CNN/YouTube Republican Debate
November 28, 2007
Host: Anderson Cooper
Romney: Rudy ran a big evil sanctuary city
Giuliani: dude you hate a sanctuary mansion
Mitt: do you hate people with funny accents because you have one
Rudy: you employed illegal immigrants to trim your nose hair that's bad
Mitt: are you saying employers responsible are cause that's crazy
Rudy: no of course not
Mitt: you are a racist
Rudy: we all know that
Question: will you pledge to hate mexicans pleeze
Thompson: yes i will this is an invasion!
Fred McGruff: some of our better citizens used to be illegal immigrants like the Pilgrims for example
Fred: but now that it's our home we should shut out people aren't waiting in line at an embassy
Fred: who among us hasn't employed an illegal immigrant or a cocaine dealer or a mobbed-up police chief
Rudy: that is so true
Fred: mitt romney likes Bush i mean how crazy is that???
McCain: i am here to do the hard things like be popular and get votes and get elected as a Republican
Cooper: why do people hate the GOP
McCain: Katrina, iraq, corruption and mexicans
Cooper: that's quite a list
McCain: you're all partisan poopyhaids
Cooper: Waylon Jennings are you happy with your answer??
Waylon: rock on
Question: will i have a job next year?
Tancredo: massive legal immigration is evil it takes jobs away from americans
Cooper: are there jobs americans won't take under any circumstances??
Cooper: what about War Czar?
Tancredo: get a mexican to do it dood!
Hunter: we had the Smuggler's Blues in my state until we built a fence with a double wide
Cooper: i love Glen Frey
Hunter: when all you use is cash it's hard to build an 800 mile fence
Question: should illegal mexicans get low state tuition when soldiers don't???
Huckabee: these were academic scholarships for the smart mexicans not the dumb ones
Audience: but still that's pretty mexicany of you
Huckabee: should we punish illegal kiddies?
Question: damm right they have leprosy and are using drugs
Huckabee: no they were tested for drugs and all your major skin disorders
Questioner: still that's bad
Huckabee: i love veterans!
Romney: illegal 18 year olds who have lived here their whole lives should go the fuck home
Huckabee: i wasn't born rich like you were - you smarmy bastard
Huckabee: shut the fuck up you slick shithead
Mitt Romney: that's all well and good but do you want to look a millionaire in the eyes and tell him he can't get a yacht this year because some greedy mexican wants to go to college because i sure don't
[ starts weeping ]
Question: Ron Paul are out of your fucking mind??? - just wondering!
Paul: damm right the Trilateral Commission is trying to get rid of the dollar and replace it with Canadian currency!!!
Paul: the UN is building a highway across america and is trying to control our drug problem!!
Question: Republicans spend like crazy why???
McCain: the Democrats want kids to smoke well i say no to that!
McCain: i want big spenders to be famous and not just in prison
Romney: oh yeah all that spending is like totally bad
Cooper: that's all you have?
Mitt: freeze all non-military spending
Rudy: we should fire half of all federal employees and replace them with robots
Cooper: is that realistic?
Rudy: sure all businesses have done it
Question: what part of America do you hate the most
Fred: heh heh that's a Target Rich Environment
Cooper: which agencies
Fred: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid
Cooper: wow you want to get rid of them??
Fred: no the federal government would guarantee your gambling on african gold mines
Paul: fuck you John McCain -- Washington D.C. may have made you a senile chipmunk but it didn't change me
Cooper: so you have always been crazy?
Paul: yes in high school i was voted Most Likely to Run for President as a Demented Loon
Huckabee: eliminate the IRS and Homeland Security
[ yay!! ]
Question: national sales tax doods?
McCain: that's stupid and Huckabee is a moron
McCain: give me dictatorial powers
McCain: you would have appeased Hitler you genocidal maniac
Paul: i want to save our soldier’s lives
McCain: well they want to be in a desert getting injured and killed you hate-filled bad man
Paul: active duty soldiers love me
McCain: you hate america you jew-hating nazi
Paul: fuck off dickhead
Grover (Bathtub-American) pledge to worship me!!
Panel: we all pledge to love you and cut taxes more more more
Fred and McCain: we won't pledge to that fat moron
Paul: cut spending doods
Hunter: maybe i will get lucky and there will be a war
Question: food subsidies for agribusiness?
Rudy: no - what if we run out of food!!
Cooper: did you steal security money?
Rudy: liberals and blacks threatened my life
Question: chinese lead toys!
Tancredo: china is for cheap labor but not bad products
Hunter: they are amassing weapons and this christmas we should buy american guns to support our returning disabled veterans with post traumatic stress
Cooper: what up with your fetus-oriented ad?
Thompson: mitt used to be an abortionist
Mitt: i was young and wrong when i aborted ted kennedy's and mary jo's baby
Cooper: you got an award for that
Mitt: true but Huckabee raised taxes
Cooper: that is worse
Huckabee: when a Republican hits you in the rear it's better not to look back
Question: do you like guns or should i shoot you?
Hunter: guns are like footballs they are a tradition of America and should always be handed off just like there were in bunker hill and fallujah
Question: Rudy why should anyone have to be qualified to own a fucking machine gun you socialist??
Rudy: dood you forget i ruled over a city with a lot of black people and criminals and crazy new yorkers
Rudy: no audience you are forgetting the Parker decision!
[ huh ??? ]
Rudy: maybe the really white states could have looser rules
Fred Thompson: he met with president clinton that's evil!!!
Fred: but the case he cites is from Washington DC which has a bunch of liberals and blacks
Rudy: that's my point there are too many blacks there
Question: how many guns do you own?? for example are they machine guns and what are their names??
Fred: damm right I do
McCain: i don't need a gun i killed a man with my bare hands for a bowl of rice
Rudy: Judy won't let me have a gun
Question: black on black crime?
Romney: bill cosby said it best - pudding pops will stop crime
Cooper: what else
Romney: inner city schools suck
Rudy: jeebus i dropped crime in the Black Areas by 80%
Mitt: he was a wonderful mayor but then again my police commissioner wasn't going around committing crimes
Cooper: what did you do in massachusetts to stop crime?
Mitt: DNA laboratories dood
Paul: women should only go to prison for a third timester abortion
Paul: no i take that back just the doctor - women are too dumb to be responsible
Fred Thompson: just the doctor should go to prison not the innocent girl after all having a uterus and ovaries makes you a stupid little thing not responsible for her pretty little actions
Question: Rudy would you ban abortion if everyone else in american wanted it?
Rudy: no i wouldn't, i would leave it to the states
Mitt: ban all abortions? That would be faaaaaaaaaabulous!!!!!!!
Question: who would jesus kill?
Huckabee: the toughest decision i ever made was to kill a man
Cooper: no letting a rapist go free because he attacked a political rival's relative?
Huck: no that was surprisingly easy
audience: but jesus!
Huck: look i would execute a fetus but only after a 1 hour trial
Cooper: what would jesus do
Huckster: he would be a democrat and probably vote for Kucinich
Question: Holy Bible yes or no?
Huckster: can i help you Rudy he was holding a bible in case you were confused you heathen motherfucker
Rudy: it's pack of myths
Cooper: have you ever read it
Rudy: well a nun hit me with it does that count?
Mitt: i love that little fucking Bible just like millions or even billions of people
Mitt: i believe it's the Word of God but I think He lies sometimes
Huckabee: it's written by God but it's all allegories like that part about a 10-Headed Dragon i'm pretty sure that's about Hillary Clinton
Question: how do you improve America's image
Rudy: fuck some muslim shit up
Rudy: Islam is wonderful religion and so is Arabia
Rudy: Islam a great, great religion
Rudy: liberals won't use the specific phrases i make up
McCain: Democrats want to surrender to terrorists!!
McCain: i was the only one to bash Rumsfeld and George Bush
McCain: the troops!
Hunter: no matter what America does i will not apologize
Question: who would you torture?
Romney: why bring terrorists from Gitmo and let them go free in Des Moines with ACLU lawyers???
McCain: you must be an idiot if you don't know what waterboarding is
Romeny: well i do
McCain: well then how the fuck do you think that's appropriate for americans to do to other people
Romney: look i'm running for president i not going say what is and isn't torture
Cooper: well who will
Romney: Cofer Black
McCain: you idiot -- life is not a tv show like "24" this is a defining issue and you can't a position on this then just don't run for President
Question: will you pledge to maintain our current stabilizing presence in the middle east
Thompson: we should leave immediately but stay until the mission is done
Fred: they want to bring down America
Fred: we should stay until oil is cheap
Cooper: you're sundowning dood
Paul: criminy we now have friendly relations with vietnam lets get the hell out
McCain: we didn't lose Vietman the only reason we left is Hippies
Paul: john you got hit in the head too much
McCain: Osama bin Laden is in Iraq and will come to New York if we leave
Paul: they attacked us because we invaded their country!!
[tv audience: you're both insane]
Question: r u running on 9/11?
Rudy: no way i was in charge of Haitian policy and George Will loves me
Cooper: what else
Rudy: i also reduced abortions
Cooper: because you started marrying your mistresses
Q: vice president!!
Fred: i want one with legal training, national security, and domestic expertise
Fred: he should have authority
McCain: look Bush is clearly a moron and that's why this county got so fucked up after 9/11
Cooper: um, did I just hear you it sounded like you said Bush was an incompetent who weakened america and turned this country over to a fat crook who shoots people
McCain: u heard me
Chuck Yeager: Duncan Hunter doods!
audience: what happened to sam sheppard dood??
Brigadier General: i'm a General and I'm gay - does that blow your mind?
Hunter: thanks for your mincing service but looks israel and the british can serve with gays but most people in the military are judeo-christian Republicans and they would just hate people like you too much
Huckabee: it's all about conduct like conducting yourself too gay
Romney: i laff when i think of 'don't ask don't tell' but now i think it worked
Cooper: answer the question
Mitt: no i refuse
General: i was a gay soldier for 42 years
Huckabee: jesus it's a wonder we survived as a nation
Hunter: i'm surprised your fellow judeo-christians didn't kill you
General: there are lots of gay soldiers
General: gay soliders yes or no?
McCain: how dare you bash our military!!!
Gay Guy: gay republicans?
Huckabee: i hate gays but they can vote for me if they want
Cooper: that sounds pretty shitty
Huckabee: yeah but i have integrity
Q: social security
Fred: elimniate social security it's a moral issue
Mitt: speaking of social security i hate jihadism and hillary clinton and love ronald reagan and families
Cooper: my god you need a tune-up dood
Question: Mars Bitches!
Tancredo: we shouldn't go to mars there might be mexicans there
Question: alot of blacks are conservatives why do they hate the GOP?
Rudy: hey when i cracked down on black skulls i did it out of love -- did you know crime still drops in NYC even now because of me?
Huckabee: hey a black guy voted for me and i appointed a black guy in charge of hypertension affairs
Huckabee: maybe we should reach out hispanics too
Cooper: yeah right
Questions: confederate flag doods
Romney: as former chair of Bain Capital i would like to stay i don't what the fuck he is talking about
Cooper: so improvise
Romney: John Edwards is trying to divide people and that flag should never be shown
Fred: no one who shows that flag is a racist but let's face it -- could the racists in the GOP cool it please??
Q: bridges dood
Rudy: david dinkins was a great guy i loved his donuts
Paul: we're bankrupt and we should pull out of iraq and spend like crazy
McCain: i hate bridges grrrrrrrrr
Rudy: fuck you crippled bullshit artist
McCain: municipal bastard
Rudy: i beat up bill Clinton
Q: will you run a third party Ron Paul?
Paul: the short answer yes you're damm right i plan to
Paul: this is the Ron Paul Revolution!!!
Question: how could root for the red sox rudy???
Rudy: i've rooted for the American league for fifty years because i love America
Mitt: we waited 87 long years so sad
Cooper: you may wait that long before you get back the white house you anti-gay, anti-immigrant, openly racist, lying, scapegoating, incoherent fuckwits