Sunday, May 05, 2013

Meet The Press - May 5, 2013

Andrea Mitchell
Sen. Pat Leahy (D-VT)
Rep. Tom Cotton (R-AK)
Jane Harman
Rudy Giuliani
Newt Gingrich
Harold Ford Jr.
Rich Lowry
Joy-Ann Reid
Brendon Ayanbadejo

Gregory: OMG Israel bombed Syria!

Mitchell: it takes the heat off the President –
Obama and Arab leaders love this bombing!

Gregory: Obama finally brought 
Jews and Arabs together

Mitchell: it's a miracle!

Gregory: should America invade get involved
in another civil war in the middle east?

Mitchell: yes Fluffy but we should 
only arm the good guys

Gregory: works for me

Mitchell: the Arab world is split 
between supporting the radicals or 
the merely dangerous so of course 
Israel had to step in

Gregory: what do you think Pat?

Leahy: I would't fuck with the Israelis

Gregory: I'm Jewish you know

Leahy: a source of pride for all 
Hebrews everywhere I'm sure

Cotton: we have to arm the 
opposition and create a no-fly zone!

Gregory: boots on the ground?

Harman: no boots on the ground!

Gregory: ok ok

Harman: this is a full blown civil war

Gregory: sounds like a perfect place to invade

Cotton: no one says we shouild use troops
– instead we should end this civil war
with no loss of U.S. life

Gregory: the Boston bombings 
and Benghazi prove there is a 
growing al-qaeda threat

Giuliani: you said it bro

Gregory: the administration hasn't
done enough have they?

Giuliani: Obama underplays the threat
from radical college students because 
Obama is lazy

Gregory: right

Giuliani: also Obama is weak and ineffectual

Gregory: Isn't Benghazi the biggest story ever?

Leahy: an embassy can be attacked
anywhere you know

Gregory: didn't Obama ignore warnings 
about Benghazi?

Cotton: yes plus Obama didn't care about
the ongoing attacks instead he took a nap

Gregory: doesn't the Boston plot prove
we are not safe?

Harman: yes Rudy Giuliani is right –
we must be terrified of home-grown radicalism

Gregory: you are so right Jane

Harman: but we also create terrorists 
which is why we need to close Gitmo 
and use less drones

Giuliani: Jane I'm shocked I thought 
we were friends

Gregory: Rudy what do you think about Boston?

Giuliani: it proves Barack Obama is weak
and doesn't care about terrorism

Gregory: indeed

Giuliani: also his college roommates
should be charged with murder

Gregory: I love you Rudy

Giuliani: I know

Gregory: polls shows we will probably
all be killed by a terrorist

Cotton: we are in a global war against
jihadists and Obama doesn't care at all

Gregory: preach it

Cotton: Obama gives Miranda rights 
and gives terrorists food paid 
for by the taxpayer - it's outrageous

Leahy: that makes no sense - the guy who 
was given Miranda warnings wouldn't shut up

Cotton: as a show of good faith Obama should 
at least send someone to Guantanamo Bay

Gregory: Signals were missed! 
Signals were missed!

Leahy: what does that have to with Gitmo?

Gregory: Signals! Missed! Gitmo! Benghazi!

Leahy: I'm going to hire an African
grey parrot from Fox News to do your job

Giuliani: I've never seen any Africans there Pat

Gregory: Should we repeal the 
Constitution because of one loser teenager 
and his moron brother?

Harman: probably yes

Gregory: should we track all Muslims?

Giuliani: yes profiling is awesome – 
that's just reality

Gregory: of course

Giuliani: we gotta go after the muslims!

Cotton: the terrorists attacked us for
our freedoms so we should repeal them

Gregory: what will kill immigrantion reform?

Leahy: apparently anything and everything

Greg: will reform pass?

Leahy: I hope so

Gregory: but will it?

Leahy: probably not

[ break ]

Gregory: please bash Obama for me

Gingrich: Obama doesn't care about 
radical islam – we will be at war with 
muslims for the next 70 years

Reid: Newton and Oklahoma City had 
nothing to do with Islam

Gingrich: those were caused liberals 
and single mothers

Gregory: Boston was an exclamation
point in our new Age of Terror!

Lowry: Benghazi and Boston prove that 
we are greatly threatened muslim terrorism 
and Obama slandered George Bush 
who was a true hero

Reid: he heroically tortured people

Gregory: a reporter asked Obama 
if he has no juice! ha ha I love it!

Audience: eyeroll

Gregory: is Obama a lame duck?

Ford: Obama is a terrible leader and
I should have been the first black President

Gregory: true

Ford: Obama must declare war against
all enemies everywhere!

Gregory: Obama has no juice! I can't stop
grinning about it! God that is so funny!

Gingrich: Obama's biggest problem is
Democratic senators from red states

Gregory: yes but my stock portfolio is up up up!

Lowry: yes but Obama has not completely
fixed the Bush recession yet

Reid: the GOP Congress hates everything
Obama does because Obama does it – 
that's a problem

Gingrich: I was in a McDonald's and 
got service from a college grad which 
proves Obama is a failure

Gregory: but big macs are delicious

Gingrich: true

Gregory: the NRA says the Boston bombing
proves everyone needs a machine gun

Ford: we live in a dangerous society
but I'm not sure giving everyone crazy
white person a gun is the answer

Gregory: Brendon are all big sports 
going to go gay now?

Ayanbadejo: the world is changing Fluffy

Gregory: but still a lot of people hate the gays

Ayanbadejo: you can't stop the change David

Gregory: everyone loves lesbians

Ayanbadejo: a big 300 lb NFL lineman can be gay

Gregory: will a gay NFL player come out soon?

Ayanbadejo: I hope when they do it will
be a safe environment

[ break ]

Gregory: panel a lot people don't like gays

Lowry: pro athletes condct conversations
at a middle school level

Gregory: so just above the Beltway media

Reid: the people are ahead of the 
politicians on this

Gingrich: what about equal rights for Catholics –
right now the law says no Catholic can 
practice their religion

Gregory: what are you talking about?

Gingrich: Catholics are not allowed to
provide adoption services

Reid: they withdrew their services voluntarily

Gingrich: their rights to discriminate
against gay people was being taken away!

Lowry: and Catholics are not allowed
to not provide birth control – it's so unfair

Ford: bless that gay boy's heart

Gregory: abortion is murder isn't it?

Lowry: yes it is Fluffy

Gregory: that is so true

Reid: Gosnell proves poor and desperate
women will be taken advantage of

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press


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