

Bill Kristol

Robert Gibbs

Gwen Ifill

Ann Curry

Gregory: wow we might go to war in Syria

Audience: woot

Gregory: Secretary Kerry why the

abrupt change from being about to bomb

Syria to asking Congress for approval

Kerry: Assad is a bad as Adolf Hitler 

and Saddam Hussein and Robin Thicke

Gregory: so why not bomb today?

Kerry: there's no rush Fluffy

Gregory: but he's another Hitler you say!

Kerry: the U.S. is still a democracy so

why not get Congress on the record

Gregory: but why the abrupt shift

and also has Obama undermined

America by going Congress?

Kerry: first of all your facts are wrong and

second there was no abrupt shift and

thirdly Obama has not undermined

America you utter dipshit

Gregory: but he's weak!

Kerry: Obama has made his decision

and now it's up to Congress

Gregory: Obama is going against

the will of British people

Kerry: are you stupid or something

Gregory: why the abrupt shift and

hasn't Obama made America weak?

Kerry: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: Obama has ruined America!

Kerry: Assad used sarin gas – 

did I just blow your mind?

Gregory: its an Aaron Sorkin script come to life

Kerry: Congress passed the Syria

Accountability Act - how can we deter Iran

from developing nukes if we don't bomb Syria?

Gregory: is it a slam dunk that 

Assad used sarin gas?

Kerry: I don't like that phrase Fluffy but

we know Assad prepared for an attack

and they admitted it after the attack and

worried they would be caught

Gregory: if Congress doesn't give its

authorization will you bomb anyway?

Kerry: Congress won't do that 

because Israel is in danger

Gregory: so Obama will bomb anyway?

Kerry: he could if wanted to

Gregory: if Assad is a murderer why

not just take him out?

Kerry: because this is about his use of

chemical weapons so we just need

to punish him for that

Gregory: ok

Kerry: but also we are still helping 

the rebels and trying to get him out

Gregory: I see

Kerry: let me be clear – something will

happen in the future of some kind

Gregory: are we going to invade Syria?

Kerry: no – but Assad is going to regret

the day he fucked with Barack Hussein Obama

Gregory: oh my

Kerry: our top priority is to use diplomacy

to separate his head from his body

Gregory: wow

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Rand Paul –

would you support bombing Syria?

Paul: how can you ask a man to be

the first man to die for a mistake?

Gregory: by alleging the use of sarin gas

Paul: bombing Syria will only make

life in Syria and for refugees worse

Gregory: Kerry says if we don't bomb

it will hurt U.S. credibility

Paul: well I'm proud of Obama for

going to Congress – although he said

they might bomb anyway

Gregory: will the authorization pass?

Paul: I admit there was a chemical 

weapons attack but if we bomb 

the war may escalate and the 

rebels are anti-American

Gregory: they say we must draw a

line at the use of chemical weapons

Paul: the line should be American interests

– did you know Assad protects Christians?

Gregory: but if Congress doesn't give

the President authority won't that

make America look bad?

Paul: we can't bomb just to save face

Gregory: McCain and Graham want to

take out Assad and you don't want to get involved

Paul: I agree with them – we should

either invade or not get involved at all

Gregory: okay

Paul: Assad would be gone already if

Obama worked with the Russians

Gregory: so you say

Paul: basically we just need to 

protect the Christians there

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: wow at the 11th hour Obama

changed his mind!! an abrupt shift!

Todd: it was a shift!

Gregory: a shift! He's so shifty!

Todd: Obama wasn't going to go to

Congress and then he changed his mind!

Gregory: OH MY GOD

Todd: Obama realized he was isolated

when Britain jumped off that

broke the camel's back

Gregory: a change at the ELEVENTH HOUR!!

Murphy: this is a good move

Gregory: but 100,000 people were killed

– we have to respond!!

Murphy: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: I can't - he's Hitler!

Murphy: we have to ask if chemical

weapons will fall into the hands of

al-qaeda or make the war worse

Gregory: will it pass?

Murphy: I am a skeptic but it will probably pass

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Bill Krisol do you support this switch?

Kristol: yes I think the GOP will stun

people and support Obama this time

Gregory: the whiplash!

Ifill: Obama had a sudden change of heart!

Gregory: wow!

CHYRON: WHAT CAUSED HIM TO 

CHANGE COURSE??

Ifill: why is Obama dithering?

Gibbs: this is a deliberative President

Gregory: or is he weak?

Kay: Obama is indecisive and weak and muddled

Gregory: yeah!

Kay: he changed course and vacillated!

Gregory: righty-o

Kristol: I want Assad to go so I would invade

Ifill: the polls are not with the President

Gibbs: that's why going to Congress makes sense

Gregory: we spent a decade in Iraq

trying to create a democracy and it failed

Kay: the British vote was really 

against the lies of Dick Cheney

Gregory: interesting

Kay: it doesn't matter what the evidence is –

the British are not joining another American war

Gibbs: that's why we need the vote in Congress

Kay: but Congress might vote no

Kristol: yeah but Cameron lost 

people who hate Blair and people 

who hate him which is everyone

Gregory: did Obama dither?

Kristol: oh yeah Obama is a big ditherer

Gibbs: this isn't Iraq – this time the

chemical weapons are real

Kristol: Saddam did use chemical weapons!

Ifill: this is really about Iran

Kay: and Israel – which is popular in Congress

Gibbs: ya think

Gregory: inside baseball – was 

John Kerry hung out to dry?

Gibbs: maybe

Gregory: ha ha ha I love it

[ break ]

Gregory: Ann you just came back 

from a refugee camp

Curry: there are one million children refugees

Gregory: that's terrible

Curry: the children have seen

their friends killed in battle

Gregory: what is the refugee camp like?

Curry: it's so bad some are going to back Syria

Gregory: yikes

Curry: they'd rather dodge bombs than 

live in a desert where there's lack of water

and food and also sandstorms

Gregory: do the little refugee kids like America?

Curry: the adults want a buffer or a no-fly zone

Audience: what's this about a buffer?

How would that work? Has anyone

proposed a no-fly zone? Would that be effective?

Gregory: too bad we have no time to talk about

Curry: um yeah

Gregory: and that's another

episode of Meet The Press