Sunday, May 12, 2013

Meet The Press – May 12, 2013

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
Amb. Thomas Pickering
Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA)
Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL)
David Brooks
Katty Kay 
Wes Moore  

Gregory: OMG Obama is under fire
over the IRS and Benghazi!

Audience: OMG

Gregory: Darrell is Obama hiding something?

Issa: why did they have inadequate security
and did they cover up terrorism?

Gregory: how do you answer the charge 
that Weekly Standard reports that Obama 
covered up terrorism?

Issa: darn right he did

Gregory: didn't the CIA have the final word?

Issa: no because the White House
ordered them around

Gregory: can't the CIA stand up for itself?

Issa: no because Ambassador Stevens said
“we're under attack” which is code for 
“Obama is a liar”

Gregory: obviously it was an attack because
people were killed – wasn't there confusion
amid the fog of war?

Issa: no because the President of Libya is a
wonderful man who always tells the truth

Gregory: you think the White House bullied
the CIA into lying about what happened?

Issa: an official lied on a Sunday talk show!

Gregory: what was the lie?

Issa: they covered up the fact that
an attack happened!

Gregory: well of course an attack
happened – people were killed

Issa: well then they covered up the fact
that more help could have arrived

Gregory: but there's no evidence that's true

Issa: well then they covered up the fact that
the attack wasn't motivated by a movie

Gregory: but that wasn't clear at first

Issa: well then Gregory Hicks should allowed 
to see a secret report and I will subpoena
Ambassador Pickering

Gregory: he wanted to testify under oath
and you wouldn't let him

Issa: I never stole that car!

Gregory: okay – George Bush says he never
sent e-mails because he didn't want
Congress to look at them

Issa: this isn't partisan - you must never 
lie on a Sunday Talk Show!

Gregory: I'm totally with you Darrell

Issa: you can never change the 
Holy Talking Points!

Gregory: why is Hillary is a target?

Issa: Hillary Clinton is not a target

Gregory: you don't hold Obama and Clinton
responsible for Benghazi?

Issa: well of course they should both
be impeached – they didn't protect an
embassy before it was attacked

Gregory: like when all those consulates 
and embassies were attacked when 
Bush was President?

Issa: ha ha – good one Fluffy

Gregory: Republicans are raising money
off Benghazi - aren't you overreaching?

Issa: I failed to investigate Bush properly
and I am going atone for it by attacking Obama

Gregory: there were many attacks on embassies
when Bush was President - isn't it Congress' 
job to protect embassies?

Issa: we can only cut funding – it's up
to Obama to make it work

Gregory: that makes sense

Issa: Obama needs to learn from Bush's failures
and I'm outraged by his failure to do so

Gregory: please continue

Issa: Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi

Gregory: do we need a special committee
like Watergate or Iran-Contra?

Issa: whoa whoa whoa – I'm the star here

Gregory: okay Darrell

Issa: Ambassador Pickering refused
to appear before our committee

Picketring : that's not true!

Issa: well he only told us the day before 
the hearing and by then it was too 
late because had we only ordered enough 
snacks for three witnesses

Gregory: why didn't you recommend 
Hillary Clinton be impeached because 
the consulate was not defended?

Pickering: I can't believe I have to sit
here with this lying weasel

Gregory: that hurts

Pickering: I was talking about Darrell Issa

Gregory: well that's okay

Pickering: Admiral Mullen and General 
Dempsey all agreed no military help 
would have been available

Gregory: well that's not good either

Pickering: that's true – but we interviewed
everyone who was there and wrote a very
comprehensive report

Issa: Congress has an obligation to have
dozens of hearings on this issue

Pickering: from the man with arson as a hobby

Issa: this could have gone on for 444 days!

Gregory: that would have been amazing

Pickering: dare to dream

Gregory: was your report thorough enough?

Pickering: yes – and we recommended
that two people be fired

Gregory: Jay Carney said there was only 
one change to the talking points

Pickering: that's sort of true

Gregory: the IRS has apologized for
going after the Tea Party

Issa: let's not worry too much about it
and just make sure it doesn't happen again

Gregory: it sounds like you don't want
too much scrutiny of these tax-exempt groups

Issa: no comment Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator didn't Obama cover up the fact
that U.S. personnel were murdered because
people didn't use the word “terrorism”
enough except for Obama who did

Feinstein: that is so stupid

Gregory: nevertheless I am asking

Feinstein: it was a very unfortunate incident

Gregory: that Sacred Holy Talking Points were
changed not to include the magic incantation “Terrorism”

Feinstein: when Talking Points are passed
from one organization to another of course
they are going to be edited

Gregory: isn't that a scandal?

Feinstein: yes - they used the word “Extremist”
which is not as Magickal as “Terrorist”

Gregory: the pivotal moment came when McCain
appeared on Meet The Press to attack the
President who beat him in 2008

Feinstein: he needs to get over 2008 –
he lost to the young Kenyan

Gregory: Rand Paul says Hillary Clinton can't
be President because of Benghazi

Feinstein: well he's a fucking moron

Gregory: I guess we have to talk about something
else beside Benghazi – so immigration blah blah

Feinstein: we've doubled the Border Patrol
and built 350 miles of fence!

Gregory: sweet

Feinstein: we have drones, camera, dogs,
cats, booby traps and a giant moat
with sharks with laser beams

Gregory: I love it

Feinstein: of course it still won't be enough

Gregory: panel let's talk about Benghazi 
some more

Brooks: I think the CIA had a secret facility there
and the State Dept. pushed back

Kinzinger: I'm just concerned that Obama hates
U.S. soldiers and likes to watch them die

Gregory: why does Obama hate soldiers?

Moore: we should definitely have more
investigations and stuff

Gregory: remember when troops were killed
in Beirut when Reagan was President?

Kay: the real concern is why there wasn't
enough security was in Benghazi

Gregory: what was the real scandal?

Feinstein: failure to use the magic word “Terrorism”

Gregory: why didn't he use that special word?

Feinstein: I don't know – I love saying
'terrorist' and 'terrorism' and 'terrorist attack'

Gregory: was failure to use the word political?


Gregory: the IRS targeted the Tea Party!

Feinstein: it's not good

Brooks: it looks bad so Obama needs
to invade Syria

Gregory: even men are being sexually
assaulted in the military!

Kay: it's very scary to have military
commanders in charge of prosecutions
Gregory: but you can't change the military
or we will be invaded by China

Moore: the U.S. military has been 
socially progressive in many ways but 
not when it comes to rape

Feinstein: abuse of soldiers has got to stop

Kinzinger: I would just like to say if it were
me I would always do the right thing

Gregory: you are nice and handsome

Kinzinger: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: the Freedom Tower is almost finished!

Brooks: it means a lot to the city to look and
see that inspiring erect spire

Gregory: I was with George W. Bush and
I know it means a lot to him and
me and the nation

Brooks: so well put David

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press



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