The Bobblespeak Translations

Meet the Press - January 29, 2012

2012-01-29T13:43:00.001-05:00

Guests:
Sen. John McCain
Fred Thompson
David Axelrod
Joe Scarborough
Doris Kearns Goodwin
*********************************
Gregory: so Florida is voting in a few days

Todd: Romney leads Gingrich in every
category except “too crazy to be
our nominee”

Gregory: greetings gentlemen

McCain: hi Fluffy

Thompson: whuh?

Gregory: hey Newt is losing Florida

McCain: yes I noticed

Thompson: yes but Newt won in South
Carolina except for smart people

Gregory: the Establishment is terrified
of Newt as the GOP nominee

Thompson: that’s only because people
who know him hate his guts

Gregory: I see

Thompson: Newt passed welfare reform
then he went insane

McCain: Newt shut down the government
- also he’s corrupt

Gregory: he is?

McCain: ever heard of the K Street Project Fluffy?

Gregory: no

McCain: he called Ronald Reagan a failure!
Apostate!

Thompson: haarrruumph

McCain: Citizens United was an outrage and
Gingrich is being funded by
a Chinese casino operator

Thompson: Mitt Romney is rich which
is very bad!

McCain: Fred you washed up
Hollywood jackass

Thompson: George Soros spends money!

Gregory: good point grandpa

Thompson: in an alternate universe Gingrich
successfully impeached Bill Clinton

Gregory: is that why you have the beard -
are you Evil Fred Thomson?

McCain: oh my god Fred you are insane

Thompson: Romney is mean nasty and
did I say mean

Gregory: when did Republicans become
such crybabies?

Thompson: whaaaa!

Gregory: here’s a hankie Fred

Thompson: Being nasty is no way
to win an election!

[ sobs ]

Gregory: Sarah Palin is worried about a
split in the party

McCain: who is this Sarah Palin person
you speak of?

Gregory: heh

McCain: Did I mention Mitt Romney has
never had extra martial affairs

Gregory: but you attacked Romney in 2008

McCain: Gingrich can’t whine his way to victory

Thompson: this is the most important time in
our history - the economy has stopped!

Gregory: actually the economy is growing

Thompson: maybe so but this is the
Obama Recession

Gregory: ok

Thompson: we don’t need a bean counter!
We need a 51st state on the moon!

Gregory: Obama intimidated the
Governor of Arizona

McCain: 40,000 people have been killed in
a country that is not America!

Gregory: wow

Gregory: this is your 61st appearance on
Meet The Press

McCain: What do I get when I hit 100?

Gregory: a pair of gold rabbit ears

McCain: how appropriate Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: David Brooks says Obama isn’t
thinking big enough

Axelrod: Obama wants to revive manufacturing
and community colleges

Gregory: I demand Americans sacrifice!

Axelrod: ok how about raising taxes on millionaires

Gregory: the reality of the situation with
entitlements is dire!

Axelrod: so you say Greggers

Gregory: President Alan Simpson says we
must cut social security!

Axelrod: you’re a moron

Gregory: Obama says this election is
about fairness

Axelrod: that sounds good to me

Gregory: but didn’t Romney play
by the rules?

Axelrod: yes you are allowed to hide
your money in Swiss bank accounts but
that doesn't make it right

Gregory: you must raise taxes on
the middle class

Axelrod: you seem insistent on this point

Gregory: you must cut entitlements!

Axelrod: the rich have done spectacularly
well you know Fluffy

Gregory: isn’t Bain Capital wonderful

Axelrod: Romney bankrupts companies
and then loots them

Gregory: but shareholders made a
lot of money

Axelrod: he kills jobs!

Gregory: so does Obama

Axelrod: no George Bush lost millions of
jobs and Romney wants to return to his policies

Gregory: you attack investors but Obama
invested in General Motors

Axelrod: but we didn’t loot the company -
we built an industry

Gregory: it’s still the same

Axelrod: well then why did Romney oppose
the auto bailout!?

Gregory: will the GOP fight continue?

Axelrod: well Romney has the money and
Newt is crazy but then again Mitt
is a liar and weirdo

Gregory: Does Obama hate politics?

Axelrod: no he likes it which proves
he’s not normal

Gregory: why should people vote for Obama?

Axelrod: because we’re adding jobs and the
other guys are out of their fucking minds

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Hi panel! So Newt was doing so
well - what went wrong?

Scarborough: Florida is big state - it
takes money and organization and
popularity - three things Gingrich
doesn’t have

Todd: Team Romney carpet-bombed
the state with cash and coupons
for early bird dinners

Goodwin: it’s like Custer’s Last Stand
except Romney is a very rich Indian

Scarborough: Establishment v Tea Party!
It’s so on right now!!

Goodwin: I’m starting to wonder if Newt
is actually insane

Gregory: George Washington was just like
Romney because he was very rich too

Good: yes but FDR had polio and JFK was
in WWII and Mitt spent Vietnam in Paris

Todd: not every American has a Swiss
bank account

Gregory: most of the best people do

Scarborough: that is true

Gregory: Joe you warned that Gingrich is like
a cockroach or Cher

Scarborough: yes they are scary and
you don’t want them around and you think
you got rid of them and there they are

Gregory: will Newt ever go away?

Scarborough: He could win Georgia,
Oklahoma, Tennessee and the Moon

Gregory: Newt is still leading in nation polls

Todd: but Romney is going to win Michigan
- people love him there and since they
are unemployed will plenty of time to vote

Gregory: Obama is laughing his ass off

Goodwin: Obama talked about fairness
and people like that

Gregory: Obama is not demanding
enough sacrifice is he?

Scarborough: it was a great campaign
speech which is very depressing because
no one is willing to demand that
poor people give up even more

Gregory: Obama is cheating by being popular

Scar: it’s so so sad

Gregory: Beet sugar fields on the Moon!

Goodwin: so awesome

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
***************************************

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - January 29, 2012

2012-01-29T13:40:00.000-05:00

Guests:
Newt Gingrich
Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
*****************************************

Tapper: Newt why are you losing
so badly?

Gingrich: if you add my votes to
Santorum’s than I am winning

Tapper: I see

Gingrich: also unlike me Romney is
negative and mean

Tapper: is that so?

Gingrich: also the Beltway elites are
all against me

Tapper: so who is for you?

Gingrich: Todd Palin and Fred Thompson

Tapper: besides those two idiots?

Gingrich: Ronald Reagan’s corpse
has endorsed me

Tapper: why did you do so badly in
the last debate?

Gingrich: Romney says things that
aren’t true which is unprecedented
for a politician

Tapper: wow

Gingrch: also he is responsible for Columbine,
Virginia Tech and I’m pretty sure he
killed Michael Jackson

Tapper: you have ad saying Mitt Romney
saying killed Kaylee Anthony

Gingrich: Romney has performed dozens
of abortions in the Cayman Islands!

Tapper: amazing

Gingrich: also Romney is a big liar and
lacks character

Tapper: you’re saying he can’t be President

Gingrich: the Federal Election Commission
said I should be President

Tapper: I did not know that

Gingrich: I just want to be positive and
talk about space and how Romney caused
the earthquake in Haiti

Tapper: ok then

Gingrich: I have big ideas and he’s
soooo nasty

Tapper: you want to put an American
base on the moon

Gingrich: I’m big and bold and I have
a plan to have the private sector build a
ladder to the moon

Tapper: that is cool

Gingrich: Washington is terrified of me
because I will spend billions on public works
projects and they hate that

Tapper: Romney says you have no ethics

Gingrich: I agree with you that Obama is
a terrible person

Tapper: umm….

Gingrich: I cut taxes and lowered
unemployment and balanced the budget!

Tapper: you did?

Gingrich: Romney is maniacal!

Tapper: you’re so positive

Gingrich: he’s an utter liar and-

Tapper: I just checked you didn’t balance
the budget

Gingrich: drop dead Tapper you
beltway elitist

Tapper: Obama says you are race-baiting

Gingrich: Obama goes around the country
attacking people which the same as
being a racist

Tapper: I see

Gingrich: he’s a food stamp President because
he didn’t built a pipeline across Nebraska

Tapper: good luck Newt

[ break ]

Tapper: you say Obama is un-American

Boehner: he caused he recession in 2007!

Tapper: will you raise taxes on the
middle class?

Boehner: sadly no

Tapper: what about lower taxes on corporations?

Boehner: Obama has lots of good ideas

Tapper: even though he is unamerican
and a socialist

Boehner: right

Tapper: none your bills can get through
the Senate

Boehner: the US Senate are all poopyheads

Tapper: what’s the point of passing
legislation that’s guaranteed to fail?

Boehner: don’t be hatin’!

Tapper: Bob Dole says Newt is a total nutcase

Boehner: I know Newt and he scares
the shit out of me

Tapper: Do you think Newt is too crazy
to be President?

Boehner: First of rule of opposing Newt is
you don’t talk about Newt

Tapper: got it

********************************

Meet The Press - January 22, 2012

2012-01-22T13:57:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Newt Gingrich
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Joe Scarborough
Katty Kay
Mike Murphy
Chuck Todd
***********************************

Gregory: wow Newt won South Carolina

Gingrich: thank you I am amazing

Gregory: what happened?

Gingrich: there is real pain and anger
out there and people are sick and tired
about being told what to think

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: I’m running against the
big boys in Washington

Gregory: but you are the ultimate insider

Gingrich: I took a million dollars to
tell Fannie Mae they suck

Gregory: ok

Gingrich: I am a regular American and
Mitt is a capitalist stooge

Gregory: Mittens says you hate success

Gingrich: I’m not attacking business I’m
attacking this slippery jerk

Gregory: do you think Mitt should
release his tax returns?

Gingrich: yes of course but I won’t release mine

Gregory: a lot of people hate you
and some Republicans say you would
be a total catastrophe

Gingrich: I will take on the Establishment!

Gregory: wow

Gingrich: I will take on elites -
they caused the recession!

Gregory: what happened to family values?

Gingrich: I’m a grandfather now -
cuddly and cute!

Gregory: Jeb Bush says we should be
positive but you said Obama basically
hates America

Gingrich: the media has never
investigated Saul Alinsky

Gregory: I’m sorry about that

Gingrich: the objective fact is that Obama
is a black panther communist

Gregory: Romney is releasing tax returns

Gingrich: good now I don’t have to release
mine since the conversation is over

Gregory: Mitt is putting his tax returns

Christie: Finally - what a dumbass

Gregory: what was he hiding?

Christie: his amazing success which would
have made people really jealous

Gregory: right

Christie: people don’t want a failure as
President do they?

Gregory: what happened last night?

Christie: hey we got in a rumble and got beat up
and now we got to pick our knives and guns
take some dudes out

Gregory: you said Mitt Romney is too robotic

Christie: we’re working on that

Gregory: Newt is beating you on ethics

Christie: let’s drop the baloney -
of course Newt Gingrich was a lobbyist

Gregory: what has Mitt Romney ever done ?

Christie: people working at the Sports Authority
should thank Mitt Romney

Gregory: oh

Christie: people using those high-paying jobs at
Staples for food - let Obama attack that!

Gregory: why not elect Newt Gingrich

Christie: because Congress sucks and
Obama was a Senator

Gregory: do you think Gingrich would embarrass
the Republican party?

Christie: of course he would

Gregory: when has he ever done that?

Christie: don’t play dumb Fluffy

Gregory: I’m not playing

Christie: I see

Gregory: you’re making his character an issue

Christie: no I’m saying he’s an erratic wacko
who will destroy the party

Gregory: would Newt lose?

Christie: Romney would win!

Gregory: would you run for Vice President?

Christie: sure why not

Gregory: but no one likes you

Christie: true enough

Gregory: how can Obama get Republicans
get to rally behind him

Christie: stop being such a coward and
embrace Simpson-Bowles

Gregory: wow

Christie: I don’t agree with Simpson-Bowles
but he should totally do it anyway

Gregory: Do Republicans bear responsibility
for all the gridlock

Christie: no because Obama is a big meanie

Gregory: you killed a Hudson tunnel but
now you’re cutting income taxes in New Jersey

Christie: We’ve aggressively cut spending
and now it’s time for people to get their money back

Gregory: I love it

Christie: go New Jersey Giants!

[ break ]

Gregory: Chuck what happened in South Carolina?

Todd: Newt became the conservative alternative
and he even won on electability

Scarborough: Gingrich is not a real conservative
- he’s just a giant asshole

Gregory: really

Scarborough: Newt called Paul Ryan a
right-wing radical!

Murphy: Losing Carolina is not the problem -
the issue is Romney is a crappy campaigner

Gregory: Newt is running against Saul Alinsky
and food stamps

Kay: he tapped the conservative lizard brain

Todd: People aren’t voting for Newt Gingrich
- they’re voting against Mitt Romney

Scarborough: the party base is revolting

Gregory: true

Scarborough: Newt Gingrich is not
a conservative! Google it!

Gregory: wow

Scarborough: he called us jihadists!

Gregory: so sad

Scarborough: Newt is not a conservative
- he’s an opportunist!

Murphy: nobody cares Joe - he attacked
food stamps and called for child labor -
you can’t beat that

Gregory: so how does he win?

Murphy: Mitt has to remind people that
Newt is a living train-wreck

Scarborough: Gingrich is Michael Moore
and Mitt is an idiot

Gregory: will Mitch Daniels be recruited
to be President?

Murphy: after a UFO lands in Miami

Scarborough: the good news is that
people don’t like Mitt Romney but they
hate Gingrich

Gregory: true

Scarborough: Jeb Bush will probably
be the nominee

Murphy: [ snort! ]

Kay: Florida is more moderate

Todd: have you seen their Governor?

Gregory: NBC is hosting another Republican
debate tomorrow

Audience: oh my god

Todd: he should call on Newt to release
his Fannie Mae agreement

Murphy: we’ll see if Romney is a wimp or a fighter

Kay: the Super PAC ads will go negative for him

Scarborough: Newt is horrible -
but last night was a primal scream from the party
we will not go quietly into the night!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
****************************************

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - January 22, 2012

2012-01-22T13:50:00.004-05:00

Guests:
Rick Santorum
George Will
Katrina vanden Heuvel
Ron Brownstein
Amy Walter
***************************

Stephanopoulos: holy crap Newt Gingrich
crushed Mitt in South Carolina!

Gingrich: I speak for all the normal
people of America

Romney: when you attack me you
attack freedom

Stephanopoulos: Rick will you drop out?

Santorum: no because Mitt Romney is a
Wall Street liberal and Newt Gingrich
had an affair with Nancy Pelosi

Stephanopoulos: those are good points
and yet I help can’t noticing that no
one voted for you

Santorum: but South Carolina is
well-known to be full of insane people

Stephanopoulos: you say Newt is
mentally unstable

Santorum: he’s an undisciplined fat
cheating weirdo

Stephanopoulos: fascinating

Santorum: he got cooties from Nancy Pelosi!

Stephanopoulos: did you really vote for a
museum devoted to letting felons vote?

Santorum: I will kill Medicaid!

Stephanopoulos: you seemed doomed to fail

Santorum: why not let all 50 states
decide who the nominee will be?

Stephanopoulos: but you’re such a dweeb

Santorum: I won Iowa!

Stephanopoulos: Is Mitt Romney
in trouble?

Santorum: of course - conservatives
split the vote and he still lost!

Stephanopoulos: thanks Rickster

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: wow we’ve had
three winners in three primaries

Will: Romney is losing women and
electability - he has 6 wins and 19 losses

Brownstein: wow the Detroit Lions
are no longer the biggest losers
from Michigan

Will: his biggest flaw is his Romney-ness

Dowd: I disagree - his biggest problem
is his Mitt-ness

vanden Heuvel: Newt is playing on
racial grievances

Stephanopoulos: yes who has more
cause for racial grievance than
white southerners?

Gingrich: I have just realized that
destructive politics is bad

Brownstein: he’s killing among very
angry poor white people

Walter: no one cares about Bain -
they just can't stand Romney

vanden Heuvel: Occupy Wall Street
helped Gingrich

Dowd: Debates matter and consultants don’t

Will: you can’t Newt Gingrich nuclear weapons
- he’s a right looney!

Brownstein: the GOP is becoming poorer
and Mitt can’t connect with them

Will: May I observe the Newt is certifiable

Stephanopoulos: how could Romney not
see this tax issue coming?

Walter: it wasn’t in his original programming

vanden Heuvel: He didn’t think other Republicans
would attack his wealth

Dowd: He never had to before so why bother

Brownstein: the conservatives were all attacking
each other - now they’re going after him
and he’s can’t take it

Will: Republicans across America are waking
saying “dear god what have we done?!”
***************************************

Meet The Press - January 15, 2012

2012-01-15T13:13:00.005-05:00

Guests:
Newt Gingrich
Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC)
******************************
Gregory: Welcome to the show Newt

Gingrich: thanks Greggers

Gregory: are you going to drop out
and endorse Santorum

Gingrich: Rick is a Papist!

Gregory: you all are going to split
the conservative vote

Gingrich: Unlike Santorum I am a master debater

Gregory: but he’s a real conservative
and you’re a con man

Gingrich: Little Ricky has no idea what’s
about to hit him

Gregory: oh my

Gingrich: this week will be the most important
six days in the history of the United States

Gregory: wow

Gregory: New Hampshire conservatives
rejected you

Gingrich: yes but Mitt Romney used to
live on Golden Pond

Gregory: maybe but you need to do better
down south

Gingrich: you have no idea how rabid
Carolina conservatives are

Gregory: perhaps not

Gingrich: Romney is a job-killing socialist!

Gregory: your poll numbers go up and down

Gingrich: that rich Mormon is out to get me!

Gregory: that’s so sad

Gingrich: if he wants to throw down believe
me I’m ready pal

Gregory: you are running a movie to
destroy Mitt Romney

Gingrich: I’ve never heard of that Super PAC
run on my behalf

Gregory: the film is full of lies - for example
Mitt Romney never killed a hobo did he?

Gingrich: if that never happened then the PAC
should edit the movie to take that part out

Gregory: but the lies are out there

Gregory: Indeed Romney needs to answer
serious questions about this missing hobo

Gregory: should Romney release his tax returns?

Gingrich: he’d better do it now because Obama
will hammer his ass if he doesn’t

Gregory: do you think Romney is hiding something?

Gingrich: this hobo business won’t go away Fluffy

Gregory: you said Mitt was more ruthless than
Wall Street - but what’s bad about that?

Gingrich: nothing - I just want to know if he’s
honest about how scummy he really is

Gregory: isn’t he a great businessman?

Gingrich: sure but do we really want a hobo-killer
in the White House?

Gregory: Conservatives are very upset that you
sound like Michael Moore

Gingrich: I’m not at all like Michael Moore -
he makes products which are very profitable

Gregory: so what’s your point?

Gingrich: that Mitt Romney is a big lying jerk

Gregory: what will you do when you lose
in South Carolina?

Gingrich: I will return to grifting full-time

Gregory: you made fun of Mitt Romney for
speaking French - why is that bad?

Gingrich: he’s a Mormon foreigner

Gregory: you lived in France!

Gingrich: [ evil laugh ]

[ break ]

Gregory: Congress is incredibly unpopular

Reid: the GOP obstructs everything!

Gregory: I see

Reid: then they tried to raise taxes on poor people

Gregory: you said the Tea Party would lose its
power and yet they are so wonderful

Reid: oh stuff it Fluffy

Gregory: Congress is a bunch of losers

Reid: not true we’re going to shut down the Internet

Gregory: I love twitter! #fluffytweets

Reid: don’t worry Fluffy your fans will still be
able follow your deep thoughts

Gregory: Didn’t you hate George Bush like
the GOP hates Obama?

Reid: yeah that’s why we gave him everything he wanted

Gregory: people don’t trust either party

Reid: neither do I

Gregory: the GOP are getting lots of things done!

Reid: no they are not

Gregory: they are in my imagination

Reid: so I’ve noticed

Gregory: If the GOP won’t work with the President
then it must be Obama’s fault

Reid: you’re funny

Gregory: what can Obama say to Republicans
to make them act rationally

Reid: nothing

Gregory: oh there must be something

Reid: raise taxes on the richest 1% so we can
help poor people

Gregory: you are dug in on your policies - how
will that help Republicans come to their senses!?!

Reid: it won’t

Gregory: that makes you a failure

Reid: you are so ridiculous

Gregory: Obama appointed the head of
the financial reform commission and
Mitt Romney says that bad

Reid: the GOP doesn’t even want reform law to exist!

Gregory: Obama is sneaky and tricky

Reid: I worked with Bush! Ask anyone! I’m a
big wet noodle!

Gregory: Suze Orman says the middle class
has disappeared

Reid: she’s right

Gregory: tell me about Mitt Romney

Reid: I will comment in six months when he is
the nominee and his views have changed

Gregory: what is your agenda?

Reid: jobs, health care and old people

Gregory: what about Bob Kerry

Reid: I like him - he once killed a guy

Gregory: thanks for coming Harry

[ break ]

Gregory: Lindsay what happened to Newt Gingrich

Graham: after the debates the Newt will rise again

Scott: the Christians are splintered - its just
like the 1st century AD

Gregory: what do people in Carolina care about?

Scott: they like Jesus but they really need a job

Graham: I love God too but we need to beat Obama

Gregory: what about Mitt?

Graham: thank the Lord for venture capitalism

Scott: Romney may be a ruthless bastard but can’t
say that out loud because we need to beat Obama

Gregory: who are you voting for?

Scott: I’m using the process of elimination

Gregory: can anyone else win besides Mitt?

Scott: yes - I mean no

Gregory: the tea party seems to have lost its influence

Graham: they were always regular conservatives
just more annoying than most

Gregory: can you defeat Obama?

Graham: if we rally around Mitt Romney

Gregory: so you support Mitt?

Graham: yes after next week

Gregory: if Romney a tea partier?

Scott: No but he can be reprogrammed

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*************************************

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - January 15, 2012

2012-01-15T13:09:00.004-05:00

Guests:
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Stephen Colbert
Paul Krugman
George Will
Cokie Roberts
Peggy Noonan
******************************

Stephanopoulos: Good morning
Governor Perry

Perry: Good morning Jorge

Stephanopoulos: George

Perry: righty-o

Stephanopoulos: you are getting killed
in this race

Perry: like the heroes at the Alamo!

Stephanopoulos: you’re not even on the
ballot in Virginia

Perry: hey Joe they called Ronald Reagan
stupid too

Stephanopoulos: why should people
vote for you?

Perry: I’m Commander-in-Chief of the
Texas Army

Stephanopoulos: you called Mitt Romney
a Vulture Capitalist

Perry: the buzzards are circling Jim

Stephanopoulos: GOP activists are saying you’re
dumb and sound like Occupy Wall Street

Perry: that’s crazy - I don’t even own a drum

Stephanopoulos: did Mitt Romney create
100,000 jobs?

Perry: I don’t know but if he can’t handle me
he sure as heck can’t beat Obama

Stephanopoulos: but Obama will take his
inspiration from you

Perry: I doubt that Jake

Stephanopoulos: what will you do when you
lose in South Carolina?

Perry: I don’t plan ahead Jeff

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Stephen Colbert you are
running for President?

Colbert: I’m exploring it

Stephanopoulos: South Carolina officials say
you have as much chance of winning as you
have of being elected Pope

Colbert: why shouldn’t I be Pope?

Stephanopoulos: they don’t allow write-votes
in South Carolina

Colbert: they also said NASA could never put
cheese in pizza crust

Stephanopoulos: you ran in 2004 as a Democrat
and now you are a Republican - isn’t that a flip-flop?

Colbert: I figured the GOP will take anybody

Stephanopoulos: you have a Super PAC ad out
calling Mitt Romney a serial killer

Colbert: I’ve never seen that ad but it
seems pretty cool

Stephanopoulos: you call him a murderer

Colbert: no Jon Stewart did and he’s right

Stephanopoulos: who will your Vice President be?

Colbert: me

Stephanopoulos: would run a third-party campaign

Colbert: maybe even 4th or 5th

Stephanopoulos: are you running or not?

Colbert: I’m a one-man Lewis & Clark -
I’m exploring

Stephanopoulos: you like Super PACs

Colbert: money is speech George

Stephanopoulos: so you believe corporations
are people?

Colbert: George don’t you believe corporations
are people?

Stephanopoulos: I won’t answer that

Colbert: you sir are a racist!

Stephanopoulos: Roger Ailes says you are crazy

Colbert: Roger is a good friend and we
spa together

Stephanopoulos: are you in this just to air
Super PAC ads

Colbert: that’s Jon Stewart’s Super PAC

Stephanopoulos: not yours?

Colbert: I gave away my baby and that was hard
because my baby had a lot of money

Stephanopoulos: are Super PACs a good thing?

Colbert: there’s $11 million of free speech in
South Carolina!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Can Romney win in
South Carolina?

Will: yes he will because no one likes him there

Noonan: [ removes glasses with a flourish ]

Karl: 400,000 androids will vote for Romney
in Florida

Noonan: Evangelicals and Tea Partiers can’t decide
between the crazy guy, the weirdo, the moron
and the lunatic

Roberts: Gingrich is a jerk, Rick is a Papist and
Rick Perry is… Rick Perry

Krugman: the GOP only has one agenda - to cut
taxes on rich people

Roberts: Perry calling Romney a vulture helps
the Republican party

Will: the America people love job destruction

Krugman: Bain isn’t a scandal you get out of
the way - it goes to the heart of Romney’s life story

Noonan: By November no one will care that
Romney is evil

Karl: Romney was a wonderful businessman but
a sneaky closet liberal

Noonan: no one cares about that either

Roberts: people think of Romney as slimy

Krugman: America is not a business - after all
the Pentagon doesn’t make a profit

Will: Capitalism is like surgery - it’s necessary but
ugly and no one wants to look at it
************************************

NBC Facebook Republican Debate - January 8, 2012

2012-01-08T11:07:00.003-05:00

January 8, 2012
Hosts:
David Gregory
John DiStaso
Andy Hiller
Candidates:
Mitt Romney
Newt Gingrich
Rick Santorum
Rick Perry
Ron Paul
Jon Hunstman
***********************************
Gregory: Good morning and welcome
to the Fluffy Facebook debate

Candidates: good morning Mr. Zuckerberg

Gregory: please bash Mittens for me

Gingrich: because Obama is a scary black
man and Romney is timid just like Obama

Gingrich: I created 100 million jobs with
Saint Ronald and that other guy in the
1990s and I’ve been pre-smeared

Romney: we were losing jobs when I
became Governor and began adding
jobs after I took office

Gregory: that sounds like Obama

Romney: I’m a leader and Newt is a loser

Gregory: Rick you are also a loser

Santorum: Mitt didn’t even run for re-election

Gregory: he ran against Ted Kennedy

Santorum: he ran to his left and was defeated

Romney: I didn’t even to want to be
in politics!

Santorum: you ran for the Governor and
Senate and President twice idiot

Romney: my life’s passion is making
money and I’ve done that

Santorum: you will only serve one term
as President

Romney: not voluntarily

Gingrich: drop the baloney you loser

Romney: I know very well that I am
a loser dipshit

Gregory: is Romney a man of
constant conservatism?

Paul: Obama created empires and
bailed out the banks!

Perry: Wall Street dicks like Mitt Romney
caused the recession!

Gregory: Mitt what do you believe?

Romney: I wrote a book saying my firm
belief that I should be President

Hunstman: I love America so I served
as Ambassador to China

Romney: I respect that decision I
just think it destroys the nation

Huntsman: shut up pretty boy

Gregory: what pain will you bring to
the people?

Hunstman: I will cut Medicare Fluffy

Gregory: you must Social Security!

Huntsman: ok ok Fluffy

Santorum: of course we have to
means-test Social Security

Gregory: how else do you balance
the budget?

Santorum: require black people to
work harder

Gingrich: I’d like to see you in pain Fluffy

Perry: I can too name all three departments
I would cut!

Gregory: whoa slow down cowboy

Hunstman: get a load of the big brain on Rick!

Gregory: would you cut old people off Medicare

Santorum: we should let old people be
free to choose to have bad healthcare

Gregory: what about raising taxes on
very rich people

Romney: Ronald Reagan grew government!

Gregory: oh noe

Romney: we have to cut food stamps
and Medicare

Huntsman: we have to cut trillions!

Gingrich: Bill Clinton knew I hated his guts
but we worked together because he never
hounded me about all my affairs

Romney: The legislature gave me unilateral
power and I’m sure if Obama asked nicely
the GOP would do that for him

Gregory: Ron Paul you have no influence in DC

Paul: that proves how out of touch everyone is!

Gregory: how do you make people in
Washington stop being assholes?

Santorum: Ron Paul is creating vacuums!
He’s another Hoover!

Gregory: ooh

Santorum: I stood up and fought to cut aid
for mothers with children

Huntsman: Barack Obama is ignoring
wonderful people like Alan Simpson

Gregory: that is so sad

Hunstman: I want to roam around this
country generating excitement

Gregory: good luck with that

Gregory: what would you do to make
Republicans uncomfortable?

Perry: I think I’m making them pretty
uncomfortable right now!

DiStaso: should we cut home
heating oil benefits?

Huntsman: we should break up the oil
distribution monopoly!

Paul: regarding home heating oil the
gold standard is fascinating

Gregory: should Americans learn to live
with less heat?

Romney: As President I will tell states to
take care of their own damn problems

Hiller: Mitt you used to love gays so
what happened?

Romney: I put gay people on the bench

Santorum: I respect all people I just
believe we should discriminate
against gay people

Hiller: what if you had gay children?

Santorum: I would love my evil gay son
and if he married a dog I wouldn’t let
him take a ride from Mitt Romney

Perry: Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Romney: we must crush government unions!

Santorum: I didn’t vote for right-to-work law
when I was a Senator but since Pennsylvania
voted me out of office screw them all

Gregory: is Obama a bad President?

Gingrich: yes

Gregory: would you care to expand on that

Gingrich: Obama is weakening America
by not fracking interns

Gregory: is the recession Obama’s fault?

Romney: Obama is controlled by labor stooges!

Perry: all three of 'em!

Hiller: what about cross-state air pollution?

Romney: I like clean air because air
that is clean is good which is nice

Gingrich: the EPA is run by radicals that
doesn’t cooperate with businesses

Hiller: John McCain says Obama is a patriot
and loves America

Perry: Obama is a socialist doesn’t reflect
our founding fathers who believed in small
whiter federal government

Gregory: Rick Santorum are you a socialist?

Santorum: I’m a bottom-up kind of guy

Hiller: is health care a right?

Paul: No!

Hiller: really

Paul: there is only one right - a right to liberty!

DiStaso: are you willing to live free or die?

Huntsman: I’m sick of all these gay-bashing assholes

Gregory: should we go to war with Iran?

Santorum: Iran is crazy because they are
religious nuts who believe that the afterlife
is better than this one

Gregory: Pakistan has nukes too

Santorum: yes but religion should have no
role at all in politics

Gregory: I see

Santorum: Obama is very weak against Pakistan

Gregory: He violated their sovereignty to
get bin Laden

Gregory: You used be against Super PACs

Gingrich: yes but then I found out
Mitt Romney is a big meanie

Gregory: you called him a predator

Gingrich: am I’m going to catch him!

Romney: I haven’t even seen these ads you speak of

Gingrich: they’re on tv moron

Romney: let me cited five things from the ad

Gingrich: I thought you hadn’t seen them

Romney: Of course my former staffers
are running ads supporting me using a PAC
I don’t control!

Gregory: will you pull all your PAC ads?

Romney: I hope these fellows I barely know
pull these ads

Gingrich: Romney has forced me to run a
slanderous movie sliming him

Santorum: Why doesn’t Obama help people
get married except for banning gay marriage?

Gregory: fascinating point

Santorum: Iran is an evil theocracy and
Obama has a secular ideology!

Gregory: thanks for coming gentlemen
**************************************

Meet The Press - January 1, 2012

2012-01-01T12:24:00.005-05:00

Former Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Matt Strawn - Iowa GOP Chair
Kathie Obradovich - Des Moines Register
Andrea Mitchell
Chuck Todd
Mike Murphy
David Brooks
Mark Halperin
****************************
Gregory: wow it’s a frothy field and
Santorum is rising!

Todd: Romney has the support of people who
basically have given up on life

Gregory: but will those people bother to vote?

Todd: no but Ron Paul supporters will get
up at 4:30 a.m. assuming they’re not high

Strawn: we can’t afford another four years
of slow but steady economic growth
under Barack Obama

Todd: At first people don’t like Santorum but
once they experience it they like it

Gregory: Interesting

Todd: Unlike Santorum Romney is very slippery

Gregory: Santorum’s support is more sticky

Strawn: 100,000 Iowans will pick the
next President

Gregory: that’s amazing

Strawn: unless it snows then South Carolina
gets to choose the Commander in Chief

Todd: Romney would win easily if he
never said anything

Gregory: Iowa is tiny and full of white farmers

Strawn: we are first in the nation -
it’s all we’ve got!

