Sunday, August 26, 2012

Meet The Press - August 26, 2012

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ)
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Chair DNC)
Chuck Todd
Mike Murphy

Gregory: OMG the Storm of the Century
is headed right for the Republican Convention

Reporter: The Cone of Weather Silence
is going to smash Tampa

Gregory: incredible

Reporter: here you can see Isaac is
going to soak Florida with margaritas
and Gopher will overwhelm them with
his boyish charm

Gregory: Senator McCain God also
sent a hurricane to your convention in 2008

McCain: believe me I know - but on
the upside fewer people will see
Republicans speaking
on their television

Gregory: does it look bad to have a
big party during a storm

McCain: it would but trust me this is
not exactly a fun time

Gregory: Todd Akin is a little nuts but
he’s not getting out of the race

McCain: we’re gonna take this dumb fucker out!

Gregory: ha I love it

McCain: incredibly Romney is almost
tied with Barack Obama even will all
the stupid stuff Republicans keep saying

Gregory: Is Mitt Romney trying to reach
out to racists in his party with
his birther statements

McCain: no one has a sense of humor anymore
- Obama is black and may not be eligible to
be President  - ha ha ha

Gregory: Romney is not popular among
the human demographic

McCain: poor poor Mitt Romney has
been abused by Obama’s
big swinging spending

Gregory: so how does Mitt Romney win?

McCain: we have to tell young women to
forget about rights to their body and
blame Obama is they don’t have a job

Gregory: good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: Jeb Bush you guaranteed
a Romney victory

Bush: indeed he will win as long we don’t
talk about anything that isn’t good
for Mitt Romney

Gregory: abortion has become a big issue

Bush: abortion - what’s that??

Gregory: Todd Akin refused to leave even
after the GOP tried to have him killed

Bush: pay no attention to the zygote
in the corner

Gregory: does this hurt the image
of the party?

Bush: people only care about the debt
and unemployment which Obama
caused all by himself

Gregory: Mitt Romney is less popular
than he was six months ago

Bush: that’s because Barack Obama
is unspeakably mean

Gregory: what will you talk about when
you give your speech?

Bush: I will be setting myself up to
run in 2016 by talking about education
which everyone loves

Gregory: how exciting

Bush: Obama keeps dividing America by
saying people didn’t build things and
instead saying it’s all communal

Gregory: how sad he keeps dividing
people by talking how we are all part of
a larger community

Bush: it’s terrible

Gregory: Mitt Romney has 0% of the
African-American vote

Bush: but Romney is popular among white men!

Gregory: oh believe me I know

Gregory: will Florida’s vote-counting
incompetence ruin another Presidential election?

Bush: probably

Gregory: what’s the secret to winning in Florida?

Bush: drill for oil and let immigrants
stay if the get a master’s degree

Gregory: what about a bachelor’s

Bush: no way - I’ve seen the partying
at the University of Florida - those kids
aren’t learning anything

Gregory: what else?

Bush: cut Social Security!

Gregory: would you consider raising
taxes to tackle the debt

Bush: no that would be foolhardy

Gregory: but you say we need to find
common ground to solve big problems

Bush: right - what I meant was liberals
agreeing to whatever Republicans want to do

Gregory: of course

Bush: for example we could
compromise on cutting social security

Gregory: what else

Bush: we could all agree to cut the debt
by cutting taxes and regulations

Gregory: I like what I’m hearing

Bush: the reason the economy is weak
is because of liberal politicians like
that idiot George W. Bush

Gregory: how do we reform Medicare?

Bush: we must fight back against
demagogues and also attack Obama
for cutting Medicare

Gregory: so clever

Bush: the GOP is very popular among
old people because we promise not
give them the wonderful choice to
have a voucher program

Gregory: should we crack down
on illegal immigrants?

Bush: Obama has reduced immigration to zero

Gregory: that’s news to me

Gregory: meanwhile the GOP is
losing Hispanic voters

Bush: that’s because many Republicans are idiots

Gregory: would you like to be President?

Bush: I never think about it except during
Thanksgiving when Mom makes me sit
at the little kids table with all the other
losers who have never lived in the White House

Gregory: Obama blames the economy
on your brother

Bush: it’s very unbecoming

Gregory: so very rude of him

Bush: he should offer fresh solutions like a
jobs bill or invading a country

Gregory: what is the Bush family legacy?

Bush: at the Bush family we don’t
talk about the L word

Gregory: oh you should - that’s a great tv show

Bush: my father and brother may have
been terrible Presidents but I will learn
from their mistakes

Gregory: how does it make you feel knowing
they have ruined the Bush family name
for generations to come

Bush: [ sobs ]
I was the smart one! me! it’s not fair!

Gregory: there there Jeb

Bush: you can’t keep us down!
The Bush will rise again!

Gregory: thanks for coming

Bush: thank you Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: The Republicans have arrived
in Florida and Tampa is a disaster area
and also a storm is coming

Todd: the show must go on!

Gregory: this is a really big opportunity for
Romney to convince people he is human

Murphy: this is his etch-a-sketch moment!

Gregory: our polls show that 35% don’t
like Mitt Romney and 22% believe he is an android

Brewer: we must introduce Mitt to the people

Gregory: isn’t it a little late for that Jan

Brewer: people are too busy looking for a
job to figure out who Mitt Romney is

Gregory: Team Obama tore Romney
down with negative ads

Wasserman-Schultz: the GOP destroyed
America four years ago remember

Gregory: Bill Clinton won the election
at the convention in 1992 with an amazing
speech where he talked about hope and
didn’t have sex

Todd: that was unusual - there will be
no bump this year because $500 million
has already been spent

Gregory: what don’t people know
about Mitt Romney

Murphy: Romney never murdered anyone!

Gregory: well that’s something

Murphy: Democrats have thrown in the
towel on defending Obama - the whole election
is about whether Mitt Romney and the
GOP are acceptable

Gregory: meanwhile the GOP is reaching out
to people on abortion and immigration

Brewer: the Democrats are waging a class
warfare war on rich women

Gregory: um ok

Brewer: in Arizona we believe in small
government stopping people and
demanding their citizenship papers

Wasserman-Schlutz: this is a metaphorical
window in their soul of the GOP - and a
real window into the hard drive of Mitt Romney

Gregory: the GOP is alienating Hispanic voters

Murphy: I never read the GOP platform but
I did read the Democratic platform and
they didn’t close Gitmo like they promised

Todd: the Democrats have turned this
into values election

Murphy: Obama wants to make this election
about trivial issue like whether Mitt Romney
will turn America over to our new
Robot-Machine Overlords

Gregory: will he do that?

Murphy: the American people don’t care -
they only want to know if they will have a
good job when the Internet Devices become
self-aware and enslave us all

Gregory: no one fluffs like me

Murphy: we all know that

Gregory: Todd Akin is crazy and seems
to be hurting the GOP

Murphy: Mitt Romney will give every fetus a job!

Gregory: this race is dead even!

Todd: actually Obama has a huge advantage
in the electoral college - Romney must win
Ohio or he’s screwed

Murphy: Romney must now reach
out to independents

Todd: well he’s losing Republican women

Brewer: the GOP loves women and
all the women issues

Gregory: I see

Brewer: women want the Republican
economy back!

Gregory: Romney leads by 6% on the
issue of changing Washington

Wasserman: well duh he’s not the incumbent

Greg: how do you answer the charge
that Obama is losing

Wasserman-Schultz: he’s not

Gregory: I think Americans are hungry
for a Man of Action

Murphy: damn right - Ryan is a workout fiend

Todd: Ryan is a Congressman and
people hate Congress

Murphy: dammit

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press


This Week with George Stephanopoulos - August 26, 2012

Jonathan Karl
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-VA)
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles)
Rep. Donna Edwards
Greta Van Susteren
George Will
Mary Matalin
Stephanopoulos: OMG God sent a hurricane
to the GOP convention

Karl: Republicans expect torrential winds,
rain and a little Biblical flood

Stephanopoulos: what is their disaster plan

Karl: they’ve issued everyone one red umbrella

Stephanopoulos: will this affect the convention?

Karl: yes but they are used to it since the
Lord sent another hurricane four years ago

Stephanopoulos: the Almighty is persistent

McDonnell: The Party of Abraham defeats Isaac!

Stephanopoulos: did God sent a storm
because he hates you

McDonnell: no this weather only proves we
are better than Democrats because it
will only take us 3 days to nominate a guy

Stephanopoulos: former GOP Florida Governor
Charlie Crist says the GOP has gone
completely insane

McDonnell: Obama downgraded
America’s credit rating

Stephanopoulos: you want to amend the
U.S. Constitution to protect zygotes

McDonnell: you can’t pay attention to the
Party platform - those are just our fundamental
beliefs that we don’t care about

Stephanopoulos: I’m confused - are you in
favor of the Constitutional amendment or not

McDonnell: abortion is up to the states and Congress

Stephanopoulos: not if you amend
the Constitution genius

McDonnell: also the Supreme Court has spoken
on this issue so let’s drop and also amend the
Constitution or not whatever

Villargiosa: an adamant policy of no exceptions
for rape or incest is extreme

Stephanopoulos: but you just heard deny
McDonnell that is the GOP policy although
it’s in the platform

Villargiosa: yes I heard that white man spin wildly

Stephanopoulos: the economy is still bad
3 1/2 into the Obama Presidency

Villaraigosa: Obama has an awesome jobs plan
and the GOP rejected it

Stephanopoulos: what else

Villaraigosa: we need to raise taxes on rich people pronto

McDonnell: Obama is good family man with
a nice wife and adorable kids but he
increased the debt and doubled gas prices

Stephanopoulos: snap

McDonnell: Romney wants to train all Americans
to work in lucrative new jobs like private equity,
looting, layoffs and tax-offshoring

Villaraigosa: Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan will
raise taxes on the middle class!

McDonnell: Obama didn’t fix the recession
fast enough!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Does Todd “fighting ovaries”
Akin hurt the GOP

Will: he’s a moron but I thought liberals solved
all this with Roe v Wade

Granholm: Mitt Romney is running away
from his own party’s platform

Matalin: we need to get this dipshit out of the race

Stephanopoulos: you think Akin will drop out?

Matalin: I don’t care if he does- we’ll run a write-in
candidate if we have to and if that doesn’t work he
can meet with an unfortunate accident

Edwards: women are fleeing this crazy-ass party

Susteren: what the hell is a legitimate rape

Matalin: the GOP is doing just fine with women

Susteren: not younger women

Matalin: they don’t count

Edwards: it’s not just one crazy man -
GOP policies are hostile to women

Will: Sandra Fluke is some barren slut so
old she’s about to collect social security
so what does she care about contraception

Granholm: forcible trans-vaginal probes
are not small government

Matalin: abortion is very nice but Obama
is a Kenyan who will destroy America

Stephanopoulos: awesome


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Meet The Press - August 19, 2012

Gov. Martin O’Malley (D-Md.)
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-Va.)
Mayor Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Ted Cruz (R-TX)
E.J. Dionne
Chuck Todd
Peggy Noonan
Rudy Giuliani
Gregory: OMG the campaigns are
actually talking about an issue like
Medicare - that’s terrible!

Obama: I will protect Medicare from Paul Ryan!

Ryan: I will protect my Mommy from Obama!

Gregory: so how about that Paul Ryan?

O’Malley: Paul Ryan wants to privatize Medicare!

McDonnell: Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Gregory: is Medicare doomed

McDonnell: Medicare will go bankrupt in
a few decades!

Gregory: Joe Biden said the GOP is going
to put y’all back in chains

O’Malley: so fucking what

Gregory: but it’s so divisive!

O’Malley: Romney uses racist dog whistles
all damn the time

Greg: Bob how do you answer the charge
that Joe Biden is a racist?

McDonnell: sadly I must agree

Gregory: Romney says Obama is running
a campaign of hate

O’Malley: Romney is a big whiner who
constantly fouls and then calls foul

Gregory: Romney says he paid a
whopping 13% in taxes

McDonnell: Obama had a whopping tax hike!

Gregory: that would be an awesome
point if it were true

O’Malley: Fluffy who knows if Mitt
ever paid taxes at all??

McDonnell: Obama is a nice guy but he’s
failed to fix the Republican recession of 2008

Gregory: Obama would take $700 billion from
Medicare and Romney would make is a
voucher program for people under 55

O’Malley: a fucking voucher - how delightful

McDonnell: Romney is just being honest -
America is the greatest country in the world
and can’t afford to take care of old people anymore

Gregory: I’m sold

McDonnell: we have to cut Medicare -
also Obama robbed Medicare

Gregory: Ryan proposed the same
efficiency cuts that Obama made

McDonnell: exactly - Obama has blood
on his hands!

Gregory: I’m confused

McDonnell: America is awesome!
We’re broke! USA! USA!

Gregory: rock on

McDonnell: Obama just talks and talks
and Ryan bravely promises to give more
money to current old people

Gregory: unemployment is still really high

O’Malley: true but we created
more jobs last year than in 8 years of
George Bush Presidency

Gregory: maybe but he gave good aircraft carrier

O’Malley: should we give another
massive tax cut to people who make
millions of dollars per year?

Gregory: it couldn’t hurt!

Gregory: Ted you are an hispanic
anti-establishment tea partier

Cruz: I love Paul Ryan!!

Gregory: go on please

Cruz: Romney is admittedly intensely
dislikable but Obama isn’t creating
enough jobs

Reed: Ryan is a loveable right-wing nut

Dionne: true believers on the left and
right believe voucherizing Medicare is
a winning issue for them

Gregory: oh it’s on now

Dionne: The GOP has to decide if Barack Obama
is a socialist who is giving away freebies to the poor
or a brtue who is viciously cutting Medicare

Noonan: Ryan is good-looking and serious
but putting old people on an ice floe may
not be a winning issue for the GOP

Todd: the GOP brilliantly shifted away
from lack of jobs to talk about how
Republicans want to cut Medicare

Cruz: the American people are fed up
with Medicare maybe someday going
to people younger than 55!

Gregory: you go Tom!

Cruz: Ted

Gregory: whatever you’re only a nominee

Cruz: the government has its boot on
the neck of the people!

Noonan: voters are dissatisfied and crave
hope and optimism also someone
who will admit we are broke and
must privatize the social safety net

Dionne: if we’re broke can we at least
raise taxes on billionaires?

Reed: Ryan isn’t serious - he voted for TARP,
tax cuts, wars and drug benefits and none of
it was paid for as long as Bush was President

Cruz: he’s been serious about talking about
cutting spending since Obama became President

Reed: what a damn joke

Dionne: Obama is serious about talking
about cutting too!

Cruz: yes but I hate him so it doesn’t count

Gregory: Saint Rudy tell me about Paul Ryan

Giuiliani: he’s not as dumb as Sarah Palin

Gregory: win

Giuiliani: we have learned since the
Bush recession that government is too big

Gregory: what about Medicare issue

Giuiliani: it’s a risk that talking about it could
ruin the GOP but it’s worth it to privatize
the social safety net

Gregory: should Mitt Romney talk
about his taxes?

Giuiliani: I’m sure it’s a non-issue but he
should he should not reveal them because
it could be very damaging

Gregory: how do you respond to the
charge that Joe Biden made a gaffe

Giuiliani: I’m afraid I must admit that
Joe Biden is a terrible person and a moron

Gregory: and yet he’s Vice President and
you barely avoided prison

Giuiliani: I only said that because I want to
shame the media into making fun of Joe Biden

Todd: be careful - don’t underestimate
Joe Biden - behind those gaffes is
a sharp cookie and a genial genius

Noonan: Joe Biden’s gaffe is the most
important thing ever - but he’s also
loveable senile daffy old man

Gregory: imagine if we had a President like
that Peggy ha ha

Reed: Fluffy you are fucking obsessed
with this - does the name Ted Nugent
mean anything to you

[ break ]

Gregory: who’s going to win the election Chucky?

Todd: if Obama wins Florida Romney can
win every toss-up state and still lose

Gregory: yikes

Dionne: the base of the GOP are old
people who watch Fox constantly but
Medicare gives Obama an opening

Gregory: but shouldn’t we cut Medicare?

Cruz: absolutely!

Gregory: go on Tom

Cruz: we must save Medicare by privatizing it

Gregory: I see

Cruz: we must completely reform
Medicare so it will be there
for younger people

Gregory: in a completely different form

Cruz: exactly

Noonan: Paul Ryan bravely went to
old people in Florida and told them he
was going to give them another trillion dollars

Greg: brilliant

Noonan: the American people know that
America can’t afford Medicare anymore

Reed: y’all are crazy!

Todd: Ted you demand cuts of Medicare
and then bash Obama for taking money
away from Medicare

Cruz: but he gave the money to undeserving
lazy people on Obamacare

Dionne: that’s all total bullshit -  Romney
would re-open the doughnut hole

Gregory: glazed or powdered

Dionne: the GOP never liked Medicare and
have always wanted to get rid of it -
let’s talk about that!

Gregory: sorry we can’t - we talked about the
important issues of Joe Biden’s gaffe and
what Giuliani thinks about it so we’re all out of time

Dionne: of course

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
Virtually Speaking Sunday 6:00 p.m. pacific | 9:00 p.m. eastern

David Waldman (@KagroX) & Jay Ackroyd (@jayackroyd) discuss
the past week's political and policy developments. Also listen for
Bobblespeak's Most Ridiculous Moment

Listen live and later

This Week on ABC - August 19, 2012

Stephanie Cutter - Obama Campaign
Kevin Madden - Romney Campaign
Tapper: OMG politics is so mean!

Obama: Paul Ryan wants Mitt Romney
to pay 1% in taxes!

Madden: yes but this would give poor
Americans an incentive to invest in the
very trustworthy stock market

Cutter: Romney will raise taxes on the
middle class by $2,000 just to give a
big tax cut to rich people

Tapper: it’s a fair cop

Madden: Obama wants to raise to taxes
on our Job Creators®

Cutter: they are Winkelvoss Twins of employment
-- if those people were Job Creators® they
would have created jobs

Tappen: Obama is very mean to talk about
Romney putting a dog on the roof of his car

Cutter: LOL that was hilarious

Madden: Romney is running a very serious
campaign about coal and Obama is dividing
America talking about his favorite chili

Tapper: I hear you but Romney does lie
pretty much all the tie

Madden: that’s true but Obama is a socialist
appeaser who will turn America over to
the Revered Wright and a bunch of Black Panthers

Tapper: Rudy Giuliani says Joe Biden
isn’t very bright

Cutter: did Bernie Kerik tell him to say that?

Tapper: Biden says Republicans are
gonna put y’all back in chains

Cutten: so what - Romney said Wall Street
was chained and shackled

Tapper: Paul Ryan said he would end
the gutting of Medicare which he and
Obama proposed

Madden: Obama destroyed Medicare
and gave the money to lazy people!

Tapper: nice

Madden: also the GOP bravely guts Medicare
for people under 55

Tapper: Did Mitt Romney kill a steelworker’s wife?

Cutter: no no no not at all - Bain Capital did

Tapper: did Obama kill Osama bin Laden?

Madden: No George Bush did -
Obama had nothing to do with it!

Tapper: thanks for this fascinating
discussion guys


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Meet The Press - August 12, 2012

Reince Preibus - Chair RNC
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI)
David Axelrod (Obama Campaign)
Dan Balz
Rachel Maddow
Rich Lowry
Bill Bennett
Gregory: OMG Paul Ryan is now the
intellectual leader of the Republican Party

Audience: high praise indeed

Reporter: Paul Ryan is going to
campaign without Mitt Romney who
will spend more time with his money

Gregory: Team Romney outwitted
the national political media

Audience: unpossible

Reporter: Journalists didn’t recognize
Ryan because he was wearing a
baseball cap and also he doesn’t
usually venture out in sunlight

Gregory: I love it

Reporter: then Ryan snuck out the back
of a magic wardrobe in his house and
scampered through the woods

Gregory: he’s like budget-cutting
woodland goblin

[ break ]

Gregory: is this a game-changing choice?

Preibus: America is starving and hungry

Gregory: we all know that

Preibus: this choice shows that Romney
will govern as he campaigned - as a
soulless rich white guy

Gregory: Does Paul Ryan want to put
our elderly out on the street?

Preibus: Obama promised to carpet the world!

Gregory: plush or berber?

Preibus: saxony!

Gregory: naturally

Preibus: Obama ruined our credit rating

Gregory: I thought that was the tea party

Preibus: Obama wants to gut Medicare!

Gregory: Ryan wants to turn
Medicare into a voucher program

Preibus: yes but Obama will bankrupt Medicare

Gregory: my goodness

Preibus: Obama is filthy thief who stole
money from Medicare and gave it to
his lazy friends on welfare

Gregory: those are strong words Reince

Preibus: Fluffy we must save Medicare
for future generations by taking it
away from present generations

Gregory: tell me more

Preibus: Obama loves the sound of his
own voice like some uppity
voice-talking guy

Gregory: and that breathing thing
he does - it never stops

Preibus: we are truly blessed to have
these two white men willing to revoke Medicare

Gregory: Paul Ryan voted for TARP,
bailouts, wars and tax cuts

Preibus: That was completely different
- a Republican was President

Gregory: I see

Preibus: Democrat are criminals who
won’t cut Medicare!

Gregory: Ryan has no foreign policy or
private sector experience

Preibus: Romney ran the Olympics!

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Governor Walker

Walker: cheesehead rule!

Gregory: let’s to some tough questions
- what is noodling?

Walker: Ryan’s personal life is none
of our business

Gregory: was this a game changing choice?

Walker: Yes - Paul Ryan is adorable!

Gregory: you think America will fall in love?

Walker: Ryan is a great choice and also
Mitt Romney is very courageous for
choosing such a principled nut

Gregory: People don’t want to change Medicare

Walker: Americans deserve better than
a boring national conversation about Medicare

Gregory: it seems like a problem

Walker: don’t worry Fluffers -
Mitt Romney will protect Medicare
from the likes of Paul Ryan

Gregory: I feel so much better now

Walker: Obama won’t protect future
children from current greedy elderly people

Gregory: Do people care more about
the debt or do they want Social Security
and Medicare?

Walker: I am not the second Governor
ever recalled from office

Gregory: winning!

Walker: Romney is very bold for
choosing such a divisive figure as Paul Ryan

Gregory: Can Ryan even carry his home state?

Walker: if he doesn’t it’s because
we’re a certified Blue State®

Gregory: how do you win Wisconsin?

Walker: Noodles!

[ break ]

Gregory: how about Paul Ryan?

Axelrod: Ryan would cut funding for
medical research and nursing homes and
instead give rich people trillions of dollars

Gregory: Paul Ryan would respond to
you by saying DEBT CRISIS

Axelrod: uh huh

Gregory: Ryan says we must destroy the
program in order to save it

Axelrod: Fluffy Obama added eight
years to life of Medicare

Gregory: well that’s not enough

Axelrod: Gingrich called the Ryan plan
right-wing social engineering

Gregory: good - America needs more engineers

Axelrod: Ryan voted for tax cuts,
more wars, bailouts and now he wants
… moar tax cuts!

Gregory: Ryan says Obama had 24
months to fix the Republican recession
and he failed

Axelrod: the GOP gave Obama an
economy shedding 800,000 jobs per month

Gregory: that’s all in the past

Axelrod: the GOP wants to double down on
the ideas that caused a Depression
in the first place

Gregory: forget the petty arguments over unemployment - what is this election all about?

Axelrod: saving the middle class or crushing it

Gregory: Romney says Obama is
very mean for a Super PAC ad saying
a guy was laid off by Bain and he
lost his health insurance and his wife died

Axelrod: here’s the thing about that ad
- it’s all true

Gregory: well it’s not very polite

Axelrod: Meanwhile Romney approved
a totally false ad saying Obama wants
to give welfare money away to undeserving
lazy people

Gregory: speaking of that - our
expert panel is coming up next

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG we’re all in love with Ryan!!

Todd: Mitt 2.0 needed a re-boot

Gregory: I love it

Todd: Romney did some internal polling
and found that after he has campaigned
for six months and no one likes him

Balz: This was as they say a
moment of clarity

Gregory: sweet

Balz: the debate is going to be teh awesome!

Gregory: liberals and conservatives both
love how polarizing Ryan is

Maddow: liberals want the election to
be a choice between keeping Medicare
or getting rid of it

Bennett: I’m begging the American people
to pause for a minute and not reject
Ryan’s crazy ideas out of hand

Gregory: that’s fair

Bennett: you’re gonna have to deal
with Ryan now bitches! It’s on!

Lowry: conservatives are thrilled with
this choice since Romney is a clearly a
loser and a weak candidate

Lowry: Obama accused Romney of
killing people but he has blood on his
hands because he takes money from Medicare

Maddow: Ryan’s plan does that too!

Lowry: but Romney is the nominee so
that doesn’t matter

Maddow: that’s amazing - Ryan is
simultaneously a conservative superhero
for budget-cutting but his budget ideas
are also irrelevant?

Lowry: that’s my story and I’m sticking with it

Todd: um what the fuck Rich?

Lowry: We must cut medicare!
Obama cuts medicare!

Balz: even Republicans can’t stand
Ryan’s batshit ideas

Bennett: Paul Ryan turned Alice Rivlin
into a vampire and she’s perfectly happy

Maddow: we cannot rely solely on the
contentment level of the reluctant undead

Bennett: under Ryan’s bold visionary
plan people could stay on Medicare
if they wanted to

Gregory: well I’m sold

Gregory: Chucky can Romney-Ryan win?

Todd: there are old people in Florida,
Iowa and Pennsylvania and they
kind of like Medicare

Bennett: Obama is wrecking the country

Gregory: I see

Bennett: Romney is like Ronald Reagan

Reagan: don’t drag me into this Bill

Gregory: are voters yearning for
cutting spending?

Maddow: Ryan’s plan is to cut taxes
for rich people and MAGIC

Lowry: everyone knows that when you
cut taxes for rich people revenues go up

Gregory: everyone?

Lowry: yes - look at how popular
Simpson-Bowles is

Maddow: Paul Ryan rejected Simpson-Bowles because it slightly raised taxes

Lowry: Rachel do you support cutting
funds for Medicare - yes or no!

Maddow: I’m not running for office
- Paul Ryan is

Lowry: but only for Vice President -
no one cares about that - now I demand
you answer my question

Gregory: Bill tell me something wonderful
about Paul Ryan

Bennett: when I first met Ryan I told him
I liked sex and drugs and Paul said
no thanks I’m only into money

Gregory: that’s wonderful - what else

Bennett: he’s 2,000 years old, sleeps
underground, has his original heart
and never shot a man in the face

Gregory: what a dreamboat!

[ break ]

Gregory: hi Rafalca

Rafalca: nice to see you Fluffy

Gregory: how were the Olympic games

Rafalca: they were amazing - marching
the opening ceremonies was incredible
although when I saw all those Mary Poppins
I nearly plopped one on the track

Gregory: should you be exempt from
taxes on your Olympic winnings

Rafalca: that doesn’t concern me since
I’m actually a corporation registered
in the Cayman Islands

Gregory: should Mitt release his taxes
about you?

Rafalca: don’t drag me into this -
I’m just a horse who loves to dance

Gregory: what does the future hold for you

Rafalca: I’m aiming to do the hokey-pokey in Rio

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

Virtually Speaking Sundays

Marcy Wheeler (@emptywheel) and Avedon Carol (@Avedon_Says )
discuss developments of the week, including Mitt Romney's selection of
Paul Ryan on the GOP ticket. Featuring Culture of Truth's weekly commentary
on the Sunday News Shows: The Most Ridiculous Thing that happened this Sunday.
6:00 p.m. pacific | 9:00 p.m. eastern
Listen live and later at BlogTalkRadio

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - August 12, 2012

Fmr. Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN)
David Axelrod (Obama Campaign)
Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA)
Howard Dean
Paul Gigot
Cokie Roberts 
Peggy Noonan
Stephanopoulos: wow Romney chose
Paul Ryan to be his Vice President!

Karl: ha Paul Ryan snuck through his
back door into the woods -
the media had no clue

Stephanopoulos: we all know that

Karl: it’s not everyone who can fool
the Beltway media

Stephanopoulos: Ryan has energized
this campaign!

Karl: it’s so on now right now!

Stephanopoulos: but they aren’t
campaigning together

Karl: it’s divide and conquer

Stephanopoulos: do even know
what ‘divide and conquers means?

Karl: um

Stephanopoulos: Axel what
about Paul Ryan?

Axelrod: he’s a scary right-wing
ideologue who would defund
science and education

Stephanopoulos: science is overrated

Axelrod: did I mention he wants
to privatize social security

Stephanopoulos: Ryan is going right
after Obama - does that scare you

Axelrod: Ryan would raise taxes on
the middle class and give rich
people a big tax cut

Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney says
they will save Medicare from Obama
who steals money from it

Axelrod: Romney’s plan does the same thing

Stephanopoulos: but Paul Ryan
is the nominee now

Axelrod: they also turn Medicare
into a voucher program

Stephanopoulos: that’s good because
Americans love to clip coupons

Axelrod: Ryan doesn’t even think
Medicare should exist

Stephanopoulos: will Ryan carry swing states?

Axelrod: only those that hate women,
medical research and the middle class

Stephanopoulos: a Super PAC ad implies
Romney was responsible for
an employee’s wife’s death

Axelrod: Romney approved an ad that
lies about welfare

Stephanopoulos: still it’s very mean

Axelrod: it’s all true though

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Tim you are two-time
loser in the race for Vice President -
no offense but that’s kind of pathetic

Pawlenty: [ sobs ]

Stephanopoulos: you must have a sad

Pawlenty: Obama is not an adult

Stephanopoulos: is Paul Ryan an extremist?

Pawlenty: the American people love
people who tell them hard truths
and give money to rich people

Stephanopoulos: that is so true

Pawlenty: the American people realized
the debt is important in January of 2009

Stephanopoulos: of course

Pawlenty: Obama is the real extremist
for cutting $700 billion from Medicare

Stephanopoulos: what about the Ryan plan?

Pawlenty: under Ryan’s plan people
could still stay on Medicare if they want

Stephanopoulos: with $6,000 less

Pawlenty: you would think the President
would have the courage to cut
Medicare but he won’t

Stephanopoulos: you just accused him
of cutting $700 billion from Medicare

Pawlenty: see - he’s evil!

Stephanopoulos: Ryan is only a
House member and he’s spent life
inside the Beltway

Pawlenty: don’t worry - Romney and Ryan
have got the Bush foreign policy
team advising them

Stephanopoulos: what a relief

Pawlenty: Romney knows all about
foreign countries - he has bank
accounts all over the world!

Stephanopoulos: is Romney lying about
Obama moving people from welfare to work?

Pawlenty: it would be very easy for
Obama to clear this up - just release
the President’s orders!

Stephanopoulos:  heh

Pawlenty: Obama should have the
basic decency to take responsibility
for a Super PAC ad he isn’t responsible for

Stephanopoulos: will picking Ryan
change the tone of the campaign?

Pawlenty: Obama surrendered to Russia,
betrayed the Czech republic
and keeps raising taxes

Stephanopoulos: actually Obama has cut taxes

Pawlenty: not in my mind

Stephanopoulos: did you give Mitt
more than 2 years of tax returns

Pawlenty: damn right I did

Stephanopoulos: sorry about losing again loser

Pawlenty: [ sobs ]

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: you really wanted
Paul Ryan didn’t you

Gigot: I’ve known him since he was
22 years old and Ryan is one of the
most serious and thoughtful vampires I’ve met

Stephanopoulos: oh good

Gigot: Romney cannot win this election
attacking Obama so he turned to
Paul Ryan to close the deal

Dean: hey I’ve got a great idea -
let’s turn Medicare into a voucher program!

Stephanopoulos: Mitt went with his instincts

Noonan: when Romney was with Bain
he had a great eye for those who
could best suck the life out of companies

Newsom: he’s a young good-looking
policy wonk - what’s not to like?

Stephanopoulos: that says it all Gavin

Newsom: except for alienating all
old people - and also young people

Roberts: even Catholic bishops attacked Paul Ryan’s budget

Gigot: Obama cut $700 billion from Medicare!

Newsom: So does Ryan

Gigot: Obama wants unelected panelists
to cut Medicare - only unelected
judges should do that

Dean: Romney’s big problem is that
people think he’s heartless and doesn’t
care about them - I don’t think bringing
on a zombie is going to help

Noonan: Spending is out of control
since 2009!!

Stephanopoulos: wow

Noonan: Ryan must tell old people he
is trying to save Medicare for their
grandchildren by getting rid of it for
their ungrateful children

Roberts: also he must bravely tell rich
people he is willing cut their taxes

Gigot: Romney has been very specific
that he will end loopholes

Dean: name one

Gigot: quit bugging me

Dean: Get rid of Medicare! Are we insane?

Roberts: but Ryan is a good looking young man

Newsom: that is true

Newsom: Ryan wants to cut taxes for
rich people another thirty percent

Noonan: blue collar workers ruined California!

Stephanopoulos: do tell Peggy

Noonan: the left and right all know we
must embrace Paul Ryan’s serious plan
of wars, tax cuts, bailouts, pork for his
district and ending Medicare

Gigot: Ryan’s plan is just like Simpson Bowles
except without higher taxes to pay for stuff

Dean: the man is a radical and a nut

Noonan: it’s a busy bouncy tweeting
world not worthy of a man like
Saint Paul of Janesville

Roberts: ending Medicare is open
to mean demagoguery

Gigot: America is in decline therefore
we need to turn Medicare into
a voucher program

Roberts: Do people think Romney
cares about them?

Gigot: certainly - some of his best friends
know some regular poor people

Noonan: Democrats want to kill Paul Ryan

Roberts: I like Ryan - he’s cute

Noonan: he’s not the type of person who
would push his grandmother off a cliff -
at least not without a good reason

Newsom: forget demagoguery -
the facts are scary enough

Roberts: Obama has a ridiculous ad with
silly women talking about their
“reproductive rights” - it’s pandering!

Stephanopoulos: what should he have done

Roberts: Obama should run an ad
taking credit for U.S. female Olympic athletes

Noonan: the British disappointed me
by throwing the Queen out of a helicopter

Stephanopoulos: and there really is
nothing more to be said