Sunday, September 25, 2011

Meet The Press - September 25, 2011

Gregory: welcome to this very Special Episode
of Meet The Press devoted entirely to Education
in America - here’s Bibi Netanyahu

Netanyahu: Hi David

Gregory: what about the move for statehood
for Palestine?

Netanyahu: It’s a great idea if Palestine de-militarized

Gregory: There is no peace process is there?

Netanyahu: I tried to meet with the Palestinians
here in New York but they had tickets to the
Book of Mormon

Gregory: ooh those are really hard to get

Netanyahu: Abbas has to sit down and Just Do It

Gregory: Why are you still occupying the
West Bank?

Netanyahu: I walk the streets of New Jersey and
people say to me Bibi stay strong and
maintain the occupation!

Gregory: that’s amazing

Netanyahu: the Dutch love us and we’re very popular in Cyprus

Gregory: what if being right is not enough?

Netanyahu: the core of the conflict is that the Palestinians refuse to recognizes Israel as
a Jewish state

Gregory: got it

Netanyahu: Militant Islam is an insatiable crocodile that eats land with its snapping jaws

Gregory: Please bash Obama for me

Netanyahu: no

Gregory: But Rick Perry says Obama is a bad man

Netanyahu: don’t fuck with me Fluffy

Gregory: but Obama is mean!

Netanyahu: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: Is Israel going to be a Jewish state
or a democracy?

Netanyahu: um let me think . . . the first

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

Netanyahu: a Palestinian state that recognizes Israel as a Jewish state and our historic right to our land

Gregory: sounds good

Netanyahu: Abbas needs to tell his people that the dream is over - Israel is here to stay

Gregory: he’s still talking about 1948

Netanyahu: This is the land of Abraham and Jacob and Benjamin who was the Original Bibi

Gregory: Abbas says the land is sacred for
Muslims and Christians

Netanyahu: Hello!? Ever heard of little story about God, the Jews and Jesus? Most popular book ever written??

Gregory: The DaVinci Code?

Netanyahu: the Bible you idiot

Gregory: Bill Clinton says you are partly to blame because you will never give up the West Bank

Netanyahu: I never said this before but I mean
this sincerely - fuck you Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: Mayor Mike what is going on with the economy?

Bloomberg: Europe is collapsing and our useless
politicians in D.C. are going to shut down
the government! Again!

Gregory: why are businesses not hiring?

Bloomberg: you can’t make a loan or take a vacation
when politicians are bickering

Gregory: so this is all Obama’s fault

Bloomberg: at least he’s trying to fix the economy
which is more than I can say for the GOP

Gregory: Obama says he is not waging class warfare
unless you like class warfare in which case
he is a warrior

Bloomberg: that’s not fair -- you can’t define
what is “poor” or “wealthy” - those are just theatrics

Gregory: that’s very insightful

Bloomberg: If Warren Buffet made his money
differently then his taxes would be different

Gregory: I can’t argue with that

Bloomberg: you must raise taxes on everyone
and also cut entitlements

Gregory: Isn’t Warren Buffet a bad man for
suggesting higher taxes on rich people like
you and me?

Bloomberg: yes he is Fluffy

Gregory: don’t you love Chris Christie?

Bloomberg: he’s okay I guess

Gregory: Is the Rick Perry honeymoon over?

Bloomberg: you journalists keep hyping whoever
is behind - it’s silly

Bloomberg: these GOP candidates don’t believe in
science or evolution or vaccination - it’s appalling

Gregory: how about a third party
candidate for President?

Bloomberg: that’s clever but will never happen

Gregory: can Obama be re-elected?

Bloomberg: yes because he’s better than any of the
alternatives who appear to be morons

Gregory: I read a poll that said people don’t approve
of your education policies

Bloomberg: that was a bullshit poll Fluffy

Gregory: yes sir

Bloomberg: people love public schools policies
and it’s disgraceful for you to attack parents this way

Gregory: thanks for coming Mayor

[ break ]

Gregory: Bill Bennett tell me about education

Bennett: If went to college unemployment is 5%
if you didn’t go to high school it’s 15%

Shalala: if you work 2 jobs you can’t get home to
help your kids with their homework

Smiley: This is not a skill problem -
it’s a will problem!

Gregory: but doesn’t government suck?

Smiley: Kids live with crime, poverty and drugs -
it’s a national disgrace!

Gregory: are there no private charities?

Shriver: standardized tests don’t inspire kids

Gregory: they are very boring

Shriver: we need to teach optimism!

Bennett: tests let us know who is failing
which is very necessary

Gregory: so what is the answer?

Bennett: charter schools and paying
good teachers a bonus

Gregory: what else?

Bennett: Fathers are important! Murphy Brown!

Gregory: should we get rid of the
Department of Education?

Smiley: the answer to America’s problems is not
demonizing teacher unions dammit!

Bennett: good parents and teachers and
coaches are good

Gregory: what should our students know?

Shalala: they need to be able to read and write

Gregory: I’m with you

Shalala: also critical thinking

Gregory: uh oh

Shriver: we need to teach kids to understand
their own feelings

Gregory: I’m feeling confused

Shriver: people need to be inspired!

Gregory: is character education important?

Smiley: sure it is but let me tell you something
Tom Friedman is wrong the world isn’t flat
- it’s tilted!

Bennett: jobs are outsourced not because of
low wages but because people in India are
better at math

Gregory: should college athletes be paid?

Shalala: No! And I feel very strongly about that!

Gregory: I love your passion Donna

Gregory: Who will the GOP nominee Bill?

Bennett: I’m still hoping Paul Ryan will get in the race

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

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