Omar Suleiman - V.P of Egypt
Sameh Shoukry: Egypt Amb. to U.S.
Amanpour: it’s been an epic week in Egypt and we’ve got all the major players on the show today
Amanpour: all the protesters were optimistic -
they are singing and yelling against the government for the first time in 30 years
Protester: suck it Mubarak!
Amanpour: then we ran into pro-authoritarian protesters who fear chaos
Pro-mubarak protester: damm hippies
Protester: Mubarak has done a lot of good
but he’s become a tragic figure
Murbarak: send in the camels!
Protesters: to the paving stones!
Thugs: go away journalists!
Protesters: we’re not leaving!
[ break ]
Amanpour: Hosni will you quit?
Mubarak: I’m fed up and I want to retire
Amanpour: so why don’t you?
Mubarak: I can’t my pension was with Bear Stearns!
Amanpour: hey protesters I met with Mubarak
Protestors: omg what did he say
Amanpour: he said he already met your demands
Protestor: what a dick
[ break ]
Amanpour: you are meeting the opposition parties?
Amanpour: including Elbaradei?
Suleiman: no he’s too popular
Amanpour: will you transition to true democracy?
Suleiman: we will if you do
Amanpour: Murbark wants to quit but he
doesn’t want to rush it
Suleiman: things are too chaotic right now
Amanpour: will you run for President?
Suleiman: hell no that’s a thankless job
Amanpour: why not
Suleiman: please I want to keep my head
Amanpour: what is going on in the streets of the Middle East?
Suleiman: that’s all outside agitators
Amanpour: you can’t really believe that
Suleiman: yes - all foreigners with their sinister ideas about free speech
Amanpour: but now the youth have the Internet
Suleiman: they are being instigated by vicious outsiders like Israel and Mark Zuckerberg
Amanpour: Do you even believe in democracy?
Suleiman: for sure someday - like in 30 years
Amanpour: what do you want from the opposition?
Suleiman: Patience - give us 5 more years of ignoring them
Amanpour: what message do you have for the people in Tahrir Square?
Suleiman: go away
Amanpour: thanks very much
[ break ]
Amanpour: So the government is now meeting
with the Muslim Brotherhood
Shoukry: yes but it shouldn’t go to their heads
Amanpour: what happens now?
Shoukry: before fleeing for their lives government officials needs to steal everything not nailed down
Amanpour: Obama said you guys should
Shoukry: true but he also said Egyptians have to solve this on their which we took to mean dictators are still cool
Amanpour: you have had a State of Emergency
Shoukry: right but a week of protests prove everything is fine now
Amanpour: why were journalists purposefully attacked?
Shoukry: that’s terrible but you know as Rumsfeld says democracy is messy
Amanpour: protestors were also beaten and shot
Shoukry: well emotions were running high
Amanpour: thanks a bunch Ambassador
Amanpour: Mubarak told me he never intended for his idiot son become President
George H. W. Bush: hey neither did I
Tapper: ha ha Obama didn’t see all the protests
in Egypt coming
Mubarak: um yeah what an idiot
Tapper: ha silly Obama -- all focused on the
State of the Union
Biden: I like Mubarak- we play poker every Friday
Tapper: Obama told Mubarak to fire his cabinet and he did - ha clueless Obama
Clinton: there needs to be reform and an orderly transition
Obama: Hosni you can’t run again and you have
Mubarak: for reals Barack?
Tapper: ha Obama has critics who have their
doubts about him
Audience: oooh he’s not the messiah
Amanpour: What does the White House say now?
Tapper: they want elections to be held later so other groups can catch up to the Muslim Brotherhood
Audience: but I thought Obama was a secret Muslim
Tapper: he is - but Obama is part of the Brotherhood of Muslims -- they hate those fake splitters the Muslim Brotherhood
Audience: I see
Amanpour: in other news the government has lifted the ban on text messaging
Tapper: lol r u on twitter #sillyobama