Sunday, June 28, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – June 28, 2015

Pierre Thomas
Terry Moran
James Obergefell – Victorious
Supreme Court Litigant
Evan Wolfson – President
of 'Freedom to Marry'
Mike Huckabee
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Cokie Roberts
Donna Brazile
Matthew Dowd
Ken Blackwell

Stephanopoulos: OMG what a
fucking week for politics!

Stephanopoulos: Obama had his
best week ever – he passed a trade
bill and the Supreme Court legalized
Obamacare and gay marriage!

Stephanopoulos: then he broke out into song!

Stephanopoulos: Terry you've covered
the court for thirty years – have you  
ever seen the court make this much 
history in two days?

Moran: George I never have – the Court
slammed the door on two big issues
of our time – Obamacare and Gay rights

Stephanopoulos: amazing!

Moran: it's a reminder of the tremendous
power of the Supreme Court and 
the importance of paying reporters 
to cover the Court

Stephanopoulos: Justice Roberts  
saved Obamacare!

Moran: John Roberts isn't a boat rocker

Stephanopoulos: Anthony Kennedy
is now a historical figure!

Moran: Robert Bork was a intellectual
but a wingnut job and Anthony Kennedy
brought heart and empathy and good
old western cowboy love of liberty and gays

Stephanopoulos: cowboys love 
gays and lesbians?

Moran: oh yes George –
in fact most cowboys were gay

Stephanopoulos: I did not know that

Moran: it's a well-known fact –
didn't you ever see Brokeback Mountain?

Stephanopoulos: you learn 
something new every day

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome James Obergefell

Obergefell: it's a great morning George!

Stephanopoulos: how do you feel?

Obergefell: it's amazing – the love
my husband and I had for each
other has had an impact all across the country

Stephanopoulos: Mike Huckabee
says this Supreme Court decisions
is nothing less than tyranny and evil

Obergfell: I would ask him if his
brother or sister or daughter were
gay would he love them any less
or want them have fewer rights?

Huckabee: absolutely I would –
if Jesus Christ teaches us anything
it is to be petty and vindictive and hateful

Obergefell: we're just asking to
be treated equally and to enjoy
the lovely and wonderful and
sacred institution of marriage

Huckabee: that's Satan talking right there

Stephanopoulos: John Roberts says
the court shouldn't steal gay marriage
from the voters and legalizing gay
marriage will hurt the cause of fighting
to legalize gay marriage

Wolfson: well that's a process argument
but guess what – we have a Constitution
and it applies to everyone regardless of
laws people pass talking rights away
from unpopular minorities

Stephanopoulos: is that right?

Wolfson: indeed – in fact that's 
why we have one

Stephanopoulos: so will your organization
Freedom to Marry go out of business?

Wolfson: no because we have to 
sell the dignity of gay couples in
Texas and Alabama

Stephanopoulos: how about you Jim –
will you pack it in and enjoy life as a gay icon?

Obergfell: no I think I will continue
the fight against discrimination
against LGBT people

Stephanopoulos: well good luck with that

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Mike Huckabee

Huckabee: it's a sad day George

Stephanopoulos: what did you 
think about what James Obergefell 
said about just wanting to love and 
be married like you

Huckabee: I'm deeply moved by
Mr Obergefell but when it comes to
denying people basic human rights
the process matters most

Stephanopoulos: of course

Huckabee: these justices are
unelected lawyers – it's just wrong
for them applying the Constitution
to gay people

Stephanopoulos: isn't that the
role of Supreme Court?

Huckabee: are we now going to
discriminate against Christians?

Stephanopoulos: oh so now you're
worried about discrimination?

Huckabee: will we crucify poor
photographers who won't take
pictures at Satanic rituals
or gay wedding?

Stephanopoulos: well I don't know 
Mike do you think the Supreme Court 
should protect their rights or 
would that be tyranny?

Huckabee: what about the poor
guy at Mozilla who was
tyrannized out of his job as a CEO

Stephanopoulos: that is so sad –
did you know people can be
fired for being gay?

Huckabee: equality is tyranny!

Stephanopoulos: tyranny?

Huckabee: yes if Christians don't
have more rights that everyone
else that's discrimination against Christians

Stephanopoulos: how is that tyranny again?

Huckabee: it's tyranny when the
court overrules the people who
want to get married but what to stop
people they don't like from getting married

Stephanopoulos: I think I follow

Huckabee: the court tyrannically didn't
overturn the Obamacare law – outrageous!

Stephanopoulos: but that makes no sense – you call it tyranny when the court doesn't leave gay marriage 
to the legislature but it's also tyranny when 
they don't overturn a law passed by the legislature

Huckabee: exactly – we're living
in a dystopian nightmare!

