Sunday, March 29, 2015

Meet The Press – March 29, 2015

Katy Tur
Tom Costello
Erin Bowen, Ph.D.
Andrea Mitchell
H.E. Adel A. Al-Jubeir – Saudi Amb. to the U.S.
Christopher Hill – Fmr. Chief U.S.
Negotiator on Nuclear Disarmament
Victoria Kennedy
Patrick Kennedy
Joe Scarborough – MSNBC
Neera Tanden – Center For 
American Progress
Kathleen Parker – Washington Post
Sam Stein – Huffington Post

Todd: omg a pilot crashed a plane
on purpose – if that isn't scary I
don't know what the fuck is

Tur: this co-pilot locked out the pilot
and the pilot took an axe to the door
while the passengers screamed

Todd: jesus fuck

Tur: also he may have been
depressed and legally blind

Todd: cripes

Tur: also doctors are reporting
he may have been 'crazy as a loon'

[ break ]

Todd: why are there axes on the airplane?!

Costello: Luftansa keeps an ax in
the passenger area in case people
complain about airline food or hog
too much leg space

Todd: damn them Germans is tough

Pilot: [ tosses passenger out ]
No ticket!

Todd: why are there are no
mental health checks for pilots?

Bowen: it's not feasible

Costello: they do test you when you're
hired to see if you're a homicidal lunatic
and if you are it counts against you

Bowen: once per year they
ask if you're a drug addict

Todd: should that change?

Bowen: no because psychological
tests are not magic

Costello: lots of people have
mental health issues and never fly
a plane into the ground at 500 mph

Todd: pilots are encouraged to self report

Costello: right and it usually works fine

Todd: he couldn't have flown in America

Bowen: he didn't have enough time in the air

Costello: it's shocking that he didn't
even know how to fly a plane!

Bowen: um the problem wasn't his
hours it's that he's fucking crazy

[ break ]

Todd: panel this about mental health issues

Parker: we don't know if this pilot was crazy
maybe he was fine and just
decided to fly into a mountain

Todd: this is terrifying –
what if our pilots go insane?

Scarborough: I like to joke
with pilots about mass murder

Todd: those are always funny

Scarborough: our rules are better
than Europe so that's one thing
the federal government did well

Parker: USA! USA!

Patrick Kennedy: we have an 
epidemic of addiction and mental 
health problems in this country

Todd: we should have annual mental
health checks for everyone?

Stein: I suppose but a stewardess
could have stopped this co-pilot

Todd: yay big government!

Tanden: yo go FAA!

Scarborough: this and Newtown are
about mental health because those
mass murderers were both white

[ break ]

Todd: a deal with Iran may
be only hours away or it may fail

Mitchell: it's been 18 months in
the making and it may completely fail

Todd: just like a Johnny Depp movie

Mitchell: Iran wants to do peaceful
nuclear research and for the
inspections to end in ten years
and those are deal breakers

Todd: wow sounds bleak

Mitchell: it's possible there will be no deal

Todd: that would help Obama
since everyone hates this deal

Mitchell: the Arabs don't want
a deal with Iran because they
think it's not tough enough

Todd: right

Mitchell: Obama sees this is as his
legacy - but does he want it too much?

Todd: good question

Mitchell: but if there's no deal all bets
are off and Iran can build a nuclear bomb

Todd: wait no one told us that

Mitchell: it's true

Todd: we've been told if there's
no deal Iran will never get a bomb

Mitchell: the opposite is true Chuck

Todd: I can't trust anyone

Mitchell: sorry

Todd: thanks for coming Andrea

[ break ]

Todd: Welcome Ambassador Hill

Hill: good morning Charles

Todd: you've been there – what's it
like to be in the negotiating room?

