Sunday, August 07, 2011

Meet The Press - August 7, 2011

Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Austan Goolsbee - Chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisers
Alan Greenspan
Rachel Maddow
Alex Castellanos
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Gregory: whoa this was the single deadliest
day of the longest war ever

Gregory: Senator are we defeating the enemy
in Afghanistan or not

Kerry: we are transitioning from
Stuck in a Quagmire to Getting The Hell Out

Gregory: General Petraeus told me this
province was safer than Newark

Kerry: that is true

Greg: if we leave will the Taliban just take over?

Kerry: that’s up for grabs

Gregory: that’s a bit troubling

Kerry: these successful attacks show
how successful we are

Gregory: it does?

Kerry: right Fluffy - we’ve narrowed the
battle zone to wherever we are

Gregory: what else?

Kerry: we need to involve the Russians,
the Chinese, India, and the Stans

Kerry: Musial?

Kerry: Laurel

Gregory: right

Kerry: I believe we may be able to prevent
the Taliban taking over the country

Gregory: you call that success in Afghanistan?

Kerry: I was talking about America

Gregory: Standard & Poors said fighting in
Washington caused them downgrade U.S. credit

Kerry: those fuckers

Gregory: is this a Wake Up Call or does
America have a Do Not Disturb sign ?

Kerry: this a Tea Party downgrade!

Gregory: that’s strong stuff

Kerry: our economy encourages putting
capital into gambling instead of investment

Gregory: wow

Kerry: we need to stop the bickering -
we have to stop blaming the downgrade
on politicians

Gregory: I see

Kerry: they were willing to shoot the hostage!

Gregory: that’s scary

Kerry: If John McCain and were co-Presidents
we could solve this

Gregory: really?

Kerry: no actually he’s become kind of an asshole

Gregory: what is the plan for growth?

Kerry: first we must cut the debt and deficit

Gregory: I see

Kerry: we balanced the budget but then we
cut taxes and put 2 wars on a credit card

Gregory: that was fun

Kerry: we need to build more highways
and create an Infrastructure Bank

Gregory: ok

Kerry: our highways and patents are both clogged

Gregory: clearly we need more national fiber

Kerry: we have to find the Happy Middle Ground
of Common Sense

Gregory: yay

[ break ]

Gregory: John was it a Tea Party downgrade?

McCain: Obama never had a plan to
give the GOP give everything they wanted

Gregory: it just kind of happened?

McCain: right Fluffy - the President hasn’t
led so this is all his fault

Gregory: even some Tea Partiers bragged
about taking hostages

McCain: Obama should have a had a plan
to cut corporate taxes

Gregory: I see

McCain: Obama is sending armed EPA agents
with hazmat suits into people kitchens if
they spill milk

Gregory: I did not know that

McCain: we need to buy up people’s mortgages

Gregory: what else?

McCain: S&P is right - we’re a bunch of deadbeats

Gregory: should we politicize the downgrade
or finally cut entitlements?

McCain: yes we must cut Medicaid or we
will be like Greece but with empty mini-malls
instead of ruined temples

Gregory: what about tax increases?

McCain: why should we give money to the
government when they just going to spend
it on annoying old people and unpopular wars

Gregory: interesting argument

McCain: damm right - businessmen never
know when another regulation will be enacted
so of course they invest in China

Gregory: are we pulling out of Afghanistan
too fast and will that dishonor our brave
men and women in uniform

McCain: exactly - leaving a war zone puts
our brave soldiers at risk of being killed

Gregory: of course

McCain: we should attack Pakistan

Gregory: it’s been 10 years!

McCain: no Fluffy - the war has only been going
on for 22 months!

Gregory: really?

McCain: also we have to stay because of 9/11

Gregory: right

McCain: think of the poor Afghan people
and how they will miss us when we’re gone!

Gregory: good point John

McCain: get off my lawn!

[ break ]

Gregory: talk money to me Alan

Greenspan: there are riots in Israel but that’s
not uncommon

Gregory: should I still invest in T-bills?

Greenspan: of course - but I never realized
S&P had the power to jar the American psyche

Gregory: Is S&P credible?

Goolsbee: no - the other agencies which
checked their math didn’t downgrade

Gregory: some say 1 + 1 = 2 but others disagree
so both sides are to blame for the
bickering and impasse

Goolsbee: but then again Congress members
cheering on default is clearly bad

Gregory: some would say that

Goolsbee: we need bipartisanship

Gregory: are we going to double-dip that chip?

Greenspan: our hope lies in the Europe
getting its act together

Gregory: dear god

Greenspan: basically the world economy
depends on Silvio Berlusconi

Audience: bunga bunga!

Gregory: l like cartoons Rachel

Maddow: we all know that Fluffy

Gregory: what does the future hold?

Maddow: S&P called for higher taxes and
blasted the tea party’s hostage taking

Castellanos: the tea party was right!

Maddow: S&P downgraded us because
of the tea party you dimwit

Castellanos: we should thank the Tea Party
for alerting us to the possibility of downgrade
by causing a downgrade

Gregory: Paul Krugman says fuck the debt -
we need stimulus to grown this goddamn
motherfucking economy

Maddow: Paul uses the coarsest language of
any Nobel prize winner other than Doris Lessing

Goolsbee: hey we added 2 million jobs until the
tsunami and the damn Greek crisis

Gregory: Jamie Dimon says Wall Street regulations
put in place to prevent another recession may
cause another recession

Greenspan: this the essential question -
how can we persuade rich people to give us their money?

Castellanos: Obama was petulant just because
the Tea Party caused another recession

Gregory: I see

Castellanos: rich people are sitting on money

Gregory: they won’t invest it?

Castellanos: no it’s sewn into their seat cushions

Gregory: I talked to House Democrats who
said every bad thing was all their fault

Maddow: Democrats are willing to negotiate
and in response Republicans offer two choices
- their way or disaster

Gregory: let’s compromise and have both

Maddow: exactly

Gregory: People hate Congress

Castellanos: we all do Fluffy

Gregory: what about cutting Social Security
you know I love that

Castellanos: Republicans are willing to
compromise and raise revenues

Maddows: really which ones?

Castellanos: The GOP are willing to meet the
Democrats halfway by cutting taxes

Maddow: [ laughs ]

Goolsbee: ok how about we cut taxes on the poor

Gregory: what’s the deal with this fucking
Super Congress?

Greenspan: the debt is worse than we thought

Gregory: well what’s the solution?

Greenspan: we must cut spending and this
will cause pain but it’s either that or raise taxes
and the IMF says we can’t do that

Castellanos: Presidential candidates
should lead now

Gregory: like Mitt Romney

Castellanos: Whether Vain rode down into
a battlefield and shot the wounded

Maddow: if we pretend S&P is credible then
we have to blame the tea party

Goolsbee: but it’s not since the U.S. will
always pay its debts

Gregory: Rick Perry had an awesome prayer rally

Castellanos: he’s sarah palin in a skirt -
with a george bush taint

Gregory: I must confess that does not
sound appealing to me

Gregory: should we stay in Afghanistan?

Maddow: Democrats and the GOP are both
split on the war - some want to leave right away
while others want to stick around for two years

Gregory: do you have hope for the Super Congress?

Greenspan: it will fail because one person
on the committee has to switch parties

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
*******************************************

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