Stephanopoulos: so will you
refuse to obey this tyrannical ruling?

Huckabee: in his 'Letter from Birmingham
Jail' the conservative hero Martin Luther
King said pastors will have to make
a tough decision on disobeying the law

Stephanopoulos: yes citing a man
protesting laws discriminating against
minorities makes perfect sense when
fighting to deny equality to minorities

Huckabee: Christians everywhere
must follow the example of Jesus!

Stephanopoulos: never get married
and just hang out with a bunch of
other men wearing robes and sandals?

Huckabee: No! Jesus Christ's
message of hate and exclusion!

Stephanopoulos: what should
government employees do?

Huckabee: court clerks should
refuse to obey any law they don't like!

Stephanopoulos: that seems
it could lead to chaos

Huckabee: I don't think a state
Attorney General should just
shrug and say well I guess
we must just obey Adolf Hitler now

Stephanopoulos: so you want
government officials around the
country to disobey the Supreme
Court because they don't like the ruling

Huckabee: what if a future
Supreme Court bans abortion –
what about that you hypocritical liberals??

Stephanopoulos: you must
really hate gay people

Huckabee: they're only five lawyers!
Who gave them the power to decide
what the Constitution says??

Huckabee: so people should
just ignore the Supreme Court?

Huckabee: Obama lit the White House
in rainbow colors so when I'm President
I'm going to re-name it 'Mike Huckabee's
House of Fetuses and Waffles'!

Stephanopoulos: what about
the confederate flag?

Huckabee: Lindsey Graham is a hero
for supporting the flying the flag and
then sort of reluctantly changing his mind

Stephanopoulos: a true profile in courage

Huckabee: Republicans are the real
opponents of the confederate flag –
why don't liberals take it down from
their state houses huh libs??

Stephanopoulos: can't argue with that logic

Huckabee: Republicans brought civil rights
legislation and Democrats opposed it!

Stephanopoulos: sort of

Huckabee: America's greatest civil
rights leader was Dwight Eisenhower
and then some other people did some things

Stephanopoulos: what did you think
of President Obama's eulogy?

Huckabee: I thought it was brilliant
but it was too political – a eulogy
should focus on the deceased

Stephanopoulos: the deceased was
a politician who was murdered by a
terrorist for his political beliefs

Huckabee: pointing that 
out is very bad manners

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Mike

Huckabee: thanks for inviting me
and don't forget to hate a gay
today in the name of Jesus

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: so panel it was
quite a week in politics

Dowd: I would just like to point out
that not all of Americas problems
were solved this week

Blackwell: Christians are going
to be called names which is very sad

Stephanopoulos: yes if only gay 
people could know what it's like 
to be called names they might 
not be so insensitive to christians

Blackwell: the court should not have
legislated from the bench and instead
overturned Obamacare as god intended

Stephanopoulos: makes perfect sense

Blackwell: we should have amended
the Constitution to give the gays 
equality which the GOP would 
no doubt have supported

Roberts: this week we saw black
and white lesbians kissing each other
which I for one cannot get enough of

Brazile: I grew up in the segregated
south so it was pretty nice to see the
Supreme Court this week grant
equal rights to all Americans

[ break ]

Thomas: omg ISIS killed
peoplein France and Tunis!

Woodruff: the ISIS killer was so
nervous he was shaking –
but somehow found the nerve
to shoot people at a swimming pool

Thomas: omg ISIS might attack
America on the 4th of July!

Comey: ISIS is looking for troubled
minds on the Internet – there seems
to be no shortage there

Thomas: a college student from
Queens wants to stop traffic on the GW bridge

Christie: who does that little 
bastard think he is?

Stephanopoulos: Pierre how 
scared should I be?

Thomas: very scared George –
ISIS is really good on twitter and instagram

Stephanopoulos: Facebook too?

Thomas: no one uses Facebook
anymore – it's too popular

Stephanopoulos: this is very terrifying

King: I am more petrified that
at any time since September 11

Stephanopoulos: holy shit

King: we will almost certainly 
be attacked on July 4th

Stephanopoulos: wow

King: we've had a series 
of attacks in America's

Stephanopoulos: we have?

King: well a series of arrests anyway

Stephanopoulos: some say white male
right wing terrorists are more dangerous

Thomas: yes but ISIS is worse
because of what they might do

King: that's ridiculous – there's no
comparison between wily murderous
arabs and incompetent sad white
people with mental health issues

Stephanopoulos: right

King: that kind of reporting is
The New York Times at its worst
four people were killed in the Boston bombing!

Stephanopoulos: true

King: When has a white racist ever
killed four people at one time?

Stephanopoulos: last week in Charleston

King: that doesn't count!