Sunday, April 12, 2015

Meet The Press – April 12, 2015


John Kerry – Secretary of State
Sen. Rand Paul - (R-KY)
David Axelrod
Anita Dunn
Bill de Blasio – Mayor of New York (D)
Stephanie Rawlings-Blake 
Mayor of Baltimore (D)
Maria Hinojosa – NPR Latino USA
David Brooks – NYT
Hugh Hewitt 

Todd: OMG Hillary Clinton is
running for President!

Audience: omg omg omg

Todd: she is announcing via
twitter like a social media boss!
Todd: Hillary Clinton's biggest
opponent is Hillary Clinton

Audience: damn she's a tough one

Axelrod: she had an attitude of
entitlement in 2008 and it backfired

Todd: now she will be humble like
in 2000 when she had a listening tour

Dunn: she has to show her human side

Todd: it's hard to create a first
impression for the 20th time

Todd: she's been in the
public eye for 20 years

Axelrod: okay you're 'Ready for Hillary'
but what are you ready for?

Advisor: the middle class?

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Mayor
de Blasio: greetings from
the Big Apple Charles

Todd: you ran her campaign
in 2000 – how does Hillary win?

de Blasio: she has to go out
and listen to ordinary people

Todd: you want to push
her to the left don't you?

de Blasio: we've got the worst income
inequality since the Great Depression

Todd: is that right?

de Blasio: you can't just talk
about ityou've got to pledge
to tax the wealthy to pay for more
bridges the wealthy drive over

Todd: what is her big idea?

de Blasio: she has time to present her vision

Todd: what do you suggest?

de Blasio: since 2008 we've had
an economic crisis and a recovery
benefiting the richest Americans

Todd: Rand Paul says Hillary
caused the recession in 2007

de Blasio: Rand Paul is an idiot

Todd: that's true

de Blasio: Democrats need to
boldly push a progressive vision!

Todd: so you say

de Blasio: progressives are
demanding economic change

Todd: go on Bill

de Blasio: we need more
benefits for poor people!

Todd: are you endorsing her
or are you waiting?

de Blasio: I want to see a bold
progressive vision

Todd: thanks for coming

de Blasio: you too Todd

[ break ]

Todd: wow even de Blasio
won't endorse her!

Hinojosa: you see activists want
to push her to the left

Todd: oooh

Hinojosa: she's at her best
when no one is watching

Todd: people don't think she's
honest or trustworthy

Brooks: the most important
quality in a politician is imagination
which she doesn't have

Todd: are you sure you're not
thinking of New York Times columnists?

Brooks: that could be

Todd: she's very cautious

Rawlings-Blake: don't read too
much into de Blasio's comments

Todd: Republicans are
campaigning on lost e-mails

Hewitt: they're mad because
she's moving in on their turf

Todd: are the Republicans too obsessed
with inventing Clinton scandals?

Hewitt: no! She put condoms on
the White House Christmas tree!

Todd: right I forgot

Hewitt: Clinton has never been vetted!
No one knows anything about her!
Where did she even come from?
Was she born in America?

Todd: calm down Hugh

Brooks: Hillary Clinton needs to
reach out to stupid white people

Todd: you mean she should read your column

Brooks: right

Hodor: Hodor!

Todd: thanks for coming all

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Secretary Kerry

Kerry: morning Todd

Kerry: did you recommend taking
Cuba off the list of sponsors of terror?

Kerry: sure – Cuba is a lovely place

Todd: interesting

Kerry: how can you trust Iran
when they sponsor terrorism?

Todd: we don't trust Iran

Todd: you don't?

Kerry: this agreement is based on verification

Todd: oh all right

Kerry: this agreement will prevent
Iran from getting a nuclear bomb
without starting a war

Todd: how disappointing

Kerry: we will shut off all their
abilities to build a nuclear bomb

Todd: the Ayatollah says
America is lying about the agreement

Kerry: well he's wrong

Todd: why would he lie?

Kerry: to spin for the Iran hard liners

Todd: okay

Kerry: even the Russians
are backing us up on this!

Todd: oh well never mind then

Kerry: I stand by my version of the agreement

Todd: well okay but if the other
side disagrees you don't really
have an agreement do you?

Kerry: if we don't get a good
deal we will walk away

Todd: got it

Kerry: but we can't have Congress
nitpicking this to death

Todd: does Hillary need a tough
primary or is a coronation a good thing?

Kerry: I like Hillary but I'm
out of politics Chuck

[ break ]

Todd: how would tv been forced to
cover the Walter Scott shooting without video

Fake Report: police say a cop was forced
to shoot and kill a driver who gained control
of his taser and cops delivered CPR and
it's sad but Walter Scott had a long rap
sheet so he had it coming

Todd: that's the only way we could have
covered the story because we are required
by law to repeat the police version
of events unquestioningly

Todd: this cold-blooded killing
shows the importance of cameras on cops

Rawlings-Blake: covering up
murder is a bad thing Charles

Todd: with body cameras on cops
complaints against are down 80%

Hewitt: look at the movie Furious 7
do we really want police filming stuff?

Todd: plus cameras are so expensive!

Hinojosa: the kid who filmed the
murder was dismissed by the police

Todd: we all want to trust cops

Hinojosa: well we all want a revolution
but that's not going to happen either

Hodor: Hodor!

Todd: David you're an expert on policing

Brooks: my slogan is if your mom
tells you she loves you check it

Todd: I'd say that's especially
good advice in your case

Brooks: I don't trust cops

Todd: I'm sure the feeling is mutual

Brooks: cameras can be abused
what about filming domestic violence?

Todd: also it's a Fourth Amendment
issue which I know nothing about

[ break ]

Todd: omg poor people pay a
higher percentage of their income
in taxes than rich people do

Audience: no!

Todd: rich people pay 2% taxes
in Florida and Wyoming

Rich People: why so much?

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Senator Paul

Paul: hi Todd

Todd: which country poses
the biggest threat to America?

Paul: Iran but also North Korea
and also Pakistan and also Red Sox nation

Todd: good list

Paul: also Russia – we once had
hopes for them but then they invaded
Crimea which is terrible because
I had to look it up on a map

Todd: you don't want to invade
the whole Middle East – why is that?

Paul: before we invade the whole
region we should think before we act

Todd: what an odd notion

Paul: every time we topple a dictator
chaos ensues and we empower radicals

Todd: which is more important –
bombing Iran or ISIS?

Paul: why not both?

Todd: yeah but no one is talking
about bombing ISIS

Paul: I attached a declaration of
war against ISIS to a water bill

Todd: you're a wily one

Paul: I'm still pushing for war!

Todd: well good for you

Paul: if Obama wanted to be a uniter
he would have gone to Congress and
begged them to let him kill ISIS

Todd: would you nullify the Iran
deal as President?

Paul: Iran doesn't seem to think
what the agreement is what Kerry says it is

Todd: but what about the
agreement as described?

Paul: I don't reject it just because
Obama did it or negotiated with Iran

Todd: that's unusual

Paul: sure Reagan negotiated
with the Soviets after all

Todd: true enough

Paul: but we don't even know
what the agreement really is now

Todd: you once said if GOP didn't
nominate your dad it was headed for oblivion

Paul: that may still be true

Todd: where do you disagree with your dad

Paul: oh come on

Todd: indulge me

Paul: we both believe in a strong defense
and less intervention and we both oppose civil rights laws

Todd: you a lot of fights with reporters

Paul: I need my coffee

Todd: you're not a morning person?

Paul: no I'm a surgeon

Todd: don't cut me doc

Paul: look I'm a doctor
and I like direct questions

Todd: ok how's this – are you crazy?

Paul: I don't like it when reporters
ask about my opinions

Todd: welcome to politics Rand

Paul: piss off Chucky

Todd: you bring up Hillary Clinton's
past but you run away from your own past

Paul: Clinton supports Saudi Arabia
which represses women which is just terrible

Todd: so when you're President Saudi
Arabia will no longer be an ally?!

Paul: no no no – I'm talking about when
Hillary Clinton should not not what I should do

Todd: you're the anti-Washington
candidate but you're running for Senate
and President at the same time

Paul: you gotta cover your bases Ted

[ break ]

Todd: OMG Bill Clinton
could be the First Husband!

Blake-Rawlings: we need more Bill Clinton!

Hewitt: Rand Paul is man of great integrity
and Bill and Hillary are criminals

Brooks: Clinton is my personal hero
for taking down Sister Soujah before
could she took over America

Todd: does Hillary Clinton have
that 'not so fresh' feeling?

Hinojosa: you telling a women she's
expired and useless and incur the
wrath of women everywhere Carlos

Hewitt: yes but people hate Hillary

Todd: young people don't even remember
her lesbian affair with Vince Foster

Blake-Rawlings: good point

Todd: I am wearing purple
socks in honor of Bob Schieffer

Hodor: Hodor!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press