Meet The Press – November 11, 2012

Guests:

Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-TX)

Andrea Mitchell

Chuck Todd

Bob Woodward

Doris Kearns Goodwin

Jim Cramer

Steve Schmidt

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Gregory: holy crap Obama was historically

reelected but never mind - Saint Petraeus 

resigned over naughty sex!

Mitchell: apparently there was some unknown

scored woman and an open gmail account

which led to the FBI and then to Congress

which is genius for the head of the CIA

Gregory: oh my god

Mitchell: this raises questions

about what Obama is hiding

Woodward: obviously this bewitching

woman enchanted Saint Petraeus

Gregory: clearly

Woodward: Petraeus knows what

really happened in Benghazi and

now he's been silenced!

Gregory: wow

Woodward: Petraeus always dug deep

and now there are videos

Gregory: this happened election night!

Mitchell: which is why the conspiracy

theorists are going wild

Gregory: I love it Andrea!

Woodward: Obama loves Petraeus –

just look at the Bay of Pigs and bin Laden

Mitchell: of course

Gregory: Petraeus had a lot of bandwidth

Woodward: he did the honorable thing by

throwing himself off the Tarpean rock

Gregory: should Obama have refused

to accept the Saint's resignation?

Schumer: no because Petreaus is a true hero

Coburn: face it - women and classified

information don't mix

Gregory: this is another reason to regard

Benghazi as a scandal isn't it

Coburn: indeed we must talk of nothing else

Gregory: but the Fiscal Cliff is almost

as frightening as sex

Coburn: that's a tough call Fluffy

Gregory: the debt is all-important and

therefore we must avoid cutting spending

or raising taxes

Gregory: talk to me about inflicting pain

Coburn: Republicans are willing to cut

raises taxes if we can cut the size of the

federal government in half

Gregory: would you really raises

taxes on rich people like me??

Coburn: yes but the real problem is

greedy old and sick people

Gregory: let's talk more about painful outcomes

Schumer: hey Democrats won

the election Fluffy

Gregory: in theory maybe

Schumer: John Boehner is a gnome

who turns straw into gold

Gregory: I was talking to Republicans this week

Schumer: of course you were

Gregory: what if we didn't raise taxes on rich

people me and on other people instead –

could we please do that

Schumer: bite me Fluffy

Gregory: Senator Coburn please help me

Coburn: if we limit deductions and

exemptions on rich people we could

avoid raising taxes on rich people

Gregory: what about immigration reform

Schumer: Lindsay Graham and I broke up

two years ago but now we're dating again

Gregory: adorbs

Schumer: if we have a national ID it will

stop illegal immigration in its dirty tracks

Gregory: what is the lesson of the 2012 election

Coburn: don't run as a hateful assholes

Gregory: fascinating

Gregory: should Mitt Romney be in

charge of America during the Fiscal Cliff

Schumer: yes and let's put Jeb Bush

in charge of immigration

Gregory: thanks for coming dudes

[ break ]

Gregory: we just had a Presidential election

– what about Petraeus' penis??

Todd: mister we could use a man

like George Tenet again

Schmidt: Saint Petreaus is a hero who

did the honorable thing and we all

owe him a debt of gratitude

Goodwin: I miss the days when Presidents

could bang the secretaries all day long

and still put in a full day of planning D-Day

Woodward: how can the head of the CIA 

not keep an affair a secret??

Gregory: good point

Woodward: on the other hand I've known

him for 20 years and we never had sex

Gregory: Obama ran a small and brutish campaign

and he is delusional and also has no mandate

Castro: my identical twin brother

told me you were a moron

Gregory: you remind me of him

Castro: Democrats won the election

you simpleton

Gregory: Bush's style was to spend political capital

Schmidt: yes but Obama must work

with Republicans or he is a failure

Todd: Obama has 60 days before we can

declare his second term a total disaster

Gregory: why so long

Todd: Obama must do a reach-around

on the GOP leadership

Gregory: what about the Fiscal Cliff?

Cramer: this could cause a recession! Eeek!

Gregory: the cliff scares me

Cramer: why hire a new employee

when the government still exists?

Gregory: Obama's biggest mistake was

not surrounding himself with rich

businessmen wasn't it?

Cramer: yes because they care about

getting rich and also staying rich

Goodwin: Obama should get drunk

with John Boehner every night

Gregory: can we get a Grand Bargain?

Woodward: Obama was willing to go very

far and the GOP wouldn't work with him

Gregory: can we inflict pain on regular people

Castro: sure why not

Gregory: how on earth did Obama win?

Todd: non-white people

Gregory: whoa

Todd: did you know there are black people in Ohio?

Gregory: I though LeBron James went to Florida

Todd: he did – and Obama won Cubans!

Gregory: give him a cigar

Todd: Texas is the next swing state

Gregory: cripes

Schmidt: too many Republicans

think all Latinos are illegal

Gregory: Rush Limbaugh fears we

will pass out birth control pills to illegals

Castro: hispanics have been here for

hundreds of years – look at Ted Cruz

Gregory: I hope he gets back together 

with Katie Holmes

Goodwin: Romney lost women 

minorities and scientologists

Gregory: there is a lot of opposition out

there to Obama and he only won

because of bunch of brown people

Woodward: the debt is out of control!

America is doomed!

Gregory: so true

Woodward: Obama has to ignore

his base and slash the debt

Todd: the GOP has become a group of

ungovernable special interest wackos

Schmidt: Rush Limbaugh is destroying

the Republican party

Gregory: can Obama become like Abraham

Lincoln by working with Republicans

Goodwin: yes – Obama must bring into his

cabinet many CEOs and of course Mitt Romney

Woodward: John Boehner is such a hero

by offering to work with Obama

Castro: oh for god's sake – he always 

caves to the tea party

Woodward: maybe but I can dream can't I

Gregory: and that's another episode

of Meet The Press

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