Hill: it's very tricky

Todd: that makes sense

Hill: both sides will have difficulty
in selling a deal to their nations –
at best it will be a technical compromise
and not a big one-sided victory

Todd: the U.S. is making a deal
with Iran but also supporting
Saudi Arabia's proxy war with Iran

Hill: the Saudis are nervous – they don't like
the idea of the U.S. and Iran becoming BFFs

Todd: I see

Hill: also the Saudis have to fight
Yemen rebels and ISIS who are Sunnis

Todd: why don't we demand Iran
recognize Israel's right to exist?

Hill: because that has nothing to
do with Iran possessing nuclear weapons

Todd: George W. Bush's deputy
national security advisor says Obama has
mishandled the middle east

Hill: that's pretty rich

[ break ]

Todd: omg Saudi Arabia is bombing
the hell out of Yemen rebels

Engel: that's right Chuck – Saudi Arabia is
currently bombing Iranian backed rebels

Todd: that's new

Engel: but in Iraq the U.S. is
helping Iran to bomb ISIS

Todd: that's confusing

Engel: and also negotiating with
Iran on nuclear weapons

Todd: my head is spinning

Engel: the Sunni Arabs are mad that
the U.S. won't declare war on Shia Islam

Todd: that's sad

Engel: critics says the U.S. is confusing
friends and emboldening enemies

Todd: bad Obama!

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Ambassador

Al-Jubeir: thank you for inviting me Mr. Todd

Todd: why are you bombing Yemen rebels

Al-Jubeir: we got an invitation to
bomb our neighbor so of course we did

Todd: you didn't tell the U.S. before
you started bombing – do you hate Obama?

Al-Jubeir: no not at all – we only
just decided to bomb at the last minute

Todd: does the U.S. support your bombing?

Al-Jubeir: oh yes they do

Todd: will Saudi Arabia put
ground troops in Yemen?

Al-Jubeir: maybe

Todd: are you in a proxy war with Iran?

Al-Jubeir: the rebels are supported
by Iran and we're bombing them

Todd: so yes

Al-Jubeir: darn right Chucky

Todd: so you're at war with Iran!

Al-Jubeir: we love the Iranians
they keep rejecting our attempts at friendship
they blocked us on Twitter and won't 
friend us on Facebook and won't 
accept our Yahoo chat invitation

Todd: can the U.S. take Saudi Arabia's
side and still make a deal with Iran

Al-Jubeir: yes we all want a deal
that prevents Iran from getting
a nuclear bomb

Todd: If Iran built a nuclear bomb
won't you build one too?

Al-Jubeir: of course we will

Todd: do you want more from the U.S.?

Al-Jubeir: America has pointed out
targets for us to bomb in
Yemen so that's good

Todd: oh okay

Al-Jubeir: but we want the U.S. to
bomb our enemy Iran more in Iraq

Todd: Saudis have funded extremists
and so isn't ISIS all your fault?

Al-Jubeir: ISIS hates the
royal family of Saudi Arabia!

Todd: the obscenely rich human
rights-violating terrorist-financing 
beheading and flogging royal family?

Al-Jubeir: that's the one

Todd: thanks for coming Al

Al-Jubeir: you too Chuck

[ break ]

Todd: omg Harry Reid is retiring!

Scarborough: Harry Reid was a disaster
and Chuck Schumer is a liberal
but he likes getting things done

Todd: maybe but Harry Reid
was once a deal maker like Chuck

Tanden: the tea party made Reid a little crazy

Todd: liberals think Schumer is 
too close to Wall Street

Stein: yes they do Chuck

Todd: ha ha

Stein: yes but liberals were skeptical
Reid when he was first named leader

Todd: true

Stein: but Reid passed Obamacare 
and got rid of the filibuster so that's 
a pretty good legacy

Parker: Reid was an obstructionist!

Scarborough: Reid was a
disaster for Democrats!

Tanden: Hillary Clinton wiped
e-mails from her server and
she's hiding something!

Tanden: this is a fake scandal

Scarborough: she's just like Richard Nixon!

Parker: she didn't save her e-mails!

Tanden: just like every Republican!

Scarborough: they were under subpoena!

Tanden: she turned over all her
State Department e-mails

Todd: unless she's lying about that

Tanden: everybody in Washington
uses personal e-mail!

Scarborough: you can't trust the Clintons!

[ break ]

Todd: Ted Cruz is courting evangelicals
but that ultimately didn't work for
Huckabee or Santorum

Todd: although this year it could help Cruz
he could win Iowa then South Carolina
and a Super Evangelical Tuesday primary

Todd: wins there could propel
Cruz to the actual nomination
as incredible as that sounds

[ break ]

Todd: oh wow the Ted Kennedy
Institute will explain how the Senate works

Todd: it will teach people about the
real Senate and inspire future filibusterers
to shut down the government by reading
Green Eggs and Ham

Todd: here students can pretend to
put an anonymous hold on a cabinet
nomination out of spite

Todd: a theme of the Institute
is bipartisanship and working 
across party lines

Victoria Kennedy: he came back
from brain surgery to vote on Medicaid
and the whole Senate applauded

Todd: that was cool

Kennedy: it's about the Senate and
inspiring the next generation

Todd: welcome Patrick Kennedy

Kennedy: my dad persevered
and the Senate needs to persevere

Todd: what should Senators
learn from your Dad?

Kennedy: try to make a personal effort
to get to know the other Senators and
where they're coming from

Todd: Orrin Hatch ran against your
Dad and then they passed laws together

Kennedy: they became friends and
he saw that if Ted was behind it
the other liberals would be too
and they made a great team

Todd: that's amazing

Kennedy: the personal touch really matters

Todd: maybe this Institute will inspire
kids but also current Senators 
to stop being such dicks

Kennedy: ha ha

Kennedy: my hope is that future
Senators may study here and
learn to reach across the aisle

Todd: there's a replica of the Senate
so kids can pretend to obstruct
legislation for real like real Senators

Kennedy: he'd love this place –
kids and the Senate –
he'd be in heaven - and he is!

[ break ]

Todd: panel there's a huge corporate
pushback against this ridiculous Indiana law

Stein: the timing is horrible

Stein: the reaction is amazing – Apple
and the NCAA and Angie's List, 
Victoria's Secret and Carl's Jr!

Parker: you can't legitimize businesses
discriminating – it's offensive

Tanden: it's nuts

Todd: but religious crazies feel
they under siege

Scarborough: in 2004 the GOP and
Karl Rove won big bashing gays 
and now we all have to bake 
cakes for the sodomites

Tanden: at least everyone is against this law

Todd: Mike Huckabee says
Obama is going to buy all the food

Parker: when the masses become
uneasy hoarding food just makes sense

Todd: what are you talking about Kathleen

Scarborough: this is like the
Black Helicopters of the 1990s

Todd: ha ha I love how
crazy Republicans are

Scarborough: so funny

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – March 29, 2015

David Kerley
Brad Garrett – Fmr FBI Agent
Gov. Mike Pence (R-IN)
Martin O'Malley (D-MD)
Josh Earnest – White House Press Secretary
Rep. Ed Royce (R-CA) Chair Foreign 

Relations Commitee

Stephanopoulos: OMG terror in the sky!!

Audience: aaarrrrhhhh!!

Kerley: should pilots be screened
for being fucking nuts?

Kerley: the German pilot
may have been depressed!

Kerley: and should pilots be 

allowed to be alone?

Expert: a stewardess could have stopped him!

Stephanopoulos: did this pilot fit
the profile of a mass murderer?

Garrett: he fits the profile of guy who
lost his job and went off his rocker

Stephanopoulos: did he send 

off warning signs?

Garrett: I guarantee he sent warning
signs which will be obvious in retrospect

Stephanopoulos: I can't believe pilots
are all on the honor system not to crash
the plane they're flying!

Elwell: maybe we should have more screening

Stephanopoulos: also he didn't 

have enough hours in the air

Elwell: what difference would 

a few more hours flying time make?

