Sunday, August 24, 2014

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – August 24, 2014

Brian Ross 
Alex Marquardt
Martha Raddatz
General John Allen (Ret.)
Richard Clarke
Rukimini Callimachi
Martha Raddatz
Rep. Mike McCaul (R-TX)
Rep. William Lacy (D-MO)
Ray Kelly
Pierre Thomas

Stephanopoulos: good morning –
holy cow there was a big earthquake in Napa

Reporter: yes George – no injuries
yet but there is lots of broken
glass in downtown Napa
Stephanopoulos: oh my god the wine bottles!

Reporter: yes it's tragic but only
bottles of merlot were lost

Stephanopoulos: oh thank god

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: holy shit ISIS is
more extreme than al-qaeda!

Ross: they are planning attacks in
a small town in America near you! 

Stephanopoulos: yikes 

Ross: the murderer has a
distinctive British accent 

Stephanopoulos: that narrows it down

Ross: the US will not pay any
ransom to a terrorists group 

Stephanopoulos: fuck yeah

Ross: but the hostage families
want the ransom paid 

Stephanopoulos: oh then 
we should pay

Ross: on the other hand ISIS was
demanding an absurd 130 million dollars 

Stephanopoulos: is that a lot 
- I'm out of touch 

Stephanopoulos: should the U.S. bomb Syria?

Marquardt: the Kurds say they can

defeat ISIS with American guns and bombs

Stephanopoulos: oh good

Marquardt: but while ISIS lost the
Mosul dam but they are still strong

Stephanopoulos: wily fuckers

Marquardt: ISIS has 10,000 fighters 
and $100 million

Stephanopoulos: pretty sweet

Marquardt: U.S. officials say this 
will be a long fight

Stephanopoulos: terrific

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: General how can
the U.S. destroy ISIS?

Allen: the whole region has to
go all-in on eliminating them

Stephanopoulos: does that mean
working with the evil dictators 
of Syria and Iran

Allen: yes but we should make
clear that we don't like doing
it while we do it

Stephanopoulos: I see

Allen: after all Assad has turned
a blind eye to ISIS

Stephanopoulos: will it take 10,000 US troops?

Allen: maybe but we can send
special forces – those guys are bad-ass

Stephanopoulos: wow

Allen: we also can provide massive
American weapons to shadowy
groups which will probably not backfire

Stephanopoulos: what is the
White House planning?

Raddatz: the White House wanted
to leave 10,000 advisors in Iraq but
that corrupt idiot wouldn't let us

Stephanopoulos: should we work
with our sworn enemies to defeat
our mortal enemies?

Clarke: frankly yes – we have to
apologize to Assad and trying to
assassinate him and bomb Syria

McCaul: ISIS killed an American
journalist and are now planning
to invade the United States and 
take over Washington, D.C. 
which would endanger hundreds  
of innocent lobbyists

Stephanopoulos: so should Congress
declare war on ISIS?
McCaul: yes we'll get on it as soon
we're done with our five week vacation

Stephanopoulos: got it

McCaul: I agree with the general
we need to get Saudi Arabia on
board with bombing ISIS

Stephanopoulos: excellent

McCaul: we need to kill every member
of ISIS before they invade America
Stephanopoulos: is that really
going to happen?

McCaul: yes – there are Americans
with U.S. passports in ISIS

Stephanopoulos: good lord

McCaul: they even have access
to Facebook and twitter!

Clarke: the U.S. is going to be attacked
and overthrown and our children
will all speak whatever language
guys in ISIS speak

Stephanopoulos: apparently they speak English

Raddatz: there's no imminent threat
they're too busy forming their
imaginary caliphate

Stephanopoulos: Europe is bankrolling
ISIS with massive ransom payments

Callimachi: yes they've given ISIS
hundreds of millions over the years

Stephanopoulos: is Europe re-thinking
their strategy of encouraging kidnappings
and financing terrorists?

Callimachi: no - to the Europeans
it's strictly business

Stephanopoulos: ISIS is rich!

Clarke: yes well they invaded lands
with banks with big vaults of cash

Stephanopoulos: amazing

Clarke: no one wants to lose a
loved one but if the US pays ransoms
we will all of us be at risk for 
being kidnapped by ISIS

Stephanopoulos: cripes

[ break ]

Thomas: the people of Ferguson
don't trust the police

Stephanopoulos: but they are in authority

Thomas: 67% of Ferguson are black
but they only have three black cops

Stephanopoulos: so not a lot

Thomas: folks protested police
injustice so of course more white
cops spent a week arresting more black folks

Stephanopoulos: did that solve everything?

Thomas: the U.S. Attorney General
had to come to calm things down

Stephanopoulos: ok so now problem solved

Thomas: no we keep seeing riots
after unarmed black kids are
shot and killed by white cops

Stephanopoulos: every now and then

Thomas: one solution is police 
wearing body cameras

Stephanopoulos: what's the 
future for Ferguson?

Clay: Attorney General Holder helped

calm things down by promising a fair investigation

Stephanopoulos: amazing how there
are all-white cops there are in
black towns and cities

Clay: yes they don't understand the culture

Stephanopoulos: should the police 
have military weapons?

Clay: they do need them to fight 
 off a terrorist attack but clear 
 it's gone much too far

Stephanopoulos: Ray Kelly do the 
police need to be armed like they
are ready for combat?

Kelly: this is a terrific program 
in a post 9/11 world 

Stephanopoulos: ok never mind then

Kelly: on the other hand we need to
ask if every small town needs it's 
own tank and stealth bomber

Thomas: cameras recording police
would help us know what actually
happened during these repeated incidents

Kelly: why does St Louis county have
60 different police departments?
You know how many New York
fucking City has? One! One motherfucking 
police department! One fuckers!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming everyone

No comments: