Sunday, February 06, 2011

Meet The Press - February 6, 2011

Mohamed Elbaradei
Sameh Shoukry - Egypt Amb. to U.S.
Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
James Baker
Peggy Noonan
Willie Brown
Andrea Mitchell
Gregory: Mohamed is it your position that
Mubarak must leave?

Elbaradei: no he can stay in Egypt after he
resigns in humiliation

Gregory: so you’re saying he has to leave Egypt

Elbaradei: no Fluffy - I’m saying he has to cede power gradually before I’m elected President

Gregory: will you bash Obama for me

Elbaradei: he should support basic human rights like democracy, freedom and access to Facebook

Gregory: should Americans be terrified of Arab democracy?

Elbaradei: yes if you are scared of democracy all across the Middle East because it’s coming baby

Gregory: aaarrrhhhhh!!!

Elbaradei: I was being sarcastic and you are
an insult to 300 million people

Gregory: sorry I love Arabs

Elbaradei: I was referring to Americans

Gregory: what abut the peace treaty with Israel?

Elbaradei: not unless they establish a
Palestinian state

Gregory: OMG you’re going to start a war!!!

Elbaradei: make of that whatever you want

[ break ]

Gregory: Ambasador is this an unstoppable revolution?

Shoukry: well it’s very nice

Gregory: but you can never go back again

Shoukry: true enough

Gregory: when will Mubarak quit?

Shoukry: I don’t know - he’s gotten really weird lately

Gregory: like how

Shoukry: he just goes on and on about what a
freak Steven Tyler is

Gregory: Obama says he should quit now

Shoukry: Regardless you’re not getting Simon Cowell back

Gregory: I meant Mubarak

Shoukry: oh that -- yes but Obama also said this is an Egyptian problem so really Mubarak might
as well stay

Gregory: Mubarak unleashed goon squads on journalists!

Shoukry: we’re going to investigate our thugs and why they fucked up - I tell that would never happened in the old days

Gregory: with all due respect that’s ridiculous

Shoukry: bite me Fluffy

Gregory: Should Americans be terrified of
Muslim democracy?

Shoukry: if you’re a normal person no --
but if you watch a lot of Fox news then yes

Gregory: thanks buddy

[ break ]

Gregory: what do you think of Egypt John

Kerry: it’s awesome - they’re lifting the state of emergency which will allow people to meet at a cafĂ© which as well all know is a prelude to democracy

Starbucks: darn right

Obama: Mubarak should leave

Wisner: it’s critical for Mubarak to stay

Gregory: wha?

Kerry: Obama is flooding the zone with
Germans and Turks!!

Gregory: holy crap!

Kerry: we want orderly change

Gregory: when?

Kerry: now!

Gregory: when will that happen

Kerry: it is happening as we speak Greggers

Gregory: but what minute of hour of what day?

Kerry: um you know Egypt isn’t actually part
of the United States

Gregory: why do you hate America-Egypt

Kerry: elections don’t bring democracy - look at Bush v. Gore

Gregory: How is it possible that Obama didn’t see everything happening in Egypt!?

Kerry: because fuck you

Gregory: that hurts John

Kerry: the whole revolution happened on Facebook and Twitter - only weirdos and losers are on those

Gregory: I’m on both all the time

Kerry: well there you go then

[ break ]

Gregory: I’m here at a shrine to Ronald Reagan -- look at that big airplane and this historic piece
of furniture!

Audience: woo hoo

Gregory: James Baker you’re a lawyer from Texas - so tell us about Egypt

Baker: if one-party rule is good enough for Texas it should be good enough for Egypt

Gregory: But shouldn’t we petrified of
democracy there??

Baker: the radicals are frightening

Gregory: damm hippies

Baker: I meant the neocons

Gregory: let’s bash Obama!

Mitchell: Fluffy the last thing the region needs is for America to be seen as installing a government

Gregory: oh

Mitchell: they are getting every nation to pile on Mubarak and it’s working

Gregory: god I loved it when Reagan said tear down this wall and Gorby ignored him for 2 years

Noonan: so awesome

Gregory: doesn’t this mean Obama is a total failure compared to Reagan?

Noonan: Fluffy even I think that’s stupid

Brown: America fuck yeah!

Gregory: let us now all celebrate Reagan

Noonan: Regan deepened faith in government

Audience: of course he did

Noonan: everyone was optimistic when Reagan was President - even homeless veterans with aids dreamed of financing fancy German-made cardboard boxes with junk bonds

Gregory: what a glorious time it was

Gregory: James Baker will you please bash
Barack Obama for me

Baker: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: But Reagan torn down the Manila Wall !!

Baker: Gregory you’re not the solution to our problems - you are the problem

Gregory: wasn’t Reagan right when he said government sucks and proved it for 8 years

Brown: yes but he had practice wrecking
California before that

Gregory: he raised taxes too though

Mitchell: conservative lunatics now all want to be Reagan - but he compromised with Democrats all the time

Noonan: In 1964 Regan bravely explained civil rights were a Soviet plot

Gregory: what would Saint Ronnie think of the
Tea Party?

Baker: he would love it but they would hate him because Reagan was all about bipartisanship

Gregory: really?

Baker: he knew when to hold ‘em and fold ‘em

Gregory: he was like Kenny Rogers without the chicken

Baker: Working in Hollywood prepared him for dealing scum and villany around the world

Gregory: ha ha ha Newsweek says Obama loves Reagan

Brown: Obama failed because of all those loser progressives

Gregory: honestly were deregulation and deficits such great ideas?

Baker: those never happened

Gregory: Obama said we should do big things - That’s So Reagan

Noonan: look here’s where the bullet bounced
right off Reagan

Gregory: wow

Gregory: and here’s that famous line after the Challenger explosion

Noonan: yes that’s from a wonderful famous poem

Gregory: what - I’m so disillusioned

Noonan: sorry Greggers

Gregory: and we will have 7 more hours of Reagan coverage today

Audience: it’s the SuperBowl of Adulation



ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Thanks for watching so I don't have to, C/T.

P.S. No appearance by Jaws?

India Pictures said...

you’ve got great elements there and I do like how you encourage the readers to take the time to think.