Sunday, August 14, 2011

Meet The Press - August 14, 2011

Guests:
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Terry Branstad
Eugene Robinson
Mike Murphy
Chuck Todd
Jonathan Martin
***************************
Gregory: OMG Tim Pawlenty has dropped out
and boring white men all over are very sad

Gregory: Michele are you the front runner in Iowa?

Bachmann: This is my Waterloo!

Gregory: you made T-Paw cry

Bachmann: I love that little dweeb

Gregory: what about Rick Perry?

Bachmann: do we really need another
dimwit Texas governor Fluffy?

Gregory: you’ve only been in the House
a few years - is that enough experience?

Bachmann: I know how devastating high taxes
are since I devastated people for the IRS

Gregory: I see

Bachmann: I also started a small business
converting gay people

Gregory: gotcha

Bachmann: I was the tip of the spear to not
pay the nation’s debts!

Gregory: can you appeal to regular people
in the general election?

Bachmann: I’m from a state which
elected Jesse Ventura

Gregory: that makes sense

Bachmann: I swear I’m not crazy Fluffy!

Gregory: can you turn the economy around?

Bachmann: we need to send a message
to the markets

Gregory: what is that?

Gregory: half of all employees are being fired
because of Obamacare and Dodd-Frank

Gregory: would you support a payroll tax cut?

Bach: we need to slash spending and never
change tax rates ever

Gregory: what else?

Bachmann: cut corporate taxes

Gregory: what about extending jobless benefits?

Bachmann: no we can’t America is broke

Gregory: everyone but you thought threatening
not raising the debt ceiling was insane

Bachmann: but things are bad so we should default

Gregory: that’s crazy!

Bachmann: no I would not raise the debt ceiling
but I also would not default

Gregory: oh I see

Bachmann: the people in America said don’t
raise the debt ceiling

Gregory: but those people are stupid

Bachmann: markets are roiling!

Gregory: Standard & Poors said they downgraded
the U.S. because Republicans made the credit
of the U.S. a bargaining chip

Bachmann: Obama threatened to default but
I would have paid our soldiers

Gregory: but you purposefully started using
the debt as a bargaining chip

Bachmann: I love old people - Obama
threatened default not me!

Gregory: Bill Gross says the tea party
are fucking crazy

Bachmann: the way your grow the economy is to
cut taxes so businesses can hire people

Gregory: I like it

Bachmann: Electrolux vacuum cleaners left
America because the Departments of Transportation
pays 1,000 people $100,000 a year

Gregory: does God require women to be
submissive to husbands

Bachmann: submission is the same as respect

Gregory: I checked with Mrs. Fluffy and she
told me to tell that that isn’t true

Bachmann: we’re a good team like
Liza Minnelli and David Gest

Gregory: are you religious?

Bachmann: I’m not perfect but God guides me

Gregory: would God guide your decisions
as President?

Bachmann: God has been very very good to us

Gregory: would you appoint an atheist
to your cabinet?

Bachmann: why not as long as he or she
wasn’t a liberal?

Gregory: you said that the gay lifestyle is Satanic,
dangerous, dysfunctional sad and enslavement

Bachmann: I don’t judge people

Gregory: sure you do

Bachmann: I ascribe honor and dignity
to gay people

Gregory: it sure doesn’t sound like it

Bachmann: I’m not judging anyone

Gregory: would you let gays in your cabinet?

Bachmann: if they shared my views

Gregory: the view that being gay like
bondage and enslavement

Bachmann: right

Gregory: can gay people be with children be
considered a family?

Bachmann: no they all have bondage cooties

Gregory: yikes

Bachmann: look people in America don’t care
about this they want jobs

Gregory: but you have no economic
credentials either

Bachmann: God wants me to cut taxes!

Gregory: can you really bring Republicans and
Democrats together?

Bachmann: we got the federal government out of
education in Minnesota and I’m very proud of that

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Hi panelists - Bachmann knocked
T-Paw out of the race!

Todd: It’s now between Romney, Perry and Bachmann

Gregory: no love for Ron Paul?

Todd: he’s crazy by which I mean he’s too sane

Gregory: is Iowa just an evangelical primary?

Branstad: look what happened to Rudy Giuliani -
he was the President of 9/11 and then he skipped
Iowa and he’s doing dinner theater in Mineola

Murphy: If Romney loses here and wins in
New Hampshire and loses in the South
he’s in real trouble

Gregory: oh

Murphy: will we nominate our own
George McGovern?

Martin: this is good for Romney because he
can let Bachmann and Perry fight it out for
the Christian votes

Robinson: Bachmann has impressed a lot of people this week

Gregory: true

Robinson: Obama was having a terrible week
until they saw that debate and his team started
popping champagne

Branstad: Iowans hate debt!

Gregory: is that right?

Branstad: I love Bachmann because she
was a tax lawyer

Gregory: true but Bachmann is also utterly crazy

Todd: a majority of freshman Republicans don’t
even agree with Bachmann on the debt ceiling

Gregory: interesting point

Robinson: she collected taxes for the IRS!

Murphy: there’s a Texas sized barracuda
cheeseburger with hot sauce coming and it’s
topped with a Rick Perry bun!

Branstad: cut the corporate income tax!

Robinson: yes but they have oil in Canada

Branstad: we have oil too but Obama won’t let us use any of it!

Martin: Rick Perry’s problem is he looks like
Josh Brolin playing George Bush

Perry: I promise as President to make Washington
inconsequential!

Todd: that’s crazy - the public wants government

Gregory: I see

Todd: but the populists are angry at Washington

Gregory: Obama says the people don’t want partisanship

Robinson: after the debt fiasco people are more
mad at the Republicans

Branstad: Obama has utterly failed to being sanity
to the Republican party and he blames everyone
else for this sad failure

Murphy: Iowa straw poll voters would vote
against algebra

Martin: Perry created jobs like Romney but also
appeals to evangelicals - he’s got it all!

Todd: This race will go to June 2012

Audience: oh my god

Murphy: Perry is a silo-jumper!

Gregory: people are across America are talking about
the Ames poll, Rick Pawlenty and Rick Perry

Robinson: yes but those people need to get a life

Murphy: T-Paw will endorse Bachmann
when I fly to Jupiter

Martin: Team Obama thinks America
won’t elect an idiot Texan governor

Todd: he’s been in office for 26 years so believe
me Democrats will check his record

Gregory: if the election were held today Obama might lose

Robinson: yes but it’s a year and a half away Fluffy

Gregory: and we’ll be there every step of the way

Audience: oh god

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

********************************************

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: Hi panelists - Bachmann knocked
T-Paw out of the race!


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