Todd: will Perry supporters learn to
love Santorum?

Gregory: I’ve noticed you get used to
Santorum after a while

[ break ]

Gregory: Rick Santorum you have a hot hand

Santorum: people keeps asking me
‘Santorum when are you going to surge’?

Gregory: what do you say?

Santorum: I say hold on tight I’m coming

Gregory: no other Senators endorsed you

Santorum: Santorum is not that popular
in the U.S. Senate

Gregory: ok

Santorum: I’m looking to bring Santorum to Washington

Gregory: you have experience with pork

Santorum: I alone kept Washington from exploding

Gregory: you endorsed Romney in 2008

Santorum: I respected John McCain immensely
and hate Romney therefore I endorsed
Romney just to stop McCain

Gregory: Is Romney a conservative?

Santorum: what day is it?

Gregory: ha ha

Santorum: you can’t have a strong economy
unless you repress gay people

Gregory: you are soft on fetuses

Santorum: I support abortion exceptions
but I’m not in favor of them

Gregory: you funded Amtrak

Santorum: Sadly I was forced to compromise
with Ted Kennedy on socialist railroads

Gregory: you say Obama would be dangerous
for America but Republicans are also
very unpopular

Santorum: Obama keeps dividing America
between black and white

Gregory: that sounds just like him

Santorum: Obama has refused to meet with
John Boehner for last six months

Gregory: that can’t possibly be right

Santorum: well Obama is giving speeches
attacking Republicans and that is just wrong

Gregory: Republicans are not to blame
for gidlock?

Santorum: the problem is government oppression

Gregory: ah

Santorum: Republicans discovered in 2009
that government spending is bad

Gregory: you say Obama’s foreign policy
is appeasement to evil people

Santorum: Obama wants muslim thugs
to steal elections because he is from Chicago

Gregory: of course

Santorum: Obama is bad because he didn’t
support the democracy movement in Iran and
wouldn’t support the dictator of Egypt

Gregory: that makes no sense

Santorum: It does because I don’t care about
democracy - I just hate Islam

Gregory: got it

Santorum: Bush tried to support democracy in
Iran and Obama won’t help at all!

Gregory: what would you do in Iran?

Santorum: covert action baby

Gregory: Obama is doing that

Santorum: there is no evidence that Obama
is engaging in covert actions

Gregory: do you know what the word covert means?

Santorum: we must launch air strikes against Iran!

Gregory: will you win in Iowa?

Santorum: you’re going to see a big jump
in Santorum!

[ break ]

Gregory: who is going to win Iowa?

Obradovich: Santorum is surging

Murphy: Santorum is coming out fast

Halperin: Romney has only to fear Perry
and Gingrich

Mitchell: the evangelicals may not vote
for Ricky if supports abortion when a
woman’s life in danger

Brooks: Santorum clearly explains how
gay people cause unemployment

Murphy: the churches will dump Perry
because he’s a dumbass

Obradovich: voters who are born-again but
like marijuana will support Ron Paul

Brooks: average people think America is
declining but their only answer is a
time-traveling DeLorean

Mitchell: Ron Paul would win but he’s not
war-like enough

Murphy: new people never vote in Iowa

Obradovich: Independents love to caucus
and like Ron Paul

Gregory: can I talk?

Murphy: ok ok

Gregory: Mitt Romney wants to be the
white Barack Obama

Halperin: Mitt has run the best campaign but
the White House machine is even better

Brooks: Romney is too bland to win

Gregory: America is in decline! [ sobs ]

Mitchell: Obama has not found his voice

Murphy: how you win the GOP primary but still
take the general election?

Brooks: Rick Santorum is against poverty

Gregory: then he’s doomed

Obradovich: don’t ignore Iowa!

Halperin: Santorum will squashed like a bug

Gregory: Romney’s SuperPACs are vicious

Mitchell: they crush and they kill

Murphy: Rick will fail because he is
a non-entity

Brooks: hell that dweeb couldn’t win
in Pennsylvania

Gregory: January is going to be fucking exciting!

Halperin: Mitt is going to wrap this up by
January 31

Gregory: so who wins Iowa?

Obradovich: I predict a surprise!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*******************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - January 1, 2012

2012-01-01T12:17:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Jake Tapper - Host
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)
Byron York
Neera Tanden
Craig Robinson
Matthew Dowd
******************************
Tapper: OMG Rick Santorum is coming up from
behind to nail Mitt Romney while Michele
Bachmann brings up the rear!

Karl: Newt Gingrich will not vote for Newt Gingrich
which makes him much like the average American

Gingrich: Politics has become a very nasty
business and dammit I deserve more credit

Bachmann: My campaign chair is an idiot

Luntz: Newt will you cry for me

Newt: I can’t believe I’m losing to Rick Perry!
[ sobs ]

[ break ]

Tapper: Ron Paul you are popular but your
critics say you are crazy and unelectable

Paul: my critics are ignorant
whippersnappers dagnabit

Tapper: you are against two of my favorite wars

Paul: I will cut a trillion dollars from the budget

Tapper: criminy

Paul: I have support from Democrats,
independents and assorted weirdoes
who love liberty

Tapper: did you actually write the Ron Paul
Newsletter?

Paul: I wrote all the good stuff but none
of the bad stuff

Tapper: who wrote the racist stuff?

Paul: who can say - probably some racist

Tapper: I see

Paul: Hey I’m against the drug war, death
penalty, useless wars and the court system

Tapper: Do you think the 9/11 attacks were
done by the CIA

Paul: No you blockhead

Tapper: you couldn’t manage a newsletter
with nine people on it?

Paul: Hundreds of people worked on the
Ron Paul newsletter!

Tapper: ah

Paul: the important thing is all the non-racist
things I have often said

Tapper: good luck doc

[ break ]

Tapper: Michele you won the Iowa straw poll and
now no one likes you - what went wrong?

Bachmann: what happened is I have traveled to
all 99 counties in Iowa and met people in person

Tapper: and your poll numbers plummeted

Bachmann: I have literally gone from town to town
looking for supporters

Tapper: have you found any?

Bachmann: no but I will keep looking

Tapper: Rick Santorum is a lot like you but smart

Bachmann: yes but I sit on the House
Intelligence Committee

Tapper: that is amazing

Bachmann: I am the IRS candidate

Tapper: really

Bachmann: I also refused to pay the bills
Republicans ran up when Bush was President

Tapper: that’s hard core

Bachmann: I also hate gay people even more
than Rick Santorum

Tapper: with all due respect I find
that hard to believe

Bachmann: I have 23 foster children

Tapper: will they vote for you?

Bachmann: I’m not looking at my rear view
mirror for Santorum

Tapper: you’re in last place

Bachmann: I am number one in enthusiasm!

Tapper: will your drop out after Iowa?

Bachmann: I am just like Margaret Thatcher

Tapper: how so?

Bachmann: she also was never elected
President of the United States

Tapper: Good luck Michele

[ break ]

Tapper: Romney leads and Ron Paul is right behind

York: Santorum may rise and make a splash

Tanden: Romney does not mind
Santorum coming up behind him

Robinson: Santorum has come up from
the back

Dowd: Santorum will not maintain his stickiness

Tapper: I see

Tanden: Romney will be the least popular
winner ever

York: negative ads work - who knew?

Robinson: Romney is a flip-flopper but
don’t tell anyone

York: the conservatives are all attacking
each other which will end up nominating Mitt

Tanden: Newt Gingrich has picked the wrong
time not to be an asshole

Tapper: he’s going to draw a contrast by
accusing Rick Santorum of murdering
Susan Smith’s children

York: Gingrich pretending to be statesmen
was great until Romney reminded people
what a dick he is

Robinson: well it’s too late now

Tapper: poor Newt
**********************************************

Meet The Press - December 18, 2011

2011-12-18T15:49:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC)
E.J. Dionne
Mike Murphy
***************************************
Gregory: good morning audience - remember when
we invaded Iraq? Funny story - it was all a mistake
but after 4,500 Americans killed and spending
$800 billion dollars it ended last night now
let’s talk to Republican Speaker John Boehner

Gregory: Mr. Speaker will you raise taxes
on poor people?

Boehner: Obama is right you can’t have a
two-month tax cut

Gregory: so what kind of bill can you pass?

Boehner: we gave the President everything
he asked for

Gregory: you did?

Boehner: yes we cut taxes for rich people and
demanded an oil pipeline across America

Gregory: those are things you wanted

Boehner: David you are trying to divide America

Gregory: what about this pipeline?

Boehner: if are energy-independent we won’t have
to invade any more middle eastern countries -
I thought liberals were against that -
make up you mind hippies!

Gregory: Unemployment is at three-year low -
isn’t that good news?

Boehner: No - and I mean that

Gregory: you’re such a grouch

Boehner: look maybe things are better but
Obama is still a bad socialist

Gregory: nevertheless the economy seems
to be improving

Boehner: Obama caused the recession in
2007 dammit

Gregory: Congress is less popular than herpes
but more popular the Kardashians

Boehner: that is also Obama’s fault

Gregory: Obama says Republicans obstruct
everything he does

Boehner: that’s true

Gregory: Do you trust Obama?

Boehner: I do trust him

Gregory: it sounds like you and Obama both
hate the Tea Party

Boehner: It’s close but I think he hates them
more than I do

Gregory: Should we have pulled out of Iraq
so quickly after only 9 years?

Boehner: we went there to protect Iraq from
invasion from other counties and I’m worried
out leaving could hurt that effort

Gregory: Is Newt Gingrich insane?

Boehner: no comment

Gregory: everyone I talk to who knows him
hates his guts

Boehner: he’s not that conservative you know

Gregory: how so?

Boehner: I’ve never actually seem kill anyone

Gregory: Regular Republicans don’t want
Mitt Romney

Boehner: the American government is
destroying the American dream

Gregory: will you pass a payroll tax cut or
will you ruin Christmas?

Boehner: yes if we can an oil pipeline in
your backyard

Gregory: thanks for coming

Gregory: welcome Michele Bachmann

Bachmann: nice to meet you Fluffy

Gregory: would you raise taxes on the
poorest Americans?

Bachmann: yes because can’t afford more tax cuts
after all these tax cuts we already gave people

Gregory: but those all went to rich people

Bachmann: see - we’ve cut taxes enough already!

Gregory: but cutting taxes for low income people
is very popular

Bachmann: look the debt soared under Reagan,
Bush and Junior and now is the time for
poor people to pay for it

Gregory: Interesting

Bachmann: Obama just like a dictator of
some banana republic

Gregory: you’re on a roll now

Bachmann: the deficit has gone up 1,000%
from Bush to Obama

Gregory: I’m being told you are now lying
to my viewers

Bachmann: let me finish lying Fluffy

Gregory: the debt soared under George W. Bush

Bachmann: the deficit went from
$160 billion
to $1.5 trillion

Gregory: some people say you are a
compulsive liar

Bachmann: like who?

Gregory: Newt Gingrich

Bachmann: he’s a corrupt megalomaniac

Gregory: PolitiFact also said you were lying about PolitiFact

Bachmann: They’re lying too!

Gregory: the Des Moines Register published
a riddle today: What do Michele Bachmann
and Donald Trump have in common?

Bachmann: we’re both serious conservatives?

Gregory: Answer is “Trump lies under a rug
and you lie like a rug”

Bachmann: I tell the truth!

Gregory: is that true?

Bachmann: sometimes it is

Gregory: would President Bachmann ignore
decisions by the Supreme Court?

Bachmann: people think all laws are written
by courts and that’s not true - there are also
laws passed by Congress

Gregory: even small children know that

Bachmann: well I didn’t

Gregory: so would prefer Supreme Court
justices run for office?

Bachmann: the Supreme Court can’t make laws!

Gregory: so what’s the remedy?

Bachmann: Congress has the power to
remove bad justices

Gregory: so you would impeach justices for
making decisions you don’t agree with?

Bachmann: what do you mean?

Gregory: what do you mean?

Bachmann: Congress should just overturn
the Supreme Court!

Gregory: ok ok - should we attack Iran?

Bachmann: Iran is about to get a nuclear bomb!

Gregory: so what would you do about it?

Bachmann: Iran will use a nuclear weapon
on Israel and oh maybe the United States

Gregory: would you start a war with Iran or not?

Bachmann: we need to look this threat in the eye!

Gregory: thanks for coming Michele

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Governor Haley - you endorsed
Romney by noting how imperfect he is

Haley: he’s the best of a bad bunch

Gregory: no one loves Mitt Romney

Haley: Mitt Romney has had four years to
think about what he fundamentally believes
and he’s almost there

Gregory: name some things you hate
about Newt Gingrich

Haley: I’m not going to answer that because
your tv show is only one hour long

Gregory: what about Rick Perry?

Haley: the people are South Carolina are very
smart and so I don’t think Perry will do well

Gregory: can you deliver Tea Party votes when
you are less popular than Obama?

Haley: that poll also said Obama would win
South Carolina and since that isn’t possible
the poll must be flawed

Gregory: I see

Haley: the Tea Party cares about liberty, the
10th Amendment and getting the government
out of Medicare

Gregory: will Mitt Romney win the election in 2012?

Haley: Mitt Romney has fixed everything he
has ever touched including the Olympics and
Massachusetts and Romney 2.0

Gregory: thanks for coming Nikki

[ break ]

Gregory: is the race down to Romney and Gingrich?

Murphy: yes - and Ron Paul

Gregory: Romney did not go after Gingrich in the
debates but he’s attacking Newt on tv in Iowa

Dionne: you are seeing the Revenge of the Base
against the Establishment

Gregory: I see

Dionne: there are two weeks for Romney to cripple
Gingrich but if he goes too far the base might
get angry - and you won’t like them when
they’re angry

Murphy: Newt has embraced Marxism too
early in the primary

Dionne: Could Gingrich win Iowa and then do
well in New Hampshire and take the nomination?

Murphy: or does Romney do ok in Iowa and then
win easily New Hampshire and take the nomination?

Dionne: Newt is Nixon in 1968

Gregory: oh good

Dionne: Newt is going to call Obama a
Kenyan socialist and primary voters love
that crazy shit

Gregory: People inside the beltway think
Newt Gingrich is a loose cannon and an asshole

Dionne: liberals said this in 1994 and wingnuts
said “why do hate his hubristic vision?”

Dionne: can the GOP really raise taxes in order
to defend a giant oil pipeline?

Murphy: um no

Gregory: will Obama be reelected?

Murphy: the economy is bad but Newt Gingrich
is a right looney

Gregory: if the economy improves will the House
GOP try to take credit?

Dionne: Obama has moved into campaign mode
while the primary debates have just made the
GOP look like a bunch of out-of-touch weirdos

Gregory: and we’ll be back a new episode
Christmas morning but instead of three wise
men we will have me Tom Brokaw and Tom Friedman

******************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 18, 2011

2011-12-18T12:36:00.001-05:00

Guests:
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA)
Robert Reich
George Will
*************************************

Amanpour: Today we debate the defining
issue of our time: Should Government get its
damn hands off our Medicare?

Audience: how fascinating

Amanpour: Has government gotten too
government big - and who was really right?
Alexander Hamilton or Thomas Jefferson?

Audience: the white guy or the other white guy

Karl: just because of the darn Depression we
got the New Deal and all those meat inspectors

Audience: I like bacteria-free meat but I hate taxes

Amanpour: Today we have the most brilliant
minds in Washington DC by which I mean
four middle-aged white guys

Ryan: Government is like sugar, fat or
reality television - more of it is always bad

Amanpour: good point Paul

Ryan: the left says we are Hobbesian and
cruel and mean - but Obama’s crony capitalism
proved government doesn’t work!

Frank: we need government to fight wars and
build bridges and clean the environment but
we needs less government telling people not
to have sex the way conservatives want them to

Amanpour: Isn’t government just always bad?

Reich: thank for your loaded question and
this debate which is obviously designed to
bash government

Amanpour: Thank you Bob

Reich: People don’t trust a government that
harasses brown people or big Wall Street
that steals from people

Amanpour: Didn’t the New Deal put people to work?

Will: Government didn’t create any jobs until
a tiny government launched World War Two

Amanpour: how amazing

Will: Obama’s stimulus created jobs but not enough

Frank: Obama rescued the American automobile
industry oh and by the way Republicans
thanks for the recent depression

Amanpour: Paul you voted for the Wall Street
and auto bailouts

Ryan: yes but in my defense I was wrong

Amanpour: did the stimulus fail or did it prevent
a worse depression?

Ryan: that involves facts and so it impossible to say

Reich: we should have put strings on
the Bush bailout

Ryan: true

Frank: oh thanks Republicans for the
no-strings bailout

Audience: can we prevent another bailout?

Frank: we passed a law saying no
government bailouts again

Will: We should break up the banks!

Frank: yes but which ones George?

Will: the big ones!

Ryan: liberals wants bureaucrats to run America

Frank: we want the government to pick and
choose who to bail out

Ryan: we should not bail anyone out until its
an emergency when we can’t think about it!

Amanpour: Why do the top 1% have as much
as the bottom 40%?

Ryan: because liberals punish rich people and
poor people say why should I bother becoming
rich the government will just take it away

Will: Government always responds to
bad rich people

Amanpour: very bold of you to say George

Will: also the elderly are too rich and powerful

Amanpour: ok

Reich: yes rich people and corporations have
to much influence over government - but the
answer is not to shrink government but to get
money out of politics

Will: harrumph

Reich: the top tax rate under Eisenhower
was under 90%

Will: I don’t hate the elderly but they are
Greedy, selfish and destructive

Frank: ok George if you’re so concerned about
bad rich people let’s raise taxes on the wealthy
and spend it on poor people

Amanpour: most people don’t pay taxes

Frank: Christiane that’s right-wing bullshit

Audience: how do you stop special interests
from buying government influence?

Ryan: by reducing government obviously

Reich: that’s fine but government won’t be
reduced until we get money out of politics

Ryan: well we enacted McCain-Feingold so
everything should be fine

Reich: god you really are an insufferable little twit

Will: just leave everything to the free market

Reich: that’s great until we all get killed in
the name of profit

Will: some of us think all problems in the
world are caused by government

Audience: don’t we need red-light cameras?

Amanpour: of course we do

Will: Personal liberty!

Frank: so remove criminal penalties on marijuana
and internet gambling, gay marriage and all the
other right-wing expansions of government

Reich: we can unite the left and right to
defend freedom until we demagogue
each other on terror

Ryan: the left is the true Big Brother

Amanpour: what about social issues?

Ryan: that’s a totally different debate where
big government is awesome

Frank: the military is part of the problem

Ryan: our soldiers are rebuilding Afghanistan
to defend our freedom which we are giving away

Audience: I am an evangelical minister and 48%
of people in America are poor and yet most
people don’t know that

Ryan: Inequality is actually a good thing because
it means more people are getting rich

Frank: meanwhile real people are suffering
from mindless budget-cutting

Reich: government enacted laws requiring
racial equality and that was a good thing

Frank: what about pot?

Will: we need to do more research on marijuana
but until then it should be illegal

Frank: yes that makes sense

Amanpour: should government spend money
on poor people?

Ryan: calling people “poor” makes it seems like
they are “stuck in a class” - I prefer to call
poor people the “potentially rich” and I offer them
“future tax cuts” which they will be deeply grateful
for in a “hypothetical future.”

Amanpour: that’s highly imaginative

Ryan: We should get rid of crony capitalism
by which I mean we should means testing Medicare

Will: Government harms freedom and equality
by allowing rich people to influence government
and the answer is for government to not exist
except for roads and bridges and defense and
the mail and drugs and gays

Reich: yes - big businesses do influence government
- how do we solve that problem because we
can’t get rid of all government

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
****************************************

Meet The Press - December 11, 2011

2011-12-11T12:31:00.003-05:00

Guests:
Ron Paul
Sen. Richard Durbin (D-IL)
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Gov. Terry Branstad (R-IA)
Ted Koppel
Chuck Todd
Lisa Myers
Alex Castellanos
************************************
Gregory: holy cow Newt Gingrich has a
big lead in the Presidential race

Gregory: Did Newt do anything insane last night?

Paul: no more than anyone else

Gregory: you say Newt should not have
taken money from Freddie Mac

Gingrich: I was in the private sector!

Paul: Poppycock!

Gregory: you’re funny

Paul: this was very annoying to because I’ve
worked on this issue and Newt is just a
common grifter

Gregory: should he apologize and give
the money back

Paul: of course it’s totally immoral and why
is government influence for sale anyway?

Gregory: who is the most consistent
conservative in the race?

Paul: why should we nominate someone who
has to keep explaining all his flip-flops?

Gregory: are both Romney and Gingrich unacceptable?

Paul: they’re unprincipled

Gregory: you always attack Newt and
not Mittens - why is that?

Paul: Because I had to work with Newt Gingrich
and he is probably the biggest jerk I’ve
ever dealt with

Gregory: then Newt represents the biggest change

Paul: yes but Newt defends the welfare state

Gregory: Gingrich says Palestinians are
fake people and inherent murderers

Paul: see what I mean - this guy is bullshit
in a China shop

Gregory: what about he said?

Paul: Newt is just an uncontrolled demagogue

Gregory: when you lose who will you endorse?

Paul: I will have to wait to see if Mitt flip-flops again

Gregory: would you run for President with
a third-party?

Paul: only the Sith deal in absolutes!

Gregory: so you are considering it

Paul: why not - it can’t get any worse out there!

[ break ]

Gregory: Lindsay - is Newt for real?

Graham: darn right he is

Gregory: is he not crazy anymore?

Graham: yes he is less immature and not
quite as dickish

Gregory: you led the coup against him but
would you endorse him?

Graham: no I would not

Gregory: who will you endorse?

Graham: Hell Ron Paul if it will prevent him
from making a third-party run

Gregory: what about the payroll tax extension?

Durbin: this means an extra $1,000 for
160 million Americans!

Gregory: that could buy you a meal for four
people at the Palm!

Durbin: we offered a tax on the second million
dollars of income and the GOP said no because
it would affect Job Creators

Gregory: the GOP is willing to cut taxes as long
we build a huge oil pipeline through the U.S.

Graham: I love that long pipeline

Gregory: what about the payroll tax?

Graham: candidly we have to extend the
tax cut or commit political suicide

Obama: America has to reward hard work!

Graham: Obama caused the Great Recession in 2007

Gregory: wow

Graham: Obama almost caused a loss of
jobs in South Carolina

Gregory: but he didn’t?

Graham: he could have

Gregory: I see

Graham: Dodd-Frank retroactively caused
the credit crisis!

Durbin: Wall Street caused the recession
you hayseed

Lindsay: The consumer protection bureau
is basically Stalinist

Durbin: you see what we’re up against?

Gregory: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Gregory: holy crap Gingrich leads in the
south by double-digits

Gingrich: Mittens you are a career politician
just a loser at it

Todd: Romney keeps trying to go negative on
Gingrich but he has so many negatives its hard
to choose just one

Myers: Gingrich loves verbal combat much
more than real combat which he writes
novels about

Gregory: Romney likes to settles fights
by betting $10,000

Branstad: Obama has increased the debt
when all the American people want is increased
spending and lower taxes

Gregory: who do we need?

Branstad: we need someone who won’t increase
the debt like Ronald Reagan

Gregory: Reagan inherited a recession and
slowly brought American back

Branstad: see totally unlike Obama

Castellanos: people want big change and
Romney promises out-of-touch elitism

Koppel: the fact that people are even considering
nominating Newt Gingrich leaves me speechless

Castellanos: America is in such big trouble we
need a President who is a little crazy

Branstad: the most important thing we can
do in this recession is cut spending

Gregory: I see

Branstad: Dodd-Frank cause the recession!

Gregory: is Romeny not in Iowa enough?

Branstad: yes he must live here and also
promise to revive the rice industry

Castellanos: Mitt Romney is a transformational
figure - he transformed Massachusetts,
Bain Capital, the Olympics and himself

Romney: I’m not a bomb-thrower

Gingrich: we need to throw bombs - especially in
the middle east

Koppel: even in Israel Newt is an
anti-Palestinian extremist

Todd: Romney says he’s sober and
Newt says Mitty is just timid

Myers: Every Republican I talk to thinks Newt is
a crazy person who damaged conservatism
for a generation

Gregory: does marriage matter?

Perry: if you cheat on your wife you
might cheat on your business partner
which would be really bad

Gingrich: God forgave me so you all
might as well too

Koppel: the Drug Enforcement Agency is
still in Iraq

Gregory: oh shit

Koppel: we will leave just enough
Americans in Iraq to serve as an excuse
to start a war with Iran

Gregory: how delightful

[ break ]

Gregory: hey gang Ron Paul is incredibly
popular on Twitter

Todd: Newt Gingrich is the heavy favorite
to win the nomination now

Branstad: Paul would win in Iowa
but college students tend to sleep right
through the caucuses

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
****************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 11, 2011

2011-12-11T12:24:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Diane Sawyer
George Stephanopoulos
Jon Huntsman
*****************************
Amanpour: omg Iran won’t give our drone
back and speaking of drones Mitt Romney
lost last night’s Presidential debate

Gingrich: mitt u r a looser

Romney: bet u $10,000 i’ve never been cloned

Obama: ask all the guys i’ve killed if
i’m an appeaser

Amanpour: Diane how did the debate go?

Sawyer: it well after I started drinking

Romney: I would not go to the moon

Gingrich: why not we’ve ruined this planet

Stephanopoulos: if Romney is afraid to take
on Newt how can he go after Obama

Amanpour: good point

Stephanopoulos: Romney’s big moment
was betting Rick Perry $10,000 that he was
even more out of touch with the American people

Stephanopoulos: everyone was expecting
Newt Gingrich to be a giant asshole and
he was but only off-camera

Sawyer: Bachmann defended raising taxes
on poor people because it’s something
Obama wouldn’t do

Stephanopoulos: Gingrich didn’t say anything
offensively stupid so he did what he came to do

Amanpour: I see

Stephanopoulos: the Iowa caucuses
are soon sosomeone will have to shore
up the conservative base

Sawyer: the men came out strapping - you can’t
tell on television the sheer physical presence
of these dudes

Amanpour: thanks for sharing that Diane

[ break ]

Amanpour: Jon I’m sure you don’t want to get
into who won and who lost - so who
won and who lost?

Huntsman: the American people lost -
we need term limits in Washington
because nothing else will get them out of there

Amanpour: Gingrich is popular and you
weren’t even invited to a debate with
Bachman, Paul and Google-boy

Huntsman: People are taking my lawn signs
home as highly limited-edition souvenirs

Amanpour: the pundits love you but
no one else does

Huntsman: those Bush bailouts were bad!

Amanpour: Do you have to win in New Hampshire?

Huntsman: I have to beat market expectations

Amanpour: you used to be the sanest
person in the race and now you doubt climate change

Huntsman: hey you try running for the
Republican nomination

Amanpour: fair enough

[ break ]

Amanpour: the Twitterverse blew up when
Mitt Romney bet the $10,000 he had in his pocket

Berman: Romney’s camp says only poor
people are making a big deal about

Tapper: Democrats are salivating over a
chance to run against Newt Gingrich

Amanpour: Did Gingrich say anything insane?

Karl: surprisingly no - he came across as if
he were a normal person

Amanpour: well that takes the biscuit

Meet The Press - December 4, 2011

2011-12-04T13:15:00.001-05:00

Guests:
David Axelrod - Obama Campaign Adviser
Reince Prebius - RNC Chair
Fmr. Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. - D-TN
Joe McQuaid - New Hampshire Union Leader
Katty Kay - BBC
Mark Halperin - Time
*************************************
Gregory: wow it looks like the race is
between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich

Audience: woot

Gregory: unemployment is down but that’s
because people stopped looking for jobs

Axelrod: Bush lost 6 million jobs and we
created 3 million

Gregory: big woop

Axelrod: we want to create more jobs by
raising taxes on millionaires

Gregory: that’s not very nice of you

Axelrod: this election is going to be about
middle class jobs or giving tax money to Wall Street

Gregory: so you say

Axelrod: did I mention the middle class?

Gregory: the most important thing in America
is cutting the debt - that’s what President
Alan Simpson said

Axelrod: he’s an idiot

Gregory: President Chris Christie says
Obama is a bystander

Axelrod: he would have stood by and let
the auto industry go bankrupt

Gregory: President Erskine Bowles said guys
from Chicago won’t let President cut
Medicare Medicaid and Social Security

Axelrod: who gives a shit what he thinks?

Gregory: I care

Axelrod: well this whole conversation is stupid

Gregory: did the President miss an opportunity
to slash spending in a recession?

Axelrod: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: what about Herman Cain?

Axelrod: he’s just another member of the
Wall Street sponsored clown show

Gregory: Plouffe says Mitt Romney has no soul

Axelrod: that’s obviously true

Gregory: that’s so unfair - he’s a priest
and he’s married!

Axelrod: he stole the hard drives from the Governor’s office

Gregory: he needed those to reboot himself

Axelrod: he totally lacks character

Gregory: what about Newt Gingrich?

Axelrod: he has a moral core just like Ebenezer Scrooge did

Gregory: but you’re being so mean and negative

Axelrod: welcome to the grown-up world Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: does Mitt Romney have character?

Prebius: Obama promised to be a uniter and
instead Republicans said taxpayers were the
Jews for Obama’s ovens - Obama totally failed!

Gregory: the GOP said they want Obama to
be a one-term President

Prebius: but in a uniting kind of way

Gregory: the economy is getting better

Prebius: Obama is unpopular just like Jimmy Carter!

Gregory: he’s more popular than you are

Prebius: Obama could not be any less popular

Gregory: he could be if he were named
Newt Gingrich

Prebius: he’s out campaigning!

Gregory: that’s not uncommon for a candidate

Prebius: he should have the cut the debt like
Reagan, Bush and Bush didn’t!

Gregory: aren’t Democrats mean and nasty?

Prebius: voters are tired of politicians always
campaigning and want someone real and
authentic like Mitt Romney

Gregory: did the media drive
Herman Cain out of the race?

Prebius: um no

Gregory: why GOP voters so fickle - just pick a
crazy person and be done with it?

Prebius: a divisive primary is a good thing -
after all Obama won!

Gingrich: poor children are lazy unless they
are committing crimes

Prebius: just like Wall Street traders

Gregory: does Newt speak for the
Republican party?

Prebius: Obama hates poor people -
look at all the food stamps he’s giving out

Gregory: should the GOP agree to a debate
with a clownish tv host from NBC?

Prebius: you’re welcome to host a debate
any time Fluffy

Gregory: I was talking about Donald Trump

Prebius: well that’s different

[ break ]

Gregory: omg Herman Cain has dropped out
- how can we all carry on?

Kay: he was manifestly unqualified and moron
journalists followed his every move

Halperin: Cain would probably have been the
nominee in my fantasy world

McQuaid: his non-support will now go to Gingrich

Ford: Gingrich is a serious thinker who thinks
seriously about serious things

Gregory: awesome

Ford: he has 30 days to refrain from blaming
Obama that country singer kidnapping her child

Halperin: the GOP want Winston Churchill
so will of course nominate Newt Gingrich

Ford: yes Churchill was also an anti-Kenyan pro-colonialist

Kay: Mitt has to tackle Newt Gingrich which
won’t be easy since has a very low center of gravity

McQuaid: black children should grab a broom and
then we can lay off rich union janitors

Gregory: omg you are awesome

Kay: unemployed people don’t think
they are lazy

Ford: please run on attacking other Americans
as lacking a worth ethic

Gregory: Mitt Romney got freaked out by questions
from Fox News

Halperin: in the past the Establishment would
have rallied around Romney but not if just looks
like an unprincipled flip-flopper

McQuaid: He has to decide what to do with
Newt Gingrich but he will probably flip-flop
on that too

Kay: Newt Gingrich changes his positions
on things too

Gregory: no it’s different - he’s a hypocrite -
not a flip-flpper

Ford: I changes positions too - for example I
didn’t used to think Wall Street was the greatest
thing ever until I worked there

Gregory: so the big news this morning
is that Obama is a big meanie

Halperin: so true Fluffman

Kay: could we not talk about Herman Cain
for a few minutes and mention the imminent
collapse of Europe?

Gregory: no - and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
**********************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 4, 2011

2011-12-04T13:09:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Rick Santorum - Fmr. Sen. (R-PA)
George Will
Donna Brazille
Arianna Huffingon
Major Garrett
****************************
Amanpour: oh my - Iran shot down a U.S.
drone, several people were injured
when Oklahoma won a football game and
Newt Gingrich is leading the GOP primary

Gingrich: I’m going to be the nominee bitches!

Romney: This is press conference - I’m
not answering a lot of questions!

Fox News: you have no soul Mittens

Romney: I object - my program states
I do fact have a soul

Gingrich: I was not a lobbyist I just took
money to push for deregulation

Cain: I confess I had a consensual affair and
therefore must drop out

Perry: if you’re 21 years old vote for me!

Obama: unemployment is only 8.6% dammit

Amanpour: Welcome Rick Santorum -
no one likes you

Santorum: true but people used to hate
me so things are looking up

Amanpour: you couldn’t even win in Pennsylvania

Santorum: yes but those people are all idiots

Amanpour: everyone has been the NotRomney
except for you

Santorum: that’s a good thing - I’m flying
under the radar!

Amanpour: are you totally delusional?

Santorum: I think I can win Iowa

Amanpour: wow

Santorum: Many people in Iowa are still open
to voting against me

Amanpour: fascinating

Santorum: I’m pro-war and anti-gay

Amanpour: you have 7 children and one is
very sick so why keep campaigning?

Santorum: Because gay terrorists will ruin
my childrens’ lives

Amanpour: you are on the bottom

Santorum: yes but I could be a top if necessary

Amanpour: Gingrich goes through wives like
most people get new smartphones

Santorum: I don’t like a phone smarter than me

Amanpour: does Newt have values?

Santorum: he’s immoral scum

Amanpour: speaking of lack of ethics -
how about Herman Cain?

Santorum: my heart goes out to Cain and the
many many many women he slept with

Amanpour: Mitt Romney is leading -
should the GOP nominate a poll-driven
flip-flopper?

Santorum: I’m consistent - look at our records
Google both of us!

Amanpour: oh my

[ break ]

Will: the GOP needs to adjust the primaries
so it is not hijacked by grifters and charlatans
like Herman Cain

Huffington: the media breathlessly followed
this talk show host who was on a book tour

Glen Beck: Rick Santorum is the
next George Washington

Garrett: He may get the coveted
Sarah Palin endorsement!

Amanpour: what about Newt Gingrich?

Brazille: one more debate with these loons
and Obama will be President-for-Life

Huffington: Gingrich is very American -
he’s the Walt Whitman of political hypocrites

Will: Mitt Romney is another Tom Dewey

Amanpour: according to the media he
defeated Truman

Will: Gingrich will unite America in intense
dislike for him

Garrett: Newt will carry early primary
southern states and therefore will likely win
even though he’s a dick

Amanpour: wow

Garrett: Newt creates an ideas factory and
Romney just lays people off

Huffington: Newt cares about poor people

Garrett: he wants to put them in orphanages

Amanpour: so many great ideas - thanks for coming!

*****************************************************

Meet The Press - November 20, 2011

2011-11-20T12:08:00.001-05:00

Guests
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
Eugene Robinson
Dee Myers
Ed Gillespie
Mike Murphy
****************************
Gregory: holy crap - Newt Gingrich is leading
in the GOP polls and the Super Committee
can’t reach a deal!

Audience: oh noes

Gregory: Senators you both are on the
Super Committee - can we make a deal?

Kyl: Republicans agreed to cut taxes on the
rich in exchange for less spending
on entitlements and the Democrats said no

Gregory: President Norquist is unhappy

Kyl: Republicans agreed to raise taxes
on the middle class - that’s a big step for them!

Gregory: the whole reason for the Committee
is to cut the debt and your first offer to
was extend the Bush tax cuts for rich people

Kyl: no the whole reason for the Committee
was to give the GOP cover for cutting
Social Security Medicaid and Medicare
and the Democrats said no and it’s so so so sad

Gregory: deficit hawks think that’s ridiculous

Kyl: the best way to cut the debt is to
cut taxes for rich people

Gregory: so can you possibly get a deal?

Kyl: we offered the spending cuts Democrats
were willing to concede in exchange for
nothing and they didn’t take it

Gregory: you offered to cut taxes for the
rich which seems weird for a debt-cut commission

Kyl: if poor people were rich people then
they would also get a tax cut

Gregory: ok

Kyl: only the GOP had an innovative idea
- cut taxes for the rich but call it a tax increase

Gregory: what about the automatic cuts in
defense spending - Leon Panetta says they
would invite an attack from our enemies

Kyl: Congress will have to put some effort
into ignoring these automatic cuts and
I believe we can do it

Gregory: so those cuts won’t happen

Kyl: both parties will come together and
pander to fear I am sure

Gregory: what’s the deal with Newt Gingrich?

Kyl: he is a loathsome person

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Occupy Wall Street
are stealing public parks they didn’t pay for
and also they need a bath

Kyl: they just don’t understand that wealth is
produced by people who take a risk and get
bailed out when it fails

Gregory: are ever embarrassed when you look
at yourself in the mirror?

Kyl: when Democrats won’t cut taxes for
the rich while cutting spending it tells
you all you need to know

Gregory: how about that John

Kerry: Kyl is lying - we just cut $900 billion!

Gregory: ok

Kerry: notice he’s going to ignore the
automatic defense cuts anyway

Gregory: can you make a deal?

Kerry: yes but they are pledged their souls
to Grover Norquist

Gregory: is that so?

Kerry: we’re not a tax cutting committee!
We’re a deficit cutting committee!

Gregory: what about the Toomey plan?

Kerry: the CBO says it raises taxes on
the middle class and cuts them on the rich
- oh and it makes the deficit worse too

Gregory: I see

Kerry: it’s a massive tax cut for the
richest Americans! Criminy!

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal says you are
bad because you won’t cut entitlements

Kerry: we put every fatted golden calf and
sacred cow on the table

Gregory: the horror the horror

Kerry: the GOP insists on cutting taxes for
their rich benefactors

Gregory: I’m glad to hear it

Kerry: we offered $800 billion in cuts up front
and they said no to everything because
Grover Norquist is a fucking nut

Gregory: yikes

Kerry: there is one thing preventing cutting
the debt and that is the GOP insistence on
tax cuts for the rich

Gregory: isn’t this really all Obama’s fault?

Kerry: no you moron

Gregory: yes but Obama can’t make
Congress agree

Kerry: I was just in Arlington visiting the graves of
people who sacrificed their lives for America
and I thought - are billionaires willing to sacrifice
a tiny sliver of their immense wealth or is
that too much to ask?

Gregory: you are the most famous flip-flopper
in American history - is Mitt Romney even worse?

Kerry: Yes! Well maybe - I think so - that’s
for other to say but he could be

Gregory: thanks for coming Senator

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG Newt Gingrich is the new
comeback kid!

Murphy: he’s so awful it indicates how much
people hate Mitt Romney

Gillespie: don’t expect Bachmann and Paul to drop
out early just because they’re total wackos

Gregory: Newt Gingrich had affairs because
hippies won’t take a bath

Robinson: the Internet does not have
enough bandwidth to document all
the Newt scandals

Myers: Gingrich is a fascinating political sociopath

Gregory: even Jack Abramoff thinks
Gingrich is scum

Murphy: Perry could have been the anti-Mitt
but it turns out he’s a blithering idiot

Gregory: Romney is stable and Not-Romney
is up and down and all over the place

Robinson: why not Rick Perry?

Greg: ha - you love him!

Myers: he’s got money but he makes
George W. Bush look like a genius

Gillespie: Obama thinks Americans have
gotten lazy when the real problem is that
American taxes are too high!

Murphy: Perry was lying but Obama is
sooo depressing

Robinson: if you want to see God cry show
him the GOP candidates

Gregory: Herman Cain seems a bit confused

Murphy: he’s the perfect Perry running mate!

Myers: his 15 minutes are up

Murphy: I will miss Herman Cain -
he finally got us talking about federal
consumption tax which will never happen

Gregory: if the Super Committee fails that
will show us how bad both sides are

Gillespie: yes but it’s mostly Obama’s fault

Gregory: should Romney skip Iowa?

Murphy: he doesn’t have to win -
all he has to do it beat Rick Perry

Gregory: what about Occupy Wall Street?

Myers: our politics are skewed to benefit
the richest Americans and the best example
is the GOP debates

Gregory: Happy Thanksgiving everyone -
and that’s another episode of Meet The Press
***************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 20, 2011

2011-11-20T12:02:00.001-05:00

Guests:
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE)
************************************
Amanpour: Police fired rubber bullets
and tear gas in a futile effort to keep their
grip on power in U.C. Davis - no wait that was Egypt

Also Obama is invading Australian or something

The GOP candidates got emotional last
night in Iowa except of course for Mitt Romney
who was getting his emotion chip replaced

Gingrich: I took a million dollars from
Freddie Mac for telling them they shouldn’t
give a million dollars to politicians

Pelosi: I don’t have time to debate idiots

Cain: Libya - that’s one of those countries
twirling in my head!

Pizza: If a vegetable can run for President
then so can I

[ break ]

Amanpour: Good morning Rahm -
Is Obama getting really lucky with
his GOP opponents?

Emmanuel: we gave the GOP a surplus and
they gave us a debt and a Depression and
now they want to do it all over again

Amanpour: But Obama promised to make
the Republicans act sane and he has failed
so we should elect Republicans

Emmanuel: Obama has tried to work with
the GOP and they said their only goal is
destroy Obama - so excuse me Christiane
but it’s their fucking fault

Amanpour: But Obama failed in making
the Super Committee make a deal

Emmanuel: Obama can’t make these
jackasses act like patriots Christiane

Amanpour: you’re very partisan

Emmanuel: damn right I am

Amanpour: how do win re-election

Emmanuel: tell people they have two choices:
Obama who stands with the middle class
and Mitt Romney who stands with the 1%

Amanpour: the 99% are getting their skulls
cracked and eyes peppered

Emmanuel: In the Bush years the middle
class got completely hammered and intend
to do some skull-cracking on their behalf

Amanpour: does Team Obama think
the nominee will be Romney?

Will: yes and they are probably right

Noonan: Obama can only win by tearing
Romney down which is so sad

Krugman: also no other candidate could
possibly beat Obama

Dowd: the presidential race is much like
college football but with less child rape

Krugman: we have one slick opportunist
and a bunch of fools and clowns

Will: my wife is advising Perry - having
said that - Newt Gingrich is a cheap whore

Noonan: that’s so unfair - Gingrich is an
expensive whore

Krugman: good point Peggy

Dowd: Newt is not a lobbyist - he’s paid
millions of dollars to influence government
on behalf of corporations

Will: Newt is an insufferable pompous
twit and an ethanol prostitute

Dowd: Ron Paul will win Iowa then New
Hampshire and we will have our first
certifiable President

Noonan: When Paul wins Iowa the country
will finally wake up and see that primary
voters are nuts

Krugman: Gingrich is a stupid person’s idea
of what a smart person sounds like

Noonan: Gingrich has a brilliantly novel tactic
- attack the media

Amanpour: oh my

Will: Ron Paul will run as third-party candidate
in 2012 and give the election to Obama

Noonan: oh my

Amanpour: Marco how many jobs will
your plan create?

Rubio: Job creators!

Am: anything else?

Rubio: JOB CREATORS!

Amanpour: Chris how about that?

Coons: Balanced! Bipartisan!

Amanpour: will this pass?

Rubio: yes because I am adorable

Amanpour: is that true Senator Coons?

Coons: yes - he is adorable
***************************************

Meet The Press - November 13, 2011

2011-11-13T12:22:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Gov. Tom Corbett (R-PA)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (R-FL)
E.J. Dionne
David Books
***********************************
Gregory: Governor are there more
victims that we don’t know about?

Corbett: almost certainly

Gregory: For parents with young children
like me who hear about an institutional
cover up of child rape we’re kind of shocked

Corbett: the people involved lack morals

Gregory: McQueary is on administrative leave
- is that enough?

Corbett: well he’s a valuable witness

Gregory: Paterno was only legally obligated
to report it to his boss - should the law
be changed?

Corbett: yes - being against child molesting
is bipartisan

Gregory: what hell was going on at
Second Mile??

Corbett: I don’t know but it seems like there
was some evil incestuous shit going down in
State College PA

Gregory: good god man how many people
knew about this and what is wrong with people?

Corbett: we have an investigation to find out
what kind of sick culture existed at Penn State

Gregory: did big football destroy Penn
State’s morals?

Corbett: no because small schools can be
corrupt too

Gregory: Should Penn State still be playing
football at a time like this?

Corbett: yes because we all love a good game

Gregory: Could this destroy Penn State?

Corbett: yes but they have a lot of sweet
football money socked away

Gregory: who else is going to be arrested?

Corbett: maybe lots of lots of people

[ break ]

Gregory: Rep. Bachmann should Congress
investigate Penn State?

Bachmann: I’m a mother and I would like to
beat this molesting bastard to a pulp

Gregory: but what about Congress - after all
they investigated steroids

Bachmann: Fluffy Congress is busy doing
nothing on many other issues

Gregory: fair enough

Gregory: you say you are the only conservative
in the race

Bachmann: darn right

Gregory: not Mitt Romney?

Bachmann: I opposed ObamaCare and he
implemented ObamaCare in Massachusetts!

Gregory: do you think Romney has no principles?

Bachmann: he’s in favor of gay marriage and
probably that weird stuff on Big Love

Gregory: you’re a woman

Bachmann: yes

Gregory: what about Herman Cain’s harassment

Bachmann: he’s a wackdoodle

Gregory: yes but so many Presidential
candidates are

Bachmann: but I won the Iowa straw poll

Gregory: Rick Perry has proved to be a moron
so maybe you can still win?

Bachmann: I plan to win Iowa, lose New
Hampshire and take South Carolina and
then victory!

Gregory: you say Obama let the ACLU to run
the CIA and is purposefully losing the
war on terror

Bachmann: absolutely

Gregory: he killed Osama bin Laden

Bachmann: yes but we have no jail for
terrorists so Obama just lets them all go!

Gregory: what the hell are you talking about?

Bachmann: the CIA doesn’t torture people and
that’s what I’m interested in

Gregory: okey dokey

Bachmann: when we catch terrorists we give
them a slap on the wrist with the wimpy
Army Field Manual which is totally gay

Gregory: most Generals don’t agree with torture

Bachmann: yes but noted ghoul Dick Cheney
agrees with me

Gregory: that’s just creepy

Bachmann: Bush won the war in Iraq and
Obama is losing it including all that money
wasted on that wonderful war

Gregory: one more quick question -
are you insane?

Bachmann: the people of Iraq should pay us
back for the cost of invading their country by
mistake including millions of dollars for every
American soldier killed

Gregory: thanks for coming crazy lady

Gregory: Debbie the debates don’t make
Obama look good but the economy still sucks

Wasserman-Schultz: yes but the GOP are evil

Gregory: people are worse off than they
were 4 years ago

Wasserman-Schultz: no they aren’t Fluffy
- we’re adding millions of jobs

Gregory: why doesn’t Obama make the Super
Committee cut the debt?!?

Wasserman-Schultz: how about taxing
millionaires and billionaires?

Gregory: the GOP proposed raising taxes
this week

Wasserman-Schultz: oh bullshit Fluffy -
they only did that in exchange for lower taxes
for rich people which would increase the debt

Gregory: but Obama raised the debt

Wasserman-Schultz: the GOP borrowed money
to pay for 2 wars, a fancy prescription drug program
and tax cuts for the rich

Gregory: but the debt is still high

Wasserman-Schultz: you are exceptionally
dim Fluffy

Gregory: the debt!

Wasserman-Schultz: we adding private sector
jobs like crazy

Gregory: ok ok Debbie

Wasserman-Schultz: check your facts!

Gregory: alright ha ha

[ break ]

Gregory: Cain is almost tied for the lead
and he’s an idiot harasser

Brooks: because he’s a lot of fun

Gregory: Perry forgot the three agencies
he would do away with

Dionne: omg that was painful to watch

Gregory: Poor Ricky

Dionne: the Democrats should pay for a
GOP debate every week

Gregory: we already have that

Dionne: there is a room another candidate
to get in believe it or not

Gregory: who is Obama?

Brooks: no one knows - some say he is a
Kenyan muslim and other says is he a British
anti-colonial Indonesian

Dionne: Romney wants to start a war with
Iran which I’m not sure is Americans’ first priority

Gregory: Maureen Dowd says Penn State is
almost as bad as the Catholic Church

Dionne: Now we know about alleged horrific
misdeeds which were covered up and so far
the penalty paid by the University is nothing at all

Greg: kids on campus rioted in favor of
Joe Paterno - what hell?

Brooks: in the 1960s kids smoked pot and said
‘if it feels good do it’ and America forgot the
difference between right from wrong and evil
and sin all that stuff hippies do

Dionne: I think people know child molesting is bad

Brooks: people don’t intervene when they
hear racist comments

Dionne: that would ruin most Thanksgiving dinners

Gregory: do really think that people really
not know that child rape is wrong?

Brooks: yes because of the Kitty Genovese case

Gregory: there’s no reporting requirement
in Pennsylvania

Brooks: we are too obsessed with the law
in this nation

Dionne: I was shocked by the extent of the
Penn State cover-up

Greg: but after the Catholic Church scandal
I would have thought not nothing could shock you

Dionne: but this isn’t about a bunch of men
and boys in funny outfits who get together every
Sunday who believe they have supernatural powers
- this is about big time college football!

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
***************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 13, 2011

2011-11-13T12:12:00.003-05:00

Guests:
Gov. Tom Corbett (R-PA)
Christine Brennan
George Will
Donna Brazile
Jonathan Karl
Dana Loesch
*********************************
Amanpour: Good morning - the big news
this morning is Rick Perry did not make a
fool of himself last night

Karl: of course Rick Perry was invited on
every tv show after

Cain: Anita Hill may endorse me ha ha

Gingrich: what businesses will pay for our parks?

Romney: who do I have to harass to lead
in the polls?

Amanpour: Governor why did Penn State
cover up child rape for so long?

Corbett: I have appointed a commission to
help the University move on from this

Amanpour: ok but why didn’t they call the
police instead of sweeping it under the rug?

Corbett: I have no idea Christiane

Amanpour: will Joe Paterno be prosecuted?

Corbett: Just because he hasn’t been charged
yet doesn’t me he should relax

Amanpour: why didn’t McQueery stop a
child rape or I don’t know - call the cops

Corbett: excellent question

Amanpour: Should Paterno have taken
some responsibility?

Corbett: ask him

Amanpour: I’m asking you if adults should
cover up child rape

Corbett: I’m going to say no on that one

[ break ]

Amanpour: Is this evidence of how powerful
college football is?

Brennan: damm right - you can’t oppose
Joe fucking Paterno

Amanpour: McQueary didn’t call the cops
about a child rape?

Brennan: he probably thought he was being
heroic by going to Paterno’s house on his day off

Amanpour: that’s amazing

Brennan: the President of Penn State read
the grand jury report about child rape and
called it groundless

Amanpour: crickey

Brennan: half of Pennsylvania knew

Amanpour: so will this happen again?

Brennan: it will unless a lot changes

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Will: a multi-billion dollar entertainment
industry grafted onto higher education
leads to moral derangement

Amanpour: interesting

Will: we need to know whether knew
about rape or only fondling

Brazile: oh come - beat the shit out of that guy!

Loesch: at least physically stop it

Karl: cancel the football season!

Amanpour: the audience at a GOP debate
booed questions about sex harassment

Karl: in his defense he doesn’t want to
talk about it

Will: Republicans say character matters -
well we shall see

Brazile: four women is a pattern

Will: my wife is in charge of Rick Perry’s
debate preparation

Amanpour: do you think the man who just
hired your wife will win?

Will: yes because we all know Obama is gaffe-prone

Loesch: Perry looks smart now because he went
on David Letterman

Karl: let me clue you in - Perry is finished

Amanpour: Newt is gaining - what is going on?

Brazile: he’s attacking the media - you can’t
go wrong with that

Will: also he’s a jerk and people like that

Amanpour: will the SuperCommitte cut $1 trillion?

McConnell: Obama planned the Super Committee
to fail to make me look stupid

Brazile: he doesn’t need Obama’s help for that

Will: the Democrats keep saying no to GOP offers
to raise taxes on the rich

Loesch: we must cut entitlements!

Karl: who really thinks that those automatic
cuts will happen

Will: Harry Reid and Obama at fighting
and I love it

Karl: the GOP are such wonderful generous
people Donna

Amampour: but this election on Tuesday
was not good for conservatives

Karl: no the election was bad for liberals!

Amanpour: Obama is leading in Ohio

Will: the GOP need to carry uneducated
white people

Brazile: we’re all trying to reach out to those
loveable rednecks
*****************************************

Meet The Press - November 6, 2011

2011-11-06T11:38:00.002-05:00

Guests:
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
Bill Richardson (D-NM)
Jon Huntsman (R-UT)
Chris Matthews
Kim Strassel
Maggie Haberman
Alex Castellanos
***************************************
Gregory: Good morning - Herman Cain says
he is back on message end of story!

Barbour: bad news is not like a fine wine it
does not improve with age

Gregory: what about a fine whine

Barbour: that’s different

Gregory: is the harassment scandal really
just going to go away?

Richardson: the GOP wants to criminalize
in vitro fertilization - face it they’re just weird

Barbour: look I’m not a doctor of a priest
- all I know if life begins when the sperm
thingy meets the magic eggo

Gregory: will Herman Cain be more popular
because of these sex harassments charges?

Barbour: yes because this is just like
Clarence Thomas when people only
called him a pervert because he’s
a black conservative

Gregory: but these are not new charges Governor

Barbour: Cain’s accusers should do him
a favor and come out describe what
happened in detail

Gregory: she signed a non-disclosure agreement

Barbour: pshaw Fluffy

Gregory: Cain wants an electrified barbed
wire fence to prevent China from getting
a nuclear bomb

Richardson: Obama killed bin Laden, shot
some pirates, got Qaddafi and signed free
trade agreements - he’s rockin and rollin’!

Barbour: harruumph

[ break ]

Gregory: Welcome Jon Huntsman

Huntsman: nice to see you David

Gregory: Herman Cain is an uninformed
gaffe-prone harasser and he’s still beating you

Huntsman: I know!

Gregory: do you think China will get
the bomb?

Huntsman: ha

Gregory: I’m scared of the Chinese

Huntsman: I know those orientals
intimately well

Gregory: Have you ever met General Tso?

Huntsman: you can’t spell Huntsman
without ‘Hunan’

Gregory: what about future President Romney?

Huntsman: he should run for President of
the Waffle House!

Gregory: name one thing he’s changed his
position on

Huntsman: abortion, gay rights, health care, guns…

Gregory: ok ok we get it

Huntsman: I could go on

Gregory: do you think we will ever have a
Mormon President?

Huntsman: of course we will

Gregory: how can you be so sure?

Huntsman: yes because America has hit a wall

Gregory: do you think the GOP has become
too extreme?

Huntsman: we can’t reject basic science Fluffy

Gregory: Can Mitt Romney beat Obama?

Huntsman: it depends on what his positions
are on election day

Gregory: good point

Huntsman: but he can’t win anyway

Gregory: you seem smart and yet you endorsed
Sarah Palin

Huntsman: I gave that speech because I had
once met Sarah Palin which is more than
John McCain ever had

Gregory: do you share her views?

Huntsman: yes I also believe she should
not run for President

Gregory: do you believe GOP voters are
a little crazy?

Huntsman: Hey I love guns and fetuses
as much as anyone

Gregory: you used to be in favor of health care
mandates and then you flip-flopped

Huntsman: we need to allow people to
shop around for health insurance and then
- problem solved!

Gregory: you said the 2009 stimulus was too small

Huntsman: I meant we need more tax cuts!

Gregory: you would have voted against TARP

Hunstman: yes

Gregory: are you serious?

Hunstman: no

Gregory: what is your position?

Hunstman: Bailouts are bad!

Gregory: does life begin at fertilization?

Hunstman: no it begins at conception -
except for rape then it doesn’t

Gregory: you’re part of the 1%

Hunstman: I am rich yes

Gregory: no that’s your popularity

Hunstman: we’re putting everything into
losing New Hampshire to Mitt Romney

Gregory: Sounds like a plan

Gregory: you have fun hot daughters who are
already more popular than you

Hunstman: I know!

[ break ]

Gregory: Herman Cain has announced that
his sex scandal is over and that’s the end
of the story!

Haberman: Cain says the code of ethics of
journalism means he doesn’t have to answer
questions about who he harassed

Strassel: When he gets a 3:00 am phone call
who will he harass?

Matthews: if there was good news in Cain’s
background you would know about it

Gregory: he says his decade-old harassment
charge is because the media hates an outsider

Castellanos: Cain is developing antibodies
and an immunity from future scandal

Matthews: Americans are cranky assholes
so they love Chris Christie and Herman Cain

Haberman: he says he expected to be attacked
because he is a black conservative

Strassel: voters know that in the 1990s there
lots of fake sex harassment accusations

Gregory: Cain thinks China is a dangerously
close to getting the bomb

Matthews: it suggests he hasn’t read newspapers
for a half-century or ever listened to Tom Lehrer

Castellanos: the GOP will either nominate a
flip-flopper or an idiot

Issa: as a former car thief I think you need to
learn about public affairs before running for office

Castellanos: I predict Mitt Romney will become
a black woman from De Moines

Gregory: Chris you say JFK forged political
bonds early

Matthews: he did it in high school and the Navy
and at Harvard RFK would knee-cap anyone
who opposed the Kennedys

Gregory: that’s awesome

Matthews: who is Obama’s vicious enforcer?

Gregory: Joe Biden?

Matthews: Obama made Jon Hunstman
Ambassador to China and he ran against Obama
- Bobby would have had him shipped to the Siberia!

Haberman: no one fears Barack Obama

Matthews: every politician must create a tight
network of terrifying loyalists

Castellanos: Obama is too nice and smart to
be the American President

Matthews: Team Clinton is out there and ready
to move with Hillary’s Army

Gregory: Huntsman says Romney has no core

Strassel: Mitt can’t change any position now or
he looks even worse

Castellanos: Obama is a flip-flopper too so there

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
***************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 6, 2011

2011-11-06T11:26:00.003-05:00

Guests:
Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Fmr. Sec. of State Condolezza Rice
Niall Ferguson
Arianna Huffington
George Will
Matthew Dowd
*********************************
Amanpour: good morning Cain and Gingrich
are like Lincoln and Douglas if they had harassed
women and Abe wasn’t gay

Karl: Herman Cain says there was either no
settlement or several and anyway the real
issue is Rick Perry needs to apologize to America

Perry: no was Jose!

Karl: Cain is still beating Romney and Rick Perry
is hopped up on painkillers and had his
best week ever

Amanpour: 74% think the country is on the
wrong track and disapprove of Obama
and Congress

Amanpour: Speaker Boehner what are
you doing to create jobs?

Boehner: we passed a free trade agreement
with Panama!

Amanpour: time for golf then

Boehner: the House is passing bills like crazy
but then they die in the Senate

Amanpour: what about taxing millionaires?

Boehner: it’s a little know fact that most rich
people are actually poor

Amanpour: really?

Boehner: we have a spending problem!

Amanpour: you said you are willing
to raise revenues

Boehner: yes by cutting taxes

Amanpour: Interesting

Boehner: I am willing to cut taxes if the
Democrats will agree to cut spending

Amanpour: what is your biggest regret?

Boehner: taking this stupid annoying job

Amanpour: I see

Boehner: I thought Obama and I could agree
to wreck the government but we couldn’t
it’s so sad
[ weeps]

Amanpour: the Super Committee won’t
agree will they?

Boehner: If it was easy I would have tried it!

Amanpour: what about draconian defense cuts?

Boehner: do you know how much spend
on defense now?

Amanpour: could you and Obama still agree
on a big debt cut package?

Boehner: no because he was mean to me

Amanpour: there is a massive income gap
in this country and spending cuts could hurt people

Boehner: oh that could never happen

Amanpour: no?

Boehner: the best way to help poor people
is to help rich people

Amanpour: there is less social mobility in
America than elsewhere

Boehner: the reason I came here 21 years
ago was to pass checks out from lobbyists
on the House floor and I did it

Amanpour: you must be so proud

Amanpour: you said you understand Occupy
Wall Street complaints but Rep. Cantor
called them a mob

Boehner: I understand the frustration but
it’s class warfare and it’s immoral

Amanpour: what about shared sacrifice?

Boehner: no one suffers more than the
rich in America

Amanpour: People despise Congress

Boehner: that’s the media fault

Amanpour: okay

Boehner: the Founders designed Congress
not to work and we should respect them!

Amanpour: Is Romney the stiffest candidate

Boehner: undoubtedly

Amanpour: what about Herman Cain?

Boehner: I’m trying to create jobs Christiane!

Amanpour: Can you work with Obama?

Boehner: I am the most honest person
in Washington - everyone knows exactly
where I stand

Amanpour: for the lobbyists that pay you

Boehner: exactly

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: the economy is still weak

Ferguson: people have too much personal debt
which keeps them out of shopping malls

Will: that and the unwashed masses

Huffington: Boehner is waving laminated jobs
plans and Obama is standing on crumbling
bridges but no one does anything

Dowd: the America people get to decide whether
we are in a recession

Amanpour: I trust them

Dowd: no Republican or Democrat has
any clue on how to rescue America

Amanpour: what about the Super Committee?

Will: they will pretend to let the big cuts happen
and then Congress won’t make the cuts

Ferguson: Presiding over a recession looks
like a miscalculation by Obama

Huffington: politicians all over the world
have made that mistake - look at Greece

Ferguson: America needs to export to Europe
and they’re circling the drain

Dowd: the average American is very worried
about Europe

Amanpour: are they really?

Dowd: I mean who’s in charge?!

Huffington: corrupt oligarchs!

Amanpour: what about Herman Cain

Dowd: the left and right are equally to blame
because we all break into tribes and throw
rocks at each other

Amanpour: thank you for that bunch of
tired clichés Matty

Huffington: he was always an idiot so why are
we even talking about Herman Cain?

Ferguson: well you can certainly be stupid and
still be elected President

Amanpour: he doesn’t know that China has
had nukes for 40 years

Ferguson: that level of imbecility should
disqualify this twit

Amanpour: Is Mitt a flip-flopper?

Will: his only strong belief is that he should
be President

Dowd: conservatives fear that as soon as he wins
the nomination he will swing to the center

Ferguson: well he should

Huffington: don’t forget Jon Huntsman

Dowd: the Gingrich wave is coming!

Amanpour: is Rick Perry drunk or on painkillers?

Dowd: possibly both

Will: Mitt Romney will probably be the next
President because he is our Henry of Navarre

Amanpour: he starved the people of Paris until
they had to eat rats

Will: then he’s perfect

[ break ]

Amanpour: do you think Obama is doing a good
job on the war on terror?

Rice: I have to admit he is - the death toll is
very impressive

Amanpour: shouldn’t Obama leave at least
10,000 troops in Iraq?

Rice: OMG you are so right Christiane

Amanpour: didn’t Obama make a huge mistake
in listening to a bunch of pointy headed lawyers!!

Rice: I know! What was he thinking?!

Amanpour: Isn’t Obama going to waste all
the lives of people who died in Iraq?

Rice: seriously - it’s like you read my mind

Amanpour: Isn’t it crazy to leave Afghanistan!?!

Rice: it’s insane sister!

Amanpour: Shouldn’t America get tough on Iran!?!

Rice: well we can’t attack Iran if we don’t have
troops in Iraq

Amanpour: GOP candidates seem proud of
their lack of knowledge on foreign policy

Rice: oh Cain was just joking about Uzbekistan
- I think

Amanpour: he doesn’t know that China already
has a nuclear bomb

Rice: he must have misspoken -
no could be that ignorant

Amanpour: are you sure?

Rice: look George W. Bush didn’t know anything
either and his foreign policy turned out great

Amanpour: well I feel better now
**************************************

Meet The Press - October 30, 2011

2011-10-30T13:59:00.002-04:00

Guests:
David Plouffe - Obama Campaign
Jennifer Granholm
Walter Isaacson
Tom Brokaw
Mike Murphy
*********************
Gregory: what’s wrong in Washington?

Plouffe: the GOP will do anything to protect
rich people

Gregory: let’s talk about the most important
issue in America - Solyndra

Plouffe: we need to fund green energy

Gregory: I don’t see why?

Plouffe: these loan programs are a good use
of government money Fluffy

Gregory: but should government play
venture capitalist?

Plouffe: well you play journalist

Gregory: good one Pluffy

Plouffe: anyway this was a Bush
administration program

Gregory: will you cooperate with a
Congressional subpoena?

Plouffe: yes - if it will create jobs

Gregory: is the President in a funk?

Plouffe: the President is totally funky!

Gregory: he seems depressed about
the election

Plouffe: we ended the Iraq, repealed DADT,
passed health care reform and killed
Osama bin Laden

Gregory: Saint Stephen of the Apple said
to Obama “you’re going to be a
one-term President”

Plouffe: he also created the Lisa

Gregory: blasphemer - Steve Jobs
was a god among men

Plouffe: we were almost in a Depression
when Obama took office

Gregory: how do answer the charge that
Obama did not create the iPod?

Plouffe: the GOP wants to repeal
environmental laws and lower taxes
on the top 1%

Gregory: who will the GOP nominee be?