Stephanopoulos: more accurate plunging?

Stephanopoulos: what about cameras
in the cockpit so we could all watch 

this guy purposely crash the plane?

Garrett: it would make for some
video clips for the media I suppose

Stephanopoulos: should air traffic controllers
have the ability to take control of a plane?

Garrett: okay but what if an air traffic
controller went crazy and crashed the plane?

Stephanopoulos: hmmm I didn't think of that

[ break ]

Jarvis: Indiana has a new law to allow
businesses discriminate against gays

Pence: no it's not about discrimination

Jarvis: but there's a movement 

to boycott Indiana

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Governor Pence

Pence: morning George

Stephanopoulos: everyone is the world 
is attacking your new law allowing 
discrimination in the name of religion
Pence: this law is about religious liberty
and also my Presidential campaign

Stephanopoulos: I thought so

Pence: Bill Clinton and Barack Obama supported similar laws

Stephanopoulos: so you say

Pence: it's about religious liberty!

Stephanopoulos: people who pushed
the bill and were next to you when you
signed it say it's about businesses
refusing service to gay people

Pence: frankly George a lot of people
feel that their religious liberty is infringed
upon and also Obamacare is bad

Stephanopoulos: is discrimination
legal in Indiana now?

Pence: what a shameless question

Stephanopoulos: well is it or isn't it

Pence: there's so much
misinformation on the Internet

Stephanopoulos: also cute cats

Pence: gay cats?

Stephanopoulos: does the allow
discrimination or doesn't it?

Pence: what about tolerance 

for the intolerant?

Stephanopoulos: is that what 

you're demanding?

Pence: there's been an avalanche of
intolerance and bigotry aimed at Indiana
just because we passed this law allowing
discrimination – it's so unfair

Stephanopoulos: I'll go find a tiny violin

Pence: we've suffered so much just 

because we want to make gay 
people second-class citizens

Stephanopoulos: truly you are 

martyrs for the cause

Pence: people in Indiana are tired of
this constant anti-intolerant bigotry

Stephanopoulos: no doubt
Pence: are the hateful not entitled 

to equal rights? If you prick us do we 
not pass a law taking away your rights?

Stephanopoulos: so is discrimination
against gays legal in Indiana now?

Pence: Frankly government is overreaching
with all these so called gay rights

Stephanopoulos: okay

Pence: this is about religious liberty!

Stephanopoulos: how about adding sexual
orientation to the Indiana's civil rights laws

Pence: no fucking way George

Stephanopoulos: you won't even consider it?

Pence: screw the gays!

Stephanopoulos: so to speak

Pence: Clinton and Obama did the same thing!

Stephanopoulos: but Illinois has
civil rights protections for gays

Pence: this is breathtaking discrimination
against people of Indiana

Stephanopoulos: that reminds me
– what the fuck are you talking about

Pence: this is an avalanche of 

intolerance against us!

Stephanopoulos: some people are
talking about boycotting Indiana

Pence: the media are shameless
and reckless and I won't stand for it

Stephanopoulos: so would you be
willing to clarify the law to protect
the civil rights of gay people?

Pence: we're not going to change this law
and those stupid gays can go to hell

Stephanopoulos: you're standing firm

Pence: the government is trampling on God!

Stephanopoulos: do you think it should
be legal to discrimination against gays?

Pence: oh come George don't
make me answer that

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?

Pence: everyone knows
people in Indiana are nice!

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?!

Pence: George you're trying to
make this about those sinful gays

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?!

Pence: I stand by this law!

Stephanopoulos: yes or no?!?

Pence: I'm proud of this law!

Stephanopoulos: does this law discriminate?

Pence: I don't have to answer that question!

Stephanopoulos: I want an answer

Pence: you want answer?

Stephanopoulos: I think I'm entitled

Pence: you want an answer?!

Stephanopoulos: I want the truth!

Pence: you can't handle the truth!

Stephanopoulos: do you discriminate 

against gay people?!?

Pence: I'm proud of this law!

Stephanopoulos: do you discriminate?!?!

Pence: you're GODDAMN RIGHT I DO!!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Josh

Earnest: hi George

Stephanopoulos: is this Indiana law
the same law Obama and Clinton voted for?

Earnest: Mike Pence must be 

desperate to go back two decades 
to justify an anti-gay law

Stephanopoulos: maybe

Earnest: he's in damage control

Stephanopoulos: does Obama support
the NCAA boycott?

Earnest: that's up to individuals and
businesses but Obama was just in
Selma talking about justice and fairness

Stephanopoulos: how are the Iran 

nuclear talks going?

Earnest: we're trying to get Iran
to agree to strict inspections

Stephanopoulos: I've heard
they're not going well

Earnest: It's time for Iran
to put up or shut up

Stephanopoulos: will you extend 

the deadline?

Earnest: if Iran is willing to make
a deal they should be able to do
it by the end of March

Stephanopoulos: Boehner attacked
President Obama saying he is too anti-war

Earnest: if Boehner thinks U.S. troops
should be fighting in Iraq or Yemen 

or Syria then he should stop being 
a coward and say so

Stephanopoulos: ouch

Earnest: the President is leading an
Arab coalition to crush ISIS

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

Earnest: thanks George

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: wow Martin O'Malley
is pitching himself to liberals in Iowa
by attacking triangulation

Stephanopoulos: he's got a rock band
and he's a character on The Wire

O'Malley: hi George

Stephanopoulos: why are you running
for President and why should 

anyone vote for you?

O'Malley: I've been a  Mayor
and Governor and got things done

Stephanopoulos: but back in 2008
you said Clinton was better because
she was experienced

O'Malley: she was the best
choice – when I wasn't running

Stephanopoulos: oh snap

O'Malley: we need new leadership!

Stephanopoulos: are you officially running?

O'Malley: you have to earn the
Presidency – it's not some crown
handed to you because of your family name

Stephanopoulos: that's a slam
against Clinton and Bush isn't it

O'Malley: we need a President who
oppose powerful interests not embraces them

Stephanopoulos: do you think Hillary
is too cozy with rich people?

O'Malley: I don't know but I do know
we created jobs in Maryland also
supported gay rights and immigrants

Stephanopoulos: I didn't expect
you to go after Clinton this much

O'Malley: it's about national interest 

- not special interests

Stephanopoulos: that's catchy marty o

O'Malley: thanks stephy

Stephanopoulos: what's the biggest international threat?

O'Malley: the President must
protect all the most people of America

Stephanopoulos: so what's the biggest threat?

O'Malley: hmmm... tough call

Stephanopoulos: take your time

O'Malley: I'd say a nuclear Iran

Stephanopoulos: is the answer making
a deal or not having a deal

O'Malley: that letter from 47 Senators 

to the Ayatollah was ridiculous

Stephanopoulos: people in Maryland
don't think you should be President

O'Malley: well they elected me Governor

Stephanopoulos: I'll fact check that

O'Malley: we reduced crime to 30 year lows!

Stephanopoulos: crime is dropping everywhere Marty

O'Malley: I have the ability to be honest 

and get things done!

Stephanopoulos: when will you 

officially announce ?

O'Malley: when the cherry blossoms bloom

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Mart

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: could you
support a deal with Iran?

Royce: We need a longer deal than
ten years and more inspections

Stephanopoulos: okay

Royce: the Ayatollah was yelling
'Death to America' so we should
walk away from a deal and let
them build a nuclear bomb

Stephanopoulos: noted psycho
John Bolton wants to start a war 

with 80 million people

Royce: I wouldn't got that far but
we should support dissidents in Iran
and overthrow the government there

Stephanopoulos: what could go wrong

Royce: the only reason Iran is
at the table is because we fought Obama

Stephanopoulos: so you say

Royce: if we have more sanctions
Iran would capitulate and bend to our will!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming