Sunday, March 29, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – March 29, 2015

David Kerley
Brad Garrett – Fmr FBI Agent
Gov. Mike Pence (R-IN)
Martin O'Malley (D-MD)
Josh Earnest – White House Press Secretary
Rep. Ed Royce (R-CA) Chair Foreign 

Relations Commitee

Stephanopoulos: OMG terror in the sky!!

Audience: aaarrrrhhhh!!

Kerley: should pilots be screened
for being fucking nuts?

Kerley: the German pilot
may have been depressed!

Kerley: and should pilots be 

allowed to be alone?

Expert: a stewardess could have stopped him!

Stephanopoulos: did this pilot fit
the profile of a mass murderer?

Garrett: he fits the profile of guy who
lost his job and went off his rocker

Stephanopoulos: did he send 

off warning signs?

Garrett: I guarantee he sent warning
signs which will be obvious in retrospect

Stephanopoulos: I can't believe pilots
are all on the honor system not to crash
the plane they're flying!

Elwell: maybe we should have more screening

Stephanopoulos: also he didn't 

have enough hours in the air

Elwell: what difference would 

a few more hours flying time make?

Stephanopoulos: more accurate plunging?

Stephanopoulos: what about cameras
in the cockpit so we could all watch 

this guy purposely crash the plane?

Garrett: it would make for some
video clips for the media I suppose

Stephanopoulos: should air traffic controllers
have the ability to take control of a plane?

Garrett: okay but what if an air traffic
controller went crazy and crashed the plane?

Stephanopoulos: hmmm I didn't think of that

[ break ]

Jarvis: Indiana has a new law to allow
businesses discriminate against gays

Pence: no it's not about discrimination

Jarvis: but there's a movement 

to boycott Indiana

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Governor Pence

Pence: morning George

Stephanopoulos: everyone is the world 
is attacking your new law allowing 
discrimination in the name of religion
Pence: this law is about religious liberty
and also my Presidential campaign

Stephanopoulos: I thought so

Pence: Bill Clinton and Barack Obama supported similar laws

Stephanopoulos: so you say

Pence: it's about religious liberty!

Stephanopoulos: people who pushed
the bill and were next to you when you
signed it say it's about businesses
refusing service to gay people

Pence: frankly George a lot of people
feel that their religious liberty is infringed
upon and also Obamacare is bad

Stephanopoulos: is discrimination
legal in Indiana now?

Pence: what a shameless question

Stephanopoulos: well is it or isn't it

Pence: there's so much
misinformation on the Internet

Stephanopoulos: also cute cats

Pence: gay cats?

Stephanopoulos: does the allow
discrimination or doesn't it?

Pence: what about tolerance 

for the intolerant?

Stephanopoulos: is that what 

you're demanding?

Pence: there's been an avalanche of
intolerance and bigotry aimed at Indiana
just because we passed this law allowing
discrimination – it's so unfair

Stephanopoulos: I'll go find a tiny violin

Pence: we've suffered so much just 

because we want to make gay 
people second-class citizens

Stephanopoulos: truly you are 

martyrs for the cause

Pence: people in Indiana are tired of
this constant anti-intolerant bigotry

Stephanopoulos: no doubt
Pence: are the hateful not entitled 

to equal rights? If you prick us do we 
not pass a law taking away your rights?

Stephanopoulos: so is discrimination
against gays legal in Indiana now?

Pence: Frankly government is overreaching
with all these so called gay rights

Stephanopoulos: okay

Pence: this is about religious liberty!

Stephanopoulos: how about adding sexual
orientation to the Indiana's civil rights laws

Pence: no fucking way George

Stephanopoulos: you won't even consider it?

Pence: screw the gays!

Stephanopoulos: so to speak

Pence: Clinton and Obama did the same thing!

Stephanopoulos: but Illinois has
civil rights protections for gays

Pence: this is breathtaking discrimination
against people of Indiana

Stephanopoulos: that reminds me
– what the fuck are you talking about

Pence: this is an avalanche of 

intolerance against us!

Stephanopoulos: some people are
talking about boycotting Indiana

Pence: the media are shameless
and reckless and I won't stand for it

Stephanopoulos: so would you be
willing to clarify the law to protect
the civil rights of gay people?

Pence: we're not going to change this law
and those stupid gays can go to hell

Stephanopoulos: you're standing firm

Pence: the government is trampling on God!

Stephanopoulos: do you think it should
be legal to discrimination against gays?

Pence: oh come George don't
make me answer that

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?

Pence: everyone knows
people in Indiana are nice!

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?!

Pence: George you're trying to
make this about those sinful gays

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?!

Pence: I stand by this law!

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?!?

Pence: I'm proud of this law!

Stephanopoulos: does this law discriminate?

Pence: I don't have to answer that question!

Stephanopoulos: I want an answer

Pence: you want answer?

Stephanopoulos: I think I'm entitled

Pence: you want an answer?!

Stephanopoulos: I want the truth!

Pence: you can't handle the truth!

Stephanopoulos: do you discriminate 

against gay people?!?

Pence: I'm proud of this law!

Stephanopoulos: do you discriminate?!?!

Pence: you're GODDAMN RIGHT I DO!!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Josh

Earnest: hi George

Stephanopoulos: is this Indiana law
the same law Obama and Clinton voted for?

Earnest: Mike Pence must be 

desperate to go back two decades 
to justify an anti-gay law

Stephanopoulos: maybe

Earnest: he's in damage control

Stephanopoulos: does Obama support
the NCAA boycott?

Earnest: that's up to individuals and
businesses but Obama was just in
Selma talking about justice and fairness

Stephanopoulos: how are the Iran 

nuclear talks going?

Earnest: we're trying to get Iran
to agree to strict inspections

Stephanopoulos: I've heard
they're not going well

Earnest: It's time for Iran
to put up or shut up

Stephanopoulos: will you extend 

the deadline?

Earnest: if Iran is willing to make
a deal they should be able to do
it by the end of March

Stephanopoulos: Boehner attacked
President Obama saying he is too anti-war

Earnest: if Boehner thinks U.S. troops
should be fighting in Iraq or Yemen 

or Syria then he should stop being 
a coward and say so

Stephanopoulos: ouch

Earnest: the President is leading an
Arab coalition to crush ISIS

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

Earnest: thanks George

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: wow Martin O'Malley
is pitching himself to liberals in Iowa
by attacking triangulation

Stephanopoulos: he's got a rock band
and he's a character on The Wire

O'Malley: hi George

Stephanopoulos: why are you running
for President and why should 

anyone vote for you?

O'Malley: I've been a  Mayor
and Governor and got things done

Stephanopoulos: but back in 2008
you said Clinton was better because
she was experienced

O'Malley: she was the best
choice – when I wasn't running

Stephanopoulos: oh snap

O'Malley: we need new leadership!

Stephanopoulos: are you officially running?

O'Malley: you have to earn the
Presidency – it's not some crown
handed to you because of your family name

Stephanopoulos: that's a slam
against Clinton and Bush isn't it

O'Malley: we need a President who
oppose powerful interests not embraces them

Stephanopoulos: do you think Hillary
is too cozy with rich people?

O'Malley: I don't know but I do know
we created jobs in Maryland also
supported gay rights and immigrants

Stephanopoulos: I didn't expect
you to go after Clinton this much

O'Malley: it's about national interest 

- not special interests

Stephanopoulos: that's catchy marty o

O'Malley: thanks stephy

Stephanopoulos: what's the biggest international threat?

O'Malley: the President must
protect all the most people of America

Stephanopoulos: so what's the biggest threat?

O'Malley: hmmm... tough call

Stephanopoulos: take your time

O'Malley: I'd say a nuclear Iran

Stephanopoulos: is the answer making
a deal or not having a deal

O'Malley: that letter from 47 Senators 

to the Ayatollah was ridiculous

Stephanopoulos: people in Maryland
don't think you should be President

O'Malley: well they elected me Governor

Stephanopoulos: I'll fact check that

O'Malley: we reduced crime to 30 year lows!

Stephanopoulos: crime is dropping everywhere Marty

O'Malley: I have the ability to be honest 

and get things done!

Stephanopoulos: when will you 

officially announce ?

O'Malley: when the cherry blossoms bloom

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Mart

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: could you
support a deal with Iran?

Royce: We need a longer deal than
ten years and more inspections

Stephanopoulos: okay

Royce: the Ayatollah was yelling
'Death to America' so we should
walk away from a deal and let
them build a nuclear bomb

Stephanopoulos: noted psycho
John Bolton wants to start a war 

with 80 million people

Royce: I wouldn't got that far but
we should support dissidents in Iran
and overthrow the government there

Stephanopoulos: what could go wrong

Royce: the only reason Iran is
at the table is because we fought Obama

Stephanopoulos: so you say

Royce: if we have more sanctions
Iran would capitulate and bend to our will!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

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