Plouffe: does it matter - their policies
are all terrible!

Gregory: is Cain for real?

Plouffe: he’s really crazy - but that’s not a
barrier to getting the GOP nomination

Gregory: what about Mitt Romney?

Plouffe: Romney flip-flopped on laws of
abortion, gay rights, taxes and gravity

Gregory: is Obama down with
Occupy Wall Street?

Plouffe: even non-hippies are pissed off
at inequality Fluffy!

Gregory: so will Obama hold a drum circle
in the Rose Garden?

Plouffe: We love the free market but the
Republicans wants Wall street to write its
own rules - that didn’t go so well the first time

Gregory: thanks for coming Pluffer

[ break ]

Gregory: Panel I have noticed some people
like Obama and some don’t

Brokaw: Obama has found his voice ever
since the GOP went completely insane

Gregory: Obama went from Hope & Change
to Funkadelic

Granholm: Obama demonstrated for 3 years
that he was willing to compromise and
now he’s ready for a fight

Gregory: People think the country is on
the wrong track - why isn’t Obama doing worse?

Murphy: Plouffe owes Romney an apology for
calling him a flip-flopper

Gregory: but he is a flip-flopper

Murphy: but it’s not fair!!

Isaacson: I know Herman Cain personally
and he always seemed like a normal person

Gregory: really?

Isaacson: Cain has finally allowed America
to debate whether to give even more money
to the richest people in the country

Brokaw: the GOP is still trying to find a sane
candidate who they actually like

Gregory: that’s not going to be easy

Granholm: Mitt Romney has no principles at all!

Murphy: People love Cain because he is
definitely not from Washington

Gregory: New York Magazine tried to smear
Romney as a rich greedy capitalist slimeball
from Wall Street

Isaacson: that’s completely unfair -
Mitt Romney is from Boston

Brokaw: I was stunned by Cain’s smoking ad -
after all cigarettes do kill you

Gregory: real independent Americans don’t
let the nanny state tell you not to poison
yourself with cancer-causing chemicals

Murphy: that was pot Tom

Gregory: the great debate in America is
whether there is too much inequality or if
the rich are greatly suffering from a
graduated tax

Granholm: oh my fucking god

Murphy: Perry won’t commit to a flat tax -
pull the trigger cowboy!

Gregory: Tom you worry about a lack of
shared national purpose

Brokaw: the elderly’s message is
“I got mine screw you”

Gregory: old people really scare me

Brokaw: we need to make hard calls like
we did in World War Two - why won’t
someone attack America please!

Gregory: will our grandchildren lead better lives?

Brokaw: no of course not

Gregory: speaking of civic identity -
Steve Jobs created his own reality

Isaacson: they call it a reality distortion field
- kind of like watching Meet The Press

Gregory: why can’t Washington leaders
create reality like he did?

Isaacson: because we live in democracy Fluffy

Brokaw: Jobs had a great vision and also
a good idea which helps

Murphy: he thought long-term which is
rare in Washington or America for that matter

Isaacson: he didn’t care about quarterly
profits and look what he accomplished

Gregory: what is the lesson from
Steve Jobs’ life?

Isaacson: cut taxes for the rich and
raise them for the poor

Gregory: what do you think of
Steve Jobs Jennifer?

Granholm: there are people suffering
in this country and it’s not the rich

Gregory: America needs a rich weird
dickish dictator!

Brokaw: Labels are bad! Bipartisanship is good!

Murphy: Plouffe criticized Mitt Romney
for not having principles which is
not bipartisan at all!

Gregory: the poor appear to be getting restless

Isaacson: mister we could use man like
Andrew Jackson again

Brokaw: it’s true Romney is a flipper
but is he a flopper?

Murphy: Rick Perry is the real flip-flopper!

Brokaw: the Republican debates are
mainly watched by junkies

Gregory: indeed hard-core devotees of politics

Brokaw: no I mean actual meth addicts

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 30, 2011

2011-10-30T13:51:00.003-04:00

Guests:
Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Austan Goolsbee
Dick Armey
Ron Brownstein
Cokie Roberts
George Will
**************************
Amanpour: good morning - there was a
major snowstorm in October and there was
a deadly attack in Kabul

Tapper: one of the worst ever Christiane

Amanpour: too bad - now we have to stay
in Afghanistan forever

Tapper: of course

Amanpour: Cain is leading Iowa!

Karl: Herman Cain’s campaign videos
have dudes on horseback smoking
and chugging whiskey

Audience: yee ha

Perry: shoot I may skip debatin’ dang it

Audience: oh noe

Romney: I don’t talk about politics -
that’s for the people to decide

Karl: Hillary Clinton for President!

Amanpour: Michele Bachmann was the leader
and now no one cares about her - it will take
a miracle for her to get the nomination

Bachmann: I’m sitting right here

Amanpour: oh hai

Bachmann: I’m still running for President!

Amanpour: are you sure?

Bachmann: Remember Fred Thompson?

Amanpour: wasn’t he a bad actor on
some crime show?

Bachmann: I’m the tip of the spear!

Amanpour: Are concentrating all of your
efforts on Iowa?

Bachmann: not all - I’m also focused on
losing New Hampshire

Amanpour: how could you possibly recover
from losing Iowa?

Bachmann: I wrote one the few hundred bills
to repeal Obamacare!

Amanpour: as President would you declare
war on Iran?

Bachmann: I would be very different from
Obama on Iran

Amanpour: how?

Bachmann: by not taking my eye off the
Iran nuclear ball

Amanpour: that should take care of the problem

Bachmann: we should listen whenever an
insane person speaks!

Amanpour: Is that your campaign slogan?

Bachmann: Iran was going to blow up a
Washington DC restaurant where dozens of
expense accounts could have been damaged!

Amanpour: would you go to war with Iran or not?

Bachmann: oh no because it’s not in our
national interest

Amanpour: you would have left Qadaffi in power

Bachmann: Obama is a very sneaky muslim
who secretly wanted to overthrow that nice
man Qaddafi without telling Congress

Amanpour: how underhanded

Bachmann: there is great uncertainty in Libya -
why extremists could take power in Libya which
would be terrible!

Amanpour: so very little cost and no troops
killed - and you still say it wasn’t worth it?

Bachmann: yes because in Libya there is a
struggle for power - do we want someone good
and decent like Qadaffi or an extremist who might
use oil revenues to create a global Caliphate??

Amanpour: you said 59,000 Yemenis and Syrians
came instead of 11 people from Yemen which
seems slightly off

Bachmann: look if there is even one undocumented
immigrant that proves Obama is letting terrorists
into America

Amanpour: also Yemen is not a state
sponsor of terror

Bachmann: Yes but they are coming from
Mexico and I would a build a big fence
argle bargle!!

Amanpour: Are you soft on flat taxes?

Bachmann: the biggest problem in America is
that poor people in the U.S. are not paying
enough federal income tax

Amanpour: I see

Bachmann: I would abolish the federal tax code
and replace it with a a series of graduated
income tax rates

Amanpour: thank for that amazing interview
Rep. Bachmann

[ break ]

Amanpour: Can Herman Cain win?

Will: He’s ahead because no one in Iowa in
paying attention

Roberts: He’s just this week’s alternative to
Mitt Romney

Brownstein: Lots of people hate Romney but
they can’t decide who else is crazy enough

Roberts: which makes him a lot of fun!

Amanpour: Dick do you like Cain?

Armey: You can tell he’s authentic because
he’s so fucking weird

Amanpour: will the Tea Party endorse him?

Armey: don’t be ridiculous

Amanpour: why not?

Armey: I love my grandchildren!

Amanpour: you like Rick Perry?

Armey: we’ve known since 1984 that a flat tax
works and Rick Perry figured it out this week

Brownstein: who can stop Mitt Romney?

Will: Mitt Romney - and I believe he can do it

Amanpour: should Perry skip the debates?

Will: he should skip sucking at them

Amanpour: well obviously George

Will: I miss Lincoln-Douglas

Goolsbee: if you can’t debate Romney you sure
as heck can’t debate Obama

Roberts: the debates are very shallow and
I love them

Brownstein: the debates help remind us who
the hell these people are

Amanpour: Rick Perry will let you choose
your own low taxes

Goolsbee: Rick Perry is the political equivalent
of the leisure suit

Amanpour: good one Austan

Goolsbee: they’re all fighting over who can
lower taxes on the rich the most!

Armey: I don’t understand why all you communists
don’t want to raise taxes on the poor

Brownstein: Mitt Romney is one of those
commies who once opposed a flat tax

Armey: that’s not fair Mitt Romney has held
every political position

Amanpour: good point Dick

**********************************

Meet The Press - October 23, 2011

2011-10-23T13:04:00.003-04:00

Guests:
Hillary Clinton (U.S. Sec. of State)
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)
Andrea Mitchell
Jack Welch (Fmr. CEO of GE)
Harold Ford (Morgan Stanley)
David Brooks
******************************
Gregory: After eight years in Iraq we spent
$700 billion and lost have 4,000 lives -
should we really leave when things
are going so well?

Gregory: Also Qaddafi is dead and Mitt Romney
touched Rick Perry!

Gregory: Good morning Hillary - Republicans
say if we leave Iraq it could possibly turn violent

Clinton: oh noe!

Gregory: yes really!

Clinton: you know Fluffy Bush committed
to withdrawing troops at the end of 2011

Gregory: but he was an idiot

Clinton: true - but we are going to have a
mature relationship with Iraq - no more
spitballs, name-calling and not sharing
the back seat of the car

Gregory: don’t we endanger our great
success war with Iraq with the possibility of war?

Clinton: we’re leaving and that’s it

Gregory: but I’m scared of Iran

Clinton: Calm down Fluffy

Gregory: Isn’t it awful that Iran could
push Iraq around?

Clinton: that’s our job!

Gregory: right

Clinton: I’m kidding Greggers

Gregory: do you stand by your vote
authorizing invasion of Iraq?

Clinton: let’s not bicker about who wanted
to invade what country based on lies

Gregory: was the Iraq war worth it?

Clinton: Iraq is lovely free place now

Gregory: Isn’t it sad how Qaddafi was killed?

Clinton: yes there needs to be a thorough
investigation of how a feared dictator
somehow got killed by his long-oppressed people

Gregory: you said you would bomb anyone
in Pakistan who supports terrorism

Clinton: we Afghans are doing our part
and the Pakistanis need to as well

Gregory: that’s good

Clinton: we need to double our efforts
to kill any threats in any of the Stans

Gregory: Do you think the GOP candidates
can answer the 3:00 a.m. phone call?

Clinton: I will tell you this Fluffy - from
bin Laden to Alwaki to Qaddafi - I would
not fuck with Barack Obama

Gregory: ok

Clinton: I mean it David - we can’t take
a risk with this crop of morons!

Gregory: thanks for coming Hillary

[ break ]

Gregory: Ron Paul you would eliminate 5
cabinet departments and cut a trillion
dollars in spending

Paul: absolutely

Gregory: wouldn’t that cause a huge
amount of hardship?

Paul: no because the money would go
back to the people

Gregory: you would stop inspection
of nuclear plants?

Paul: well maybe not that

Gregory: oh well ok then

Paul: look I hate war and Social Security

Gregory: wouldn’t all those spending
cuts prevent economic recovery?

Paul: no because the government has taken
over the economy!

Gregory: would you abolish all student aid?

Paul: yes because most people should
not go to college

Gregory: even Rand?

Paul: especially him

Paul: I worked my way through medical
school participating in innovative medical
experiments and I turned out just fine

Gregory: clearly

Gregory: you would get rid of government’s
role in housing

Paul: yes because government prints money
and makes derivatives!

Gregory: but housing prices would go down

Paul: good!

Gregory: but I like my artificially expensive house

Paul: we bail out everyone and dump
debt on the people!

Gregory: what about pulling troops
out of Iraq?

Paul: we’re going to leave 15,000 CIA agents
and the Turks are working with Iran

Gregory: I didn’t know that

Paul: in other words we’re never leaving

Gregory: you would have left bin Laden alive!

Paul: no I would have killed him but I thought
prolonged occupation all over the world was stupid

Gregory: doesn’t the U.S. have a moral obligation
to help all people all over the world

Paul: No Fluffy - volunteers can handle
international conflicts

Gregory: what about the Drone Wars

Paul: they kill innocent people!

Gregory: what would you do if Iran invades Israel

Paul: pull your head out of your ass Fluffy
- Israel has 300 nuclear weapons!

Gregory: you said ‘taxation is immoral’

Paul: no ‘taxation is theft’

Gregory: I apologize

Paul: the government is not the boss of me!

Gregory: you want to get rid of Social Security

Paul: yes but I want to take care of the elderly
by cutting spending

Gregory: would you cut benefits?

Paul: no!

Gregory: so you would get rid of Social Security
but not cut benefits

Paul: yes because young people want to take
care of themselves right now until they get old

Gregory: you hate the debates

Paul: the entire world is falling apart and
we’re talking who is mowing Mitt Romney’s yard!

Gregory: is there no difference between
Romney and Obama?

Paul: Audit the Fed! Cut Social Security!
Cut a trillion dollars!

Gregory: wow

Paul: Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party
agree - why is the government printing money?!?!

Gregory: thanks for coming doc

[ break ]

Gregory: Andrea Obama is taking credit just
because we’re leaving Iraq and freed Libya
without losing any troops

Mitchell: If leaving Iraq turns out to be a
good idea it will be because Bush agreed to
pull out but if it’s a mistake then it’s
all Obama’s fault

Brooks: Iran is very scary

Gregory: Obama has actually succeeded
in foreign policy

Ford: all well and good but Obama needs
to create jobs

Welch: I agree with Harold Ford

Gregory: the GOP debates are so exciting!

Mitchell: you would you hire any of these guys?

Brooks: these debates are just to prepare
Mitt Romney to face Barack Obama

Gregory: Jack you love Herman Cain

Welch: he’s crazy and his plan is insane but
I love his folksy charm and also he would
cut my taxes which is what America needs

Ford: Obama needs to learn from Herman Cain!

Welch: I re-agree with Harold Ford

Gregory: Can Obama win on taxing the rich?

Brooks: no because of Watergate

Gregory: I see

Brooks: Attacking the rich may help you
with fundraising but it won’t make you popular

Mitchell: Obama vs Romney will be our first
all-robot election

Gregory: how could Obama create jobs?

Welch: drill for oil and end all regulations

Gregory: I see

Welch: the jobs bill makes it illegal to discriminate
against unemployed people - that’s insane!

Ford: Obama is terrible because he keeps
attacking business - it’s so so sad

Welch: I re-re-agree with Harold Ford

Gregory: I see

Ford: we need to incentivize rich people
to spend their money!

Mitchell: what about Occupy Wall Street?

Ford: Fuck those dirty fucking hippies -
they’re ruining it for all of us

Brooks: Just cut taxes!

Welch: Obama should have proposed
Simpson-Bowles - that was awesome

Mitchell: yes if he had done that we would
all live in Merry Gumdrop Land where
all consumers are happy and the GOP would
not have threatened default on the debt ceiling

Welch: We need to take on China!

Brooks: who knows better about taking
on China than General Electric?

Gregory: what about foreign policy

Mitchell: the GOP candidates need to
persuade us they can handle foreign crisis
and so far that ain’t happening

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
***************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 23, 2011

2011-10-23T12:59:00.001-04:00

October 23, 2011
Guests:
Hillary Clinton (Sec. of State)
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Martha Raddatz
Richard Stengel
Robert Kagan
***********************************
Amanpour: wow first today Tunisia votes
for the first time and an autopsy has Qaddafi
has confirmed is still dead

Amanpour: Are you in Uz-Beki-beki-stan?

Clinton: LOL I love Herman Cain

Amanpour: What was your gut reaction
to seeing Qaddafi’s guts?

Clinton: I thought - wow Libya deserves
to have their oil managed by a
freedom-loving country like the U.S.

Amanpour: should Qaddafi have had a
fair trial before being shot?

Clinton: absolutely - war crimes should
never be tolerated because above
we must have the rule of law for all people

Amanpour: even for Dick Cheney

Clinton: I said for all people

Amanpour: what about the Pan Am bomber?

Clinton: I heard they canceled that tv show

Amanpour: no the terrorist

Clinton: oh yeah that was bad too

Amanpour: should we really pull all troops
out of Iraq?

Clinton: we should leave unless they ask
us to stay then we should never leave

Amanpour: what about Afghanistan and
Pakistan is the Taliban going to abuse
women after we leave?

Clinton: anyone we negotiate with must
renounce violence and respect the rights
of ethnic minorities and women

Amanpour: that rules out the Republicans

Clinton: ha

Amanpour: is there going to be a terrorist
attack in Nairobi?

Clinton: who knows all those Kenyans
are scary

Amanpour: thanks for coming Hillary

[ break ]

Amanpour: did the U.S. want to keep troops
in Iraq?

Raddatz: yes they want to train Iraqis

Amanpour: it’s been eight years -
what do they need to learn about?

Raddatz: pepper spraying protesters

Kagan: Iran is threatening us and
we’re retreating!

McCain: we should let Iraqis dictate
American defense policy

Amanpour: I see

Amanpour: Senator should we pull out of Iraq ?

McCain: I fear foreign nations may try
to influence what goes on in Iraq which is
just plain wrong

Amanpour: oh my

McCain: the people in this region loved
the surge and love American soldiers

Amanpour: they do?

McCain: Iraq might form an alliance with Iran
and we should not let than happen

Raddatz: How do you get Iraqis agree to
let U.S. troops stay?

McCain: clearly you use the incredible
boyish charm of Lindsay Graham

Raddatz: what about immunity?

McCain: America should have backed Alawi
in Iraq’s free and fair elections!

Stengel: Look Obama made a promise and
he’s going to keep oh an also Iraq doesn’t want
us to be there and the American people don’t
want to stay either

Amanpour: so I hear you saying we should stay

Stengel: that’s right

Biden: In Libya Qaddafi is gone and went spent
almost nothing and no Americans were killed!

Amanpour: wasn’t Libya a brilliant success?

Kagan: it was a terrible failure because the
Libya operation doesn’t prove how big our
American genitalia are

Stengel: speak for yourself Bob

Raddatz: Drones make war easier -
and fun too

Amanpour: Should the U.S. launch a
NATO attack on Syria?

McCain: Obama is a terrible President because
Qaddafi wasn’t killed fast enough

Amanpour: you seem incredibly petty

McCain: also no British and French were killed and
they led unlike that weak total loser guy who beat me

Ama: wow thanks for proving me wrong

Kagan: I think Syria could either go bad or good

Amanpour: thanks for your expertise everyone

Amanpour: Jon Karl - please reduce our democracy
to talking points

Romney: I’m running for office I can’t have illegals!

Obama: give me that 3:00 am phone call - I’ll cut you!

Biden: if there is no jobs bill rape will rise!

McCain: Obama has a bus made in Canada
which I can’t believe because he took the
idea from me!

Bachmann: My campaign staff is not quitting!

Bachmann campaign staff: we’re outta here!
****************************************

Meet The Press with Herman Cain - October 16, 2011

2011-10-16T12:26:00.003-04:00

Guests:
Herman Cain
Tim Pawlenty
Bobby Jindal (R-La)
Chuck Todd
Katty Kay
***********************
Gregory: Holy crap - Herman Cain is
leading for the GOP nomination

Audience: cripes

Gregory: who the fuck is this guy?

Cain: I’m sitting right here

Gregory: Hi - Herman you would raise
taxes on poor people and the middle class
and cut them for the rich

Cain: no because we will get rid of all
invisible taxes!

Gregory: oh my

Cain: companies will pay lower taxes and
pass those savings on to consumers

Gregory: would the middle class pay
more in taxes?

Cain: yes but more people would pay
less in taxes

Gregory: who would pay more in taxes?

Cain: people who buy things

Gregory: what about the elderly?

Cain: oh they would do very well

Gregory: why is that

Cain: they would pay no taxes on
their vast investments and complex
portfolio holdings

Gregory: under your plan people would
pay incredibly high state and federal sales taxes

Cain: that’s only true if you combine
state and sales taxes

Gregory: well I do combine them!

Cain: well don’t do that!

Gregory: that makes no sense!

Cain: you’re muddying the waters!

Gregory: Grover Norquist says you’re
creating new taxes

Cain: Who cares!

Gregory: How do you get this insanity
enacted into law?

Cain: the people will demand it!

Gregory: I find that hard to believe

Cain: talk to voters - they want 9-9-9!!

Gregory: you think there will be national
movement demanding lower taxes for the rich
and higher taxes on the middle class

Cain: Yes!

Gregory: What do you think of Occupy Wall Street?

Cain: Barack Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Gregory: you said liberals want to destroy America

Cain: yes by causing the recession
four years ago

Gregory: you think they did that on purpose?

Cain: yes because liberals want America to be weak!

Gregory: that’s an incredible claim

Cain: Fluffy why else would they go to the
trouble of building a time machine to go and
back to 2001 and make Bush look like a disaster?!!?

Gregory: you say stupid people are ruining America

Cain: yes - people are too much quick to insult
and vilify the other side!

Gregory: you don’t like to be called African-American

Cain: right - I’m not from Africa like some
Presidents I could mention

Gregory: you say your experience is
different from Obama

Cain: yes I'm really black and he made pizza
and he was rich and coddled and he’s part white

Gregory: Are we at war with Iran?

Cain: How should I know?

Gregory: what would you do about Iran
if you were President?

Cain: I would definitely consult other people

Gregory: like who?

Cain: John Bolton and Henry Kissinger

Gregory: Why those two

Cain: I do believe in diversity so I want to
hear from war criminals in all administrations

Gregory: are you a NeoCon?

Cain: that depends on what is a NeoCon?

Gregory: Should we have invaded Iraq?

Cain: yes because we prevented Iran from
attacking our land in Iraq

Gregory: how do you define victory
in Afghanistan?

Cain: our invasion of Afghanistan will be
victory when they can defend themselves
from invasion other countries

Gregory: what is your foreign policy philosophy?

Cain: I’m like Reagan I would be very clear
about putting troops in Lebanon until
I leave in a hurry

Gregory: you would not rely on Wise Men?

Cain: I might!

Gregory: you wrote in your book
"I will not rely on Wise Men"

Cain: In my defense a Wise Man wrote that for me

Gregory: you wrote we need an electrified fence
that will kill people

Cain: that was joke - get a sense of humor!

Gregory: what is your plan for illegal immigration

Cain: Shooting people!

Gregory: How about gay marriage

Cain: I don’t like gay people but people
in Vermont can do whatever the hell they want

Gregory: and abortion?

Cain: no abortions for anyone!

Gregory: not even for rape or incest?

Cain: of course not

Gregory: who’s your favorite Justice?

Cain: Clarence Thomas - he’s quietly brilliant

Gregory: where’s your wife?

Cain: protecting our traditional marriage Fluffy

Gregory: are you the front runner?

Cain: yes because people love my substantive
ideas like higher taxes for the middle class,
cutting social security and putting John Bolton
in charge of our foreign relations

Gregory: do you have enough money?

Cain: if you contribute $9.99 now you get a
bumper sticker in 30 minutes or less

Gregory: thanks for coming Herman

[ break ]

Gregory: Is Herman Cain real?

Todd: if he’s raising a million dollars a
week that’s amazing

Gregory: can he win?

Todd: he’s got a great elevator pitch
but no organization

Kay: I just watched your interview and I
can’t tell what the hell he’s talking about

Gregory: What about Mitt Romney?

Todd: he only has one problem -
no one likes him

Kay: he’s just got to split the conservative base

Gregory: and Rick Perry?

Todd: this race is Rick Perry’s to lose
and he’s losing it

Gregory: what about that guy
Barack Obama?

Kay: he has to remind people that the
GOP crashed the economy

Todd: Obama has to find positive things
to say about Rick Perry

Gregory: damn Obama can’t get a break

Gregory: Is Mitt Romney an untrustworthy
flip flopper?

Jindal: Perry fought to cut taxes in Texas
which was very hard

Gregory: Tim you said Mitt Romney can’t be
the nominee and now you endorse him

Pawlenty: Obama failed to cut the deficit in half!

Gregory: what about Romneycare

Pawlenty: He’s changed his mind -
what more do you want?

Gregory: will he change it again?

Pawlenty: if you want him to - yes!

Gregory: if the GOP primary voters
anti-christian?

Jindal: Rick Perry has made the tough decision
to send the national guard after a hurricane

Pawlenty: he can’t debate!

Gregory: Chris Christie thinks Rick Perry is
an inarticulate idiot

Jindal: CEO Magazine has endorsed him!

Jeffers: do we want a good moral person
or do we want Rick Perry?!?!

Pawlenty: Mitt Romney has never had a gay affair!

Jindal: we should not consider religious
in government - just consult the Bible on that

Gregory: thanks for coming

Gregory: save the date for a debate with all
Republican candidates, David Gregory and Facebook

Audience: truly an Algonquin Round table
of the 21st century

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
***************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 16, 2011

2011-10-16T12:18:00.001-04:00

Guests:
Jonathan Karl
David Axelrod
Ruth Marcus
Laura Tyson
Margaret Brennan
Mary Matalin
George Will
***************************
Amanpour: wow Occupy Wall Street has
spread to Rome - the city hasn’t seen
anything like this since the Visigoths

Karl: It’s Herman Cain’s world and
we just live in it

Rick Perry: let’s just drill for oil
all over America

Anita Perry: Americans just
hate Christians

Axelrod: the GOP filibustered
Obama’s Jobs bill

Axelrod: true - so we’ll send it to them
piece by piece

Amanpour: how about the millionaire’s tax?

Axelrod: most non-millionaires seem
to be okay with it

Amanpour: what about Occupy Wall Street?

Axelrod: they’re really protesting
Mitt Romney

Amanpour: But Obama used to
love Wall Street

Axelrod: some of those guys are
very smart

Amanpour: Can the GOP and Democrats
get along?

Axelrod: No

Amanpour: Will Mitt Romney be the nominee?

Axelrod: he will be if the voters want an
unprincipled soulless corporate ghoul

Amanpour: Ok how about Herman Cain?

Axelrod: it would be interesting to
nominate a true crazy person

Amanpour: Rick Perry?

Axelrod: yes let’s put a sleepy disinterested
George Bush cloned oil lobbyist in the White House

Amanpour: so who will be the nominee?

Will: Romney has Versatility of Conviction

Matalin: Barack Obama is the real flip flopper

Amanpour: not Mitt Romney?

Matalin: no he changes his mind which is very positive

Amanpour: that’s not what Obama does?

Matalin: no he’s unprincipled and also a
committed radical liberal

Karl: don’t count out Rick Perry!

Marcus: why don’t people love Mitt -
he’ll be whatever you want!

Amanpour: what about Occupy Wall Street?

Marcus: those unwashed hippies seem to
have struck a populist nerve

Amanpour: are they Republicans or Democrats?

Reporter: they’re anti-corporate

Amanpour: when are they leaving because
I would love to visit the beautiful Zuccotti park

Reporter: they’re never leaving Christiane

Karl: Obama supported the bailouts!

Amanpour: Mary does Rick Perry even
want to be President?

Matalin: sure he feel asleep during the debates
but that doesn’t matter

Will: he’s from Texas where you get elected
by shooting coyotes

Perry: Mitt Romney is a gay-loving
Jimmy Carter clone!

Karl: Romney is not gay as far as I know

Marcus: Perry is an immigrant-loving
Social Security hater

Amanpour: what about Herman Cain?

Marcus: He’s a soufflé - temporary rise
and quick collapse

Amanpour: but deliciously light and fluffy

Brennan: Inside the Wall Street stock exchange
people are frustrated at not having even
more money for their giant risk-free casino

Tyson: Economists say Obama’s Jobs would
create 2 million jobs

Amanpour: but the Republicans won’t vote for it

Tyson: it’s full of their ideas!

Karl: even Mark Zandi doesn’t like it

Tyson: he was John McCain’s top advisor in 2008!

Will: Occupy Wall Street is about to go
mainstream with debt repudiation

Amanpour: wow

Will: that will lead to inflation and therefore
fascism and World War Three

Tyson: American’s don’t have great skills
like creating complex financial instruments

Brennan: we should protest at universities
for not teaching anything useful like
fake AAA tranches

Karl: the Jobs Bill is evil social engineering -
it gives tax credits for hiring veterans

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
********************************

Meet The Press - October 9, 2011

2011-10-09T14:20:00.002-04:00

Guests:
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL)
Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL)
Bethany McLean
Mark Halperin
*********************

Gregory: wow Occupy Wall Street is growing
all over the world!

Obama: they’re frustrated and they’re right!

Cantor: they’re a dangerous mob!

Gregory: Rahm you are a new Mayor
and the economy sucks

Emmanuel: we’re adding thousands
of jobs

Gregory: but unemployment is still
really high

Emmanuel: we need a new NASA or
Internet for the 21st century

Gregory: so what’s the big idea?

Emmanuel: rebuilding our crumbling bridges

Gregory: but no one wants to do
that Rahm

Emmanuel: [ punches Gregory in the face ]

Gregory: Ow!

Emmanuel: look we need to replace pipes
that are 100 years old

Gregory: god that almost as old as
Andy Rooney

Gregory: Didn’t you and Obama fail to
stimulate the economy?

Emmanuel: [ puts Gregory in a headlock]

now look Fluffy - Obama rescued the U.S.
economy and we are going to fucking
rebuild America

Gregory: ow ow ow

Emmanuel: and we’re importing auto jobs

Gregory: ok ok

Emmanuel: some Republicans wanted the
U.S. auto industry to go bankrupt -
did you know that Fluffy?!

Gregory: but polls say people disapprove
of Obama on the economy

Emmanuel: don’t make me fuck you over David

Gregory: the stimulus wasn’t big enough
and focused on health care reform and
now all hope is lost

Emmanuel: [ stabs Gregory with a fork ]

Gregory: Aaacckk!

Emmanuel: Bush bailed out Wall Street
and Obama passed financial reform!

Gregory: ok ok but Obama is
doomed isn’t he?

Emmanuel: you’re doomed Fluffy!

[ leaps over table, pins Gregory to the floor ]

Gregory: please stop hurting me

Emmanuel: Obama is a leader and is creating
an environment for jobs motherfucker!

Obama: why is Obama demonizing Wall Street?

Emmanuel: Bush gave them $700 billion
you goddamm moron

Gregory: Arrrgghhh

Emmanuel: When banks needed help
America rescued them - and now regular
people need help!

Gregory: please don’t kill me Rahm

Emmanuel:
[pulls out Glock, points it at Gregory’s head ]
if you can’t hear the frustration among
regular people then you are one
dumb motherfucker Fluffy

Gregory: how can we as a nation carry on
without Steve Jobs?

Emmanuel: Chicago is having a fuckin’
dance festival and it’s going to fucking
rock Fluffy!

Gregory: all right

Emmanuel: I said dance Fluffy! Dance for me
like I’m Karl motherfucking Rove!

Gregory: I’m dancing I’m dancing!

Emmanuel: we’re making schools, cops
and government accountable Greggers!

Gregory: How does Obama get relected?

Emmanuel: people want their fucking
dreams back!

Gregory: I hear you saying Obama will lose

Emmanuel: [ dangles Gregory out the window ]
if you can’t hear the concerns of ordinary
people then get the fuck out of public life!

Gregory: [ upside down ]
and I think we’ll just leave it there

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome President Ryan

Ryan: welcome to the Midwest Fluffy

Gregory: what about the Obama Jobs Bill?

Ryan: he won’t work with us even on
things we agree

Gregory: what do agree on?

Ryan: international trade agreements

Gregory: but he just sent them to you

Ryan: and we will vote on that next week

Gregory: so what are you complaining about?

Ryan: we need to lower corporate tax rates

Gregory: what about stimulating
the economy?

Ryan: we tried that already and it failed

Gregory: but the recession started
under Bush

Ryan: I was talking about Bush!

Gregory: so what’s your problem
with Obama?

Ryan: Obama is creating a ruckus

Gregory: could you describe the ruckus?

Gregory: Biden says the GOP wants to
do nothing

Ryan: not true - we want to work with
the White House on passing all our ideas

Gregory: what about other ideas?

Ryan: stimulus is just sugar high gimmicks

Gregory: aren’t tax cuts also just
sugar high policies?

Ryan: Bush was a big spending liberal!

Gregory: I did not know that

Ryan: Obama wants to tax 80% of all
small businesses at 50%!

Gregory: Austerity alone do not seem to be enough

Ryan: Bush spent trillions in stimulus!

Gregory: what is the answer?

Ryan: Certainty!

Gregory: “Hope and No Change”

Ryan: right!

Gregory: Herman Cain said “Blame Yourself”
- is that the GOP message?

Ryan: no we must do more to help rich
people get more rich so more people will
want to get more rich

Gregory: fascinating

Ryan: we can also go after rich people by
getting rid of Medicare

Gregory: interesting idea

Ryan: Obama is playing to fear -
the GOP would never do that

Gregory: But is ‘blame yourself’ divisive?

Ryan: we should not pit people against
each other - we should all get along and
give more things to rich people

[ break ]

Gregory: Can Obama work with Congress?

Biden: Look we can work with John Boehner
and Eric Cantor but the Tea Party shot them down

Gregory: I see

Biden: we need a strong Republican party
but they are disorganized and spend most
of their time fighting each other

Gregory: as a Democrat I’m sure you
can appreciate that

Biden: indeed

Gregory: If the GOP are inept can
they beat you?

Biden: sure we can be beaten - but I am
counting on the good judgment of
the American people

Gregory: good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: are you a do-nothing Congress?

Aaron Schock: we are not a do-nothing Congress
- the House GOP even wrote our very own budget!

Gutierrez: the Tea Party wants to burn
the House down!

Gregory: the race is between Romney,
Perry and Cain

Halperin: It’s always been between
Romney and NotRomney

Gregory: can NotRomney win?

Halperin: when the nation gets to know
Rick Perry’s life story people will love him

Gregory: why is Cain surging?

Halperin: there is a huge hunger for
someone really crazy and Cain fills that void

Gregory: What about Occupy Wall Street?

McLean: people say OWS is disorganized
but then so is Washington DC

Gregory: banks are greedy - who knew?

McLean: we need to talk about reforming
the entire financial system

Gregory: why are they demonizing Wall Street?

Gutierrez: Hey Fluffy - they got $700 billion
in tax money and in response they charge
you $5 to get access to your own money

Schock: the GOP has heard the concerns
of Occupy Wall Street and is responding
by attacking the EPA

Halperin: Obama needs to be nicer
to the big banks

Gregory: Some some say Mitt Romney
is in a cult

Halperin: only people who speak for Rick Perry

Gregory: why can’t the GOP choose a nominee?

Schock: hey Fluffy it’s only October -
We have plenty of time to settle on
lunatic to lose to Obama

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
**************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 9, 2011

2011-10-09T14:18:00.003-04:00

Guests:
Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-MD)
Jesse LaGreca
Jonathan Karl
Donna Brazile
George Will
Matthew Dowd
Peggy Noonan
***********************************

Amanpour: wow those kids at
Occupy Wall Street appear not to like
corporate greed and unemployment

Reporter: these sleepy peaceful
protestors are a grave threat

Amanpour: clearly

Karl: this looks likes a growing
national protest movement but the
GOP says it’s a dangerous mob

Cain: if you don’t have a job blame yourself!

Karl: Herman Cain will probably be
the next President

Obama: I’m the underdog!

Hank Williams Jr: Just like Hitler!

Amanpour: George Obama said some Americans
aren’t better off than they were four years ago

Will: not true - Republicans are

Dowd: Obama is beleaguered

Noonan: Obama is talking into a void

Amanpour: it’s like having a conversation with you

Brazile: he’s no underdog dammit

Dowd: if the GOP blocks Obama’s jobs bill
the public will blame Obama

Brazile: so you say white man

Amanpour: Why won’t Blue Dog Senate
Democrats pass Obama’s Jobs bill?

Pelosi: because they’re dipshits Christiane

Amanpour: so what’s the answer?

Pelosi: go directly to the people

Amanpour: do you like the new combative Obama?

Pelosi: he’s fighting - I love it!

Amanpour: is it enough?

Pelosi: you gotta go out there and talk
about kitchen table concerns - it’s a fight!

Amanpour: ok so you’re fighting

Pelosi: we’ll let the American people decide!

Amanpour: People disapprove of Congress

Pelosi: well so do I!

Amanpour: what do you think of
Occupy Wall Street?

Pelosi: they’re right - we need change!

Amanpour: Paul Ryan says they are a mob
and Americans should never be pitted against
each other except for gays muslims women and not-rich people

Pelosi: he’s and idiot and hypocrite

Amanpour: I see

Pelosi: Hell even Ronald Reagan talked about income and wealth inequality

Amanpour: yeah but he was a well-known socialist

[ break ]

Amanpour: Holy crap Occupy Wall Street is taking over America!

Amanpour: is this like the Tea Party?

Will: the Tea Party is the bourgeoisie

Amanpour: yes I believe that’s their slogan

Will: I love Occupy Wall Street

Amanpour: why is that?

Will: those dirty hippies are going to give
the GOP the White House for 20 years

Braxile: that’s crazy - they have legitimate complaints and everyone knows it!

Noonan: Wall Street tanked America and paid no price so they may have a point

Amanpour: interesting Peggy

Noonan: but the Tea Party were mature -
not like these childish bongo drummers

Dowd: Wall Street is not the GOP base!

Amanpour: it’s not?

Dowd: no it’s poor people outraged about
high taxes on the rich

LaGreca: Politicians and the media represent
the wealthiest 1%

Amanpour: not fair - we sometimes have
non-billionaires on the show

LaGreca: well ok then

Amanpour: what will it take for us to go
back to ignoring you

LaGreca: Social Justice

Amanpour: oh dear

Will: Jesse if the government is corrupt
shouldn’t we just get rid of all government?

LaGreca: no because we live in a democracy

Amanpour: will this movement grow?

LaGreca: yes because it’s about giving
people a voice

Brazile: this is a real legitimate
political movement!

Amanpour: people are selling their
blood just to survive

Noonan: yes - so is Occupy Wall Street hurt
poor people by blocking the Brooklyn Bridge
or will they take a shower and get stuff done??

Amanpour: Yes please Jesse tell us all your plan
for rescuing America’s economy

LaGreca: I think it’s funny that people now
want Occupy Wall Street to solve all
of America’s problems

Amanpour: well you certainly don’t expect
us to do it do you?

LaGreca: No I don't

Amanpour: Thanks for coming everyone
***********************************************

Meet The Press - October 2, 2011

2011-10-02T12:15:00.006-04:00

Guests:
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-VA)
Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA)
Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA)
E.J. Dionne
Mike Murphy
Peggy Noonan
*********************
Gregory: wow Obama killed Al-Awlaki
and defended gay soldiers

Audience: badass

Perry: send U.S. troops to Mexico!

Gregory: oh and some hippies were
arrested in New York

Gregory: how does Obama win an election
with this economy?

Patrick: he says Government is there to
help people help themselves

Gregory: I see

Patrick: or how about this - Obama is on your side!

Gregory: Bob - I see Obama is starting
to call out Republicans

McDonnell: The election is about Jobs,
Debt and Kenya

Gregory: is that was the GOP debates
have been about?

McDonnell: not exactly

Gregory: The Wall Street Journal surveyed
CEOs and they’re not happy

Patrick: In Massachusetts we’re creating jobs
by investing in the future

Gregory: what about Obama’s jobs bill?

Patrick: it would help America which is
why it won’t happen

McDonnell: Obama is blaming the Tea Party
just because they wanted to default on our debts

Gregory: that’s too bad

McDonnell: Also Obama hates America

Patrick: where do you get off attacking
his patriotism?

McDonnell: Dodd-Frank caused the recession
which proves Obama doesn’t believe in the
good old U S of A

Gregory: you oppose Obamacare

McDonnell: this is going to be a campaign issue
because Americans don’t want health insurance

Patrick: in my experience a lot of people
like health care

Gregory: Chris Christie says we shouldn’t
demonize the rich by raising their taxes by 5%

McDonnell: people are begging Christie to run
because they are sure the GOP will take the
White House in 2012

Gregory: that makes no sense

Patrick: he won’t run because he doesn’t want
to lose to Obama

Gregory: Can Obama carry Virginia?

McDonnell: Virginia is a shining city on a hill that
gets gobs and gobs of federal money

Gregory: what about the Red Sox

Patrick: I haven’t see a collapse this bad since
Bachmann won the Iowa straw poll

[ break ]

Gregory: Christie said he would commit suicide
rather than seek the Republican nomination
for President

Murphy: that sounds about right

Noonan: the GOP base is primal

Dionne: the base keeps attacking its own candidates

Gregory: So the question about these candidates
is - Screw, Marry or Kill?

Becerra: whether to commit suicide is one
of the biggest decisions our candidates can make

Murphy: the GOP is drunk right now but they
will sober up and vote sensibly for Romney

Noonan: we can lose America in the next
three years if we don’t elect a true psychotic

Dionne: I believe we as a nation can pull this off

Becerra: you don’t want to lose Latino voters
believe me

Gregory: there are a lot of Hispanic voters
aren’t there?

Murphy: If Romney moves to Perry’s right on
immigration it’s going to hurt him against Obama

Becerra: the GOP is screwed with Latinos

Murphy: But Obama is screwed with the economy

Palin: there mere Presidency would shackle
my messaging

Dionne: she belongs on another planet

Gregory: She’s a kingmaker isn’t she?

Noonan: No Fluffy she’s a very cunning grifter

Murphy: Don’t underestimate Rick Perry

Gregory: can Obama win?

Dionne: he’s reached agreements with the GOP
and now he’s finally gone to the people with
what he believes

Gregory: Is Obama a fighter?

Becerra: Yes He Could - if the GOP
Wouldn’t Stop Us

Dionne: Bob McDonnell blamed Obama for not
making the Tea Party see reason

Noonan: a true leader would make Republicans
not act crazy

Murphy: he drove the GOP away by running as a
socialist by enacting a GOP health care reform law

Becerra: the Jobs Bill is full of Republican ideas!

Noonan: so Democrats won’t vote for it!
What a failed leader!

Gregory: what’s the deal with Occupy Wall Street

Dionne: Finally! An organized Left!

Gregory: Peggy you have to give Obama credit
for getting a deal with Boehner

Noonan: [ mixing cocktail ] sorry what?

Gregory: anyone have a problem with Obama using
a drone to kill an American?

Becerra: would rather he pushed him out a window?

Murphy: the Florida primary could decide
the nominee

Gregory: Let’s talk about Chris Christie some more

Murphy: why the hell not [ takes drink from Noonan ]

Gregory: Is Congress shut down for the next year?

Becerra: not at all - we plan on working almost
100 days next year

Gregory: Perry wants to invade Mexico

Noonan: I’ll drink to that

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
**************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 2, 2011

2011-10-02T12:06:00.003-04:00

October 2, 2011
Guests:
Herman Cain - Fmr CEO Godfather’s Pizza
Jonathan Karl
George Will
Jake Tapper
Nicolle Wallace - GOP Strategist
Mark Penn - Democratic strategist
Matt Katz Philadelphia Enquirer
*******************************

Amanpour: wow 700 people were arrested
protesting Wall Street and Obama loves
gay soldiers

Audience: oooh

Karl: the most electrifying event of the 2012
campaign is the effort to drag Chris Christie
into the race

Audience: that is exciting

Perry: if you are against illegal immigrants
you are heartless

Christie: screw the illegal kids

Perry: Chris is right - what as I thinking

Romney: you bet I flip-flop just like
Winston Churchill - first he was against
Hitler and then he was against communism

Palin: the Presidency would shackle me

Amanpour: Herman how did you get people
inside your head

Cain: People are looking for an uninformed
funny wacko

Amanpour: why didn’t you react when people
booed the gay soldier

Cain: no no they were saying “oooooh”
to his huge biceps

Amanpour: I see

Cain: at the moment I was not focused
on soldiers I was thinking about the weird
shit Rick Perry was saying

Amanpour: Obama said we shouldn’t
boo soldiers

Cain: maybe but Obama put a bulls-eye
on our soldiers backs so they could get
shot by Dick Cheney

Amanpour: Do you think Rick Perry is a racist?

Cain: He’s insensitive and also a dumbass

Amanpour: Do you think African Americans
are easily brainwashed?

Cain: oh absolutely

Amanpour: maybe they just don’t
like Republicans

Cain: it would greatly benefit blacks to cut
taxes for the rich and raise sales taxes
on everyone

Amanpour: really?

Cain: it’s math!

Amanpour: Chris Christie worrying about
the threat of Sharia law is crap and crazy

Cain: well then call me crazy

Amanpour: you’re crazy

Cain: Maybe but I alone will stand
against Sharia law

Amanpour: Should Chris Christie run
for President?

Cain: let me quote Bob Barker

Amanpour: Ok

Cain: Spay and Neuter your candidates!

Amanpour: thanks for coming Herman

[ break ]

Amanpour: why is Herman Cain so
darn popular?

Will: the Tea Party has gone from
Bachmann to Perry to Cain

Amanpour: I see

Will: also people just don’t like Mitt Romney

Wallace: Cain is on fire which is scary
to the GOP powers

Amanpour: what about Perry’s racist rock?

Tapper: this could be a problem in the suburbs
who already think Perry is a loon

Penn: Cain attacked Perry! It’s over!

Amanpour: Is Chris Christie going to run?

Will: the media just love assholes

Wallace: GOP primary voters are like
dysfunctional daters - you pine for the ones
you can’t have

Tapper: Christie is a bad prom date because
he’s soft on guns and Muslim law

Will: He’s not running you idiots!

Amanpour: is he running?

Katz: No!

Amanpour: let’s just say he’s running

Penn: yes let’s!

Will: the vote is in 100 days

Amanpour: Is he Christie too fat to run
for President?

Katz: no the American people can relate to
someone overweight

Tapper: He’s unhealthy! Look at him!

Amanpour: Mitt Romney looks like a President

Wallace: yes but we need someone who can
articulate eliminating Social Security and
Romney is not that man

Will: Romney is very competent and the GOP
doesn’t want someone like that

Amanpour: Thanks for coming everyone
*****************************************

Meet The Press - September 25, 2011

2011-09-25T12:26:00.005-04:00

Gregory: welcome to this very Special Episode
of Meet The Press devoted entirely to Education
in America - here’s Bibi Netanyahu

Netanyahu: Hi David

Gregory: what about the move for statehood
for Palestine?

Netanyahu: It’s a great idea if Palestine de-militarized

Gregory: There is no peace process is there?

Netanyahu: I tried to meet with the Palestinians
here in New York but they had tickets to the
Book of Mormon

Gregory: ooh those are really hard to get

Netanyahu: Abbas has to sit down and Just Do It

Gregory: Why are you still occupying the
West Bank?

Netanyahu: I walk the streets of New Jersey and
people say to me Bibi stay strong and
maintain the occupation!

Gregory: that’s amazing

Netanyahu: the Dutch love us and we’re very popular in Cyprus

Gregory: what if being right is not enough?

Netanyahu: the core of the conflict is that the Palestinians refuse to recognizes Israel as
a Jewish state

Gregory: got it

Netanyahu: Militant Islam is an insatiable crocodile that eats land with its snapping jaws

Gregory: Please bash Obama for me

Netanyahu: no

Gregory: But Rick Perry says Obama is a bad man

Netanyahu: don’t fuck with me Fluffy

Gregory: but Obama is mean!

Netanyahu: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: Is Israel going to be a Jewish state
or a democracy?

Netanyahu: um let me think . . . the first

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

Netanyahu: a Palestinian state that recognizes Israel as a Jewish state and our historic right to our land

Gregory: sounds good

Netanyahu: Abbas needs to tell his people that the dream is over - Israel is here to stay

Gregory: he’s still talking about 1948

Netanyahu: This is the land of Abraham and Jacob and Benjamin who was the Original Bibi

Gregory: Abbas says the land is sacred for
Muslims and Christians

Netanyahu: Hello!? Ever heard of little story about God, the Jews and Jesus? Most popular book ever written??

Gregory: The DaVinci Code?

Netanyahu: the Bible you idiot

Gregory: Bill Clinton says you are partly to blame because you will never give up the West Bank

Netanyahu: I never said this before but I mean
this sincerely - fuck you Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: Mayor Mike what is going on with the economy?

Bloomberg: Europe is collapsing and our useless
politicians in D.C. are going to shut down
the government! Again!

Gregory: why are businesses not hiring?

Bloomberg: you can’t make a loan or take a vacation
when politicians are bickering

Gregory: so this is all Obama’s fault

Bloomberg: at least he’s trying to fix the economy
which is more than I can say for the GOP

Gregory: Obama says he is not waging class warfare
unless you like class warfare in which case
he is a warrior

Bloomberg: that’s not fair -- you can’t define
what is “poor” or “wealthy” - those are just theatrics

Gregory: that’s very insightful

Bloomberg: If Warren Buffet made his money
differently then his taxes would be different

Gregory: I can’t argue with that

Bloomberg: you must raise taxes on everyone
and also cut entitlements

Gregory: Isn’t Warren Buffet a bad man for
suggesting higher taxes on rich people like
you and me?

Bloomberg: yes he is Fluffy

Gregory: don’t you love Chris Christie?

Bloomberg: he’s okay I guess

Gregory: Is the Rick Perry honeymoon over?

Bloomberg: you journalists keep hyping whoever
is behind - it’s silly

Bloomberg: these GOP candidates don’t believe in
science or evolution or vaccination - it’s appalling

Gregory: how about a third party
candidate for President?

Bloomberg: that’s clever but will never happen

Gregory: can Obama be re-elected?

Bloomberg: yes because he’s better than any of the
alternatives who appear to be morons

Gregory: I read a poll that said people don’t approve
of your education policies

Bloomberg: that was a bullshit poll Fluffy

Gregory: yes sir

Bloomberg: people love public schools policies
and it’s disgraceful for you to attack parents this way

Gregory: thanks for coming Mayor

[ break ]

Gregory: Bill Bennett tell me about education

Bennett: If went to college unemployment is 5%
if you didn’t go to high school it’s 15%

Shalala: if you work 2 jobs you can’t get home to
help your kids with their homework

Smiley: This is not a skill problem -
it’s a will problem!

Gregory: but doesn’t government suck?

Smiley: Kids live with crime, poverty and drugs -
it’s a national disgrace!

Gregory: are there no private charities?

Shriver: standardized tests don’t inspire kids

Gregory: they are very boring

Shriver: we need to teach optimism!

Bennett: tests let us know who is failing
which is very necessary

Gregory: so what is the answer?

Bennett: charter schools and paying
good teachers a bonus

Gregory: what else?

Bennett: Fathers are important! Murphy Brown!

Gregory: should we get rid of the
Department of Education?

Smiley: the answer to America’s problems is not
demonizing teacher unions dammit!

Bennett: good parents and teachers and
coaches are good

Gregory: what should our students know?

Shalala: they need to be able to read and write

Gregory: I’m with you

Shalala: also critical thinking

Gregory: uh oh

Shriver: we need to teach kids to understand
their own feelings

Gregory: I’m feeling confused

Shriver: people need to be inspired!

Gregory: is character education important?

Smiley: sure it is but let me tell you something
Tom Friedman is wrong the world isn’t flat
- it’s tilted!

Bennett: jobs are outsourced not because of
low wages but because people in India are
better at math

Gregory: should college athletes be paid?

Shalala: No! And I feel very strongly about that!

Gregory: I love your passion Donna

Gregory: Who will the GOP nominee Bill?

Bennett: I’m still hoping Paul Ryan will get in the race

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
*********************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - September 25, 2011

2011-09-25T12:17:00.002-04:00

Guests:
David Plouffe - Presidential Advisor
Austan Goolsbee - Fmr Obama Economic Advisor
Mohamed E-Erian - CEO Pimco
Chrystia Freeland
George Will
*********************************

Amanpour: wow look at the newly combative Obama!

Plouffe: We need action Christiane! Now!

Amanpour: Harry Reid says there’s jam on the floor

Plouffe: But Boehner said Obama was jello

Amanpour: incredibly some Democrats don’t
like parts Obama’s jobs plan

Plouffe: it’s got tax cuts, new schools, fast trains
and fun for the whole family

Amanpour: John McCain’s economic advisor says
it’s only a band-aid

Plouffe: Well when you’re bleeding you use a
damn band-aid!

Amanpour: that’s technically true

Plouffe: it’s called the American Jobs Act -
who doesn’t like American jobs?

Amanpour: Bill Clinton and other rich people said
we shouldn’t raise taxes on the rich

Plouffe: it’s a question of fairness Christiane

Amanpour: I suppose

Plouffe: we’re cutting taxes for everyone but the rich
who take advantage of these ridiculous loopholes

Amanpour: is it time to panic?

Plouffe: No - that was a year ago

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: Oh noes the Dow is down!!!

Audience: aayyyiiiieee

Amanpour: George you are an expert on
international economics

Will: Imagine if things were really bad - that’s what
we face in my imagination

Amanpour: wow

Will: the next recession is the fault of lazy
unionized Greeks

Goolsbee: Europe sucks - USA! USA!

El-Erian: the world finally staged an intervention
with Europe - it was on Bravo and very moving

Freeland: this is like 2008 - everyone knows an
economic collapse is coming but no one is doing
anything about it

Amanpour: what is going to happen in Europe
in two words?

Freeland: massive shrinkage

El-Erian: we need a Sputnik moment!

Will: let Greece fail!

Amanpour: but George that’s terrible

Will: the fucking Italians are going to bring
us all down - screw ‘em all

Freeland: you’re an idiot

Goolsbee: Europe’s banks have no assets -
only worthless mortgages and stolen Holocaust art

Amanpour: is the political system completely broken?

El-Erian: we are all in the back seat of a car driven
by politicians bickering on their iPhones instead
of watching the road

Amanpour: what if the Chinese stop not buying
our stuff

Freeland: the Chinese are freaked out by Tea Party

Amanpour: I know the feeling

Will: it takes real courage to admit that trying to
unify Europe was a bad idea - look at how
successful Europe was from 1914 - 1945

Goolsbee: The European Union has become a
Monty Python skit

Europe: We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune
but we take it in turns to act as a sort of executive
officer for the week but decisions of that officer
have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting

Amanpour: okay okay

El-Erian: we should fix housing, credit and growth

Amanpour: brilliant

Freeland: Businesses are rich but they won’t spend their money

Will: Barack Obama is persecuting Boeing

Amanpour: no one expects the Obama Inquisition!

*****************************************************

Meet The Press - September 18, 2011

2011-09-18T13:29:00.008-04:00

Guests:
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-TN)
Former President Bill Clinton
Former Gov. Jennifer Granholm (D-MI)
Helene Cooper
Alex Castellanos
Mark Halperin
******************************
Gregory: Obama has called for higher taxes
on millionaires

McConnell: I disagree - we need to coddle
millionaires in the middle of a recession

Gregory: but isn’t it fair for the rich to pay as
much as middle income Americans?

McConnell: Look Warren Buffet should send me
some money if he has too much of it

Gregory: I’m not sure that’s the issue Leader

McConnell: also we should means-test
Social Security

Gregory: interesting idea

McConnell: many poor small businesses pay
millionaire taxes

Gregory: oh those poor little businesses

Boehner: [on video]
we should not have a 'my way only’
attitude but instead only do what I want

Gregory: if you’re so worried about the deficit
why not raise taxes?

McConnell: we’re not opposed to raising taxes
by which I mean cutting taxes

Gregory: is your goal to not pass anything but
wreck the economy to make Obama a one-term President?

McConnell: not at all - we can agree that Obama
should do whatever we want

Gregory: Senator your party seems to cheer
killing a lot

Debate audience: Kill Baby Kill!

McConnell: Solyndra! Solyndra! Solyndra!

Gregory: has the GOP become a twisted
death cult?

McConnell: we have a saying in Tennessee
‘when a mule kicks you twice shoot it and kill it’

[ break ]

Gregory: Big Dog what can be enacted
in this climate?

Clinton: if you enact Obama’s bill you will have a
million jobs and families would get $1,500

Gregory: that’s boring

Clinton: well I doubt Republicans want it
to pass anyway

Gregory: taxing rich people like me would
be a disaster

Clinton: but Fluffy we still have a huge debt -
don’t you want to pay your share?

Gregory: no

Clinton: but you did well under the tax levels
when I was President

Gregory: does globalization hurt people?

Clinton: yes - but what if we could make it
work for everyone?

Gregory: that’s just crazy enough to work

Clinton: shared success and shared responsibility

Gregory: that’s catchy

Clinton: we’re seeing amazing
public - private parts

Gregory: Please bash Obama for me

Clinton: did you know we’ve been in a Depression
all this time?

Gregory: really?

Clinton: almost no one alive except for
John McCain is old enough to remember
the Great Depression

Gregory: that’s probably true

Clinton: but these are tough times but the President
has a plan that will work

Gregory: should the President panic?

Clinton: Fluffy if people want the government to
solve their problems they gotta let the
government solve their problems

Gregory: 1/3 of people have buyer’s remorse
over Hillary Clinton

Clinton: you know Fluffy I heard you were a moron

Gregory: can Obama be reelected?

Clinton: Obama has the GOP so freaked out they
are opposing their own policies

Gregory: they’re just following the polls

Clinton: conflict makes good politics but bad policy

Gregory: but conflict is fun!

Clinton: what do Silicon Valley, Carnegie-Mellon
and MIT have in common?

Gregory: all three have computers who could
do my job?

Clinton: government and business need work
together to create economic growth!

Gregory: what about Palestinian statehood?

Clinton: it won’t change the underlying reality
which is we need a negotiated solution

Gregory: good luck with the Clinton Global Initiative this week

Clinton: It isn’t luck you bubblehead

[ break ]

Gregory: Mark can the President can be reelected?

Halperin: yes - Obama is a dick but the GOP
are insane

Gregory: polls say people still blame the GOP
for our problems

Castellanos: yes but Obama is to blame for not
making the GOP behave like a good parent should

Gregory: Obama’s plan may not pass - doesn’t that
prove that he’s a failure?

Cooper: he’s daring the GOP to either pass it or
bear the blame for a bad economy

Gregory: Washington is not working so Obama
is a bad President

Granholm: we need a plan to turn the U.S. around
and tax cuts are not the answer

Castellanos: the GOP would never pass Obama’s
bill which proves Obama is a bad President

Gregory: the Obama White House is not a good
place for women - we need Bill Clinton again

Halperin: Obama is not a great Explainer In Chief

Gregory: yes he should call people a dick more

Halperin: I saw what you did there Greggers

Cooper: I saw Campaign Obama out again this
week and he might be getting his mojo back

Gregory: a Republican won in Brooklyn and Queens!

Castellanos: this district is a good reflection
of the whole nation - the Orthodox Jew lost
because he was not pro-Israel enough

Perry: Obama is a socialist Ponzi schemer!

Halperin: Romney will be the nominee because
this Perry guy is craaazeee

Granholm: we are in a War on Jobs

Gregory: so well said

Castellanos: Perry has shown great strength but
also shown he is scary and thoughtless

Gregory: is the U.S. afraid the vote for Palestinian
statehood will lead to war throughout the whole Middle East?

Cooper: yes

Gregory: really?

Cooper: no - but they are worried vetoing it would
make America look hypocritical

Gregory: oh that’s much worse

Cooper: now we should panic

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
****************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - September 18, 2011

2011-09-18T13:13:00.005-04:00

Guests:
Former President Bill Clinton
Michael Beschloss
Cokie Roberts
George Will
Jonathan Karl
*******************
Amanpour: good morning - which is more
dangerous Iran, or air shows?

Clinton: women!

Amanpour: Big Dog how can we get more jobs?

Clinton: We need to lower payroll taxes and find
a way to get corporations to give us some of their
vast gobs of money

Amanpour: I see

Clinton: also empower women and girls

Amanpour: that’s good

Amanpour: what is your message to
world leaders?

Clinton: get your heads out of your asses and
invest in people

Amanpour: unemployment is still too high

Clinton: so pass Obama’s plan!

Amanpour: we can’t do that

Clinton: also we need to fix housing

Amanpour: we can’t do that either

Clinton: I know

Amanpour: why don’t politicians in Washington
ever do anything?

Clinton: the American people elect too many assholes

Amanpour: interesting

Clinton: there are places in America where the
economy is growing and unemployment is low

Amanpour: why is that?

Clinton: because of government and for-profit
cooperation in biotech, silicon and killer robots

Amanpour: Mayor Bloomberg said we should plan
ahead for riots now

Clinton: Bloomberg also said we should build a
world-class research center

Amanpour: did he?

Clinton: conflict is good politics but cooperation
is good economics

Amanpour: Democrats lost a district in
Brooklyn and Queens

Clinton: I won it both times

Amanpour: so what happened?

Clinton: things change - did you know
Ed Koch is crazy now?

Amanpour: I did actually

Clinton: Lieberman too

Amanpour: how should we punish Palestinians
for seeking independence?

Clinton: the Secretary of State is doing an
awesome job!

Amanpour: she’s very nice

Clinton: the U.N. can’t impose a peace plan so
the whole debate is pointless

Amanpour: it seems like an intractable standoff

Clinton: the Middle East is a place of deep mistrust
and hate fueled by desperate fanatics who are
willing to commit acts of senseless destruction rather
than see the other side succeed

Amanpour: so it’s just like the U.S. Congress

Clinton: exactly

[ break ]

Amanpour: George is Obama a great President?

Will: no

Amanpour: thanks

Beschloss: Bobby Kennedy and LBJ were fighters
and Obama is not

Will: the proof is we didn’t get the Olympics

Roberts: Obama is not a big enough asshole to be
a truly great President

Karl: Obama has failed to turn Blue Dogs around

Will: Obama’s plan is take money from good rich
people and give it to bad poor people

Beschloss: Draft Hilary Clinton!

Roberts: omg that’s crazy

Beschloss: Politics is frequently irrational

Roberts: so are pundits

Amanpour: true

Roberts: if you give poor people money they
will save it - those selfish bastards

Amanpour: why did the Democrats lose a House
seat in New York City

Will: that district is full of Jews so crazy they
actually go to synagogue and also Archie Bunker
who would be a tea partier now

Amanpour: thanks for coming

**************************************

Meet The Press - September 4, 2011

2011-09-04T12:32:00.005-04:00

Guests:
Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA)
Tom Friedman
Paul Gigot
Mark McKinnon
Doris Kearns Goodwin
former Capt. Joseph Kearns Goodwin
*******************************

Gregory: we have zero job growth -
Happy Labor day!

Audience: [ golf clap ]

Gregory: will Congress pass an Obama
jobs package?

Audience: stranger things have happened but
only on the SyFy channel

Gregory: Palin might run and I’m excited!

Audience: oh boy

Gregory: Rick Perry and Mitt Romney are
also running but they’re boring

Gregory: greeting to my vacuous panel

Panel: hiya Greggers

Gregory: Tom what went with wrong
with America?

Friedman: we saw the end of the Cold War
as a victory - but we unleashed 2 billion competitors

Gregory: oh fuck

Friedman: the 1990s were a decade-long
victory party and then 9/11 happened and
we all got stupid

Gregory: I know all about that

Friedman: we used to be connected and
now we’re hyper and connected

Gregory: [ checks twitter ] sorry what?

Friedman: now we have Facebook, LinkedIn,
and all those vicious bloggers

Gregory: [ updates his MySpace profile ]

Friedman: When I wrote The World is Fat
Skype was a celebrity baby name and Angry Birds
were the pigeons I feed in the park

Gregory: [ logs onto his Google + ]

Friedman: the Greatest Generation were awesome
and then the Baby Boomers screwed it all up

Gregory: those damn dirty hippies

Gigot: if Obama wants to win the election
and please his base he can go all FDR on their asses

Gregory: sounds good

Gigot: or he can shock Republicans and
give them everything they want and flummox
them because they will have to say no as usual

Waters: Obama must have a bold jobs program

Gregory: how much Maxine?

Waters: a trillion dollars Fluffy!

McKinnon: the Tea Party have gone totally
insane which proves we need No Lapels

Gregory: indeed Obama is a disappointment

Goodwin: Obama should confound the GOP
by offering to cut taxes for the rich and raise
them on the poor

Gregory: but Republicans think government
sucks so they should be in charge of it

Gigot: people think the government is failing
to create jobs so it shouldn’t try

Friedman: Employers wants employees who
can adapt to whole new world every three months

Gregory: that would be useful

Friedman: we can’t stimulate our way out of
this crisis - we need to imagine our way out

Gregory: I imagine marrying a billionaire helps a lot

Friedman: it doesn’t suck

Gregory: so how do we win the future?

Friedman: Education is the key

Waters: Cities are cutting back school
to four days a week!

Gregory: Long weekends are the best

Waters: African-American unemployment
is going to go up to 20%

Gregory: that’s interesting Maxine -
but government sucks

McKinnon: Obama could have saved America
by slashing Medicare but he didn’t and
that makes me sad

Goodwin: Government is teachers and
police officers and the military

Norquist: drown ‘em all in a bathtub!

Goodwin: why do these politicians want to
run the government if they hate it so much?

Friedman: we just had the worst decade
in American history because we didn’t invest
in infrastructure and education

Gigot: People liked government under Reagan
because he did less and did it well

Gregory: I think people would have loved the
Iraq war if hadn’t been such an incredible fuck up

Friedman: that’s a keen insight Fluffy

Gregory: a nine-year old asked Perry who
his favorite superhero is and he said Superman
because he cut taxes and saved America

Gigot: Perry wants to be President and make
government irrelevant and I think he can do it

McKinnon: Romney is Richie Cunningham
and Perry is the Fonz

Gregory: Aaaayyyyyy

McKinnon: Perry created lots and lots of jobs

Waters: evil government jobs!

Gregory: I love Sarah Palin

Friedman: she would destroy the country

Gregory: but she’s fun

Friedman: iPhones have replaced
functioning human beings

Goodwin: Perry’s ideas are insane but
he’s got jazz hands

Gregory: Maxine you said the Tea Party
can go to hell and that wasn’t very nice

Waters: hey white man - people out there are desperate for jobs and we keep bailing
out banks and sending awesome call center
jobs out of the country

Gregory: but we need moderation and compromise

Gigot: Elections are about fighting and there’s
nothing wrong with that

McKinnon: no the stakes are too high -
we need the parties to work together and enact
right-wing policies

Greg: [ snaps fingers ] Mitt Romeny sparks!

Goodwin: yeah the days of rugged individuals
and robber barons were awesome

Friedman: we need to stand on our heads and
seize the thrust from below

Waters: who is this stupid white man?

Gregory: he’s Tom Friedman

Waters: well he’s a complete idiot

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press

[ break ]

Gregory: so what’s your story Joe?

JK Goodwin: I graduated college and
joined the army on September 12, 2001

Gregory: but you went to Harvard -
why join the army which is for the little people

JK Goodwin: I felt I had led very privileged life
and wanted to give back to America

DK Goodwin: as a historian I think he
saw amazing things

JK Goodwin: People were ready to sacrifice
on 9/11 and we put the wars on a credit card

DK Goodwin: everyone pitched in during WWII
and felt they had contributed to the victory and
we don’t have that now

Gregory: when Osama bin Laden was killed
that was awesome

JK Goodwin: on 9/11 we learned as a generation that
the world is dangerous

Gregory: true enough

JK Goodwin: 9/11 was a defining moment
but it does not have define us

Gregory: Joseph imma let you finish but
David Petraeus was one of the best generals
of all time! 9/11 next Sunday yo! Me and my peeps
Lester Holt and T-Brokaw will be all over that!
****************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - September 4, 2011

2011-09-04T12:28:00.002-04:00

Guests:
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
Jonathan Karl
Clarence Page
Dana Loesch
Michael Gerson
********************************
Amanpour: wow there is a tropical storm
in New Orleans

Reporter: yes the levees are holding
[ fingers crossed ]

Amanpour: the 2012 Presidential campaign
is in overdrive!

Audience: oh noe

Amanpour: Jim DeMint is a Tea Party Senator
- good morning Jim

DeMint: Hi Christiane

Amanpour: what do you think about Rick Perry?

DeMint: I need to wait for several months
to see who is really crazy and then I will
make my endorsement

Amanpour: that’s very prudent

DeMint: You can’t be too careful Diane

Amanpour: Rick Perry endorsed Al Gore in 1988

DeMint: yes but Reagan was a Democrat before
God told him to cut taxes and build a missile
shield in outer space

Amanpour: Perry says Social Security is a
bad disease and bad medicine is what we need

DeMint: most people know Social Security
must be saved by getting rid of it

Amanpour: do you like future President
Rick Perry or not?

DeMint: I like that he brings the crazy but
that might not be enough

Amanpour: Can Mitt Romney earn the
endorsement of Tea Party?

DeMint: the Tea Party is the best thing that’s
ever happened to America because it’s a
grassroots movement that discovered in January
of 2009 corporate taxes are too high

Amanpour: what about Obama’s address to
Congress next week?

DeMint: I’m very frustrated with speeches -
he needs to come to Congress and offer ideas

Amanpour: I see

DeMint: To end the recession we must crack
down on unions

Amanpour: Is that right?

DeMint: I’m not interested in some speech by
some guy who thinks he’s important just because
he’s acts like he’s President or something

Amanpour: thanks for coming Jim

[ break ]

Amanpour: what about Rick Perry?

Karl: the opposition research file is as thick
as a phone book

Gerson: he supported TARP and doesn’t think
people should vote for Senators

Amanpour: is he a fake candidate like
Bachmann or real like Huntsman

Gerson: he’s real, savvy and good looking

Amanpour: he hates Social Security and
87% of people like it

Loesch: it is very popular but we need to get the
government out of Social Security

Amanpour: does he have any weaknesses
with the Tea Party?

Loesch: He’s soft on Big Giant Fence

Page: Rick Perry says get government hands
off my Social Security!

Amanpour: that’s compelling

Page: he calls Social Security a Ponzi scheme
but he wants to invest your retirement money
in the stock market

Karl: Perry raised taxes!

Gerson: Republicans are still unhappy with their
choices so they are looking to Chris Christie
to save them

Amanpour: Palin! Palin! Palin!

Karl: She’s running and I’m squeeing!!

Amanpour: Dana is that scary or hopeful to you?

Loesch: she is bit batty but with the GOP anything
can and probably will happen

Amanpour: who would you like to see get the nomination?

Loesch: this election is a referendum on the
Republican party - will they stick with the
tired old liberalism of George W. Bush or
nominate a real staunch conservative?

Amanpour: holy crap
*******************************************

Meet The Press - August 21, 2011

2011-08-21T12:17:00.003-04:00

Host: Savannah Guthrie
Guests:
Robert Gibbs - Obama Campaign Advisor
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN)
Harold Ford
E.J. Dionne
Maria Bartiromo
Peggy Noonan
**********************************
Guthrie: OMG the rebels have discovered
a weakness in Qaddafi’s defenses

Audience: the more he tightens his grip
the more they slip through his fingers

Guthrie: Bob only 26% approve of Obama
on the economy

Gibbs: he has a jobs plan you know

Guthrie: good to know

Gibbs: this election will be about
Wall Street vs Main Street

Guthrie: what about people sleeping
on the street

Gibbs: Obama inherited a major crisis

Guthrie: he’s been President for 2 1/2 years

Gibbs: we need the GOP to put aside
partisanship work and work with Obama

Guthrie: Obama said he would be a
one-term President if the economy
didn't turn around

Gibbs: Obama can’t do it alone Savannah

Guthrie: he had a Democratic Congress

Gibbs: and when we did we had
strong economic growth!

Guthrie: do you really think patent reform
is enough?

Gibbs: it’s a start

Guthrie: why doesn’t Obama make the case
for what he wants?

Gibbs: he does that every day and the
Republicans reject their own ideas because
they’re afraid it might help Obama get reelected

Guthrie: why doesn’t Obama create some jobs

Gibbs: we lost 8 million jobs in the recession

Guthrie: that’s bad

Gibbs: we can’t go back to a time when
Wall Street ran everything

Guthrie: should Obama take a vacation
when the Dow is dropping?

Gibbs: what better place to console
Wall Street bankers than Martha’s Vineyard?

Guthrie: but it looks bad!

Gibbs: they have cell phone service
there now you know

Guthrie: Rick Perry said Obama doesn’t
love America because he never served
in the armed forces

Gibbs: Rick also said he wants to secede
from the United States

Guthrie: Bachmann said Obama fears her most

Gibbs: she is pretty damn scary

Guthrie: true

Gibbs: why does Texas have such a
crappy school system? Why does Romney
have such a bad jobs record? Who shot J.R.??

Guthrie: I believe that was Rick Perry

Gibbs: you see my point

Guthrie: is your strategy to portray
Mitt Romney as weird?

Gibbs: Romney is worried we’re regulating
Wall Street too much - that is weird

Guthrie: what happened to
‘Change We Can Believe In’?

Gibbs: do you want George W Bush again?
Well do you??

[ break ]

Guthrie: Mitch who do you support
for President?

Daniels: me

Guthrie: GOP voters are desperate
enough to speculate about Rudy Giuliani

Daniels: the more the merrier I say

Guthrie: so you admit the current field is weak

Daniels: we need someone who can
unify the whole nation

Guthrie: who can possibly do that?

Daniels: Paul Ryan is the one hope
for poor people in this county

Guthrie: sounds like you want him to run

Daniels: I love that unpopular geek

Guthrie: you urged polite rhetoric but
Rick Perry threatened to shoot the Fed Chairman

Daniels: he was right - the Republican
Federal Reserve will destroy America to help Obama

Guthrie: he accused Bernanke of treason!

Daniels: well printing money is pretty bad

Guthrie: the candidates would reject 10-1
spending cuts from tax increases!

Daniels: the Democrats are just as bad
because they won’t get rid of Medicaid

Guthrie: how does a high debt cost jobs?

Daniels: Obama high debt had led to
high interest rates which wrecks the economy!

Guthrie: interest rates are at an all time low!

Daniels: we can’t afford these high rates!

Guthrie: what are you talking about?

Daniels: regulations are too damm high!

Guthrie: will you run for President?

Daniels: ha no

Guthrie: how about Vice President?

Daniels: oh my god

Guthrie: thanks for coming Mitch

[ break ]

Guthrie: should Rick Perry have accused
Ben Bernanke of treason?

Noonan: Reagan was benign and cuddly
and he could sell destructive policies with a
twinkle in his eye

Bartiromo: Perry was pushed over the edge
by Obama’s failure of leadership

Guthrie: it’s a throwback to the 80s
questioning Obama’s patriotism!

Dionne: someone tell Rick Perry that
Obama and Bernanke are not hippies

Ford: Perry has so many wonderful qualities
- why doesn’t he talk about that instead?

Guthrie: good point

Ford: I think the GOP will nominate
someone serious and terrific

Guthrie: like who?

Ford: Chris Christie

Guthrie: who can save the GOP??

Ford: Rudy Giuliani

Guthrie: can Sarah Palin save America?

Noonan: this is how desperate people are
- they’re begging Mitch Daniels to run

Dionne: we don’t need another candidate
- they all agree we should return
to the Gilded Age

Guthrie: Bachmann said she will return
to $1.99 gas

Bartiromo: sounds good to me

Guthrie: is that realistic?

Bartiromo: at least Bachmann has a
vision for America

Dionne: more like a hallucination

Guthrie: Obama shouldn’t go on vacation
unlike other Presidents

Noonan: there is a sense out there that a
real leader would not go to Martha’s Vineyard

Ford: I’ve been talking to big businesses
and they tell me they would love less
regulations and lower taxes

Bartiromo: the markets would love that

Guthrie: would they really?

Bartiromo: Businesses are sitting on
$2.5 trillion and they are waiting until
Republicans get elected and lower
taxes even more

Guthrie: of course

Bartiromo: Dodd-Frank is the law so
why are regulations being written to enforce it?

Ford: stop bashing Wall Street!

Dionne: Wall Street should go on tv and
support a new stimulus

Guthrie: why doesn’t Obama go on tv and say
‘by golly this is what I want’

Dionne: right - then people know
what you stand for

Guthrie: Peggy you said Obama is a loser

Noonan: yes a dorky skinny indonesian loser

Guthrie: Obama is reading a bunch of
high-falutin’ books

Dionne: no one like a brainac

Guthrie: speaking of that - Michele Bachmann
won the Iowa straw poll

Bartiromo: she can give us confidence as a
world beating economy

Ford: Mitch Daniels must hate Mitt Romney
or he wouldn’t praise Paul Ryan

Guthrie: he is adorable

Ford: Wall Street is Main Street dammit!

Guthrie: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

*************************************
Virtually Speaking Sundays
Sunday, Aug 21 | 9 pm eastern | 6 pm pacific |
“Our Media Not Theirs” | Culture of Truth and David Dayen consider developments of the week, highlighting issues neglected or misrepresented on the Sunday morning broadcasts of traditional media. Culture's weekly translations decode what passes on Sunday morning traditional media for political talk shows. Dave writes for the News Desk at FDL and has been blogging about state and national issues since 2004. | Listen live and later on BTR
**************************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - August 21, 2011

2011-08-21T11:40:00.004-04:00

Guests:
Fmr Gov. John Huntsman (R-UT)
Frank Luntz
George Will
Donna Brazile
Jeff Zeleny
*********************
Tapper: wow Libyan rebels are closing
in on Qaddafi with a little help from
their NATO friends

Audience: ooh

Tapper: Pawlenty dropped out because he
was too rational - do you have the same problem?

Huntsman: Yes but I have distinguished
silver hair

Tapper: what is your plan?

Huntsman: get rid of the regulatory monkeys

Tapper: you raised taxes on the middle class
and cut taxes for the rich

Huntsman: yes but I also want to
get rid of all tax loopholes except for
the popular ones

Tapper: Mitt Romney says we need one
bracket for everyone

Huntsman: Whether Vain is an idiot

Tapper: Rick Perry says climate
change isn’t real

Huntsman: if the GOP becomes
anti-science that will not be good

Tapper: If?

Huntsman: People like science Jake

Tapper: Perry wants to beat up
Ben Bernanke because he might
boost the economy

Huntsman: he’s a moron but the point
is Obama is too liberal

Tapper: is Perry unelectable?

Huntsman: he’s certifiable

Tapper: Bachmann says gas will be
cheap when she’s President

Huntsman: she’s not grounded in reality

Tapper: you said she would crash
the economy

Huntsman: she argued for default
which is insane

Tapper: so did all the other candidates

Huntsman: Obama should have walked
away from the teleprompter and
used the bully pulpit

Tapper: you said you would reject 10-1
spending cuts for tax increases

Huntsman: it was a nonsense question

Tapper: you didn’t have to raise your hand

Huntsman: I was just stretching

Tapper: you’re not very popular

Huntsman: I’m on your show!

Tapper: true

Huntsman: I’m a leader, a businessman
and a Republican who rejects utter insanity

Tapper: well good luck with that

Huntsman: thanks

[ break ]

Tapper: this race seems up for grabs

Luntz: Primary voters wants someone
who can win but also won’t compromise

Tapper: I see

Luntz: They think Romney can win but
he’s such a fucking weasel

Tapper: how about the other candidates?

Luntz: Perry seems a little crazy and
Bachmann gets all her instructions from
the mother ship

Tapper: ok what about Chris Christie

Luntz: he’s in your face and a jerk and
people love that

Huntsman: should Paul Ryan run

Luntz: he’s a fighter and he’s a got a plan

Tapper: but it’s a terrible pan

Luntz Ryan is the sunny optimist of the GOP

Tapper: dear god

[ break ]

Tapper: should Chris Christie run for President?

Will: he thinks he would lose and he is
right about that

Tapper: Who would beat Obama?

Brazile: not a one of these nutters

Zeleny: Perry was cool but after one day
of campaigning people realized he’s a wacko

Tapper: people are worried about the
future of America

Luntz: they don’t trust their government,
schools, Wall Street, or reality tv shows

Tapper: wow

Luntz: Trust No One!

Tapper: It’s an X-Files election!

Luntz: Purity Control!

Tapper: Rick Perry had an interesting week

Will: Perry is a real Texas cowboy which
makes people nervous

Tapper: Can he win?

Brazile: he’s folksy and down to earth

Tapper: he’s an adorable gun-toting lunatic

Brazile: don’t count Barack out either!

Tapper: he was wildly popular in the morning
and by the afternoon the media learned
he’s frightening

Zeleny: he can talk to businesses and give
a sermon on Sunday

Tapper: he's a chameleon or a least
a gila monster

Zeleny: aside from threating to shoot the
Chair of the Federal Reserve I thought
he had a great week

Tapper: what about Sarah Palin?

Luntz: Bachmann is running and there's only
room for one crazy female candidate

Tapper: so how do you win?

Luntz: Washington politicians need to admit
they are failures and people will love them for it

Tapper: thanks for coming everyone
********************************************

Meet The Press - August 14, 2011

2011-08-14T12:26:00.004-04:00

Guests:
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Terry Branstad
Eugene Robinson
Mike Murphy
Chuck Todd
Jonathan Martin
***************************
Gregory: OMG Tim Pawlenty has dropped out
and boring white men all over are very sad

Gregory: Michele are you the front runner in Iowa?

Bachmann: This is my Waterloo!

Gregory: you made T-Paw cry

Bachmann: I love that little dweeb

Gregory: what about Rick Perry?

Bachmann: do we really need another
dimwit Texas governor Fluffy?

Gregory: you’ve only been in the House
a few years - is that enough experience?

Bachmann: I know how devastating high taxes
are since I devastated people for the IRS

Gregory: I see

Bachmann: I also started a small business
converting gay people

Gregory: gotcha

Bachmann: I was the tip of the spear to not
pay the nation’s debts!

Gregory: can you appeal to regular people
in the general election?

Bachmann: I’m from a state which
elected Jesse Ventura

Gregory: that makes sense

Bachmann: I swear I’m not crazy Fluffy!

Gregory: can you turn the economy around?

Bachmann: we need to send a message
to the markets

Gregory: what is that?

Gregory: half of all employees are being fired
because of Obamacare and Dodd-Frank

Gregory: would you support a payroll tax cut?

Bach: we need to slash spending and never
change tax rates ever

Gregory: what else?

Bachmann: cut corporate taxes

Gregory: what about extending jobless benefits?

Bachmann: no we can’t America is broke

Gregory: everyone but you thought threatening
not raising the debt ceiling was insane

Bachmann: but things are bad so we should default

Gregory: that’s crazy!

Bachmann: no I would not raise the debt ceiling
but I also would not default

Gregory: oh I see

Bachmann: the people in America said don’t
raise the debt ceiling

Gregory: but those people are stupid

Bachmann: markets are roiling!

Gregory: Standard & Poors said they downgraded
the U.S. because Republicans made the credit
of the U.S. a bargaining chip

Bachmann: Obama threatened to default but
I would have paid our soldiers

Gregory: but you purposefully started using
the debt as a bargaining chip

Bachmann: I love old people - Obama
threatened default not me!

Gregory: Bill Gross says the tea party
are fucking crazy

Bachmann: the way your grow the economy is to
cut taxes so businesses can hire people

Gregory: I like it

Bachmann: Electrolux vacuum cleaners left
America because the Departments of Transportation
pays 1,000 people $100,000 a year

Gregory: does God require women to be
submissive to husbands

Bachmann: submission is the same as respect

Gregory: I checked with Mrs. Fluffy and she
told me to tell that that isn’t true

Bachmann: we’re a good team like
Liza Minnelli and David Gest

Gregory: are you religious?

Bachmann: I’m not perfect but God guides me

Gregory: would God guide your decisions
as President?

Bachmann: God has been very very good to us

Gregory: would you appoint an atheist
to your cabinet?

Bachmann: why not as long as he or she
wasn’t a liberal?

Gregory: you said that the gay lifestyle is Satanic,
dangerous, dysfunctional sad and enslavement

Bachmann: I don’t judge people

Gregory: sure you do

Bachmann: I ascribe honor and dignity
to gay people

Gregory: it sure doesn’t sound like it

Bachmann: I’m not judging anyone

Gregory: would you let gays in your cabinet?

Bachmann: if they shared my views

Gregory: the view that being gay like
bondage and enslavement

Bachmann: right

Gregory: can gay people be with children be
considered a family?

Bachmann: no they all have bondage cooties

Gregory: yikes

Bachmann: look people in America don’t care
about this they want jobs

Gregory: but you have no economic
credentials either

Bachmann: God wants me to cut taxes!

Gregory: can you really bring Republicans and
Democrats together?

Bachmann: we got the federal government out of
education in Minnesota and I’m very proud of that

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Hi panelists - Bachmann knocked
T-Paw out of the race!

Todd: It’s now between Romney, Perry and Bachmann

Gregory: no love for Ron Paul?

Todd: he’s crazy by which I mean he’s too sane

Gregory: is Iowa just an evangelical primary?

Branstad: look what happened to Rudy Giuliani -
he was the President of 9/11 and then he skipped
Iowa and he’s doing dinner theater in Mineola

Murphy: If Romney loses here and wins in
New Hampshire and loses in the South
he’s in real trouble

Gregory: oh

Murphy: will we nominate our own
George McGovern?

Martin: this is good for Romney because he
can let Bachmann and Perry fight it out for
the Christian votes

Robinson: Bachmann has impressed a lot of people this week

Gregory: true

Robinson: Obama was having a terrible week
until they saw that debate and his team started
popping champagne

Branstad: Iowans hate debt!

Gregory: is that right?

Branstad: I love Bachmann because she
was a tax lawyer

Gregory: true but Bachmann is also utterly crazy

Todd: a majority of freshman Republicans don’t
even agree with Bachmann on the debt ceiling

Gregory: interesting point

Robinson: she collected taxes for the IRS!

Murphy: there’s a Texas sized barracuda
cheeseburger with hot sauce coming and it’s
topped with a Rick Perry bun!

Branstad: cut the corporate income tax!

Robinson: yes but they have oil in Canada

Branstad: we have oil too but Obama won’t let us use any of it!

Martin: Rick Perry’s problem is he looks like
Josh Brolin playing George Bush

Perry: I promise as President to make Washington
inconsequential!

Todd: that’s crazy - the public wants government

Gregory: I see

Todd: but the populists are angry at Washington

Gregory: Obama says the people don’t want partisanship

Robinson: after the debt fiasco people are more
mad at the Republicans

Branstad: Obama has utterly failed to being sanity
to the Republican party and he blames everyone
else for this sad failure

Murphy: Iowa straw poll voters would vote
against algebra

Martin: Perry created jobs like Romney but also
appeals to evangelicals - he’s got it all!

Todd: This race will go to June 2012

Audience: oh my god

Murphy: Perry is a silo-jumper!

Gregory: people are across America are talking about
the Ames poll, Rick Pawlenty and Rick Perry

Robinson: yes but those people need to get a life

Murphy: T-Paw will endorse Bachmann
when I fly to Jupiter

Martin: Team Obama thinks America
won’t elect an idiot Texan governor

Todd: he’s been in office for 26 years so believe
me Democrats will check his record

Gregory: if the election were held today Obama might lose

Robinson: yes but it’s a year and a half away Fluffy

Gregory: and we’ll be there every step of the way

Audience: oh god

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

********************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - August 14, 2011

2011-08-14T12:22:00.002-04:00

Guests:
Fmr Gov. Tim Pawlenty - (RMN)
Rep. Michele Bachmann - (R-MN)
**************************************
Tapper: hi I’m coming from the center of
the universe - Ames Iowa

Audence: woot

Tapper: Michele Bachmann got 29% of
the vote and Ron Paul got 28% so should
Tim Pawlenty should drop out?

Tapper: Hi T-Paw - what went wrong?

Pawlenty: people don’t like me so I’m dropping out

Tapper: you’re so popular and you’re from a
neighboring state

Pawlenty: I’m rational, experienced and have
a record of results and clearly the voters
want something different

Tapper: you think the voter don’t want
someone rational?

Pawlenty: Michele won and Ron Paul came
in second so draw your own conclusions

Tapper: why not stick it out?

Pawlenty: I’m a realist Tappy

Tapper: this must be devastating for you

Pawlenty: God clearly doesn’t want to me
to be President

Tapper: would Michele Bachmann be
a reckless choice?

Pawlenty: she is crazy

Tapper: Obama is poised to lose but the GOP
could blow it by nominating a divisive nut

Pawlenty: right

Tapper: will you endorse anyone?

Pawlenty: not Michele that's for sure

Tapper: do you think she is even qualified?

Pawlenty: well we’ve had crazy Presidents before

Tapper: thanks for coming Tim

[ break ]

Tapper: so Timster is out - congrats Michele

Bachmann: thanks - I wish that loser well

Tapper: why should a moderate Republican
vote for you?

Bachmann: I’ve created jobs because I
collected taxes for the IRS

Tapper: I see

Pawlenty: I’m authentically wacky

Tapper: Other candidates are far more experienced

Bachmann: I’ve been the tip of the spear
against paying our bills as a nation

Tapper: fascinating

Bachmann: I have a core set of beliefs

Tapper: So does Rick Perry

Bachmann: I’ve been in Washington

Tapper: but people hate Washington

Bachmann: yes but I’ve never been a Governor
like Ronald Reagan was and also Jimmy Carter

Tapper: what exactly is your point Michele?

Bachmann: I led a movement for home schooling
and that’s what I will do as President

Tapper: why would you refuse to pay bills for
money we’ve already spent?

Bachmann: when did we become the biggest
debtor nation in the history of the world?

Tapper: under Reagan actually

Bachmann: and he was a Governor!

Tapper: what exactly would you cut?

Bachmann: I would pay debt holders, soldiers,
and old people - everything else gets eliminated

Tapper: what about Medicare and Medcaid?

Bachmann: those plans are 80 years old -
anyone that old is useless

Tapper: do you believe homosexuality is slavery?

Bachmann: yes but remember families were
very happy in slave days

Tapper: what is your strategy?

Bachmann: Obama is my strategy

Tapper: congrats Michele

Bachmann: thanks - vote for anti-bondage in 2012!

***********************************************

Meet The Press - August 7, 2011

2011-08-07T13:24:00.003-04:00

Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Austan Goolsbee - Chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisers
Alan Greenspan
Rachel Maddow
Alex Castellanos
*************************************
Gregory: whoa this was the single deadliest
day of the longest war ever

Gregory: Senator are we defeating the enemy
in Afghanistan or not

Kerry: we are transitioning from
Stuck in a Quagmire to Getting The Hell Out

Gregory: General Petraeus told me this
province was safer than Newark

Kerry: that is true

Greg: if we leave will the Taliban just take over?

Kerry: that’s up for grabs

Gregory: that’s a bit troubling

Kerry: these successful attacks show
how successful we are

Gregory: it does?

Kerry: right Fluffy - we’ve narrowed the
battle zone to wherever we are

Gregory: what else?

Kerry: we need to involve the Russians,
the Chinese, India, and the Stans

Kerry: Musial?

Kerry: Laurel

Gregory: right

Kerry: I believe we may be able to prevent
the Taliban taking over the country

Gregory: you call that success in Afghanistan?

Kerry: I was talking about America

Gregory: Standard & Poors said fighting in
Washington caused them downgrade U.S. credit

Kerry: those fuckers

Gregory: is this a Wake Up Call or does
America have a Do Not Disturb sign ?

Kerry: this a Tea Party downgrade!

Gregory: that’s strong stuff

Kerry: our economy encourages putting
capital into gambling instead of investment

Gregory: wow

Kerry: we need to stop the bickering -
we have to stop blaming the downgrade
on politicians

Gregory: I see

Kerry: they were willing to shoot the hostage!

Gregory: that’s scary

Kerry: If John McCain and were co-Presidents
we could solve this

Gregory: really?

Kerry: no actually he’s become kind of an asshole

Gregory: what is the plan for growth?

Kerry: first we must cut the debt and deficit

Gregory: I see

Kerry: we balanced the budget but then we
cut taxes and put 2 wars on a credit card

Gregory: that was fun

Kerry: we need to build more highways
and create an Infrastructure Bank

Gregory: ok

Kerry: our highways and patents are both clogged

Gregory: clearly we need more national fiber

Kerry: we have to find the Happy Middle Ground
of Common Sense

Gregory: yay

[ break ]

Gregory: John was it a Tea Party downgrade?

McCain: Obama never had a plan to
give the GOP give everything they wanted

Gregory: it just kind of happened?

McCain: right Fluffy - the President hasn’t
led so this is all his fault

Gregory: even some Tea Partiers bragged
about taking hostages

McCain: Obama should have a had a plan
to cut corporate taxes

Gregory: I see

McCain: Obama is sending armed EPA agents
with hazmat suits into people kitchens if
they spill milk

Gregory: I did not know that

McCain: we need to buy up people’s mortgages

Gregory: what else?

McCain: S&P is right - we’re a bunch of deadbeats

Gregory: should we politicize the downgrade
or finally cut entitlements?

McCain: yes we must cut Medicaid or we
will be like Greece but with empty mini-malls
instead of ruined temples

Gregory: what about tax increases?

McCain: why should we give money to the
government when they just going to spend
it on annoying old people and unpopular wars

Gregory: interesting argument

McCain: damm right - businessmen never
know when another regulation will be enacted
so of course they invest in China

Gregory: are we pulling out of Afghanistan
too fast and will that dishonor our brave
men and women in uniform

McCain: exactly - leaving a war zone puts
our brave soldiers at risk of being killed

Gregory: of course

McCain: we should attack Pakistan

Gregory: it’s been 10 years!

McCain: no Fluffy - the war has only been going
on for 22 months!

Gregory: really?

McCain: also we have to stay because of 9/11

Gregory: right

McCain: think of the poor Afghan people
and how they will miss us when we’re gone!

Gregory: good point John

McCain: get off my lawn!

[ break ]

Gregory: talk money to me Alan

Greenspan: there are riots in Israel but that’s
not uncommon

Gregory: should I still invest in T-bills?

Greenspan: of course - but I never realized
S&P had the power to jar the American psyche

Gregory: Is S&P credible?

Goolsbee: no - the other agencies which
checked their math didn’t downgrade

Gregory: some say 1 + 1 = 2 but others disagree
so both sides are to blame for the
bickering and impasse

Goolsbee: but then again Congress members
cheering on default is clearly bad

Gregory: some would say that

Goolsbee: we need bipartisanship

Gregory: are we going to double-dip that chip?

Greenspan: our hope lies in the Europe
getting its act together

Gregory: dear god

Greenspan: basically the world economy
depends on Silvio Berlusconi

Audience: bunga bunga!

Gregory: l like cartoons Rachel

Maddow: we all know that Fluffy

Gregory: what does the future hold?

Maddow: S&P called for higher taxes and
blasted the tea party’s hostage taking

Castellanos: the tea party was right!

Maddow: S&P downgraded us because
of the tea party you dimwit

Castellanos: we should thank the Tea Party
for alerting us to the possibility of downgrade
by causing a downgrade

Gregory: Paul Krugman says fuck the debt -
we need stimulus to grown this goddamn
motherfucking economy

Maddow: Paul uses the coarsest language of
any Nobel prize winner other than Doris Lessing

Goolsbee: hey we added 2 million jobs until the
tsunami and the damn Greek crisis

Gregory: Jamie Dimon says Wall Street regulations
put in place to prevent another recession may
cause another recession

Greenspan: this the essential question -
how can we persuade rich people to give us their money?

Castellanos: Obama was petulant just because
the Tea Party caused another recession

Gregory: I see

Castellanos: rich people are sitting on money

Gregory: they won’t invest it?

Castellanos: no it’s sewn into their seat cushions

Gregory: I talked to House Democrats who
said every bad thing was all their fault

Maddow: Democrats are willing to negotiate
and in response Republicans offer two choices
- their way or disaster

Gregory: let’s compromise and have both

Maddow: exactly

Gregory: People hate Congress

Castellanos: we all do Fluffy

Gregory: what about cutting Social Security
you know I love that

Castellanos: Republicans are willing to
compromise and raise revenues

Maddows: really which ones?

Castellanos: The GOP are willing to meet the
Democrats halfway by cutting taxes

Maddow: [ laughs ]

Goolsbee: ok how about we cut taxes on the poor

Gregory: what’s the deal with this fucking
Super Congress?

Greenspan: the debt is worse than we thought

Gregory: well what’s the solution?

Greenspan: we must cut spending and this
will cause pain but it’s either that or raise taxes
and the IMF says we can’t do that

Castellanos: Presidential candidates
should lead now

Gregory: like Mitt Romney

Castellanos: Whether Vain rode down into
a battlefield and shot the wounded

Maddow: if we pretend S&P is credible then
we have to blame the tea party

Goolsbee: but it’s not since the U.S. will
always pay its debts

Gregory: Rick Perry had an awesome prayer rally

Castellanos: he’s sarah palin in a skirt -
with a george bush taint

Gregory: I must confess that does not
sound appealing to me

Gregory: should we stay in Afghanistan?

Maddow: Democrats and the GOP are both
split on the war - some want to leave right away
while others want to stick around for two years

Gregory: do you have hope for the Super Congress?

Greenspan: it will fail because one person
on the committee has to switch parties

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
*******************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - August 7, 2011

2011-08-07T12:13:00.002-04:00

Guests:
John Chambers - Standard & Poors
Sen. Jeff Sessions
Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT)
Steven Rattner
Melanie Hobson
George Will
Cokie Roberts
******************************
Amanpour: OMG the debt was downgraded
and 22 Navy SEALS were killed

Raddatz: the SEAL team was going in to help
another team of SEAL which was there to fight
the Taliban which were there to fight Americans

Amanpour: I thought we secured this area

Raddatz: we did but it was secure so we left

Amanpour: makes sense

Amanpour: in a few hours international gamblers
will react to the downgrade

Amanpour: the White House said S&P are a
bunch of idiot amateurs who missed $2 trillion
and your decision was driven by politics

Chambers: baby the numbers don’t lie

Amanpour: but people do

Chambers: on Wall Street we call it
“adjusting truth downwards”

Amanpour: what about the future?

Chambers: we will probably downgrade
America again

Amanpour: how does D.C. get its
groove back?

Chambers: it will take 10 years at least

Amanpour: ye gods

Chambers: there needs to be consensus
to slash the debt

Amanpour: do you think that could happen
in today’s political climate?

Chambers: If politicians had followed
Simpson-Bowles and cut entitlements
we would not have downgraded

Amanpour: that sounds like you’re taking
a political position

Chambers: I wouldn’t lend the American
people money - would you?

Amanpour: all my money is invested in
swiss francs and antidepressants

[ break ]

Amanpour: was the downgrade justified?

Governor Martin O'Malley: no - Standard & Poors
are idiots who can’t add

Amanpour: neither can most politicians

O'Malley: that’s true but the tea party has
prevented consensus

Amanpour: Is this the wake up call or is
America going to hit the snooze button?

Sessions: our debt is unsustainable and
Obama irresponsibly calls for investment

Amanpour: oh

Sessions: Obama has to look the American
people in the eye and tell them massive
borrowing and spending was good when
Republicans were President and now it’s unacceptable

Amanpour: will you raise taxes?

Sessions: that is unthinkable

Amanpour: so you will not think it

Sessions: that is my position on most things

O'Malley: he worships the false god of tax cuts

Sessions: Ayn Ra-And is real!

Amanpour: ok Jeffers

Sessions: Bush cut the debt

O'Malley: he’s an idiot

Amanpour: will the Super Congress
come to the rescue?

Sessions: according to S&P we need to get
rid of all old people

O'Malley: even Republican voters agree we
need to raise taxes and invest to create jobs

[ break ]

Amanpour: how bad is it George?

Will: Standard & Poors are entirely idiots
and threw out some nonsense about a
dysfunctional democracy

Roberts: George is right of course and
S&P are absurd but let me spout some
conventional wisdom about bumper stickers

Hobson: of course S&P has no credibility -
I mean the idea that America is suddenly
unable to pay debts is stupid

Amanpour: was this a wake up call?

Rattner: I hope so but I doubt it because
S&P are morons

Amanpour: that’s too bad

Rattner: it’s very embarrassing to be
downgraded by people who don’t know what
they are talking about

Amanpour: what the answer?

Rattner: America must have an austerity
program like France

Amanpour: did the tea party go to far?

Chaffetz: the tea party has been proven right!

Amanpour: it was?

Chaffetz: yes we in the heartland we know we
need to spend less and spend more on defense

Amanpour: you called the tea party terrorists!

Rattner: you bet I did - the tax cuts got us
into this problem and the tea party pretends
to care about the debt but then rules out all taxes

Roberts: S&P said we need to repeal the Bush tax cuts

Amanpour: don’t politicians need to compromise?

Chaffetz: the tea party compromised a lot
by agreeing to raise the debt ceiling and pay
the bills for stuff we already bought

Amanpour: 82% of people disapprove of Congress
and the other 18% hate polls

Hobson: people want jobs - nothing else
really matters

Goolsbee: we can create good new
call center jobs

Will: clearly stimulus doesn’t work so lets
try something else

Hobson: let’s lower taxes on corporations
and pay businesses to hire people

Chaffetz: the EPA caused the recession

Rattner: we saved the auto industry

Amanpour: Rick Perry is going to pray
the recession away

Will: I can’t fucking wait

Chaffetz: even the tea partiers think he’s a nut

Amanpour: thanks everyone for coming
************************************

Meet The Press - July 31, 2011

2011-07-31T13:28:00.003-04:00

Guests:
David Plouffe - White House Advisor
Sen. John Thune (R-SD)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Tom Brokaw
Jim Cramer
****************************

Gregory: OMG we’re in a debt ceiling crisis
but now I hear we may have deal!

Todd: the deal is a Super Committee which
will recommend spending cuts or there will
be a trigger of automatic spending cuts
across the board

Gregory: that sounds great

Todd: Democrats are not happy so it’s not over yet

Gregory: Pluffy what is the deal?

Plouffe: first we are going to have a trillion
dollars in cuts and then the Super Committee will
recommend more cuts and may look at taxes

Gregory: the Super Committee won’t do
anything will it

Plouffe: there will be pressure from the bipartisan
halleluja chorus for the Super Committee to
make a deal

Gregory: well that’s true but no one can
agree on anything these days

Plouffe: the pressure will come from the
trigger which will have frightening spending cuts

Gregory: so no tax increases at all in this deal?

Plouffe: the Committee will raise taxes!

Gregory: it sounds like you gave everything away
in exchange for vague promises of nothing

Plouffe: Hopefully the Committee will raise taxes

Gregory: what is with all these fucking committees??

Plouffe: people just love committee meetings

Gregory: why don’t you just slash entitlements already?

Plouffe: this debate isn’t over - we’re going to
have this fight over this all through 2011 and 2012

Gregory: what about my 401(k) ??

Plouffe: don’t worry rich people - a deal will
be made to protect you

Gregory: who gets paid when there is a default?

Plouffe: nobody - there’s no fucking money

Gregory: what about soldiers in combat?

Plouffe: the GOP would rather protect
tax breaks for private jets than pay them

Gregory: so what would be in this trigger anyway?

Plouffe: maybe closing tax loopholes
unless the GOP says no

Gregory: Would you cut Medicare please?

Plouffe: that’s what the GOP wants

Gregory: I know that - so do it!

Plouffe: maybe if we raised taxes too

Gregory: would Obama invoke the 14th Amendment?

Plouffe: no - the GOP just wants to create
a Constitutional crisis

Gregory: the economy is not growing at all

Plouffe: Obama inherited a Depression and
this debt ceiling debate hasn’t helped

Gregory: but I’m sure the GOP just wants
to help Obama

Plouffe: we need to put people to work
burning bridges

Gregory: you mean building them?

Plouffe: whatever works

Gregory: don’t we really need a third party ?

Plouffe: the traditional Republican Party has
gone crazy so Obama has stepped in to fill that gap

Gregory: so you’re saying we really need
a third party!

Plouffe: no and Fluffy you’re a moron

Gregory: maybe

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator will you vote to pay the bills
for money we’ve already spent?

Thune: not without large spending cuts and
no tax increases

Gregory: what about the Super Committee?

Thune: it’s ok if it has the power to lower taxes

Gregory: Social Security drives the debt!

McCaskill: the GOP wants to take take money
from poor old people and give it away to
rich oil companies

Thune: no we took it from lazy leeches and
gave it to Job Creators

Gregory: I speak for the American people -
your attacks on the GOP are ludicrous!

McCaskill: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: we must cut Social Security!

Thune: Frankly your praise for the GOP is
right on David

McCaskill: we should cut defense

Gregory: what about Medicare!! [ grinning ]

McCaskill: you are a grinning fool fluffy

Gregory: I love Republicans but my 401(k) is in danger

Thune: sure but since Obama became President
I'm afraid we insist on dollar-for-dollar spending cuts
to raise the debt ceiling

Williams: the American people believe in empty clichés!

Reid: we’re tried to give them what they want Brian

Gregory: wouldn’t default just be another tax increase

Thune: in 2010 the American people voted
for tax cuts for the rich and defaulting on our debts

McCaskill: we all agree on massive spending cuts
- when the Moderate Middle speaks that’s
when American shines

Gregory: John you are so good looking -
are you running for President?

Thune: um no

Gregory: how about Vice President?

Thune: that’s a useless job for a person
who is essentially an empty suit devoid of ideas

Gregory: so that’s a yes

Thune: right

Gregory: Code Red! Code Red!

Cramer: CEOs are worried Obama will sell
the gold in Fort Knox

Gregory: that fiend!

Cramer: it’s potentially a global crisis

Brokaw: people are Fed Up™ with all the Bickering®!!!

Gregory: you are so wise

Bro: this is a Sad Commentary™

Gregory: Raul you are a crazy Tea Partier

Labrador: hey this debt was created over 30 years
so we have to solve it right now

Gregory: that sounds crazy

Labrador: if Democrats had supported
John Boehner there would be no problem

Granholm: this whole debate is completely insane

Gregory: Medicare is causing the debt!

Brokaw: we all went all a big spending binge -
the Republicans had their wars and Democrats
gave underserving people homes to live in

Gregory: truly we are all to blame

Brokaw: the American people got used to
the government taking care of problems -
well that has got to stop

Cramer: the Tea Party is going to cause a
recession if there is no agreement

Gregory: people love Social Security so we
should slash it

Labrador: I am sick of people saying
default is a crisis

Cramer: aaaarrrrrrhhhhh!!!!!!!

[ jumps out the window ]

Gregory: there goes Jim

Labrador: we should raise taxes on the poor!

Gregory: will you vote for the current
debt ceiling plan?

Labrador: probably even though the
government still exists

Brokaw: your state is on welfare -
would you give it up?

Labrador: yes because the federal government is evil

Gregory: Default is the fault of hippies
from the 1960s who gave away the store to
old and poor people
[ grinning ]

Granholm: we need to cut but we also
need to invest in order to grow the economy

Lab: Jennifer Granholm caused the recession
while Texas grew by cutting taxes

Granholm: we lost manufacturing jobs you dolt

Gregory: I quoted the Wall St. Journal and now
let quote Peggy Noonan calling Obama a loser

Cramer: Obama created fear because
the Tea Party threatened to default

Brokaw: if Obama is a loser then Boehner is an idiot

Labrador: Default is no big deal because we can
pay some people and not others

Cramer: help help

Gregory: will the Super Committee raise taxes?

Labrador: I agree there should be tax reform -
lower for the rich and higher for the poor

Gregory: what about T-bills?

Cramer: they’re perfectly safe Fluffy -
unlike jumping out the window which
I regret in retrospect

Gregory: what will happen in 2012 ?

Brokaw: I don’t know but I’ll tell you this -
the Tea Party got angry and organized and they won

Labrador: hee hee

Brokaw: In Reagan’s time we didn’t have
Chinese Overlords - it’s a whole new world

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
***********************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 31, 2011

2011-07-31T13:11:00.001-04:00

Guests:
David Plouffe - White House Advisor
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Paul Krugman
George Will
Grover Norquist
*********************

Amanpour: OMG the U.S. is out of money
and the stock market is tanking - but is
there a glimmer of hope?

Stephanopoulos: it’s a grand compromise
- the President agrees to 2.4 trillion in cuts
and the GOP agrees to pay Bush’s debts

Amanpour: sounds fair

Amanpour: Pluffy is there a deal?

Plouffe: we’ve agree that there should
immediate cuts followed by a committee
with the power to cut even more

Amanpour: what about higher taxes
to lower the debt?

Plouffe: the committee will be made
up of people who hate their own party
and they can recommend higher taxes
which will be ignored

Amanpour: what if Congress does
ignore their recommendations?

Plouffe: if they fail then we will have
a trigger to cut more spending

Amanpour: will you get a deal to raise
the debt ceiling which was routine until now?

Plouffe: probably since this is money
we already spent

Amanpour: I’m skeptical

Plouffe: it’s inconceivable that a federal
officer holder would let America default

Amanpour: that’s not what I hear

Stephanopoulos: Obama said he wants
a balanced approach but the trigger is all cuts
and no tax increases

Plouffe: but the Magic Committee!

Stephanopoulos: sounds like the GOP
has no reason to agree so the
Committee will surely fail

Plouffe: but the looming trigger
will scare them

Stephanopoulos: did you give the
GOP what they want?

Plouffe: no Obama is still black

Stephanopoulos: would Obama accept
all cuts and no taxes?

Plouffe: maybe

Stephanopoulos: you gave a lot away though

Plouffe: this has been a healthy debate

Stephanopoulos: seriously?

Plouffe: we learned some republicans
want tax increases

Stephanopoulos: name one

Plouffe: John Boehner

Stephanopoulos: he only agreed to that
because Obama made him cry

Amanpour: Why doesn’t Obama stand up
for his principles?

Plouffe: this Super Committee is going
to cut entitlements which will be awesome

Amanpour: progressives think you
all have caved

Plouffe: true progressives should
want the debt cut the most!

Amanpour: why

Plouffe: high interest rates!

Stephanopoulos: they’re at an all-time low

Plouffe: but what if they weren’t?

Stephanopoulos: will you cut Medicare and Medicaid?

Plouffe: we’re going to strengthen Medicare!

Stephanopoulos: how?

Plouffe: by cutting the debt!

Amanpour: it’s shameful that U.S. soldiers
are worried about getting paid

Plouffe: and getting killed

Amanpour: that too

Plouffe: it’s okay - there’s $10,000
in the White House cash box

Amanpour: what do voters think of all this?

Plouffe: Americans are enraged by GOP
threats so we had to cave in

[ break ]

Amanpour: Linds is there going to be a deal?

Graham: this is a victory for the GOP because
for the first time we were able to use the
debt ceiling to blackmail a President with
a threat to wreck the economy if he didn’t
give in to our demands

Amanpour: success indeed

Graham: it’s historic

Amanpour: can the Tea Party vote for any deal?

Graham: no because they want government hands off their Medicare

Stephanopoulos: really

Graham: seriously they don’t support the
current deal because it doesn’t go far enough

Stephanopoulos: are you kidding?

Graham: we still have a debt which is unacceptable

Amanpour: that’s crazy

Graham: Obama has no plan

Amanpour: he gave you everything he wanted!

Graham: we haven’t eliminated Medicare,
Medicaid, public education or fire fighters

Amanpour: Soldiers in combat are asking
if they will not get paid because of the Tea Party

Graham: I would have told that soldier
to stop whining and worry about the debt
passed on to his grandchildren

Amanpour: the debt was caused by the
wars he’s fighting

Graham: thank god for the Tea Party -
do you want America to become Greece?

Amanpour: it’s a very nice place

Graham: Medicare is killing America!

[ break ]

Amanpour: is there a deal?

Will: yes the GOP won

Amanpour: President Norquist will you veto this?

Norquist: yes I told Boehner and Reid
that I can sign this bill

Stephanopoulos: apparently the GOP has got
spending cuts and extension of the
Bush tax cuts

Krugman: we should increase spending
which would help unemployment and raise the debt

Amanpour: so what will happen now

Krugman: we will have a Lost Decade

Amanpour: with a Smoke Monster?

Krugman: hopefully with a better finale

Will: cash-for-clunkers caused the
recession in 2008

Krugman: I said in 2009 we needed a
much bigger stimulus

Will: try selling that to the American people

Stephanopoulos: if the GOP caused a default
Obama would be blamed

Norquist: taxes are bad

Krugman: even Republicans think we
should raise taxes

Stephanopoulos: Obama doesn’t have
the votes Paul!

Krugman: Obama could print platinum coins!

Amanpour: why didn’t he print coins?

Krugman: it’s a mystery

Stephanopoulos: what the hell are
you talking about?

Norquist: Americans love the Tea Party

Krugman: in 2010 the GOP won vowing
to protect Medicare!

Norquist: you do what it takes to win Paul

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
*******************

Meet The Press - July 24, 2011

2011-07-24T12:34:00.005-04:00

Guests:
Bill Daley (White House Chief of Staff)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL)
Fmr. Sen Chuck Hagel (R-NE)
Andrea Mitchell
Doris Kearns Goodwin
*************************************
Gregory: OMG America is 9 days from
default and we need assure investors that
we actually pay our bills!

Gregory: Bill what’s the solution?

Daley: the President has been very clear -
this is all political theater to demonstrate
concern about the debt

Gregory: I see

Daley: I talk to CEOs every day

Gregory: of course you do

Daley: and they tell me that the problem
with the US economy is the debt

Gregory: interesting

Daley: The Whole World is Watching!

Gregory: so all these negotiations
were gimmicks just for show?

Daley: no a gimmick is Super-Duper
Awesome Debt Cut Committee

Gregory: would Obama agree to a
short term solution?

Daley: only if it guarantees we don’t have
this debate again until after the election in 2012

Gregory: Would the President veto a plan
that doesn’t get us into 2013?

Daley: yes - but don’t worry the
Gang of Six is on top of it

Gregory: so your big idea is this weird
vague Super-Committee?

Daley: what better way to dodge responsibility?

Gregory: it sounds like the slow decline
of a dying empire

Daley: Hope springs eternal

Gregory: Mark Zandi says America
is being tarnished

Daley: Obama is serious person!

Gregory: I also am serious man

Gregory: both sides are equally guilty

Daley: we all know that

Gregory: I will give you the Republican perspective

Daley: of course you will

Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
Can’t you understand the plight of
millionaires like me who are scared of
higher taxes - why don’t you cut spending
for the lazy poor?!?

Daley: you’ve done very well in this
economy so what are you complaining about?

Gregory: Boehner said Obama demanded
higher taxes and was very mean
and made him cry
[ sobs ]

Daley: he's a weasel who can't control
his own caucus

Gregory: are you saying Boehner
has failed to lead?

Daley: yes - these Tea Partiers are
completely crazy and they walk
all over him

Gregory: that’s seems harsh

Daley: they just defunded the FAA!

Gregory: so let people take a private jet

Gregory: Obama has failed to control
the Tea Partiers too

Daley: um I guess that’s true in
a bizarro way

Gregory: but Obama won’t cut spending

Daley: yes he will - but he wants to
raise taxes too

Gregory: Obama proposed Medicare cuts
so he’s not allowed to talk about it when
he runs for President

Daley: I heard you were a moron but that’s
the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard

Gregory: will there be a debt ceiling
agreement today?

Daley: Congress spent this money already!

Gregory: are we in a financial crisis?

Daley: yes we’ve been in a recession
since 2008 dumbass

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator can we you guys make
a debt-ceiling deal past 2013?

Coburn: Obama increased the size of
government by 30%!

Gregory: is that intended to be a
factual statement?

Coburn: how should I know

Gregory: what about the full faith and
credit of the U.S.?

Coburn: giving Obama more money will
only scare bondholders - he’ll probably
blown it on some Kenyan-themed
party in the White House

Gregory: interesting perspective

Coburn: we shut down the FAA because
people could drive a car instead

Gregory: you seem a little crazy

Coburn: we wouldn’t be here today
Obama would agree to slash entitlements

Gregory: are Republicans willing to raise
taxes and anger Tea Partiers?

Coburn: Obama is basically oppressing
our businesses like Stalin

Gregory: really?

Coburn: Medicare will be bankrupt in 5 years!

Gregory: what is your message to the Tea Party?

Coburn: we can eliminate tax credits for
Wind energy and in exchange we get rid of
Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security

[ break ]

Gregory: according the esteemed publication
in the U.S. The Onion the U.S. is totally screwed

Goodwin: America was founded on
compromise and now people come to D.C. not wanting
to give at all

Kinzinger: the Tea Party has compromised
by agreeing to lift the debt ceiling to pay
for wars we already fought

Gregory: I see

Hagel: we’re seeing a new governing
coalition of independents who hate
Democrats, Republicans and each other

Gregory: I like it

Hagel: people are frustrated because
America is a declining empire

Gregory: what do the American people want?

Hagel: they keep voting parties out of office
because they want America rich and
prosperous again

Mitchell: Obama and Boehner could have
made a deal but the Speaker doesn’t make
any demands on his people

Booker: people are frustrated - they want
pragmatism and not partisanship!

Gregory: bold words indeed Cory

Gregory: Rep. Alan West called
Rep. Wasserman-Schultz vile and despicable
in an e-mail and then demanded that she
insult him to his face

Goodwin: Congress members don’t
hang out and drink with each other -
they trade insults and raise more money

Kinzinger: the Tea Party is willing to compromise
by showing up and demanding what we want

Gregory: I see

Kinzinger: America is great nation with a
great future - but we can’t have all the nice
things we had back in 2008

Hagel: Congress are being more rude
to each other as America declines

Booker: but we worked together in the Depression
and WWII - but now other nations are passing us by

Gregory: I see

Booker: the republicans are right -
we are drowning in debt

Kinzinger: we can’t afford to go to space anymore!

Mitchell: Simpson-Bowles was a great idea
but liberals won’t cut entitlements and I
suppose the Tea Party may be partly to blame

Gregory: is there a radical angry centrist majority?

Goodwin: even primates care about fairness

Gregory: true

Goodwin: we need passionate centrists!!

Gregory: will the Tea Party destroy John Boehner
if he compromises?

Kinzinger: who?

Gregory: Saint Alan Simpson says people are
too mean now

Hagel: oh he’s right poor poor Alan

Booker: don’t just follow the polls!
Stand on principle!

Mitchell: they will probably make a
short-term deal

Gregory: either way it’s exciting

Mitch: why do we even have a debt ceiling
- it’s stupid

Gregory: I’m going to be on Facebook!

Mitchell: oh brother

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 24, 2011

2011-07-24T12:20:00.003-04:00

Guests:
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Jonathan Karl
George Will
Alice Rivlin
Gasparino - Fox Business News
******************************
Amanpour: Norway is going to respond
to a massive right terror attack with more
democracy - are they crazy?

Reporter: the killer was an anti-muslim racist
who called for others to martyr themselves

Amanpour: so he was a lone wolf

Reporter: right

Amanpour: are political leaders still planning
to wreck America?

Karl: Democrats will call it the
“Boehener Drop”

Karl: Republicans are calling for 2 votes,
one with spending cuts and another
with more spending cuts

Amanpour: what about a grand Bargain?

Karl: it calls for $4 trillion is spending cuts
which would cause a revolt among Tea Partiers

Amanpour: Secretary Geithner will there be a deal?

Geithner: we need to have the Senate,
House and President and agree by tonight

Amanpour: that seems impossible

Geithner: maybe not

Amanpour: how so?

Geithner: we can give dictatorial powers
to a Special Committee to Fuck the Middle Class

Amanpour: interesting concept

Geithner: a short term deal is unacceptable

Amanpour: has everyone is Washington
completely lost their minds?

Geithner: not at all - only the people in charge

Amanpour: did you make a deal and
then move the goalposts?

Geithner: no

Amanpour: are you saying john Boehner lied?

Geithner: um yes

Amanpour: shocking

Geithner: I give Boehner credit for admitting
we need to raise taxes

Amanpour: what is the President’s plan?

Geithner: back in April he proposed
Medicaid cuts and higher taxes for the rich

Amanpour: I see

Geithner: look there are Republicans who have
said they would never vote for a debt ceiling

Amanpour: but not the leaders

Geithner: only the leading Presidential candidates

Amanpour: would Obama invoke
the 14th amendment?

Geithner: that’s not a good idea

Amanpour: so what’s the solution?

Geithner: lift the damm debt ceiling!

Amanpour: but Congress won’t do it!

Geithner: yes they will

Amanpour: how - by magic?

Geithner: Wave the Elderwand at the
economic Slytherin!

Amanpour: can America be saved?

Geithner: I have an economic an
Resurrection Stone in my pocket

Amanpour: how do you convince Congress
to make a deal

Geithner: by pointing out that the Tea Party
are tax-hiking, job-killing assholes

[ break ]

Amanpour: panel will America go off the cliff?

Will: the House GOP passed a bipartisan plan!

Amanpour: with 5 Democratic votes

Will: Obama had a tantrum so they might
as well just pass the McConnell plan

Rivlin: we need to cut entitlements and
flatten the tax code

Amanpour: Obama has moved the right
but the GOP won’t meet him halfway

Gasparino: we’ve got lots of money
lying around so who cares about the debt ceiling

Amanpour: really?

Gasparino: right we can always stiff defense
contractors as long as we pay bondholders

Amanpour: that would fool them?

Gasparino: yes most of them are Chinese anyway

Huffington: this is a stupid debate -
it’s an artificial crisis to debate whether
to approve spending money we already spent

Gasparino: I disagree this is great debate to have

Huff: no it’s moronic - we have a jobs crisis
not a debt crisis

Rivlin: to solve the jobs crisis we
need to cut spending to attack the debt

Will: see - that proves that the Tea Party
are right and Obama is wrong

Amanpour: what about jobs?

Gasparino: small businesses don’t hire
new employees because they’re worried
about the big debt

Will: Obama is uppity and he needs to be
disciplined by the white men in Congress

Pawlenty: women who get headaches
can’t be President

Will: JFK was a big sick secretive bad guy

Huffington: they’re putting Michele Bachmann
on the Victorian fainting couch

Will: oh my stars

Gasparino: Rick Perry has the Texas Taint

Amanpour: you work at Fox -
what’s up with Rupert?

Gasparino: I report on for-profit companies
so luckily I never have to report on Murdoch newspapers

Huffington: Fox is an embarrassment
to journalism

Gasparino: no one covers terrorist
fist-bumps like Fox News!

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
****************************************

Meet The Press - July 17, 2011

2011-07-17T13:32:00.004-04:00

Guests:
Jack Lew - Director Office of Management and Budget
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Il)
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
Gov. Jon Kasich (R-Ohio)
David Cote - CEO Honeywell
Marc Morial - National Urban League
David Faber - CNBC
Diane Swonk - Mesirow Financial Holdings
****************************************
Gregory: omg debt ceiling might not be
raised and Rupert Murdoch is almost
out of Horcruxes!

Gregory: Jack is a deal imminent?

Lew: I have no fucking idea

Gregory: will we default?

Lew: all members of Congress agree that
we can’t let that happen so maybe

Gregory: Is Obama insisting on
raising my taxes?

Lew: no he’s also wiling to cut entitlements

Gregory: but my taxes!

Lew: he offered to cut $2 trillion
in spending

Gregory: our creditors will say that’s
not nearly enough!

Lew: we’d like to cut $4 trillion
to placate the Chinese

Gregory: 53% of Americans are against
raising the debt ceiling

Lew: most people are idiots

Gregory: Michele Bachmann says
we should default

Lew: she’s one of them

Gregory: what would happen if we
don’t raise the ceiling?

Lew: it wreck the American economy -
other than that no biggie

Gregory: this is Obama’s total failure
of leadership isn’t it

Lew: no Obama inherited a disaster

Gregory: that’s a programmed answer

Lew: it’s true

Gregory: I don’t care

Lew: we all know that David

Gregory: Obama has failed in his job
to make the GOP act rationally

Lew: you are a silly person Fluffy

Gregory: Senator do we have to
raise the debt ceiling?

DeMint: probably

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

DeMint: cut spending, cap all future
spending, and enact a Constitutional
Amendment to give the Job-Creators®
mints on their fluffy pillows every night

Gregory: [ high pitch squeal ]
OMG he’s right Dick!!!

Durbin: we could put the 10 Commandments
in the Constitution but you try keeping
David Vitter away from prostitutes

Gregory: Americans are disgusted with the
GOP fighting for default and with Democrats’
big spending ways and no one is
willing to compromise

DeMint: we are willing to compromise -
we caved in to Obama on his request to
increase in the debt ceiling to pay for the
bill Republicans ran up when Bush was President

Gregory: that’s a compromise?

DeMint: darn right it is

Gregory: will you yield on your useless
Constitutional amendment and let American default?

DeMint: All hail Moody’s!!

Gregory: righty-o

DeMint: now that a black man Democrat
is President I realized we can’t borrow more
any money without bankrupting the nation

Gregory: you seem somewhat detached from reality

DeMint: I’m scared!

Gregory: Dick you worried about the debt
when Bush was President and now it’s higher

Durbin: yeah well it was his policies that
caused this mess in the first place

Gregory: Obama is a bad leader!

Durbin: Fluffy Obama is the most
patient dude ever - no other President would
have sat there while Eric Cantor pouted and
screamed “I want what I want when I want it!”

Gregory: what happens now?

DeMint: Obama needs to propose a
Republican plan - then we can agree

Durbin: in the middle of this crisis the
Senate is going to debate a Constitutional
amendment that can never pass

Gregory: should there be Congressional
hearings on News International?

Durbin: absolutely - Rupert Murdoch is like
some international arch-criminal from
a James Bond villain and a good one -
not one with Roger Moore

DeMint: here’s how you makes the
hacking scandal go away -
Congress needs to enact a Constitutional
amendment to make Fox the only news
organization in the country

Gregory: Governor please explain
what the hell is going on in Washington

Kasich: in my state we cut taxes,
wiped out our debt and Ohio became a
business-friendly fucking paradise!

Gregory: should we default on the debt?

Swonk: people in other countries are astonished
that America would artificially create a
debt crisis that doesn’t exist

Gregory: why isn’t Congress willing to slash
spending in this recession?

Cote: as a businessman I find Washington
politicians scary

Gregory: what’s going on with Rupert Murdoch?

Faber: he used to control events in U.K.
and now all his enemies smell blood -
he’s lost his top aide in Britain, his top editor
in the U.S., and that snake he carries around
his neck was just arrested

Gregory: Jon you used to work for Fox

Kasich: It’s a terrible thing - the real victim
here is poor Rupert Murdoch!

Gregory: I see

Kasich: the real problem is businesses donate
to Democrats who let thugs play sports and
put gay people on my tv

Gregory: this is truly a fascinating “Jobs Summit”

Morial: we needs a plan to create jobs -
not cut the damm debt!

Gregory: why do we have a jobless recovery?

Swonk: because ethical business leaders
like Rupert Murdoch are reluctant to be
seen with politicians

Gregory: good point

Swonk: Sweden did everything right -
they slashed spending and gave businesses
whatever they wanted and 20 years later
unemployment is still high

Gregory: well as long as they 'did everything right'

Faber: Bush didn’t create jobs - which proves
America can’t do it

Honeywell: there’s too much uncertainty!

Kasich: consumer spending is up -
but businessmen need certainty -
certainly lower taxes!!

Morial: consumers are not certain they
will have a job in the future!

Gregory: Obama just has to admit government sucks

Kasich: Businesses are on the sidelines
because the debt is high

Faber: Honeywell has $3 billion in cash!

Swonk: the silver lining is we’ve
had lots of IPOs lately

Faber: Groupon has hired 7,000
new employees which will be great
until the bubble bursts

Kasich: we need to give businesses
vouchers to hire people

Gregory: whatever you say Jon

Kasich: Certainty!

Gregory: John Boehner says taxes destroys
jobs but Ron Brownstein says jobs go up when
taxes are raised

Kasich: Taxes are just another way for
liberals to spend more giving welfare to
thuggish gay people

Gregory: that is so sad

Kasich: look I’m willing to support
lowering taxes on the rich

Gregory: President Grover Norquist
claims to care about the debt but won’t raise taxes

Morial: there’s a huge tax loophole
lobby industry in Washington!

Gregory: some of those loopholes are very nice

Morial: food stamps did not cause
the damm deficit!

Gregory: why are some rich companies
not paying taxes at all?

Cote: if you really cared about poor people
you would have zero taxes on corporations

Gregory: what else would help the poor?

Cote: eliminate corporate taxes on overseas income

Swonk: if we had no taxes we’d have
no tax lobbyists and no one likes them

Gregory: but Washington can’t agree on anything

Faber: the real question the American
people need to ask themselves is -
what will please our creditors?

Gregory: when are we going to bring
back the housing bubble cause that was awesome

Faber: the only jobs Bush created were
in housing which was all a bubble and
ended in disaster

Gregory: you sir are an official Job-Creator® -
thrill me with your acumen

Cote: if we drilled more in the U.S. gas prices
would go down and people would have more
money and that would create jobs

Gregory: you are indeed a fascinating man

Morial: just raise the damm debt ceiling!

Gregory: a dude on Facebook says both sides
are bickering like kindergarteners

Audience: how does those Facebookers
stay so topical?

Cote: both sides are engaged in mutual asphyxiation

Audience: oh my

Cote: it’s so sad - we can’t be a great power
until we slash taxes even more!

Kasich: God put us in office - that’s why
every American needs to look in the mirror and say
- what taxes can I cut to help businesses create jobs?

Gregory: and that’s another episode
Of Meet The Press
*********************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 17, 2011

2011-07-17T13:20:00.004-04:00

Guests:
Jack Lew - Office of Management & Budget
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
George Will
Cokie Roberts
Matthew Dowd
Jonathan Karl
******************************
Amanpour: OMG Casey Anthony is out of jail and
Rebekah Brooks goes in

Audience: whoa

Amanpour: Meanwhile furious strategizing
is going on over the previously routine
lifting of the debt ceiling

Amanpour: Mr. Lew will the U.S. default
on the debts we’ve already incurred?

Lew: probably not - if sane people get their way

Amanpour: would it be bad for America if
we don’t raise the ceiling?

Lew: yes - it would raise taxes

Amanpour: oh noe!

Lew: America’s fate lies with
Mitch McConnell and Harry Reid

Amanpour: what a comfort

Lew: Obama is willing to means-test
Medicare you know

Amanpour: Pelosi says no to that

Lew: Medicare contributes to our problems

Amanpour: it does?

Lew: we need structural changes to
Medicare in exchange for raising taxes
on the rich although they will expire anyway

Amanpour: what is Obama’s plan

Lew: I just told you Christiane

Amanpour: how about a one-year extension
on the debt ceiling

Lew: no that’s stupid

Amanpour: would Obama be willing to accept that?

Lew: no - and he’s not bluffing!

Amanpour: Would Obama accept a deal
without tax hikes?

Lew: he might if it was a really awesome plan

Amanpour: deadline?

Lew: look we will make a deal -
the question is how much pain will we inflict
on the American people

Amanpour: how much is too much?

Lew: it’s called 'toughlove' Christiane

Amanpour: will there be a deal

Kyl: there won’t be deal if Obama doesn’t
stop this obsession with job-killing taxes

Amanpour: you hate taxes that much?

Kyl: yes - so if we default it will be Obama’s fault

Amanpour: that makes sense

Kyl: or would could just give up and go
with the fake McConnell plan

Amanpour: Senator even Republicans think
we should raise taxes

Kyl: yes but I have a poll that says we should
have a clean debt bill which means no new taxes
- I win!

Amanpour: that’s slippery of you Jon

Kyl: hisssssss

Amanpour: Michele Bachmann says we
should be deadbeats on Bush’s debts

Kyl: well she’s a little crazy but she’s right
that spending is bad

Amanpour: Obama’s has agreed to cut spending

Kyl: we could cut $100 billion in
Medicare and Medicaid right now!

Amanpour: they might agree to that

Kyl: fuck that - let them propose it first

Amanpour: Do you ever worry that causing
a Depression while simultaneously fighting to cut
Medicaid might make you unpopular

Kyl: first let’s do no harm - next we cut entitlements!

Amanpour: is Bachmann right that default
is no big deal?

Kyl: um no - she’s nuts

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: panel is the GOP making a
mistake playing chicken with the debt?

Will: Obama wanted a clean bill and now
he wants $4 trillion in cuts plus tax increases -
which makes him look reasonable that
canny bastard

Amanpour: Congressman would you ever vote to raise the debt ceiling

Labrador: I want three things -
to cut spending now, a limit on all
future spending and a Constitutional
amendment saying all government spending
is a plot by Lord Voldemort

Karl: right now nothing can pass both House
and the Senate

Roberts: well something has to pass

Karl: well it won’t

Roberts: if you care about the debt nothing
would be worse for the deficit than defaulting on it

Dowd: not raising the ceiling would be bad
politically so it probably will happen

Roberts: Raul I’m curious why do you love
tax cuts for billionaires so much?

Labrador: look we agreed to cut taxes for the rich -
what more do you want?

Will: the tea party movement is the
best thing to happen to the GOP since Goldwater

Amanpour: interesting analogy

Labrador: Obama isn’t serious about the debt -
he keep proposing spending cuts and higher taxes

Karl: why didn’t the GOP just accept the
President’s proposal to cut Medicare?

Labrador: to protect job-creating
tax cuts for the rich stupid!

Dowd: each side hates the other -
with good reason

Roberts: just compromise and make
government work!

Labrador: the American people will not stand for that

Roberts: you’re a strange young man

Labrador: the President doesn’t care
about the debt he just wants to raise taxes

Amanpour: Did Obama actually propose
raising tax rtes?

Karl: oh no he’s lying

Labrador: Americans love tax cuts!

Roberts: people want a balanced approach

Lab: so do I - we need tax cuts for the rich
balanced with cutting benefits for the poor

Dowd: We should raise taxes and cut spending!

Amanpour: where is Mitt Romney in all this?

Will: he’s been very, very clear
that he has no position

Roberts: let’s just solve the issue of
cuts vs taxes in the 2012 election

Dowd: fuck that shit Cokie -
both sides should get stuff done!!

Karl: bold words indeed Matt

[ Dowd fist-bumps Karl ]

Amanpour: Michele Bachmann thinks
being gay is like slavery

Bachmann: Uncle Tom’s Stonewall Inn

Will: she was talking about bondage

Dowd: yes she’s prejudiced against homosexuals like her husband

Amanpour: interesting

Dowd: this helps Governor Perry

Labrador: I was hoping Chris Christie would run for President but I’ll have to settle for Rick Perry

Amanpour: thanks for coming!

**********************************

Meet The Press - July 10, 2011

2011-07-10T12:27:00.009-04:00

Guests:
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Fmr. Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Minn.)
Chuck Todd
Eugene Robinson
************************************
Gregory: John Boehner has given up on
a deal to raise the debt ceiling because
the GOP won’t raise any taxes

Geithner: this is a great moment for America

Gregory: it is?

Geithner: you betcha

Gregory: how can you still make a deal?

Geithner: we can agree to cut defense
and Medicare

Gregory: I like it

Geithner: Republicans should not walk
away from these promising discussions
to cut entitlements in exchange for
letting tax cuts expire

Gregory: what is Obama’s position?

Geithner: he’s willing to compromise

Gregory: Is a Grand Bargain is still possible?

Geithner: It sure is Fluffy

Gregory: would you give in on raising
taxes on rich people like me

Gregory: if we don’t raise taxes we would
have to slash programs for the most
vulnerable people in society

Gregory: Is the President willing to
cut Medicare please

Geithner: oh sure why not

Gregory: like how

Geithner: we would if we don’t add
burdens to the poor and middle class

Gregory: I’m middle class so that’s good

Geithner: Shared sacrifice would also apply to you

Gregory: oh noe

Geithner: Obama is working for the
largest possible deal

Gregory: who really cares about
raising the debt ceiling?

Geithner: By August we won’t be able
to borrow so we will have to pay our bills
with any cash lying under the White House cushions

Gregory: would that affect our credit rating

Geithner: last week I ordered a free copy
of our credit report and it looked really bad

Gregory: what’s our FICO score?

Geithner: If Congress doesn’t act poor
people will run out of food

Gregory: Look at this chart -
Obama crashed the economy

Geithner: that’s ridiculous Fluffers

Gregory: so you say

Geithner: the Great Recession was
worse than the Great Depression and
we’ve added 2 million jobs

Gregory: maybe but things are still bad

Geithner: yeah but Japan had an earthquake

Gregory: well natural disasters are
going to happen Tim

Geithner: tectonic shifts conspire against us

Gregory: Obama said the economy is
much worse than we thought

Geithner: the damm American people
lived beyond their means for years -
well the party is over

Gregory: you did stimulus, health care reform,
housing - where are the jobs?

Geithner: Fluffy the GOP drove the economy
off a cliff and Obama has put us back on
the edge of that cliff

Gregory: when do we back off the cliff
and live the high life again

Geithner: oh it will be painful for many
more years to come

Gregory: well thanks for coming Tim

[ break ]

Gregory: would you raise the debt ceiling

Pawlenty: Obama ruined America’s economy

Gregory: how so

Pawlenty: he should get government
off the backs of our job creators

Gregory: is that what caused the recession

Pawlenty: Obama caused the recession
with his stimulus

Gregory: I see

Pawlenty: he is suffocating America’s
entrepreneurial spirit

Gregory: speaking of which your
startup campaign sucks

Pawlenty: when people learn I cut
taxes they will flock to my campaign

Gregory: you’re behind Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich

Pawlenty: when people finally get
to know me I will get to 5%

Gregory: you’ve been Iowa 75 times!

Pawlenty: I plan to meet every person
who lives in that state

Gregory: are you too dull and boring to be President

Pawlenty: I got fortitude - I vetoed lots of bills
and shut down the government I’m such an asshole

Gregory: you think that’s what
the American people want?

Pawlenty: America is sinking and now
is the time for Republicans to stand up
and fight for the policies that caused the recession!

Gregory: will you please bash Mitt Romney?

Pawlenty: fuck that foppish flip-flopping Mormon

Gregory: what makes you stand out

Pawlenty: I’m a true leader Fluffy

Gregory: how would you break
from the Republican party?

Pawlenty: I support the minimum wage

Gregory: Michele Bachmann is beating you

Pawlenty: see I’m different from her -
we’re both conservatives but I’m a former Governor
and she’s completely insane

Gregory: she said America has a gangster government

Pawlenty: well she’s right about that

Gregory: it seems inappropriate

Pawlenty: Obama’s elitist thugs are out of control!

Gregory: how would solve the debt ceiling problem?

Pawlenty: Obama tripled the deficit!

Gregory: so what’s your solution

Pawlenty: a Balanced Budget Amendment

Gregory: David Brooks says the GOP
has become a bunch of dangerous weird fanatics

Pawlenty: absurd - we are not 'weird'

Gregory: if you say so

Pawlenty: this country is sinking under terrible debts

Gregory: Obama offered $4 trillion in cuts
and you said no new taxes

Pawlenty: look any fair-minded person
knows state senator Obama caused a
recession in 2007

Gregory: so no new taxes?

Pawlenty: never ever not ever

Gregory: even if it would ruin America’s
credit rating?

Pawlenty: absolutely if Obama cares
about the debt well then he can just
give Republicans everything they want

Gregory: what abut Paul Ryan’s plan?

Pawlenty: I love it

Gregory: would you send ground
troops to Libya?

Pawlenty: I would not support that
but Obama has been very weak
in not going after Qaddafi

Gregory: you really think so

Pawlenty: Saint Reagan said Qaddafi has
American blood on his hands

Gregory: well if getting him is so important
why not send in ground troops?

Pawlenty: just lob a cruise missile at the fucker

Gregory: you love Lady Gaga -
do you think being gay is a choice?

Pawlenty: I hate gay people but
Lady Gaga is straight you know

Gregory: but do you think being gay is a choice?

Pawlenty: probably people wake up one day
and say ‘hey I think I’ll be gay’

Gregory: that’s stupid

Pawlenty: the scientists say it’s not genetic
- it may be behavioral

Gregory: I look forward to your concession
party next month

[ break ]

Gregory: you just saw Tim Pawlenty -
is his campaign over?

Todd: his chief rival is from Minnesota
but more charismatic

Gregory: well that’s not saying much

Todd: true

Gregory: Pawlenty said Bachmann has
never accomplished anything

Robinson: Bring it on Tim!

Gregory: Pawlenty also said America we
should default on the debt

Todd: the GOP presidential primary is
preventing a deal in Washington

Robinson: that’s not good

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Todd: she’s crazy

Gregory: but fun

Robinson: if she were running for President
she’d be running for President

Todd: she’s the next Rush Limbaugh

Robinson: like we needed another one

Gregory: what should Obama say to
the Republicans at the White House today?

Robinson: he should aim high because
he can always say he tried to get a big deal done

Gregory: Obama gave in on Medicare
and still didn’t get a deal!

Todd: Boehner floated that deal and
got shot down by the loons in his own party

Gregory: that’s amazing

Robinson: Boehner and Cantor are
going to appear on The Marriage Ref

Todd: Does Obama really want a
deal or was all this strategic political theater?

Gregory: what the deal with Pawlenty’s
answer on whether being gay is a choice?

Todd: he’s got weird ideas and doesn’t
explain them well - so don’t count him out
for the GOP nomination!

Gregory: Geithner said if our credit
is downgraded it would catastrophic

Robinson: but it’s worth if we keep
tax cuts for the rich

Todd: Obama says people should
rent month to month what with the
Mayan apocalypse coming

Gregory: it’s going to be a fun campaign

****************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 10, 2011

2011-07-10T12:25:00.002-04:00

Guests:
Bill Daley (White House Chief of Staff)
Jonathan Karl
Donna Brazile
Al Hunt
George Will
******************************
Amanpour: omg America might default
on its debt

Karl: Boehner wants to cut spending
and Democrats want to raise taxes

Daley: it’s time to make the really tough
decisions and bring sanity to Washington DC

Amanpour: good luck with that

Daley: the American people are very
worried about the debt

Amanpour: what is Obama’s prediction?

Daley: Pain

Amanpour: ouch

Daley: sorry

Amanpour: Obama wants to cut $4 trillion

Daley: that will send a message to the
world to please lend us more money

Amanpour: oh good

Daley: Obama came to Washington to
do big things like pay the bills Republicans
built up over 8 years

Amanpour: but he came late to the negotiations

Daley: he was waiting for the GOP to
come to their senses

Amanpour: well that explains it

Amanpour: will you make any cuts to
Social Security or Medicare?

Daley: Medicare will run out of money in 5 years!

Amanpour: oh noe

Daley: people want certainty

Amanpour: does that mean you will
cut entitlements?

Daley: yes - because we can’t kick the can anymore!

Amanpour: what else?

Daley: extend the payroll tax cut

Amanpour: ok

Daley: this debt was run up over decades
so we must solve it in the next 8 hours

Amanpour: what’s the rush?

Daley: we must send the message to
international bankers that America is not dead yet!

Amanpour: the jobs news is all bad

Daley: companies are not hiring because Congress
keeps kicking the can on debt

Amanpour: you’re kidding me right

Daley: A business may need a new
employee but how can it hire knowing
Medicare needs more funding?!

Amanpour: but businesses are making
huge profits right now

Daley: we need businesses to get
more involved in Washington policy making

Amanpour: truly our problem is lack of
corporate lobbying

Daley: when Bush left office we were
losing 800,000 jobs per month

Amanpour: but that was 2 years ago

Daley: We have to cut the debt!

Amanpour: what’s the deal with Pakistan

Daley: ever since we found out Osama bin Laden
lived comfortably near a Pakistan
military base we’ve be re-thinking giving
them bags and bags of money

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: welcome to Armageddon!

Will: Nuclear winter, global warming, default
- who gives a shit

Karl: any impartial observer knows that
we must raise taxes and cut entitlements

Brazile: the debt ceiling is not the
time to have a big budget debate -
Moody’s is getting moody!!

Hunt: eventually they will have to
raise taxes and cut entitlements

Amanpour: why is that?

Hunt: why do people rob banks?

Amanpour: because that’s where the money is

Amanpour: why do banks rob people?

Hunt: because that’s where the real big money is

Karl: there are dozens of lunatic Republicans
so therefore the Democrats must give up
everything what they want

Will: Reagan and Bush gave Obama a
surplus and he blew it

Karl: Eric Cantor will veto any deal that makes sense

Amanpour: the American people seem to want
jobs more than debt reduction

Hunt: ya gotta have Entitlements & Taxes!

Amanpour: but that would worsen the recession

Hunt: we should do responsible
things but do them later

Will: Obama should add 700,000
jobs per month like Bush did

Brazile: state governments keep laying
people off you skinny white twerp!

Will: Obama proposed a tax cut - I hate those!

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
*************************************

Meet The Press - June 26, 2011

2011-06-26T13:10:00.001-04:00

Guests:
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA)
Katty Kay
Matt Bai
David Brooks
******************************
Gregory: New Jersey just cut pension and
health care benefits for state government employees
- congrats Governor Christie!

Christie: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: Gov. could you work your
cost-cutting magic in Washington?

Christie: you’ve got to get three men
in a room and wrestle until the biggest guy wins

Gregory: interesting

Christie: Obama is too laid-back -
he needs to throw his weight around

Gregory: what about raising taxes?

Christie: be prepared for a shock -
people in New Jersey prefer
lower taxes over higher taxes

Gregory: holy shit!

Christie: no really

Gregory: has the Tea Party gone completely insane?

Christie: look it’s common sense -
as soon as a Democrat became President
the debt became a very very very important issue

Gregory: I see

Christie: this country is careening to
disaster over the debt!

Gregory: how did you succeed in
New Jersey but Washington can’t get a deal done

Christie: it’s all those fucking demagogues
- I would never do that

Gregory: you’re such a softie

Christie: I am cuddly

Gregory: do you hate unions

Christie: we’re helping unions by
saving their benefits

Gregory: give me your expertise on Afghanistan

Christie: I’m against nation-building

Gregory: the Federal Reserve says we
may be cutting spending too much which
would cause another recession

Christie: no we aren’t because the
United States is very big country

Gregory: we tried GOP policies and
the middle class is still hurting

Christie: but businesses are hiring in
New Jersey because we have certainty over taxes

Gregory: which GOP Presidential candidate
will win your highly coveted endorsement

Christie: I’m not sure there are so many different
crazies to choose from

Gregory: what about my favorite
Michele Bachmann?

Christie: she seems a little crazy to me

Gregory: you look for bigness in politicians

Christie: people want a politician to
look them in the eye and wag their finger at them

Gregory: what about the
Pledge of Abortion Allegiance

Christie: I’m anti-abortion except when I’m not

Gregory: what about gay marriage?

Christie: I’m not a fan of gay people
kissing and all that icky stuff

Gregory: you’re a tough-talking,
no-nonsense asshole

Christie: fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: you were mean to teacher recently

Christie: She questioned my ability to
run the state’s public schools - how dare
she ask me a personal question me like that

Gregory: you cultivate the image of a jerk

Christie: I’m loveable and sweet and
not blow-dried you bastard

Gregory: why are going to Iowa?

Christie: to brag about big things

Gregory: will accept an offer to run as Vice President

Christie: c’mon you’re not that stupid are you Fluffy

Gregory: I might be

Christie: I’m a nice guy - just don’t
question me about irrelevant things
like being a husband and a father

Gregory: why would you make a good President?

Christie: I’m a husband and a father

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Did Barack Obama make a
political decision to pull troops out of
Afghanistan instead of doing what is
best for America?

Reed: what unadulterated bullshit

Gregory: In the view of many Obama hates America

Webb: you are welcome to kiss my ass Fluffy

Gregory: but the Generals want more troops

Webb: They always do you idiot

Gregory: so should we have endless war?

Webb: China is expanding and we
must stop those Orientals!

Gregory: Liberals want to end the war
in Afghanistan now - that reminds me -
what is the mission there?

Reed: the mission in Afghanistan
is to leave Afghanistan

Gregory: but I still don’t understand
why Obama doesn’t end this wonderful war

Webb: we have to pull out slowly so
the Taliban doesn’t see us leaving

Gregory: what will happen there after we leave

Reed: there will be a nuclear war
between Pakistan and the Indians

Gregory: that’s interesting

Gregory: some say walking away and
hoping for the best will lead to
Sharia law in Oklahoma

Webb: actually keeping US troops in other
countries creates terrorism

Gregory: what about Libya?

Reed: we want to support the mission but
rebuke Obama for not asking Congress’s permission

Webb: we’re addicted to putting US troops
in desert lands as peacekeepers!

Gregory: thanks for coming dudes

[ break ]

Gregory: there is great criticism of President Obama

Brooks: from who - beside you

Gregory: Saint Christie who is wonderful

Brooks: Obama is a convenor - he trumpets
us into battle like Miles Davis

Gregory: that’s a great metaphor
because they’re both black

Brooks: are they?

Gregory: I hate Obama because he
compromises and achieves stuff

Kay: the surge was a compromise that
failed and now he’s taking troops out too soon
- we didn’t gain anything except Bin Laden
which doesn’t count

Bai: Budget negotiations are in secret
which puzzles people

Brooks: Jesus Christie would solve
America’s budget problems

Gregory: Obama’s Jedi mind tricks
don’t work on him

Brooks: both parties think they win
if the economy crashes

Kay: Worldwide lenders are freaking out

Gregory: we don’t rule the world
like we did after World War Two
which gives me a sad

Brooks: Darn those shallow politicians

Gregory: hee hee there is great buzz about Giuliani!

Brooks: I say this with love -
you need therapy David

Bai: Iowa may not necessarily get to
decide our next President

Gregory: what!?

Bai: it’s a possibility

Gregory: Huntsmann said his kids
can’t believe he’s really running for President

Audience: they’re not they only one

Kay: he’s running as the Thinking Man’s
Republican but that’s very small group

Brooks: I love this guy

Bai: the GOP primary is not as
monolithic as people think

Brooks: he’s unusual and in a
GOP primary that is really saying something

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Kay: she’s beginning to look even crazier -
I didn’t think that was possible

Gregory: big news this morning was
made five minutes ago when Sen. Jim Webb
said we should invade countries to rescue Americans or not at all

Brooks: Obama is a big non-leading
convenor except when he doesn’t
consult anyone about war

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
*********************************

This Week - June 26, 2011

2011-06-26T12:55:00.004-04:00

Guests:
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Rep. Jim Clyburn (D-SC)
Anita Dunn
Chrysta Freeland
George Will
******************************
Amanpour: wow there’s all-time record
flooding in North Dakota - clearly god is angry
that New York legalized gay marriage

Audience: woot

Amanpour: Also Romney and Bachmann
are tied-up in Iowa and the government
will run out of money in August

Amanpour: Mitch will you crash the
world economy because you refuse to
close tax loopholes for rich people?

McConnell: borrow-and-spend politics are bad!

Amanpour: does that include Reagan,
Bush and Bush II?

McConnell: look Democrats and Republicans
agree that people like higher spending
and lower taxes

Amanpour: that is true

McConnell: damm right it is Diane

Amanpour: how about limiting tax
deductions for corporate jets?

McConnell: Christine I have tried to explain
to you that a tax hike like that is just not
possible in Washington DC today

Amanpour: if you say so

McConnell: we must cut entitlements!

Amanpour: going back to those luxury jets-

McConnell: raising taxes on corporate jets
would ruin this otherwise flourishing economy

Amanpour: what else is going on?

McConnell: we must destroy Medicare
in order to save it

Amanpour: what else do you propose?

McConnell: we must do whatever will
impress Moody’s and Standard & Poors

Amanpour: what can actually
pass the Congress?

McConnell: we can agree to cut a
billion dollars from Medicare

Amanpour: what other great ideas
do you have?

McConnell: a Constitutional amendment
to balance the budget

Amanpour: sounds like you’re
making great progress

McConnell: oh sure -
we’re debating all kinds of crazy ideas

Amanpour: could default cause a
worldwide depression?

McConnell: you know what would really
impress worldwide lenders - if we put
all old people on an ice floe

Amanpour: but you voted to cut the
tax break for ethanol

McConnell: Obama is big spender -
we need to be like Reagan and the Bushes
and be really really big spenders!

Amanpour: Jim the GOP has ruled out
tax increases so what can you do?

Clyburn: end tax gifts to rich oil companies -
is not a tax hike it’s closing loopholes!

Amanpour: but those poor oil executives

Clyburn: the GOP also wants to make
Medicaid recipients pay thousands more -
how is that fair?

Amanpour: what if you are on Medicaid
but also have a Gulfstream?

Clyburn: raising taxes has never
been on the table!

Amanpour: why not?

Clyburn: people hate high taxes -
they just want a fair low tax rate

Amanpour: so what’s the solution?

Clyburn: it’s time for the Republicans and
Democrats in Congress to agree that they can’t
accomplish anything and let the President just do it

Amanpour: I see

Clyburn: it’s very bipartisan to shuck all
responsibility and let Obama take all the blame

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: George Will can Obama save us all?

Will: the Balanced Budget amendment
will revolutionize America by finally making
raising taxes on rich people impossible

Karl: the elderly will soon start getting
letters that the GOP wants to shut the
government down over tax breaks for
wealthy corporations

Dunn: Obama has the pulpit but he’s not a bully

Amanpour: that much is clear

Dunn: if we default it will be the biggest
disaster for American since Bush was President

Amanpour: oh my

Freeland: liberals like Broadway Theater
and conservatives like Political Theater

Amanpour: makes sense

Freeland: if the US defaults there will be a
global economic crash that will make 2008
look like a gay pride parade

Amanpour: Romney and Bachmann are tied

Will: Rick Perry may fill that hole

Amanpour: what makes Perry so wonderful?

Will: he created jobs like Mitt
but loves non-gay fetuses like Michele

Karl: don’t forget Bachmann is from Iowa

Audience: she was Born This Whey

Dunn: the energy in the GOP is split between
with the Values Wackos and Budget Crazies

Freeland: Jon Huntsmann is an expert
on the Chinese Communist Central Committee

Will: well that should play well in the
Republican primary

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
**************************************

Meet The Press - June 26, 2011

2011-06-26T12:39:00.002-04:00

Meet The Press - June 19, 2011

2011-06-19T12:39:00.002-04:00

Guests:
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles)
Richard Engel
Doris Goodwin
Paul Gigot
*************************
Gregory: wow Obama and Boehner
played golf together

Audience: so heartwarming

Gregory: Senator will Democrats finally cut Medicare?

Durbin: no

Gregory: that’s very disappointing

Durbin: everything will be on the table

Gregory: so will you please consider cutting
Medicare benefits?

Durbin: maybe

Gregory: Lindsey are you willing to
create new revenue?

Graham: we will never raise taxes
but we might flatten taxes

Gregory: like what

Graham: like cut the ethanol gravy train
to pay off the debt

Gregory: Unions are rioting in Greece
- this terrifies me!

Durbin: calm down Fluffy

Graham: eek

Durbin: we’re borrowing too much from China

Gregory: what about raising the retirement age?

Durbin: no

Gregory: fuck you Dick - Medicare is not sustainable!!

Durbin: well fuck you too Fluffers

Gregory: Lindsey how do respond to
my assertion that the American people want
massive spending cuts?

Graham: Oh I agree - the people
really want Medicare cuts

Gregory: no one but me is willing to cut
Social Security and Medicare!!
[ grins stupidly ]

Graham: you are a silly person Greggers

Gregory: Boehner said Obama is ridiculous hee hee

Graham: the War Powers Act is unconstitutional

Gregory: oh that’s sad

Graham: if we leave Libya Egypt will be overrun,
the price of oil will double and Muamar “Mad Dog” Qaddafi
will run for the GOP nomination

Durbin: The Butcher of Bengazi is a bad guy
but Obama should still seek Congressional authorization
before starting a war there

Gregory: will Congress cut off funding
for the non-war in Libya?

Durbin: that would hurt the troops

Gregory: we have no troops there

Durbin: that’s baloney

Gregory: OMG we have no plan in Libya!

Graham: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: but but but I have no idea
what’s going on

Graham: what planet are you on Fluffy?

Gregory: um Beltway-Earth

Gregory: is Mitt Romney another Jimmy Carter?

Graham: no because Carter was
actually elected President

Gregory: is Romney right that we should
not be in Afghanistan?

Graham: no - if we leave moderates will be
killed and Pakistan will be destabilized

Gregory: wow

Graham: 6,000 people are joining the Afghan
army every month

Gregory: Are we seeing isolationism
or war weariness?

Graham: we may be able to drawn
troops by 2016 - if we never leave

Durbin: I opposed invading Iraq and
supported invading Afghanistan but I didn’t
vote for endless war all around the world

Gregory: give war a chance

[ break ]

Gregory: Welcome back to America Richard Engel!

Engel: The last time I was in the U.S.
the three most popular things in America
were AOL, Mel Gibson and Tiger Woods

Gregory: Will Jon Bolton run for President?

Todd: Mitt Romney is the clear front-runner

Gregory: he is very handsome

Todd: the people may demand Rick Perry
save the GOP

Gregory: electing a Texas Governor always works

Gigot: Texas is creating most of America’s jobs
and preventing most the country’s gay abortions

Goodwin: The primaries are almost a year
away but if Pawlenty can’t stand up to Mitt Romney how can he stand up to Obama?

Pawlenty: Romney is just like Obama!

Goodwin: Romney is tanned, rested and ready

Engel: he got confused about Afghans and Afghanis

Villaraigosa: what planet are these people on?
Forget Afghanistan we need to rebuild this country!

Gregory: so you would take the money
for war and spend it on schools and bridges

Villaraigosa: Fuck the beltway bubble
- we got real problems!

Gregory: there is real war-weariness

Engel: well sure 10 years of pointless
wars will do that

Gregory: what’s happening in Libya?

Engel: nothing much - but if the US
pulls out NATO is dead

Gigot: look everyone knows these GOP
candidates are only opposing wars because
there’s a Democrat in the White House

Gregory: Bob Gates says we have no idea
what our role in the world should be

Goodwin: it is confusing

Engel: that trend will continue because we
will be involved in many small wars

Gregory: that’s good news

Todd: Obama needs to sit down with
Dick Lugar and Jim Webb and explain to them
where Libya is and why we are attacking it

Gigot: Obama needs to sell the Libya war by
saying they have balsa wood planes capable
of reaching Midwestern cities and dropping
pictures of Anthony Weiner in his underwear

Greg: that would certainly do it

Gregory: Doris do some sex scandals require
Democrats to resign while Republicans don’t?

Goodwin: Weiner had to resign because
it was a distraction because the media wouldn’t
let it go

Todd: he didn’t have any friends on Capitol Hill

Gregory: David Vitter doesn’t have to resign

Todd: he wouldn’t survive a Vitter-Twitter scandal

Gregory: let’s talk substance - did Obama
cause the recession in 2007?

Villaraigosa: that’s crap - Bush inherited
a surplus and blew it

Greogory: I declare Obama cannot blame Bush

Gigot: that’s right - the bad economy is
all Obama’s fault

Todd: people want government do more
and also slash the debt

Gregory: what specifically do people
want government do?

Todd: Something!

Gregory: I talk to a lot of businessmen
and they want the government to create
jobs for them

Engel: People around the world
don’t care about what happens in the US but they
do fear our massive military

Gregory: should we would really slash
spending during a recession?

Goodwin: amazingly we suddenly
had to cut the debt immediately when a
Democrat got elected

Villaraigosa: Gridlock! Partisanship! Shrill debate!

Engel: the USA borrowed a trillion dollars from China to kill a bearded guy in Waziristan

Audience: awesome

Gregory: the big headline today is
Lindsey Graham says Mitt Romney is moving
to Obama’s left and is soft on the war on terror

Gigot: the GOP is pro-war and always will be

Gregory: Rick Perry is trending

Todd: If Romney raises $50 million
Rick Perry will have National Day of Prayer and
Asking For Money

Gregory: Obama is on twitter - his tweets are going to be
signed “B.O.” while the dog’s will
be signed “Bo”

Audience: excellent

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - June 19, 2011

2011-06-19T12:31:00.003-04:00

Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Husain Haqqani (Pakistan Ambassador to U.S.)
David Ignatius
Liz Cheney
******************************
Amanpour: hey we’ve been bombing
Libya for 90 days

Audience: woot

Amanpour: Senator McCain are you worried
that the GOP has suddenly discovered isolationism?

McCain: indeed they are putting party politics
over the good of then nation

Amanpour: wow

McCain: but Obama is also to blame for
deferring to those cheese-eating French

Amanpour: what about the War Powers Act?

McCain: John Kerry and I are on top of that

Amanpour: will we be at war there
for the standard 6 months to 10 years?

McCain: Yes! Predators are in the fight!

Amanpour: are the GOP Presidential
candidates isolationists?

McCain: there’s always been a strain of isolationism
in the GOP that seem to pop up whenever a Democrat is President

Amanpour: that’s true

McCain: you know yokels like Bachmann
and Cain would be the first to attack Obama if
Qadaffi had killed 700,000 people

Amanpour: but is there a vital national interest?

McCain: Reagan invaded Grenada because
those medical students were about to graduate
and come here

Amanpour: what about Libya

McCain: Barack Obama had to bomb
Libya because of Pan Am 103 and that German disco

Amanpour: the GOP candidates have
suddenly realized Obama has gotten us bogged
down in a useless war in Afghanistan

McCain: I don’t what the hell Mitt Romney
is talking about

Amanpour: few people do

McCain: the surge worked!

Amanpour: so I’m told

McCain: I admit Afghanistan is a big mess
but the Taliban are very mean

Amanpour: should we just leave?

McCain: we need to invade Eastern Afghanistan
but give the show one more season to gets its ratings up

Amanpour: I see

McCain: It’s a Crocker!

Amanpour: Pakistan arrested the informants
who helped the U.S. get Osama bin Laden

McCain: because we abandoned
Pakistan years ago!

Amanpour: ok

McCain: we’ve poured billions in Pakistan
and we’re not getting a good return
on our investment

Amanpour: it’s the Lehman Brothers of Central Asia

McCain: we need to stay there forever

Amanpour: what do you think of the
GOP Presidential candidates?

McCain: they’re all appeasing isolationist idiots

Amanpour: thanks for coming Grumpy

[ break ]

Amanpour: why is Pakistan so mad about the
U.S. military action on the soil?

Haqqani: we’re just trying to find out
what happened

Amanpour: It looks like the people who
helped catch the world’s worst terrorist
are being punished

Haqqani: oh no not at all

Cheney: the Pakistanis were embarrassed -
but let’s not be too hard on them we love
those crazy guys

Ignatius: Americans were shocked that
Pakistan allowed bin Laden to live in their country

Haqqani: that’s bullshit David

Ignatius: but the Pakistanis were shocked
that we violated their sovereignty

Amanpour: aren’t we in more danger
from terrorism than ever?

Cheney: We are at war - it’s very naive to think
we cannot police the world

Amanpour: really?

Cheney: if Michelle Bachmann is elected
we will surely be attacked again

Amanpour: the American people seem
to be tired of war

Cheney: Obama is soft on attacking on
Libya and Herman Cain is just crazy

Amanpour: that’s fascinating

Cheney: Obama creating a terrible deficit

Amanpour: I though deficits don’t matter

Cheney: who said that?

Amanpour: do you know where the terrorists are?

Haqqani: if Americans are tired of the
war imagine how people in Afghanistan feel

Ignatius: Obama has concluded that killing
terrorists is working but nation-building is not

Cheney: no we must never pull troops
out of Afghanistan!

Amanpour: easy there Liz

Cheney: Attack! Bomb! Kill!

Amanpour: we’ll take a break

[ break ]
***************